Your Breastfeeding Questions Answered

How can I get my baby to sleep through the night?

Hi. My son is really attached to my breasts.  He uses them as a soother.  He won't go to sleep without them.  He still gets up every two hours at night wanting to suck.  I have gotten to the point where I bring him into bed with me and let him suck just so I can get some sleep.  How can I break him from this bad and frustrating habit?  How can I get him to sleep all night?





Dear Jerrilynn,

Of course this is a common problem.  Let me start off by saying there is no "right" answer.  Everyone has very personal ideas and expectations about having children sleep independently or in a "family bed."  It sounds as though you would like to have Gregory be more independent in his sleeping habits.  Let's talk about this a bit.

There are four stages of sleep.  You and I get to our light sleep stage and we have learned to roll over, move our arm, not think of that thought, and fall asleep.  This is a LEARNED behavior.  The more a child becomes dependent on you helping him through this transition, the less likely he is to independently decide that, due to his current age, he should take the big step and handle things on his own.  A four month old has a limited repertoire of thoughts to distract him, in contrast to the 12 month old.  All he can do, perhaps, is roll over, but the 12 month old can pull himself to a stand, walk around the crib, maybe even scream your name.  The more highly developed (older) the child, the more distraction he'll have to learn to deal with before he can settle himself.

It sounds as though Gregory has been using you as a pacifier for both day and night time "transitional" moments.  These are moments of boredom, frustration, fatigue, etc.  Usually around 9 months, children will learn how to become more independent, attaching themselves to "lovies," blankets, their own thumb, etc.  Some babies, however, attach themselves to their mother.  If this is the case with Gregory, I would suggest the following.

First, change your day time habits.  Begin breastfeeding Gregory at strict, ritual times of the day.  For example, right before his nap, right before bedtime, first thing in the morning.  Always nurse in the same place (for example, his bedroom).  When he becomes frustrated and wants to nurse on other occasions, offer him cheerios, let him put his feet in the water in the sink - do anything but nurse him.  This is a week of hell, but then he begins not needing YOU for all of his "transitional" moments.  When he is quite comfortable with this, and not having temper tantrums in between nursing sessions, then take step 2.

On a Friday night, when no one has to go to work the next day and your neighbors are all prepared for noise, and perhaps your other sibling is informed of the plan and put to sleep in a distant room, nurse Gregory to sleep as usual.  Much easier for Gregory if he is but in his own room, not yours.  Then, when he predictably awakens, irate at being left, have his loving father go in and spend around 60 seconds with him, basically reassuring him that he is not deserted, but that he needs to learn to handle this himself.  Dad leaves, Gregory cries for 20-30 horrible minutes, Dad reappears, and repeats the exact same 60 seconds of behavior that certainly don't satisfy Gregory, but reassure him, again, that he is not alone.  I should have said to make sure that both you and Gregory's Dad are on the same "page" before you try this.  If one parent decides "oh, he is too young" and intervenes to rescue him, it simply makes it harder for Gregory later on to learn that keeping up the crying will not necessarily bring a parent.  Usually, Friday is rough, Saturday is much better, and Sunday you sleep.  Unless, as I said, Gregory has learned that if he cries long enough someone will rescue him.  I think it is quite reasonable to ask him to go without his Mother for 6 hours on Friday and 8 hours on Saturday and thereafter.  Most parents report this was easier than they thought.

Although this is a personal issue, I think the expectation for children's behavior is fine, and I don't think this routine is too hard on a child this age.  Frankly, I think everyone seems happier in the morning if he or she has had an uninterrupted night of sleep.  Hope this is helpful.



 

Important Disclaimer

This Breastfeeding.com service is designed to help visitors obtain advice and guidance. You are solely responsible for the outcome of any services and/or advice you are given.   Breastfeeding.com is not responsible for any services and/or advice given by the consultants, and shall not be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to be have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced. Your participation in this service is solely at your own risk