CaptHeather
10-19-2007, 12:29 PM
ParatrooperMom1
Unregistered
Searching for a ritual
#401408 - 09/21/06 02:29 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
This is my first post here, and sadly it is in this forum.
I found that I was pregnant with my third child in August. My DH and I had miscarried our first baby at about 10 weeks and I carried our beautiful daughter to term. She is now 2. While I was in my Army NCO school, I started bleeding and went to sick call. The doc said my urine test was negative for pregnancy but my blood test had a very low positive. I was told that if I was 9-10 weeks, which I should have been at that point, the hormone level in my blood should have been in the thousands even if I was miscarrying. The low 17 count indicated that our baby was conceived, but died or stopped developing weeks before I even started bleeding. I was devastated.
But I was in a resident NCO school and could not leave the grounds until the completion of the 2-week course. No one knew I was pregnant and they couldn't know or they would send me on home. I had to shove my grief aside to get through and graduate. Now that I am back, I am having a hard time trying to find a way to deal with my loss. I cry at the drop of a hat. My boss knows and is trying to be understanding, but at the same time he also thinks that the things I am looking forward to are too much for me as well. Like my promotion board and the next NCO school and a subsequent deployment.
I want to perform a small ritual in my home with close friends to acknowledge the little life that was loss, pay him/her the proper respect, and hopefully start with some closure so that I can get my head back in the game. I know it takes a long time, I've been through this once before. I never dealt with it, I just cried all the time and then I got pregnant with my daughter shortly after the miscarriage so I had a different focus.
Can anyone out there give me some ideas for creating a ritual to fulfill this need and honor Little Airborne?
-Rosemary
Unregistered
Searching for a ritual
#401408 - 09/21/06 02:29 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
This is my first post here, and sadly it is in this forum.
I found that I was pregnant with my third child in August. My DH and I had miscarried our first baby at about 10 weeks and I carried our beautiful daughter to term. She is now 2. While I was in my Army NCO school, I started bleeding and went to sick call. The doc said my urine test was negative for pregnancy but my blood test had a very low positive. I was told that if I was 9-10 weeks, which I should have been at that point, the hormone level in my blood should have been in the thousands even if I was miscarrying. The low 17 count indicated that our baby was conceived, but died or stopped developing weeks before I even started bleeding. I was devastated.
But I was in a resident NCO school and could not leave the grounds until the completion of the 2-week course. No one knew I was pregnant and they couldn't know or they would send me on home. I had to shove my grief aside to get through and graduate. Now that I am back, I am having a hard time trying to find a way to deal with my loss. I cry at the drop of a hat. My boss knows and is trying to be understanding, but at the same time he also thinks that the things I am looking forward to are too much for me as well. Like my promotion board and the next NCO school and a subsequent deployment.
I want to perform a small ritual in my home with close friends to acknowledge the little life that was loss, pay him/her the proper respect, and hopefully start with some closure so that I can get my head back in the game. I know it takes a long time, I've been through this once before. I never dealt with it, I just cried all the time and then I got pregnant with my daughter shortly after the miscarriage so I had a different focus.
Can anyone out there give me some ideas for creating a ritual to fulfill this need and honor Little Airborne?
-Rosemary