CaptHeather
10-19-2007, 01:30 PM
Pages: 1
Rieckah
Mouthpiece of The Market
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6975
Black October... blog
#439608 - 10/03/06 12:53 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I *hate* October, I loathe it, I cringe every time I see the calendar. I cannot wait for it to be over, the first is black and the days following are dark grey. The sense of loss and sorrow haunt me, they ride on my back, tangled in my hair. My soul feels black and does not sing. It mourns, it calls out for that which is lost , it weeps and wails, tearing at it's clothes, rubbing ash into it's face. I am wounded, I am lost. I want to dissappear, I just want to become numb. Grieving is like power, I grow from it as I run from it. I spiral downward, my tears race me. Who shall arrive first? I ache with longing for the lost possibilities, the promis that was snuffed out, the sense of BETRAYAL. Why, How, Please please .... I need to race the black feathered wings, maybe if I could just turn back time, erase the past, lose the lesson. I am tired of learning, I am tired of seeing, I am tired of being.
I am conflicted, I berate myself for the pain. I have life and light and joy, why does the pain still linger on my breath? I swear I see the taint on my skin, in my eyes, I feel it *burning* in my blood. I am tired.. I am so very tired. Please just let the month fly with speedy wings. Please please just let me bargain with Fate. I yearn so stryongly for that which is lost and cannot be regained. It's like being chained to an anchor sinking swiftly into the churning sea. The ocean.. the empty womb and heart. The dry breasts that never fed, the cold lonely arms that never help, the tiny fingers and toes I never kissed... Angst, Passion, a tempest. I wonder if there would have been dark curls and dark eyes? Maybe.. maybe not. My dark child that I lost, I so wanted. I needed to create a mirror of me. I feel so lost amonght these bright fey creatures.. I just wonder and daydream.. I feel guilt, did I cause it.. could I have stopped it... why why why why why!!!!! Burning scorching tears carve pathways down my face. I reach at shadows, out of the corner of my eye I see, I *almost* hear... maybe if I don't look too closely I can make myself believe....
Rieckah
Mouthpiece of The Market
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6975
Black October... blog
#439608 - 10/03/06 12:53 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I *hate* October, I loathe it, I cringe every time I see the calendar. I cannot wait for it to be over, the first is black and the days following are dark grey. The sense of loss and sorrow haunt me, they ride on my back, tangled in my hair. My soul feels black and does not sing. It mourns, it calls out for that which is lost , it weeps and wails, tearing at it's clothes, rubbing ash into it's face. I am wounded, I am lost. I want to dissappear, I just want to become numb. Grieving is like power, I grow from it as I run from it. I spiral downward, my tears race me. Who shall arrive first? I ache with longing for the lost possibilities, the promis that was snuffed out, the sense of BETRAYAL. Why, How, Please please .... I need to race the black feathered wings, maybe if I could just turn back time, erase the past, lose the lesson. I am tired of learning, I am tired of seeing, I am tired of being.
I am conflicted, I berate myself for the pain. I have life and light and joy, why does the pain still linger on my breath? I swear I see the taint on my skin, in my eyes, I feel it *burning* in my blood. I am tired.. I am so very tired. Please just let the month fly with speedy wings. Please please just let me bargain with Fate. I yearn so stryongly for that which is lost and cannot be regained. It's like being chained to an anchor sinking swiftly into the churning sea. The ocean.. the empty womb and heart. The dry breasts that never fed, the cold lonely arms that never help, the tiny fingers and toes I never kissed... Angst, Passion, a tempest. I wonder if there would have been dark curls and dark eyes? Maybe.. maybe not. My dark child that I lost, I so wanted. I needed to create a mirror of me. I feel so lost amonght these bright fey creatures.. I just wonder and daydream.. I feel guilt, did I cause it.. could I have stopped it... why why why why why!!!!! Burning scorching tears carve pathways down my face. I reach at shadows, out of the corner of my eye I see, I *almost* hear... maybe if I don't look too closely I can make myself believe....