Megadodo
10-19-2007, 01:35 PM
By Waller Thompson Burr, EdD
Getting a grip on attachment parenting might be difficult because each family who practices it puts a slightly different spin on it. Indeed, one of the primary ãtenetsä of AP is that no one knows your child and your family better than you. This means there are no hard and fast rules. Through the process of attachment parenting you become the number one expert in understanding your
child and her needs.
Although the term ãattachment parentingä (coined by William and Martha Sears, a pediatric and nursing team) is fairly new, the concept has been practiced by many cultures much older than our own. Not only does it carry this legacy of a tried and true approach to parenting, its principles are supported by years of research coming out of attachment theory and other fields of child development, psychology, and medicine.
Attachment parenting is accomplished by parents who explicitly work on forming strong attachments with their children by adhering to a number of practices that encourage a special closeness and connection not seen in many families today. Research suggests that by following many of the guidelines outlined below parents can create an environment where optimal bonding, security and growth can readily occur.
Attachment parenting families understand the importance of early and continued bonding-promoting behaviors with our newborns and young children. This is accomplished by actively planning for a gentle and natural birth through proper prenatal care, attending childbirth classes that promote natural, intervention-free childbirth, and carefully choosing a birthing site in which we feel most comfortable whether this is the home, a birthing center, or a baby-friendly hospital. Trust is developed when the baby's cries are always responded to regardless of time of day or convenience. The strength of the relationship is reinforced because there is little separation between parent and child. Babysitters are used sparingly and are typically limited to extended family and/or close family friends -- people that the child knows well and sees frequently.
AP parents recognize that breastfeeding not only provides the absolute best nourishment and immunologic support for our children, it also promotes strong attachments by providing the child with an ongoing intimate connection with another person as opposed to reliance on things such as bottles and pacifiers. Mothers are continually supplied with the mothering hormones of prolactin and oxytocin when nursing which further promotes her ability to parent effectively. Breastfeeding begins as soon after birth as possible, solids are delayed until at least the second half of the first year and nursing is often extended well into the toddler years when weaning is child-led.
Attachment parents acknowledge the significance and necessity of frequent touch and skin-to-skin contact for healthy development and functioning of physiological and psychological systems. This is accomplished, in part, through the practice of co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand, increased reliance on slings and soft carriers during everyday activities and decreased use of infant carriers, swings, playpens, and other baby devices that discourage close contact.
All these practices contribute to a relationship where the parent quickly learns how to assess and effectively respond to our children's cues and signals. Indeed, these signals--some subtle and others not -- are consistently acknowledged and responded to so that the child learns early on that his parents are trustworthy and safe. A positive feedback loop is established where both the parent and child can trust and understand the other resulting in a strong relationship and attachment. As a result, AP parents do not need to rely solely on expert opinions to make decisions about their children whether this concerns healthcare, discipline, schooling, and other matters of importance. Decisions are based on a combination of what our heart tells us about each unique child, an understanding of child development, and communication with other parents and professionals who understand and respect the concepts of attachment parenting.
Does this mean you can't call yourself an AP parent if you occasionally go out to eat with your partner or both parents work outside of the home? What if your child (and you) prefer to sleep separately? Obviously, adherence to all these guidelines is an ideal and not something that all AP families are able to do. These are only guidelines. Attachment parenting is about making INFORMED, CONSCIOUS, and HEARTFELT decisions about how we parent. We as AP parents recognize the interdependent nature of the family where the child's needs are seen to be as important and real as all other family members. We cherish the loving partnerships that we form with our children and do all we can to ensure attachments grounded in mutual trust and respect.
Waller Thompson Burr, ED, is a child and family counselor. She lives with her husband Charlie and their son Hunter, 2, in Williamsburg. To contact her call 220-0238 or FNLemail@aol.com
Getting a grip on attachment parenting might be difficult because each family who practices it puts a slightly different spin on it. Indeed, one of the primary ãtenetsä of AP is that no one knows your child and your family better than you. This means there are no hard and fast rules. Through the process of attachment parenting you become the number one expert in understanding your
child and her needs.
Although the term ãattachment parentingä (coined by William and Martha Sears, a pediatric and nursing team) is fairly new, the concept has been practiced by many cultures much older than our own. Not only does it carry this legacy of a tried and true approach to parenting, its principles are supported by years of research coming out of attachment theory and other fields of child development, psychology, and medicine.
Attachment parenting is accomplished by parents who explicitly work on forming strong attachments with their children by adhering to a number of practices that encourage a special closeness and connection not seen in many families today. Research suggests that by following many of the guidelines outlined below parents can create an environment where optimal bonding, security and growth can readily occur.
Attachment parenting families understand the importance of early and continued bonding-promoting behaviors with our newborns and young children. This is accomplished by actively planning for a gentle and natural birth through proper prenatal care, attending childbirth classes that promote natural, intervention-free childbirth, and carefully choosing a birthing site in which we feel most comfortable whether this is the home, a birthing center, or a baby-friendly hospital. Trust is developed when the baby's cries are always responded to regardless of time of day or convenience. The strength of the relationship is reinforced because there is little separation between parent and child. Babysitters are used sparingly and are typically limited to extended family and/or close family friends -- people that the child knows well and sees frequently.
AP parents recognize that breastfeeding not only provides the absolute best nourishment and immunologic support for our children, it also promotes strong attachments by providing the child with an ongoing intimate connection with another person as opposed to reliance on things such as bottles and pacifiers. Mothers are continually supplied with the mothering hormones of prolactin and oxytocin when nursing which further promotes her ability to parent effectively. Breastfeeding begins as soon after birth as possible, solids are delayed until at least the second half of the first year and nursing is often extended well into the toddler years when weaning is child-led.
Attachment parents acknowledge the significance and necessity of frequent touch and skin-to-skin contact for healthy development and functioning of physiological and psychological systems. This is accomplished, in part, through the practice of co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand, increased reliance on slings and soft carriers during everyday activities and decreased use of infant carriers, swings, playpens, and other baby devices that discourage close contact.
All these practices contribute to a relationship where the parent quickly learns how to assess and effectively respond to our children's cues and signals. Indeed, these signals--some subtle and others not -- are consistently acknowledged and responded to so that the child learns early on that his parents are trustworthy and safe. A positive feedback loop is established where both the parent and child can trust and understand the other resulting in a strong relationship and attachment. As a result, AP parents do not need to rely solely on expert opinions to make decisions about their children whether this concerns healthcare, discipline, schooling, and other matters of importance. Decisions are based on a combination of what our heart tells us about each unique child, an understanding of child development, and communication with other parents and professionals who understand and respect the concepts of attachment parenting.
Does this mean you can't call yourself an AP parent if you occasionally go out to eat with your partner or both parents work outside of the home? What if your child (and you) prefer to sleep separately? Obviously, adherence to all these guidelines is an ideal and not something that all AP families are able to do. These are only guidelines. Attachment parenting is about making INFORMED, CONSCIOUS, and HEARTFELT decisions about how we parent. We as AP parents recognize the interdependent nature of the family where the child's needs are seen to be as important and real as all other family members. We cherish the loving partnerships that we form with our children and do all we can to ensure attachments grounded in mutual trust and respect.
Waller Thompson Burr, ED, is a child and family counselor. She lives with her husband Charlie and their son Hunter, 2, in Williamsburg. To contact her call 220-0238 or FNLemail@aol.com