First week back -- it gets better, right?

[k_doll]

This is my first week back to work, and DD (12 weeks) is having a really hard time. She's with DH, for which I'm very grateful, but she's having a really hard time with the bottle, and with him, I guess. He just called and told me she's been crying for 40 minutes, won't take a bottle, and none of the usual things are working to comfort her.

We're using Avent bottles, and I ordered some Second Nature bottles yesterday, hoping those will be easier.

DH sounded so sad and frustrated, DD sounds terrible in the background whimpering and crying.

I'm heartbroken.

I know it'll get better, but right now it really sucks.

Anyone with advice/encouragement?

[StElmosFire]

It will get better mama. Just give her extra cuddles and love during this transition time.

[k_doll]

Thanks, Chrystal.

[k_doll]

Let me add a pumping specific question: right now I'm pumping just once, since I'm only away in the morning. I've gotten 5-6 ounces per day all this week. She's only eating 2 oz. max. While I'm gone.

When I get home, she wants to eat pretty much on the hour, and I feel really empty -- all afternoon. By late in the evening (after 8 pm or so), I seem to have more milk.

Until she gets better at the bottle, should I pump less (ie only what she's eating), so that we're more in sync?

It just seems like the pump is really draining me and it takes several hours to have enough to satisfy her again.

I hope this makes sense . . . !

[sweetkisses]

Let me add a pumping specific question: right now I'm pumping just once, since I'm only away in the morning. I've gotten 5-6 ounces per day all this week. She's only eating 2 oz. max. While I'm gone.

When I get home, she wants to eat pretty much on the hour, and I feel really empty -- all afternoon. By late in the evening (after 8 pm or so), I seem to have more milk.

Until she gets better at the bottle, should I pump less (ie only what she's eating), so that we're more in sync?

It just seems like the pump is really draining me and it takes several hours to have enough to satisfy her again.

I hope this makes sense . . . !

I think you should continue to pump at least once while you are away. At what time are you pumping and what time are leaving work to go home? I think if there is at least a couple of hours from your pumping time until you get home it should be fine.

Remember that your body naturally makes less milk in the evening sometimes causing your baby to cluster feed. It very normal.

Give you body a couple of weeks to adjust to pumping, everything will even out and get better!

[StElmosFire]

My DD would cluster feed at night and even now she still does (kind of). Once babe gets used to it, it'll be better.
Supply and demand mama. Keep pumping and build a stash if anything. You'll use it.

[hotlama]

I don't know if this will help but I'll give it a shot. I'm on a second full week of working. Luckily I can take dd with me but I don't have the time to pump or breastfeed during the 6 hours that I am at work. I pump once in the morning for 10 minutes per breast and then again at night for about 10 minutes. I try to not go any longer than that since dd only needs 8 ounces a day.

My dh picks up dd 2 hours before I have to go home and she does the same thing that your baby does. If she isn't asleep, she is crying. dh has a hard time with it but I just keep hoping that it will get better with time. I told dh that she cries because he doesn't have the mommy dance down. He just can't move his hips like I do. DD loves to dance with me and I think she misses being held the "right" way when I am gone.

[maabell]

It will definitely get better.

My DH is home with our baby as well. The first week the baby screemed for hours, DH could not do anything to make him happy. It got better every week. At first, DH was almost in tears. He said the baby would fall asleep on his lap, look up at his face and start screaming. Then when I would get home, the baby would nurse and rub my breast with his hand.

But, now (2 month later) it is his routine and he has fun with daddy. Towards the end of the week, he does miss me more, but he is nowhere near as bad. It really only took about 2-3 weeks to get better.

Make sure your husband is not stingy with the milk, like mine was. He was worried we would run out and he would have to use formula. I told him to not worry feed the baby if the baby wanted food.

For your pumping question, I think you should pump as much as you can. There will be a day where you are stressed or tired and will not produce as much as baby needs, that is the day the frozen milk will come in handy. Also, your body will catch up to her needs.

[k_doll]

Thanks, you guys. Your posts really make me feel better.

For those of you who asked, here's my schedule: nurse DD at around 8 am, leave for work at 8:30, pump at 10:30, leave work at 12:15, home by 12:45/1, and nurse right away (if she's awake).

I just put some of my excess milk in the freezer -- it does feel good to have a stash building; I never had that with DD1.

So, I'll stay the course with the pumping, and hope for the best.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know this will pass, but it sure is hard to get through now.

[k_doll]

I'm sitting at my desk sobbing, after just getting off the phone with DH. DD is SCREAMING in the background, and DH is railing me for not "letting" him introduce the bottle sooner (I really was loathe to start pumping in the first weeks/months, because I was so sleep deprived). I agree that we probably waited too long (although the first bottle we gave her, about a month ago, she took fine). I feel terrible for him (and for DD), but I don't know what to do. And I have a meeting in 15 minutes, and I'm a wreck.

[StElmosFire]

I'm sitting at my desk sobbing, after just getting off the phone with DH. DD is SCREAMING in the background, and DH is railing me for not "letting" him introduce the bottle sooner (I really was loathe to start pumping in the first weeks/months, because I was so sleep deprived). I agree that we probably waited too long (although the first bottle we gave her, about a month ago, she took fine). I feel terrible for him (and for DD), but I don't know what to do. And I have a meeting in 15 minutes, and I'm a wreck.

DH needs to relax #1. Babe can sense his frustration therefore....
What's done is done, there's no sense on arguing on when introduced blah, blah. Can't turn back time now.
Sounds like DH maybe needs a break. Is there someone close that can take babe until you get home? What about a sippy cup? She's young but it may keep her settled when trying it or what about spoon feeding or sips out of a cup?

[maabell]

I'm sitting at my desk sobbing, after just getting off the phone with DH. DD is SCREAMING in the background, and DH is railing me for not "letting" him introduce the bottle sooner (I really was loathe to start pumping in the first weeks/months, because I was so sleep deprived). I agree that we probably waited too long (although the first bottle we gave her, about a month ago, she took fine). I feel terrible for him (and for DD), but I don't know what to do. And I have a meeting in 15 minutes, and I'm a wreck.

Oh sweetheart. It's going to be okay. DH and I had many many screaming matches those first weeks "why didn't you pump more?" "I couldn't, I was exhausted and Alex needed the milk more than the freezer."

You are not a bad mom and your husband is not a bad dad. You did the best you could.

There is nothing you can do from work, you are doing the best for your family by supporting them and working. You are a strong woman. You will be okay.

The advise I have for your husband is that it is okay to walk away from the baby for a couple minutes if he is cracking. He can put the baby in a crib, swing, someplace safe and walk in another room for a few minutes or outside.

When you get home, take a breath and tell your DH to take a walk or drive someplace, maybe he needs it.

[ChestyLaRoo]

Hang in there. It really will get easier.

I too waited to introduce the bottle and DS2 struggled. He is doing great now. It took about a month for him to eat much at all. I built freezer stash and kept pumping.

I know it's tough and I am sure your husband needs to vent. Better to let him vent and blame you if that relieves his stress. He'll be a better care giver to dd and in the end you'll all get through it. I know it's hard on you too and you can explain this to him in a calm moment.

Give it time and dd will eventually take a bottle and these days will be a distant blur of memory. She will not be permanantly harmed by this experience, and will be better & stronger for it.

[k_doll]

Thanks, thanks, thanks, all. DH and I had a good conversation tonight.

Also, I think I might have a lipase issue. I pasteurized today's output, and we'll see if that helps.

I'll keep you posted.

Thank you again, your posts really mean a lot to me.

[maabell]

I am glad you are doing better. Keep us posted.

I know the posts on here really have helped me in the past, I am glad I could be part of helping someone else.

[mommyof2sons]

:hug:

[momoffaith]

"thheart" It will get bettere.

[k_doll]

I went to do some errands this morning (Saturday) so DH and DD could try again, and it was another disaster.

No difference with the scalded milk (no weird smell, but she still won't take it). No difference with the Second Nature nipples.

We'll keep trying . . .

[maabell]

It will get better

[yoyossupply]

I haven't gone back to work yet, but my DD was introduced to bottles in the NICU. I struggled when she came home to get her back on the breast, and the BreastFlow bottles by First Years worked best for me. They have a rigid inner nipple and a softer outer nipple, baby has to use the same sucking motion as she does on the breast to cause 'Letdown'. The milk also comes out slower like the breast, so if using the stage 1 nipple bottle feeding can take as long as BF. This is the only bottle my DD will take now. They are sold at Babies 'R Us and Target (online). Here's a link so you can see them:

BreastFlow bottles (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2449566)

Good Luck!

[michaelsmommy]

I havent read any replies but here are my 2 cents.
Yes sweetie it will get better. you and your DC are going through a huge transition right now. Give it time for both of you. You have us to lean on. It will take a while but hang in there. :hug:

[tracylee]

it will get better! My DD did the same thing and still struggles even though I have been back to work 6 weeks. You are making the best choice for your child and your hubby knows that too. at least you are not gone for a whole day. A little crying won't hurt her. i know it is hard to listen to but this too shall pass.

[k_doll]

Well, I have happy news to report: DD happily accepted Dr. Brown's bottles today and yesterday!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!

Sad news, too, though: she's got a nasty cold. If it's not one thing, it's another . . .

Thanks again for all your support; it's meant so much to me.

[maabell]

I am so glad to hear she and in turn, your DH are doing better. That is awesome.

Sorry about the cold, but everything is working out for you. That is great.

[Stephanie]

I am glad to hear she is doing better. I hope things pick up for you all now.