Angry when saw a formula bottle

[bronco4grl]

:mad:Yesterday I was at a family b day party and these people I don't know were fixing a formula bottle for their baby. I got angry inside and even felt tingling in my breasts (pre let down I guess). Is that mean of me? I don't know their situation or why the mom isn't bfing but I still got mad.

[still_me]

Wow. I have never felt that someone was doing anything wrong if they were feeding their baby formula. You never know their situation and I wouldn't want someone feeling that way towards me when they see me feeding my child a bottle. I worked at night and couldn't pump, so my DH fed DS2 a bottle once a night. Sometimes it happened to be at the same time we were out and I didn't have to work. I bf him every other time and he is 16 months and STILL nursing 6-8 times a day. He isn't drinking formula because he drinks milk and water, but still.

IMHO, this kind of anger only widens the gap between formula moms and bf moms. We aren't better than them. We just choose a different path in life.

[guppiemom]

Please don't judge. I really, really want to exclusively breastfeed, but can't. I cried when leaving the store after buying my first can of formula. Some people have to give formula, we don't have a choice. And some people just don't want to breastfeed, and there babies are none the worse for it. I was not breastfed and I am FINE!!!

[bronco4grl]

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I didn't say anything to the parents of the baby or anyone else for that matter. I just posted here as a way to vent a little I guess. I just wanted to know if other people have experience similar feelings.

[LianeV]

In bronco4grl's defense, I also have strong feelings when I see formula in bottles. I wouldn't say it makes me angry, but I do feel a moment of frustrated concern. I wonder why they're not nursing. Did they even try?
I encounter so many women who will not even consider nursing their babies. I have only known one women in my life who bottle fed her baby and always sterilized the bottles/nipples, always held him when he ate, and always warmed his bottle. I have seen so many children with bottles in public with grossness around the bottom of the bottle where it's just been rinsed out and refilled, if even that, and not washed.
I always think, "What would they have done if they were deserted on a tropical island when their baby was born?" Or, "What would they do if some disaster like Katrina happened?"
It's not that I'm angry. I'm sad that so many women don't have faith in themselves and in the power of God/Nature.
So, I have to take what I know and share it with as many as I can. I have to show a good example in my nursing and not be the subject of someone's "example of bad breastfeeding" story.

[hotlama]

I know how you feel. My sil formula feeds her dd because of convenience. She has admitted that having her first child strictly breastfeed was too hard because she could never go anywhere without him. She has given her dd formula since coming home from the hospital. For the first two months, she would nurse 2-3 times a day but eventually stopped.

[bronco4grl]

After giving some thought to it, I shouldn't have assumed that this mom [U]wouldn't [U] bf. It's possible that she couldn't. Like hotlama, I'm bothered by those that form feed for convenience. I would rather that moms put forth more effort to do what is best for their child. But truthfully I don't know this mom's situation and I shouldn't get bothered by it if I don't know what she's been through.

[still_me]

BTW, I don't mean for you to think you offended me. I just don't see any harm in formula feeding. Granted it isn't the best when compared to nursing, but there are worse things a parent can do. I nursed our oldest until he was 18 months and didn't use any formula at all. With DS2 it was different. I didn't make as much milk and it hurt like hell to pump. I tried all different kinds of pumps, but to no avail. Like I said, he got one bottle a day, but he was 6 months when that started. It killed me to do it and I had to stop and realize that I wasn't harming him. I was going to work, so I could fight my anxiety and depression better. I was doing something to save myself and make myself a better mom and wife.

Also, I have had a lot of formula mom's say to me that they always thought BF moms think they are better because of their choice. Thankfully, I have been able to show them that not all bf moms are like that, but still they already felt that for so long it was hard to disprove it. I see it in my sister. She thought that I would look down on her because she might formula feed. I would love to see her bf instead of formula feed, but I will love her and support her no matter what. She is now asking more questions and seems to be heading towards bf, but she just needs quiet support. KWIM?

[Firemom]

I would never ever say anything to a mom who uses formula, however, after all I know and have learned about breastfeeding I feel sorry for the baby and the mom. Because they are missing out on a great thing. Angry,no can't say that I have ever been angry,other than the anger directed atthe formula companies who do all the sabatoging.

[MacGirl]

Anger? Are you serious?

[BoobySnacks]

I have never felt anger, but I was very frustrated that a girl my husband's parents are friends with did not breastfeed their tiny little premie that was born almost 2 months early and only 4 lbs. She said that she tried and I don't really know what her reasons were for giving up, but that baby really needed breastmilk. It ended up having RSV at 3 weeks and nearly died several times. I am not saying that it would not have gotten RSV if she would have breastfed, but I think it would have made the baby stronger, etc. She was so determined to bf before she gave birth and I talked with her so much about it, but when the baby was born it was out the window. (The baby is ok now and is up to almost 10 lbs. I think it is 3 months old now)

[arettababy]

This Makes Me Angry, Why Are All Of Ya Worrying About Someone Else's Child Just Because They Being Bottle Fed. You Did What You Chose To Do, Its Not Your Concern To Be Worrying About Someone Else's Baby. I Had To Stop Breastfeeding When My Daughter Was 3months Because Working 16hr Days And Nowhere To Put The Breastmilk Plus Pumping In The Gate Bathroom Wasnt Working For Me. Breast Pumping In The Navy Aint Easy Especially When You Standing On Gates. Some Women Would Rather Bottle Feed And Its Not For Anyone To Judge What They Do. As Long As Their Child Is Healthy It Shouldnt Matter What They Do Nor Your Opinion Shouldnt Matter Either. Dont Judge Anybody If You Cant Judge Yourself!!!

[e_mills]

For me the only time I get ticked at a bottled feeding mom is when she says something ignorant like "My baby would never take my nipple." If thats the case how many babies died in the past because they starved themselves out of sheer stubborn will? Please. I know this woman well and I know for a fact that she is just too selfish (she wanted to be able to leave the baby w/ her parents when she was just a couple of weeks old, she wanted to party and not think about being a mom) and lazy to even seriously try to bf, never mind all the benefits for her and her baby. This is also a woman who was giving her 9 month old mountain dew and fudge covered cookies as a part of her daily diet.

On the other hand I understand that for some women it is difficult for many reasons. A good friend of mine choose to bottle feed and her baby is happy and healthy. She tried to bf at first but she never felt very strongly about it and she didn't have the kind of support that she needed to succeed. I can't say that her choice was wrong or unintelligent or whatever becasue it worked for her and she had GOOD reasons to bottle feed unlike the other woman who tried to pass off some fantastically ignorant noise to try to hide the fact that she either wasn't comfortable with bfing, or whatever her real reason was for it.

Be honest about it, don't try to hide the facts in nonsense that you picked up from a partially heard conversation.

[BoobySnacks]

I don't think I judge anyone who bottlefeeds..that means I would have to judge my own mother for bottlefeeding me. I don't think most breastfeeding mothers are shaking their fingers at other people, we just tend to WISH that other people would be willing or able to do the same thing for their child. Afterall, this is a breastfeeding ADVOCACY room, which is probably why some feel so strongly about it and express their feelings regarding the issue in here. I don't know why someone would feel ANGRY about someone expressing their feelings about wishing that other babies could be breastfed (especially ones who are sick and really need it) in a breastfeeding ADVOCACY room.

[Jessie81]

This Makes Me Angry, Why Are All Of Ya Worrying About Someone Else's Child Just Because They Being Bottle Fed. You Did What You Chose To Do, Its Not Your Concern To Be Worrying About Someone Else's Baby. I Had To Stop Breastfeeding When My Daughter Was 3months Because Working 16hr Days And Nowhere To Put The Breastmilk Plus Pumping In The Gate Bathroom Wasnt Working For Me. Breast Pumping In The Navy Aint Easy Especially When You Standing On Gates. Some Women Would Rather Bottle Feed And Its Not For Anyone To Judge What They Do. As Long As Their Child Is Healthy It Shouldnt Matter What They Do Nor Your Opinion Shouldnt Matter Either. Dont Judge Anybody If You Cant Judge Yourself!!!

Thank you for serving our counrty... but wouldnt you be upset if you saw a parent giving their one year old soda or someone "whupin" their 6 year old with a belt? Yes it is that parents right but that doesnt mean its the best thing for the child.

[RaisingThemLeft]

I have never felt anger, but I was very frustrated that a girl my husband's parents are friends with did not breastfeed their tiny little premie that was born almost 2 months early and only 4 lbs. She said that she tried and I don't really know what her reasons were for giving up, but that baby really needed breastmilk. It ended up having RSV at 3 weeks and nearly died several times. I am not saying that it would not have gotten RSV if she would have breastfed, but I think it would have made the baby stronger, etc. She was so determined to bf before she gave birth and I talked with her so much about it, but when the baby was born it was out the window. (The baby is ok now and is up to almost 10 lbs. I think it is 3 months old now)

Have you ever tried to nurse a baby who was 2 months premature? Most babies that small and that premature have a very difficult time learning to nurse. An inexperienced mother who has never nursed, much less nursed a preemie, coupled with not very good support and it is easy to see how she stopped bfing. Also, not all moms are able to produce much for a pump.


I think that after I had my first, when I was miss super gung ho bfing mom, I probably felt a little superior and sorry for babies that were being ff. I have since been knocked down a peg or two.

[arettababy]

Thank you for serving our counrty... but wouldnt you be upset if you saw a parent giving their one year old soda or someone "whupin" their 6 year old with a belt? Yes it is that parents right but that doesnt mean its the best thing for the child.


ACTUALLY NO I WOULDNT GET MAD. MY DAUGHTER HAD SODA A COUPLE OF TIMES, AND I DO HIT MY DAUGHTER NOT WITH A BELT THOUGH, TO GET HER TO STOP DOING THINGS. "JUST TALKING" OR "PUTTING THEM IN A TIME OUT" DOESNT ALWAYS WORK AND THEY NEED THEY ASS WHUPPED. MY DAUGHTER IS ONLY 17MONTHS BUT IT STOPS HER. I DONT TELL HER NO I SAY STOP. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU TO DO THAT THEN FINE BUT DONT LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE IN DISGUST JUST BECAUSE THEY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. IT DOESNT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER NOR WORST THAN THE NEXT PERSON. AND HOW DO YOU KNOW WHATS BEST FOR THAT CHILD IF YOU DONT KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT HIM/HER? EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT SO IS EVERY PARENT AND IF YOURE NOT GOD ITS NOT YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE.

[still_me]

Thank you for serving our counrty... but wouldnt you be upset if you saw a parent giving their one year old soda or someone "whupin" their 6 year old with a belt? Yes it is that parents right but that doesnt mean its the best thing for the child.


I don't think that BF and whipping your child can be compared. Whether you bf or not doesn't make you a bad parent. Whipping your 6 yr old...well, fear shouldn't be a tool you use on your kids. My dad try it with us and damaged us more than we knew at the time. I really don't think the person you replied to was going that route.

[still_me]

ACTUALLY NO I WOULDNT GET MAD. MY DAUGHTER HAD SODA A COUPLE OF TIMES, AND I DO HIT MY DAUGHTER NOT WITH A BELT THOUGH, TO GET HER TO STOP DOING THINGS. "JUST TALKING" OR "PUTTING THEM IN A TIME OUT" DOESNT ALWAYS WORK AND THEY NEED THEY ASS WHUPPED. MY DAUGHTER IS ONLY 17MONTHS BUT IT STOPS HER. I DONT TELL HER NO I SAY STOP. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU TO DO THAT THEN FINE BUT DONT LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE IN DISGUST JUST BECAUSE THEY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. IT DOESNT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER NOR WORST THAN THE NEXT PERSON. AND HOW DO YOU KNOW WHATS BEST FOR THAT CHILD IF YOU DONT KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT HIM/HER? EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT SO IS EVERY PARENT AND IF YOURE NOT GOD ITS NOT YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE.


Wow. 17 months. My second son is 16 months and he can say about 15 words and those aren't even clear. I couldn't imagine him understanding everything I say when he doesn't even know how to communicate with me.

Do you really "whup" her ass? I am not judging you, just trying to understand your definition of "whupping ass"

[arettababy]

Wow. 17 months. My second son is 16 months and he can say about 15 words and those aren't even clear. I couldn't imagine him understanding everything I say when he doesn't even know how to communicate with me.

Do you really "whup" her ass? I am not judging you, just trying to understand your definition of "whupping ass"


i hit her thigh or pamper when she doesnt listen nothing too major. my daughter doesnt even talk she just makes sounds but she does understand the words stop, thank you, give me hug/kiss and no dont do that oh and sit down, come here, stand up, be quiet and lay down. but she doesnt talk words. amazing isnt it.

[BoobySnacks]

I absolutely DO NOT feel superior (just for the record) I was defending the rights of a person to vent or speak their mind in this forum. As for the premie, it is a known fact that breastmilk can do wonders for them whether they drink it from the breast or a bottle. (I never said it was easy) She was informed of all these things and had LC's and pumps at her disposal cost free at the hospital, but she still did not give it much of an effort. This girl is very nice and I am not flaming or bashing her at all, but it is very frustrating when you see a baby who clearly needs the benefits of breastmilk and it is not being provided. Even a little bit could have helped. She was horrified at the thought of a milk bank or donations and I am not sure if they even have that in California. Like I said before, formula feeding does NOT make me angry, it is just that some circumstances can be frustrating to see happen.

[arettababy]

theres nothing you can do so why are you getting frustrated. the baby is fine now like you said. in life shit happens and sometimes theres not always a good outcome but if it has nothing to do with you or you cant help dont worry about it because its not your problem

[BoobySnacks]

It was when it was happening that it was frustrating..now, its all over and I am not worried about it anymore. It was very simply used as an example in order to express how one can relate to the person who started this thread and her frustration at times. I never did lecture this mother as it was none of my personal business, I just offered her support and information, but you feel how you feel inside..that is all. I am a pretty mellow person and do not waist time on a lot of angry or unpleasant thoughts regarding that I cannot change; however, you cannot stop how you feel about a subject regardless if another person agrees with your or not.

[ShellyB]

I work in a well known retailer in England, who sell baby clothes, supplies, nursery equipment etc. I feel sad when fitting someone for a support bra, and I ask whether their interested in nursing bras, mainly to give them info about waiting until 37 weeks to be measured for them, and they say "no it's not for me". I'm still BF my 31 month old and I just feel sad that they are not even going to try to breast feed. If they try and it doesn't work or it's not for them, at least they had a go and the baby would get the benefit from a day or few days milk. I take the view that every drop helps regardless of how long they end up feeding for. When I was born in the 1970's and was premature, it wasn't encouraged for Mum's to pump or even use a milk bank, if there was such a thing then, I was formula fed from birth and I haven't turned out too badly.

I don't judge non breastfeeding Mum's but having had the lovely time breastfeeding my daughter (apart from a nightmare first few weeks), I feel sad that they will miss out on that experience with their child.

[Mocosita]

I don't usually say anything but tend to feel bad when I hear the excuses for not bf. One woman told me that she tried for 5 mins and then knew it wasn't for her. She wouldn't even want to deal with the mixing formula, she wanted the stuff ready to go.... so she wouldn't have to think about it. How about that? Wonder what other shortcuts she wanted to take?

[still_me]

I don't usually say anything but tend to feel bad when I hear the excuses for not bf. One woman told me that she tried for 5 mins and then knew it wasn't for her. She wouldn't even want to deal with the mixing formula, she wanted the stuff ready to go.... so she wouldn't have to think about it. How about that? Wonder what other shortcuts she wanted to take?


I don't think that just because a mother wants to use formula, that is premade, indicates that she will take shortcuts in other areas of her child's life.

[arettababy]

why do ppl get so sensitive when they see a mom bottle feed a baby? not everyone wants to breastfeed. it hurts sometimes to do it, you can be so tired you dont want to, you leak when you have a let down and nowhere near your child at the time, you breast get swollen so easily. not everything is positive when it comes to breastfeeding. so dont make it personal when you see a mom bottle feed her child. its not your business to begin with so dont make it that way.

[RaisingThemLeft]

I absolutely DO NOT feel superior (just for the record) I was defending the rights of a person to vent or speak their mind in this forum. As for the premie, it is a known fact that breastmilk can do wonders for them whether they drink it from the breast or a bottle. (I never said it was easy) She was informed of all these things and had LC's and pumps at her disposal cost free at the hospital, but she still did not give it much of an effort.

I'm aware of the benefits of breastmilk both for preemies and full term infants. I'm currently nursing a 3 and a half year old and nursed all of my kids into toddlerhood and beyond. As far as it "not being easy" sometimes it is all but impossible. You just don't know everyone's situation. There are moms on the debate board and pumping forum who try and try to pump milk and still have to resort to at least some amount of formula to satisfy their children's needs. Also, I'm sure the mom is going through a lot emotionally when they have a sick baby in the hospital and that has an effect on supply as well.

Anyway, I'm not trying to be argumentative, just pointing out that we can't know what brings every mom that we see to the point where she is formula feeding. It does frustrate me when I know someone and know that they just didn't want to bother with bfing or thought that formula was just as good, despite all of the studies that say otherwise.

[ShellyB]

why do ppl get so sensitive when they see a mom bottle feed a baby? not everyone wants to breastfeed. it hurts sometimes to do it, you can be so tired you dont want to, you leak when you have a let down and nowhere near your child at the time, you breast get swollen so easily. not everything is positive when it comes to breastfeeding. so dont make it personal when you see a mom bottle feed her child. its not your business to begin with so dont make it that way.


Of course it's none of my business and I wouldn't dream of saying anything to the Mum concerned but you don't walk around with blinkers on and you do get reactions/feelings about what other people are doing or even what someone's wearing. If I saw someone with a haircut or clothes I liked/didn't like, I wouldn't go up to them and say anything but it doesn't stop me thinking it.

As for breastfeeding hurting, if it is hurting then the baby isn't latching correctly or there is some other problem, as done correctly breastfeeding doesn't hurt.

We chat about it on here, as we're talking to like minded Mum's who feel the same way about feeling sad for Mum and baby, if baby is being fed formula. If our opinions seem to offend you that much, I'm puzzled why you read this particular thread.

[arettababy]

Of course it's none of my business and I wouldn't dream of saying anything to the Mum concerned but you don't walk around with blinkers on and you do get reactions/feelings about what other people are doing or even what someone's wearing. If I saw someone with a haircut or clothes I liked/didn't like, I wouldn't go up to them and say anything but it doesn't stop me thinking it.

As for breastfeeding hurting, if it is hurting then the baby isn't latching correctly or there is some other problem, as done correctly breastfeeding doesn't hurt.

We chat about it on here, as we're talking to like minded Mum's who feel the same way about feeling sad for Mum and baby, if baby is being fed formula. If our opinions seem to offend you that much, I'm puzzled why you read this particular thread.


ok so you saying your nipples dont get sore once in a while. first of all i'm not offend by ppl opinions but some make it seem that when a mother bottle feeds its the worst thing in the world and thats what i'm not getting. i dont always worry about other ppl. its not a sad thing for a mother to bottlefeed her baby. i was bottle feed. my daughter had breast milk for 3months than bottle fed. what i'm saying is, if its that bad then for the mothers who had to or wanted to bottle feed their baby, dont make them out to be the bad person when no one is perfect to begin with. and just like everyone else i can voice my opinion on any subject whether it offends me or not.

[ShellyB]

ok so you saying your nipples dont get sore once in a while. first of all i'm not offend by ppl opinions but some make it seem that when a mother bottle feeds its the worst thing in the world and thats what i'm not getting. i dont always worry about other ppl. its not a sad thing for a mother to bottlefeed her baby. i was bottle feed. my daughter had breast milk for 3months than bottle fed. what i'm saying is, if its that bad then for the mothers who had to or wanted to bottle feed their baby, dont make them out to be the bad person when no one is perfect to begin with. and just like everyone else i can voice my opinion on any subject whether it offends me or not.

Of course you can voice your opinion, I didn't say you shouldn't and if my post came across that way then I apolgise, as it wasn't how it was meant.

I certainly don't judge or feel that a Mum who bottle feeds is a "bad Mother", I was bottle fed and I have the most fantastic Mum anyone could wish for. Every Mum does what they feel is best for their baby whether it's breast or bottle fed. I know the health benefits to both Mum and baby of breast feeding and I think that even one breast feed is of benefit to the baby.

I personally, knowing the health benefits, don't understand the Mums who are decide when pregnant not to breastfeed. Even if they just managed the one feed and then decided either for their own health issues or for whatever other reason to bottle feed, they've at least given it a go.

I think it's great that you breastfed to 3 months.

[arettababy]

you may not feel that way but that doesnt mean other mothers dont. to me its sad that some women think that because a mother doesnt want to breastfeed they are bad ppl and feel all sorry for the child. those women need to take a second look at themselves before judging other ppl. some women dont like it and dont want to and there's nothing wrong with that. but they dont look at it that way and they the ones who are bad ppl. to me anyway.

[Sheila]

You seriously have anger issues. People have been so nice to you in this thread, even after you admit that your baby needs an ass whuppin sometimes. My tongue is not as tame, though, so I'll stop.

[arettababy]

You seriously have anger issues. People have been so nice to you in this thread, even after you admit that your baby needs an ass whuppin sometimes. My tongue is not as tame, though, so I'll stop.


if i make you so angry then stop talking to me

[Sheila]

I would, but I'm hoping with all the people on here talking to you, you might rethink your position and get some help.

[arettababy]

i dont need help

[types2much]

arettababy---it seems that you are looking to argue, which is fine if that is your personality..maybe even a little bit of guilt for not bfing a little longer. You could always try to bring your milk back in so that you wont be so defensive and argumentative. You will probably feel much better. God bless *wink*

[arettababy]

I bf my son now. I'm a defensive person always had been bad habit i guess. I'm not looking to argue just stating my opinion

[Sashahomeschoolmama]

Arettababy, can I kindly point out that this is a breastfeeding advocacy forum?

[divea]

Arettababy, can I kindly point out that this is a breastfeeding advocacy forum?


i second that.....also your kids are not vaccinated so how does that work?? I mean chicken-pox and stufff...???btw..boy or girl?

[Sashahomeschoolmama]

What do you mean, how does it work? Hopefully they'll catch the chicken pox and aquire natural immunity.

It's a boy. :)

[divea]

hmmmmm......I got chicken pox as a kid and thats okay but polio??rubella??? just wondering....I am the kinds who reaches the hospital on the scheduled day and have no idea what the doc is needling my kids with...........

[Sashahomeschoolmama]

You should do some research, Divea. Vaccines are full of more than a deadened vaccine. They also have mercury derivative (less than they used too but there is still some in there), formaldehyde, antifreeze, bovine serum, and other toxins. More children are injured from vaccines now than deal with illnesses (many of them not serious for most healthy children) that vaccines are designed to prevent. Vaccines also wear off and leave people at risk when they are more vulnerable; for example, chicken pox is nearly always a benign illness in children. It can be a serious, even deadly, illness for adults. When children are vaccinated and the immunity wears off when they are adults, they face a greater risk than if they'd just spent a week covered in itchy spots at age seven.

As for rubella, it's a mild illness in children that confers life-long immunity. Less than 5% of polio cases result in any paralysis and much of that is temporary.

It's a personal decision, of course, but everyone should do their research on the subject.

[divea]

hmmm...thanks..will do!

[ShellyB]

Just a thought going back to the issue of judging Mum's who bottle feed. Everyone gets judged by other people. I've had Mum's who bottle feed making comments about shouldn't I be weaning and getting my child onto 'proper' milk. It's either that or I'm judged for how I look (a bit hippy and so does my 31 month old) because I don't wear the latest fashions or make up and my little one is wearing clothes which look more suitable for a teenager. Also because of how I feed her, I try to have healthy food and the idea of her eating at certain fast food establishments fills me with horror and I'm certainly never going to take her to one but some parents of toddlers do. Everyone judges other people with regards to how different they are from themselves. It's not right but it's just the way it is and I don't think breastfeed Mum's are any different to anyone else in that respect

[vikkigutierrez]

I do not so much get angry as just sad that we, as humans, have strayed so far from nature. We were made to breastfeed, but oftentimes people feel ashamed of their bodies...it's too bad! I love breastfeeding. Work often interferes, because pumping is hard (I, myself, have difficulties with it) but where there is a will, there's a way

[Firemom]

. Also because of how I feed her, I try to have healthy food and the idea of her eating at certain fast food establishments fills me with horror and I'm certainly never going to take her to one but some parents of toddlers do.

This just reminds me of the time I was at a mom and me swim class. My dd was 2 and we always seemed to be nursing right after class in the locker room. One day, a mom had cheerios and my dd didn't care about nursing that day! She saw all the kids go over to this mom who was offering them. when it came time for her to get hers, I heard the mom say," Oh you have to ask your mom if your allowed to have these". I heard her and said "of course its fine".

Then this woman preceded to try and embarass me, since she talked across the room so everyone could here. "Well I always see you nursing her and I didn't think she was allowed to have food." LOL

I explained to her that she was 2 and she has being eating food since she was 6 months old. Then she proceeded to tell me about the crazy mom she knew who breastfed for years and never allowed her child to have any food for many years.

Of course I tried to explain to her that this was probably not true. just misinformation. But she was admit that if your breastfeeding at that ae its because they don't eat anything else. I dropped the subject after that, because i could just tell by the attitude that nothing i was going to say was going to make this woman accepting of breastfeeding in general.

Also since my dd was 2 and was able to understand the conversation, I didn't want to here this ignorant conversation and think what she was doing was wrong

[divea]

Are people really that ignorant or just plain spiteful? I mean, one can't be a mother and 'assume' that a 2 year old lives on breastmilk alone!! I have been judged and been given sermons about how my daughter would never take to food.....blah blah..and yet everytime I pulled up my shirt and my daughter nestled in, I would see expressions just soften and people smile......just seeing a nursling brings joy to people!!

I am glad you didn't dignify the lady's argument in your daughter's presence!

[mbeare]

People are both ignorant and spiteful unfortunately! But more so I think they are just misinformed. A little education on the subject can go a long way!

[Firemom]

QUOTE=mbeare;375989] A little education on the subject can go a long way![/QUOTE]

I've done my share over the years! My kids are older now and I no longer nurse, but I still will promote breastfeeding with the right information:clap:

[RaisingThemLeft]

Are people really that ignorant or just plain spiteful? I mean, one can't be a mother and 'assume' that a 2 year old lives on breastmilk alone!!

I don't know. I was once at a LLL meeting where a woman claimed that her two kids, ages 2 and 4, were almost exclusively nursing. I really think that it was an exaggeration though, considering the amount of food I saw the kids consume at the meeting. I'm nursing a 3.5 yr old and he isn't getting even close to the majority of his nutrients from breastmilk at this point. I don't have that much milk, although I'm sure that whatever he's getting is really good for him.

[Prettyskittle82]

I understand what you are feeling. I've felt angry before, too. But you are right. You don't know what the family was/is going through. You just kind of have to overlook it. A lot of moms who don't breastfeed feel guilty about it. Some don't know the benefits of breastmilk or the harm of starting on the free samples of formula until it is (practically) too late. There's even a very, very small percentage who can't produce milk or don't because of disease or medication....

And now, I'm not pumping quite enough milk for my 11 month old. I could probably put him on whole or soy milk, but I do give him some formula when I am away.

I don't think that women who don't breastfeed are bad mothers, but I do think that our doctors should have better educated us about breastmilk and what the real benefits are, but they are scared to make a mother feel guilty if they don't plan to breastfeed.... and it's so much easier for them to hand out the samples of formula than try to help with latch and supply issues.

I've gotten over the angry stage because I know there are so many different situations, but I still feel the hurt that they are missing out on something wonderful.

[KarenBeth3177]

I formula fed my first baby after bfing 5 months. My second two were exclusively bf. But this time I am divorced and have to work full time and I am in college full time so Dallas only bfs part time. I feel bad but I was too tired staying up all night pumping. I work at Hardees so it would have been hard to pump there.

[Cappiea23]

With my first 2 I breastfed for the first 3 months and when I went back to work in the evenings for a few more months. I was upset that I couldn't continue to breast feed but with my job I didn't think it was very sanitary for me to try and pump. At the time I was a Utility troop in the Air Force. And after I got off of maternity leave I was working with chemicals and working in other areas like plumbing that in all honesty I wanted to shower before I even thought about touching my babies. (Also had problems breast feeding my first baby he kept loosing weight instead of gaining with just breast milk. I could have used this site 9 years ago!) It was pretty devastating to me and I resented working and the Air Force for a long time. This time around I am not in the military so I am very much wanting to breast feed as long as I can. That is why I have been stressing over the thought I might have to give any formula as a supplment right now.

[Prettyskittle82]

I have a good friend who was breastfeeding, working full time, and going to school. She was killing herself. After about 6 months of breasfeeding, she weaned. She felt guilty, but I reminded her of how great of job she had done where some moms don't even try. I have respect for any woman who will really try.

[ColleenF30]

Same here I respect any mom willing to really try.

[Peanut1207]

I had a little frustration too when a friend decided to formula feed. She felt that her breasts were for sex only and couldn't get over it to nurse. It was disappointing to me but I left her alone. After all the struggles I had at the beginning I totally understand how easy it would be to give up. The hospital wasn't super supportive and I had a crappy LC pushing formula because my baby hadn't eaten in awhile (they stunk at getting him to me...next time he'll be in room the entire time...they pulled him away right before a nursing session for a ped visit that lasted way long and then he was upset and couldn't latch because he was starving, first time mama...clearly I've learned alot). But i just try to remind myself how lucky i am to have this great bond with my baby and how we pushed past our obstacles together. I try really hard to talk with pregnant friends and family members and be supportive of their choice to breastfeed. No one tells you its going to be so hard and when it is you end up thinking something is wrong...so I'm the person telling everyone that it is a little challenging at the beginning but it does come and not to give up. Lets support the people that choose to nurse and make it normal to see nursing mamas in public so others feel comfortable enough to attempt to nurse.

[Prettyskittle82]

I struggled, too... I think that's the norm, unless you are from a family of breastfeeding women. I tell my friends to give it at least 2 months. It gets easier after that. Especially night feedings. I can't imagine getting up to make bottles in the middle of the night when you already aren't getting sleep.

[phoenixflysagain]

Can I drag back the preemie comment? Well, I will anyhow, considering I AM the mother of one.

I WANTED to breastfeed, wanted it so bad in fact I walked around with the pump and had it hooked to my body almost religiously. However, when you have a child in the NICU you arn't really thinking about anything but your childs' fight for survival. From personal experience, the mother who had the child 2 months early most likely DID attempt to BF. But when you are under the stresses of your child in CRITICAL condition day in and day out your body goes whako. I stopped producing BM after a month of constant stuggle with the pumps and it HURT! I tried Fenugreek, I tried Reglan... My body was so stressed dealing with all of the insanity it stopped producing. It's not easy for me to watch him eat formula and I'm insanely jealous of the women who CAN BF their kids because it is what I wanted to do for mine.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, just because she switched to formula doesn't mean she didn't put in an honest effort for the sake of her child.
Also, the RSV could have been caused by a sick nurse taking care of the child or even a sick family member who didn't wash properly before visiting the baby.

[tiffybear01]

i formula fed my 2 older boys. i was never really exposed to bf when i got pregnant with my first and i honestly didn't want to nurse, plus i was working and going to school full time. so when i got pregnant with my 2nd i just mde the choice once again to ff since it worked out well with our first, but with my second i did have bf people make me feel awful and guilty for ff my son. i am now bf for the 1st time with my 3rd son and while i don't "love" it, i am glad that i am doing it. bf moms shouldn't judge ff moms, all that should matter is that they are providing nourishment for thier baby.

[ShellyB]

i formula fed my 2 older boys. i was never really exposed to bf when i got pregnant with my first and i honestly didn't want to nurse, plus i was working and going to school full time. so when i got pregnant with my 2nd i just mde the choice once again to ff since it worked out well with our first, but with my second i did have bf people make me feel awful and guilty for ff my son. i am now bf for the 1st time with my 3rd son and while i don't "love" it, i am glad that i am doing it. bf moms shouldn't judge ff moms, all that should matter is that they are providing nourishment for thier baby.

That's awful that bf people tried to make you feel guilty. I am very pro breastfeeding and I do feel sad when people discount breastfeeding without even trying it. I think every drop helps, so even if a Mum just manages one feed and then switches to formula, I look at it as at least the baby has had the health benefits of one feed. This is very much my personal view and while I will share it, if there is a discussion on a forum or if I'm asked, I would certainly never go to a ff feeding Mum and try to make her feel guilty for not breastfeeding.

Every Mum does what she thinks is best for her baby whether that be formula or breastfeeding and no one has the right to make her feel guilty for her choices.

It's really interesting how this issue really divides Mums. Some breastfeeding Mums do feel looked down on by bottle feeding ones and do get comments from the FF mums about "you'll have them on to proper milk soon" etc. I think Mums from both sides sometimes need to realise there is big difference in thinking something and opening your mouth and criticising another Mum. We're experts in making ourselves feel guilty over everything, we don't need other Mum's adding to that.

Sorry for the ramble.

[juliekathleen2]

I don't think I would get angry per se at moms who only formula feed but I would wonder why they weren't bf if they could. I wish I could just give my son all breastmilk but I can't. I wasn't even able to get him on my breast until he was 4 months old! So I guess when I see people being so careless about bf, acting like it's not a big deal or they won't even try, it hurts me because I wonder why was it so hard for me when I really wanted to nurse. My MIL didn't bf any of her kids and she seems quite proud of this because she was telling me that they didn't get even one drop of breastmilk and smiling and very happy about it. She happened to be holding my son when she was telling me this & all I felt was anger, I just wanted her to give my son back because I have had such extreme difficulty to get to where I am that I didn't want to hear something like that from her. I didn't say anything about it to her but it still made me angry. One of my SIL's didn't bf her daughter because she thought bf is "icky" and the other one did & is bf but with her first son (she''ll probably do it with her second too) she stops bf on their first birthday.

[MissesGoR]

I get the same way, i have strong opinions in the favor of breastfeeding, and while i understand that not all women have the ability to breastfeed, most do. i understand your feelings, and i try to help women that i know and that want to breastfeed get all the info and support they need to keep at it. unfortunately, i also know women who just didnt want to try, or who gave up at the first problem they encountered... maybe i should be a CLC or something because i want to help women breastfeed their babies and get the info they need to want to.

[solowpoet]

You are absolutely correct as long as the babies are of good health and being loved you should not feel bad about this,there was a great article on this at:http://www.feedingbaby.net/ (http://www.feedingbaby.net/)it really hit it on the mark.

[KimberlyD0]

As a person who FF my first child and is fighting to BF my second, a battle I feel like I am losing, I find it very hurtful when I am judged for giving my baby a bottle.

I have felt this anger first hand with my first DD. A BFing mother I didn't even know called me some not so nice names when I fed DD formula and stated "anyone can breastfeed, you just didn't try hard enough" I cried for days after that.

In fact my inability to BF sent me into a deep pit of depression. It was so bad I concidered not trying again this time, because if I failed I was afread of going there again.

Its been easier this time, but I still have a lot of issues with BFing.

Try not to judge people who FF, sometimes they have no choice. Really in the end what business is it of ours. I mean as long as the baby is fed thats all that matters. Remember BFing is not enjoyable or easy for everyone.

[KerryS]

I think that after I had my first, when I was miss super gung ho bfing mom, I probably felt a little superior and sorry for babies that were being ff. I have since been knocked down a peg or two.

My sister recently said to me that she used to mentally judge mothers who used formula, or said "I tried to breastfeed but it didn't work out." But after seeing my struggles with breastfeeding over the last three months, she has a newfound sense of empathy and no longer feels judgmental towards women who bottlefeed.

[CatSoup]

I always think, "What would they have done if they were deserted on a tropical island when their baby was born?" Or, "What would they do if some disaster like Katrina happened?"


Well in my case my baby would have died. Mothers like me have enough guilt over not producing milk for their babies without the judgement of others.

[trylyn5]

I understand completely why someone would give up bfing. I didn't though before my dd was born. I struggled for 10 weeks and had to supplement. I cried every time I fed her a bottle. I was raised with a LLL leader mom and felt really guilty about having to give her formula. It was hard enough during that time with people just telling me to just keep her on the breast all the time (it didn't work). I nursed and pumped after every session every 2 hours for almost 10 weeks. My problem was resolved by passing a piece of placenta the doctor had left behind during my c-section and my 5 month old is now exclusively breast fed. But I would have given up if I wasn't able to take my dd to work with me and it finally resolved.

[tinyjojo]

I also feel badly for the baby and mother for missing out on such a wonderful thing. And like someone said earlier, what would they have done if deserted on an island, or never see a bottle like some tribes in Africa or elswhere, or they lived in a time when bottles were not yet invented? In places like those and in the past there was a better support system, women full of knowledge about breastfeeding. Not even all doctors today are as supportive as they should be. Can you believe that my friends doctor told her to stop BF because she got mastitis? Its so sad that our society has lost that, I truely feel it is Gods will that we like other mammals breastfeed. Im so sorry for those of you that tried so hard and couldnt, at least you tried, good for you

[tracylee]

it amazes me that this blog is still going! cool

[CatSoup]

I also feel badly for the baby and mother for missing out on such a wonderful thing. And like someone said earlier, what would they have done if deserted on an island, or never see a bottle like some tribes in Africa or elswhere, or they lived in a time when bottles were not yet invented? In places like those and in the past there was a better support system, women full of knowledge about breastfeeding. Not even all doctors today are as supportive as they should be. Can you believe that my friends doctor told her to stop BF because she got mastitis? Its so sad that our society has lost that, I truely feel it is Gods will that we like other mammals breastfeed. Im so sorry for those of you that tried so hard and couldnt, at least you tried, good for you

Yeah,Good for us. Too bad we'd be so useless on a deserted island though.

[joshsmom]

:mad:Yesterday I was at a family b day party and these people I don't know were fixing a formula bottle for their baby. I got angry inside and even felt tingling in my breasts (pre let down I guess). Is that mean of me? I don't know their situation or why the mom isn't bfing but I still got mad.

Mean

Childish

Close-minded

Yes.

This is the first thread I've had a strong physical and emotional reaction to.. ever.

I think with everything my sister has been through this past year, I just celebrate with her that she is alive to actually feed her baby and am thankful that her baby is home in her arms being fed by her instead of in the nicu with a feeding tube. Both defy all earthly logic.

While under "normal" circumstances I'm sure my sister would have loved to breastfeed, the list of medications she is on is beyond pale and now with that pesky cancer and all. It makes me physically angry to know that with all my sister has endured she should have to deal with the added guilt loaded on by complete holier than thou strangers.

But for the Grace of God and all that....

[Indigo]

ACTUALLY NO I WOULDNT GET MAD. MY DAUGHTER HAD SODA A COUPLE OF TIMES, AND I DO HIT MY DAUGHTER NOT WITH A BELT THOUGH, TO GET HER TO STOP DOING THINGS. "JUST TALKING" OR "PUTTING THEM IN A TIME OUT" DOESNT ALWAYS WORK AND THEY NEED THEY ASS WHUPPED. MY DAUGHTER IS ONLY 17MONTHS BUT IT STOPS HER. I DONT TELL HER NO I SAY STOP. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU TO DO THAT THEN FINE BUT DONT LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE IN DISGUST JUST BECAUSE THEY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. IT DOESNT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER NOR WORST THAN THE NEXT PERSON. AND HOW DO YOU KNOW WHATS BEST FOR THAT CHILD IF YOU DONT KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT HIM/HER? EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT SO IS EVERY PARENT AND IF YOURE NOT GOD ITS NOT YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE.


You hit your baby and you think this is simply a matter of equally acceptable parenting choice?

[Theywerepert]

You hit your baby and you think this is simply a matter of equally acceptable parenting choice?

Ita. A good book on parenting gently, and understanding the LACK of impulse control a 17 month old has might do some good.

[CatSoup]

For those of you who do need to supplement, I have a support group. It mostly talks about ways to boost your milk supply and bottles to use,but if anyone needs some support with how you feel about having to bottle feed feel free to post as well. I've been there,and so have most of the other group members.


Supplementing Support Group
http://www.breastfeeding.com/social/groups/view/id_114/

[blessedbythree]

This may have been mentioned already but just keep in mind that when you see a mommy bottle feeding her baby she may have adopted that baby and not been able to breastfeed. I have several friends who have adopted infants and I would hate to others to judge them before understanding the situation. That said I am a huge supporter of bfing but understand that it is not possible in every situation.

[mom2my2boys]

The OP mentioned she saw them mixing the formula, but unless you see them mixing the formula is could be pumped breast milk. I did not BF my 2nd child, I pumped for several months. It was HARD work as I had my kids very close in age. My kids slept through the night while I was up pumping. I had to pump at work and often could not make it through errands etc without having to pump as I was blessed with a wonderful supply!

One time at the mall I was feeding my son a bottle (of BREAST MILK) Some mother was all rude sitting next to me and asked if I realized the benefits of BF. I said yes, I am feeding my son EBM. She went on to say that only pumping was not really giving your baby the benefits of breast milk, the bonding with the mother, blah blah blah! I assured her that I was feeding my son liquid gold and doing what was best for my son. She clearly BF for herself more than for her son.

So when you get opinions like that, you can't help but lump a group of people into one. Just as some lump FF moms into an analogy of child abuse. I think we all need to do what we feel is best for our kids and let everyone else decide that for themselves! :)

[momoffive]

ITA with the OP. I do take into consideration the circumstances b4 being upset with the mother. I know several women that simply chose to ff w/o even trying to bf and they know I am not happy with them. That does not mean that we can no longer be friends. I have also noticed that bf children are brighter and reach milestones sooner.

[srtarita]

I for one have problems w/my supply so formula feeding is a necessary for my lo, she had lost weight and the dr. was concerned and told me to ff her. Well I still gave her my breast and then I would give the formula. I do pump and what ever I get I give to her as well. I would love to only bf her but unfortunately some of us just are not able to make the supply. I've tried everything under the sun, oatmeal, fenugreek, goat's rue, mothers milk tea/capsules, bf vacations the works and I can only pump out not even an ounce (and that is all day). So please do not judge the women that make the formula; trust me, at least for me I cry inside everytime I have to make it and I don't need the added guilt. My baby is happy and healthy; and that is all that matters to me.

[nycmama]

ITA with the OP. I do take into consideration the circumstances b4 being upset with the mother. I know several women that simply chose to ff w/o even trying to bf and they know I am not happy with them. That does not mean that we can no longer be friends. I have also noticed that bf children are brighter and reach milestones sooner.

I'm torn between this really... My sister had her baby 5 days after me and she started breastfeeding but because their seems to be a lack of BF info amongst DRs they told her to stop BF because he baby had BM Jaundice. She couldn't get her supply back and she just started her DD on formula. Now I had FF my first 2 DS and one BF partially and the baby on-going. I don't get mad at her nor do I get mad at women that choose to FF. Do I think formula is inferior? Yes. Would I give a mom grief about it? NO. Because we don't the situation and honestly with all the challenges I've faced to far my sanity ... I question and doubt myself sometimes. But I'm determined. I actually get angry at moms that start feeding their babies cereal/solids at 3-4 mos old. I've seen it time and time again babies who are 5 mos old and extremely overweight.

OH : " I have also noticed that bf children are brighter and reach milestones sooner." so true!!!

[Teresa64]

I didn't read this entire thread but I got the jest of it.
I think some people are being to sensitive. I think the op did not necessarily even mean she was angry with the mom. The felt a reaction close to anger at seeing a baby bottle fed. Does that surprise you?
Because she is not thinking of the circumstances surrounding this family she is thinking about all the babies that loose out on br because of lack of support, medical problems, family issues or just the fact that a mother doesn't want to. To me it sucks that any baby misses out on this wonderful experience.
It doesn't mean I think that the mother is a bad mom at all. There is a big difference.
Oh and btw before anyone attacks what I say...
I have 2 kids. My first was not bf because I had the attitude that I would only bf if he latched on right away. Guess what...he didn't!!! And me at 19 had no support and no education about bf, just gave him formula instead.
My second has never had a drop of formula.

[nycmama]

... no education about bf, just gave him formula instead..

This is what it all boils down to sometimes. Lack of info.

[srtarita]

so true lack of inforamtion I feel is the main reason and lack of support from teh medical community; well at least in my case I feel. My lo is my first child but the next one trust me; I will definetely work xtra xtra hard at it. I believe the dr. telling me to give the formula so early in her little life (a week old) may have sabotaged my efforts as time went on; she prefers the easy to get formula from a bottle, but I give her what I pump in a bottle too; so she gets some breastmilk. It doesn't make as happy as it would if she would just latch back on (she's 18 weeks now and just plays w/my nipple). I'm going to invest in one of the supplement feeding systems to try to get her to latch on to help w/my supply, I'm hoping this works. I'm taking fenugreek, blessed thistle and more milk plus, wow lots of vitamins but if it can get me to give her more breastmilk I'm willing to do it even if it's by me pumping it out:)

[nycmama]

Yep. I had my DS ped. 2 month appt. and I was explaining to the dr. what has been going on with our BF. So I go on to mention nursing strikes and she looks at me all puzzled. I need some hand outs or something to give these doctors ;)

[GirlsMama]

I'm going to reply to the OP without reading any responses. I usually feel upset when I see a parent bottle feeding, so I know how you feel. I think it's a matter of feeling bad for what we know the baby is missing out on. I know for me I tend to also think that breastfeeding and bottle feeding go along with certain types of parenting, and that is probably not always the case.

[StaciMN]

no and i think its a waste of your energy to get angry about it

[JennMomof3]

Anger, honestly? Thats not healthy. I formula fed my oldest two and am nursing my youngest. Even when I was formula feeding I felt absoulutly nothing towards nursing mothers, and now that im nursing, same If i see a formula fed baby, who cares? I feel no emotion at all toward other moms and their choice. Maybe you should talk to a professional about that.

[JennMomof3]

Anger, honestly? Thats not healthy. I formula fed my oldest two and am nursing my youngest. Even when I was formula feeding I felt absoulutly nothing towards nursing mothers, and now that im nursing, same If i see a formula fed baby, who cares? I feel no emotion at all toward other moms and their choice. Maybe you should talk to a professional about that.




After i read that it sounded like i was attacking, but i wasnt Its just concern. :)

[Joyto5]

What makes me upset is seeing expired formula on clearance at grocery stores.

[Babyhellfire]

What makes me upset is seeing expired formula on clearance at grocery stores.
That is not legal.
They can mark down close dates - but they cannot sell out of date products.If you see that in a grocery chain you should tell the manager,or call the company(check the receipt for a number).

[Joyto5]

That is not legal.
They can mark down close dates - but they cannot sell out of date products.If you see that in a grocery chain you should tell the manager,or call the company(check the receipt for a number).

I usually gather it up and plop it down at the courtesy desk then ask for the manager. I've only done it twice in 2 different stores but glad to say it hasn't happened since, in those stores. They always try to put the blame on someone else.

[rissa523]

I feel anger and I don't think breastfeeding should be a choice. The choice was whether or not to have a baby, not whether or not you were going to do what is best for your baby. I really think formula should only be used in cases where literally, baby would die without it. Maybe that is wrong, but that is how I feel. I'd have been heartbroken if I couldn't have breastfed, but I think that's part of why I have such an abundant supply. I think sometimes the will has a lot to do with it. I even had the pediatrician two days after my daughter's birth tell me that she wasn't eating often enough. Maybe she wasn't, but she only ever got breast milk and she's a perfectly healthy weight now. Formula just makes me sick. And I don't think breastfeeding moms are better moms overall, but I do think they are more likely to have healthier babies. As for mom's who never even considered breastfeeding. I really feel for those kids. Because if a mom couldn't be inconvenienced enough to nurse her child, I really don't see her being inconvenienced enough to raise her child either. Please moms, who tried or wanted to breastfeed and had to formula feed. Don't get upset with this post. I could only see mom's that didn't try or feel they didn't try hard enough getting upset. I'm sorry if I did upset you, but I'm extremely blunt and honest and formula feeding angers me.

[Babyhellfire]

I usually gather it up and plop it down at the courtesy desk then ask for the manager. I've only done it twice in 2 different stores but glad to say it hasn't happened since, in those stores. They always try to put the blame on someone else.

Well honestly I could see how it could happen as a mistake
... you- joe shelf stocker- see it close dated tuesday,mark it down- and forget you need it off the discount rack by saturday.

MOST name brand Out of date/damaged product packaging like that are returnable to the company for a refund of sorts- so the stores are GAINING money by returning them- it is NOT likely they would perposly lose the money of selling it mark down,and risk the threat of legal action by putting expired food products up for sale.

.....HEY years of working in a grocery store did teach me something :hugegrin:

[trylyn5]

I don't get angry but I do get sad. After having all the problems I did, I understand why someone would give up--It's really stinkin' hard at first. I have less empathy for people who don't try.

[StaciMN]

formula feeding angers me.

Seriously to get actually angry over it is over the top. You should put this energy in to love for your child or prayers for those who do not know better (bf vs formula) or public education. Judgments and anger are counterproductive and wasteful.

[hedixo01]

BOY this is a long thread! If I saw a stranger mixing formula I wouldn't get angry, but I do get angry at a mom I know who will not breastfeed because she wants to go out, party, and drink. I know that it's her choice not to BF but if that is her reason I have a hard time believing she'll be a good mother.

As for those of you attacking the OP, cut it out. She made a post about how she felt, and later apologized if she offended anyone. I don't know why everyone has to drag this out repeating the same things about how you shouldn't judge people, and various medical issues that prevent people from nursing. It seems all this thread has done is tick people off.

[KerryS]

As for those of you attacking the OP, cut it out. She made a post about how she felt, and later apologized if she offended anyone. I don't know why everyone has to drag this out repeating the same things about how you shouldn't judge people, and various medical issues that prevent people from nursing. It seems all this thread has done is tick people off.

Mom, is that you?

Nobody attacked the OP. Perhaps by repeating stories about why one shouldn't judge, it's given the OP something to think about regarding....well, why she shouldn't judge.

[hedixo01]

Mom, is that you?

Nobody attacked the OP. Perhaps by repeating stories about why one shouldn't judge, it's given the OP something to think about regarding....well, why she shouldn't judge.

It certainly sounds like attacking to me. And I think the first couple of pages took care of giving the OP something to think about. Ten pages seems excessive when she already apologized.

[ingrams_mommy]

I also will come to bronco4grl's defense. I'll admit to feeling the same way when I see babies having a bottle, even though I know it's not necessarily fair. I would have to say more sad than angry, though. Realistically, while there are scenarios where a mother cannot breastfeed, these are not very common. I think it is tragic that something so natural and beneficial has been done for thousands of years by almost all mothers, yet suddenly we come up with an artificial replacement and so many women get the idea that they "can't" do it just because it is hard. (By the way, to the pp who couldn't breastfeed, I'm not implying this is the case for you-- but I know it is for some women.)

I don't blame the parents so much as I blame our society for not being more supportive. I have a friend who wanted to try breastfeeding, but when her milk didn't come in right away her family started giving the baby bottles. When her milk finally came in, it dried up almost immediately because the baby was not nursing. To add injury to insult, so to speak, the baby then turned out to be lactose intolerant and experienced horrible illness for a couple of weeks until they figured it out and switched to the non-lactose formula.

I don't just feel sad for the babies though, I feel sad for the moms. I love nursing my son, and it is such a special part of our relationship. I feel sorry for mothers who are missing out on that. I know it is possible to make formula feeding a loving, bonding experience too, but as someone mentioned above, many people don't do so because it's too easy and tempting to take shortcuts (bottle propping, not warming the bottle, etc.). Also, no matter how good a job you do bottle feeding, I don't think it's the same because the hormones are not there.

I do take issue with what was said above, that some moms choose not to breastfeed and their babies are none the worse. It's impossible to say, because we don't know how things would have turned out if they had breastfed. Research shows that breastfeeding does have health benefits for both mother and child, of which I am sure you're all aware. It is every mother's choice to make, but that doesn't mean that formula is just as good as breastfeeding and I don't think we should have to say so to avoid treading on toes.

[jgassa]

My four yur. old was ff. He is also adopted. My best friend's baby was born 3 weeks after my son and she had an abundant supply. So my son got the benifits of ebm on occasion. My youngest is bf, no formula. My four yr. old was always as sharp as a tack and still is extremely smart. He met all his milestones early. He was also sick all the time and had surgery at 12 months to remove adnoids. My youngest ds is 9 months old has had a few illnesses(including iron deficiency), but NOTHING compared to my 4 yr.old. He is also bright and reaching his developmental milestones early, though a couple weeks behind my 4 yr. old. I think the major difference I notice is health. And I don't have to deal with mixing/cleaning bottles at home or when we are out and about. That said breastfeeding has NOT been a walk in the park. It is NOT natural, it is a practice with trial and error. I've had reynaud's syndrome from the beginning (which has gotten better through the summer months). I am envious of those that say what a breeze it was/is. But at least the babies are getting the best. It's not for the faint of heart. Knowing that, I could never judge someone. But there is a touch of sadness for the baby that is missing out on the benifits of breastmilk.

[CatSoup]

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w50/paigeva/cantbreastfeed.gif

[Sweetbabs]

I do not feel anger I just feel sad. I love breastfeeding!!! It has been the hardest thing ever for me to do but I love it. I have cried and cried thinking of what I would do and how I would feel if my dd had to have formula all the time. I have been having issues with my dd not nursing enough and my milk going way down and have had a mess of people tell me that it is not the end of the world to formula feed and I think to myself well for me it would be. The bond I have with my dd is unbreakable because of bfing. I have since figured out the nursing problem and am proud to say that yes bfing is really hard for some but if you really want to do it you can ( unless of coarse you have a medical reason). I see mom bfing with reduction surgery and have had the hardest time bfing but still do it. I agree with some of the other post saying doing it for convenience is just not cool at least try.

[trylyn5]

I went to babies r us this weekend and saw more than one soon-to-be mom shopping for formula and it just made me sad.

[katarain]

I actually looked for a breastfeeding forum so that I could express somewhere the anger I felt when reading on another forum that a pregnant woman is choosing not to breastfeed her baby. She didn't want pro-nursing people to give her a hard time, she wanted advice from other large-breasted non-nursing moms on how to make her milk go down to stop causing her pain.

I can't help it... I DO judge women who choose not to breastfeed. Notice, please, that I said CHOOSE. I don't buy the idea that it's something that is right for some, not for others, and that everyone has to make the decision for what's right for their family. Breastfeeding is right for the baby. Period. Full Stop. If, for some reason, a mother is unable to breastfeed, then, of course, that's fine. And if I saw someone bottle feeding their infant, I'm not going to judge them. I have no way of knowing what their situation is. My heart goes out to all mothers who tried to breastfeed but it didn't work for some reason, even if that reason was misinformation.

But mothers who decide while still pregnant that they aren't going to nurse for their own selfish reasons? No. I do judge them. I do feel superior to them. I do look down on them. I don't respect their decision. I don't believe that nursing is something you can say is just not for you. If you have a baby, it's for you.

With the mother who asked for help, all I could think is about that poor little baby. If mom wants the pain from being engorged with milk to go away, why not give it to the baby??? Ugh.

(In case I wasn't clear enough--I am not talking about mothers who can't breastfeed or who try to breastfeed and it doesn't work--for whatever reason. I'm ONLY talking about mothers who CHOOSE not to breastfeed and NEVER even try.)

[Aleida]

I also felt angry about formula. That was because I had to use it for my first baby. I did not like opening the can, warming the bottle, feeding it, nothing. I hated it. I was angry too. I actually remember one day I was so upset that I pitched the bottle (empty) across the room. I actually was very sad that I "failed" breastfeeding because I listened to my public health nurse and supplemented with formula instead of first consulting a lactation consultant.


Now, I look back, and realize that I did my best, nursed for 9 months while supplementing, and she grew and thrived.

But, anger, yes, I know it all too well!!!

Do you know why you were angry? Was it because you were sad for the child? Maybe it was just that you know about all the benefits and great things that BF does, and you felt that child was missing out? That is probably like anyone who sees a child in a situation that "could be better"- I think being a mom makes us "universal" moms. We want to protect all the babies/kids (at least I feel that is why I am much more aware of child poverty than I was pre-parent).

Don't beat yourself up for these feelings!


PS- baby and hubby did not witness my little rage with the projectile bottle.

[crystal555rose]

A coworker's wife decided not to breastfeed. Not even try because "ewwww!" I do not know her well enough to really say anything about it but it made me so sad. My son gets so much joy and comfort from nursing.

I am thankful that formula exists for women who cannot breastfeed because of a variety of reasons. However, to dismiss breastfeeding saddens me. You are missing out on a really incredible aspect of motherhood.

[daisy1975]

There are moms on the debate board and pumping forum who try and try to pump milk and still have to resort to at least some amount of formula to satisfy their children's needs.

Thank you. I am one of those moms and I have spent days in tears because of not being able to breastfeed my daughter. We are now using a SNS with formula, because that is the closest I can get to satisfying her hunger at the breast. She's nearly 4 months old, and I have spent every day since she was born trying to boost my milk supply and nurse to no avail.

Please don't judge others without knowing their situations in detail. Many of us have hurt enough over not being able to BF and it stings even more to have other mothers judge us. I finally decided to spend the time I would crying and trying to make milk appear loving and cuddling my daughter. I'm satisfied with that choice ;)

[StillSingingMom]

If I had to work full time or more than full time, I am not sure that I would be pumping to feed my nurslings. I hate pumping. And if I had to support our family, I would be working so many hours that I wouldn't have much time for anything that wasn't essential.

Sometimes choices for moms suck.

I don't judge formula feeding moms. But I do, secretly, pity them a little. I hope that doesn't offend moms here who supplement or FF. I wish (for them) that they could have my generous supply. I am sorry that BF isn't easy for everyone. And I wish that every mom could have the resources to be with her nursling for an entire year after birth.

Now you know my secrets.

[crystal555rose]

And I wish that every mom could have the resources to be with her nursling for an entire year after birth.




I feel like this is a tragedy that we simply accept in our culture. I was shocked when I heard of the industrialized nations (Germany, France) that offer one year of paid maternity leave and then subsidize safe high quality child care after that. Of course the citizens pay high taxes which we deem as unacceptable. I think that families having to choose between financial stability and time with their children is unacceptable. I think this inflicts more harm on the people of this nation than we realize. Our poor health is not merely because we have bad eating habits. It is because basic needs are not met or met at the sacrifice of things that we hold sacred.