potty training advice

[flwrdrmgirl]

Right now I can't see the subjects for some reason, but I know I'm in the right area

...anyways, my DS just turned 3 yrs old and I would like to have him PT by my DDs bday. I know he's ready..he's gone poop in the potty several times and will go pee frequently, but most of the time it will depend on his 'mood' or what he's wearing (i.e. we started training w/nothing on, but then he didn't understand the 'pull up, pull down your pants concept after that, so now he wears underwear, pullups, diapers..you name it)

I've tried putting him on the potty every 15, 30 , 60 min. but he either fights it or says he doesn't have to go. I've tried the Jelly Belly beans , but that doesn't seem to motivate him enough, so now I've run out of ideas. What sort of consistency needs to happen here? I also don't want to keep nagging him to the point where he will rebel against me. Or is he just not completely ready? -robyn

[TayNRobbiesMom]

No advice but I am right there w/ ya. DD will be 3 in sept. we use panties (mommys too cheap for pullups and doesn't think they REALLY help.) and some days shell go all day w/o an accident other days its the total opposite....dont feel alone LOL.

[divea]

hi! Your son does not understand why he needs to be potty trained. So just make it a habit....I PT my kids from birth so my DD was completely trained by 9 months, and of course she had accidents but she realized that the toilet was the place to pee and potty just like mom cooks in the kitchen and we eat on the table. What you have to do is be pro-active. Instead of waiting for him to tell you, you give him the cue. That is about every half hour take him to the bathroom. If he needs to pee he will or he will pee the next time you take him. Give him a week. He will 'get it' that not having wet pants or diapers is fun and if he has an accident, just tell him its okay.

[kohlby]

No reward worked for my son. Neither did taking him to the bathroom every so many minutes. The only way I would be able to get him to sit on the toilet would have been to force him on it physically and sit on him - I wasn't going to do that! My son does have some sensory quirks so I think that played a part. He did end up with physical issues due to not wanting to poop on the toilet. He pee trained himself at 3.5, then regressed due to poop issues and re-pee trained just after 4. He wasn't poop trained until 4.5. It was a long difficult process and definately not the norm.

Have you tried giving up? Letting him know that you don't care if he uses the potty? It didn't work for me until my son was really ready. But maybe you'll have better luck.

[mfirst]

1) I found that I had to totally switch my son to underwear - pullups are just too absorbant and he didn't always realize he'd peed - even with the "cool alert"
2) It was inconvenient, but I had to let him have a couple of accidents before he knew what I had been saying - pee is for potty.
3) I had to make it a natural habit - every thirty minutes I would say - Are you going to run or hop (or other variation) into the bathroom. Giving him a choice helped in most cases. If he really resisted, I would simply try again 10 minutes later.
4) Gradually, I stretched the time between bathroom visits (getting up, after breakfast, before snack, after lunch, after nap...), but I find I still have to remind him b/c he gets too busy playing.

[flwrdrmgirl]

So far, I think the 'underwear only ' is the only way I'm going to get him to go to the potty. I do think about giving up because I REALLy don't want to pressure and nag him. I think he has enough going on from just turning 3 years old! On the other hand, I really don't want to go through another hot summer with DS in a big sweaty diaper with heat rash. (sorry for the TMI! hehe)
It's just hard preparing him in his underwear if I have to leave the house. He did have one poopy accident, but we were at his Mommy and Me class. Whew.

[kohlby]

If he's having some success with his underwear, then there's no harm in trying. My son hated wearing underwear to start with. And if he did, then he would freak out when the pee went running down his legs. I've heard they learn fast from this. He didn't. It stressed him out. If I did get him to sit on the toilet, nothing would come out. But the second he got up, the pee would come running onto the floor again. We didn't try leaving the house in underwear until he was actually fully potty trained. But, that happened in all of a day every time since he was finally ready.

[divea]

Please don't get stressed....going to the potty is more natural than walking around with a diaper filled with pee..just keeep the door to the toilet open when you go....once your kids see that whatever is happenning is natral, and mom and dad do it all the time they will so easily want to sit on the potty. i mean kids learn to eat coz they see us so they learn to potty by seeing us too. At least all the other living beings on earth teach their kids to eat, potty and fend by showing it to them....

[flwrdrmgirl]

This is a LONG sort of a vent and a dire need of help post:

Ok, I'm into the 2nd week, when I've heard some people say it takes a week, and they're potty trained. I think I am doing something wrong. I will apologize now to anyone who is going to get mad at me for getting frustrated and upset when my son has peed and pooped his pants. I'm sorry, but I don't like my hands with poop all over them while I'm rinsing his underwear in the toilet! Arrgh!

I'm not getting mad AT him, but at the fact that I have to clean it and he is going over and over again . I'm just trying to understand him and why he is doing this. And I am not your total germa-phobe either. But, the poop, I'm not handling very well. So far, he has not pooped in the toilet since our 'official' potty training session has begun. He has gone poo in the pot before while running around the house with no underwear on, but I had to change that advice b/c he didn't have the hang of pulling down his underwear to go pee, and would go straight through it.

I keep telling myself that I'm not going to get mad or upset, but when it happens over and over, I find myself heading in that direction. And then, I feel so bad afterwards b/c he is telling me, "I'm sorry momma." :(........... Mean mommy! boohoo. I think he is also in need of more 'Mommy Time' from me lately, so I'm guessing that is why one day he wasn't going pee in the pot at all. But, I was determined not to put on a PullUp.

Anyways, I am worried that he is going to be afraid to tell me when he pees or poops in his pants (b/c he has already not told me within the past couple days), when he usually always tells me when he goes ...until lately...or when he is playing, then he 'forgets'. I don't want him to get comfortable in his poop! I have a nephew who had bathroom issues until he was around 7 or 8 y/o! And I'm not sure if it was from my SIL yelling at him or what the prob was.

Are you supposed to tell them that poop is dirty and sticky? What are you supposed to do when this happens? I keep hearing different things from people. And I don't want to traumatize him from this experience. What 'tone' is everyone using? I want to be calm about this situation. Please, any specific advice?

[Mary_Mary]

If your son is peeing 'frequently' then perhaps his bladder isn't ready yet.

That was my experience with my daughter. I started trying with the potty when she was about 2 1/2 and even though she GOT the whole idea of the process she didn't always make it to the potty AND she was peeing frequently. She could not stay dry for more than about 45 minutes AT THE MOST. Plus, when she did use the potty there was only a small volume of urine in the potty chair...I measured it one time and it was about three tablespoons. I did a little research and found that her bladder capacity needed to be at least ten times that for her to be considered 'ready' to potty train.

Reminding her to use the potty regularly just made her mad. Even now she does NOT like it when I ask her if she needs to use the potty, such as before a long car trip.

So I gave up. I put her back in diapers and just waited.

Within about eight weeks I noticed two things...when she peed on the potty chair there was a MUCH larger volume of urine. AND when she was playing on the deck in just her swimsuit (no diaper under it) she was staying dry for well over an hour.

At that point I had to tell her that we had no diapers left and she would need to use the potty when she felt she needed to pee. I let her run around naked at home and she would use the potty as needed. Again, reminding her or urging her to use the potty backfired...she would just get mad at me and would refuse to sit on the potty to 'try'. (If she was naked and felt the need to poop she would go use the potty too...that actually started happening before her bladder was ready.)

I let her run around naked at home for several weeks and she rarely had an accident while naked. Transitioning to undies there were a few accidents, but I would remind her that if she felt like she needed to pee she would have to run fast to the potty and pull down her undies. I think she had one poop accident in undies and that was it. (I tried to wait to transition to undies until she'd been using the potty consistently for close to three weeks...that's how much time it takes a person to form a habit. My theory was that she would hopefully, by then, be in the habit of using the potty when she felt the need to pee so transitioning to underwear wouldn't be that big a deal.)

I'm so glad that I didn't persist with potty training when her bladder obviously wasn't ready yet. Going back to diapers didn't create any problems really, other than her being a little resistant to NOT wearing a diaper when I decided it was time, but all it took was hiding the diapers and telling her we were out of them.

If I have a least favorite aspect of parenting it's potty training. None of my kids has been 'easy' so far, although had I waited longer with my daughter perhaps she WOULD have been an 'easy' kid to train. I don't blame you for being frustrated. I went through a LOT with my boys. They were a nightmare to get trained.

Take a deep breath. Putting him back in diapers isn't the end of the world, especially if you determine that he's just not ready, emotionally or physically.

[Mary_Mary]

Oh, also, I used to reward my daughter with a few M&M's when she peed or pooped in the potty. Just a few, like four or five. A small reward that would only last a short time so she didn't get 'burnt out' on the reward and would still look forward to it.

The times when she would agree to sit and 'try' on the potty I usually read her a story too.

[Mary_Mary]

Oh, and we used to practice running to the potty and pulling down the undies once I started transitioning her to wearing undies. I would say, "Now, remember that you're wearing undies and have to pull them down to use the potty. Let's practice...run really fast but don't pull them down until you get to the potty.." Stuff like that. I can't remember if I rewarded her for practicing pulling down the undies or not, but that might be worth a try.

[Marysmom]

Does your son have regular bowel movements? I ask this because, my son didn't train until he was having a regular bowel movement everyday. He had been constipated and after months of trying special diets, we went to miralax. Once he was regular, he trained very quickly.

At first we did the bare-bottomed approach. And yeah, there were poop accidents everywhere. He hated making a mess. I would not get mad at him, but I would have him help me clean it up and put the poop in the potty where it belongs.

After a few days of this, he started getting agitated when he had to go poop. He seemed scared of pooping on the potty. He would go in and out of the bathroom saying he had to poop, but he wouldn't go. It was like he couldn't let go. Finally, the pooped on the potty and after a few days of doing this scared routine, he got the hang of it.

Only then did we introduce underwear. And of course he would poop and pee them. As long as he was naked, he would go in the potty, but if he had anything on him like underwear, he would have accidents.

Anytime he had an accident, I'd remind him of where the poop and pee went. Then take him to the toilet to sit on the potty. Pretty soon, he stopped having accidents in his underwear.

I'd say overall, it took about three weeks. And if I hadn't started him on the miralax, he'd still be in diapers for sure.

Good luck, and try and stay patient. If I were you, I'd go back to no underwear for a while.

[flwrdrmgirl]

Hi Mary_mary and Marysmom,
My DS is definitely 'ready' for potty training. He has held his pee for more than a couple hours with a good amount of pee going to the potty afterwards. And then there are the bad days where he kept going in his underwear for 6 times in a row! He has yet to poop on the potty, even though he HAS gone poop in the potty prior to our 'official' potty training session a few times already. And the Jelly Belly beans we are rewarding him with don't seem to be motivating him like I thought they would. DS doesn't even get candy on a regular basis either. It's frustrating.

Last Sat. was the first day of the 2nd week where we put him back in some Pullups b/c we went to my parents' house. And we had to go to a bday party on Sunday, so it's been between Pullups and underwear today. I'm beginning to worry that the inconsistency is going to confuse him? But, he still knows that when he's in underwear, that it's not going to hold his pee...of course, he is still 'forgetting' and going in his underwear, too. DS just seems TOO comfortable in his diapers/Pullups (and yes, I hate the Pullups. they are useless), and I get worried that he doesn't care if he's running around w/poop in his pants. He does go off in a 'special place' if he is going poop, so obviously he knows what's going on. Or is this from all the talk of going poop on the potty. BElieve me, we are not always nagging him w/an attitude and yelling at him to go poop on the potty, but we are reminding him about pooping on the potty, so I'm sure that is even TOO much to deal w/for a 3 y/o. One mother at his mommy class told me that her son took a year b/c they were having the same experience as I was. Great!

I know these are always long posts, but I'm having a difficult time with this and feeling guilty worrying that I'm causing him so much stress...and at the same time stressing myself out. I know someone else said not to give up, because he does have to learn somehow, but I'm going nuts b/c I expected it to last a week, I guess.

I think I may have to go back to leaving him pantless around the house, and some underwear. I do LOVE how it saving on so many diaper usage though! There's one positive!

[Mary_Mary]

If he DOES use the potty when going pantless around the house then definitely do that as much as possible!! That is what I did with my daughter and I continued with letting her go barebottomed as much as possible for as long as possible until I really felt like she was associating the 'urge' to go with running to the potty.

Now I'm sitting here wracking my brain trying to remember how things went with my boys because they were a nightmare to train. Seems like it took ages, but obviously not forever because they're 17 years old now and have been potty trained for a while!!

The only thing I can think that really got the message accross to my boys was the fact that they were not going to be able to start pre-school until they were potty trained. As a matter of fact, one of them had a huge poopy accident in his undies while we were on a visit to the pre-school and I think I may have made a big deal about how he wasn't going to be allowed to come to pre-school if he kept having accidents.

Seems like they were only JUST trained when they started attending pre-school...like they hadn't even really been consistently without accidents for ANY amount of time.

Wish I could remember better, but I think I've blocked that period of my life out a little!!!

[Wilcox03]

I know you've got a ton of replies and mine will probably just be the same as a lot out there, but I had to reply. ;)

I just started PT my daugther (25 mo) a week ago! We used just "big girl panties", no pull-ups. This allowed her to feel when she did go (her "messies") on herself, realize what was happening, and maybe grow to dislike the feeling of being wet. I had a lot of laundry the first 5 days, but she caught on quickly. When she pooped in her panties I would dump the contents into the toilet and tell her "maybe we can go poopie in the potty next time".
She has really surprised me in taking to it very well. She gets a kick out of just doing the flushing and being able to wash her hands with the "cool" foam soap. lol

In MY opinion, its their personality, YOUR patience and praise (making it a positive AND fun experience), timing on everyone's part, etc. A lot goes into it. But I think too, WE have to be the one to remind them "we need to go potty!", making it more of a reminder cuz they definitely get caught up in their play/fun/activities. With my daughter, we played with her stuffed animals, painted her toes, sang songs, things that she liked to do while sitting on the potty. We did that every 30 minutes at first all day long for 3 days straight. I tried to make sitting on her potty a fun thing, so she would want to sit their for a good 5 minutes or more (ended up being 15 min!) and want to go there cuz it meant FUN TIME! That got her to sit there. Getting her there...I would watch her like a hawk when she was playing and find her "ques" and when I saw her walking funny/dancing/not sitting still in one place I'd announce "potty time!" and literally rush her there to let her know "that feeling means we need to go to the potty" and maybe get it into her head that "this must be really important cuz mommy is rushing me there quit fast" lol. Stuff like that. I just tried to be relaxed, flexible, fun, patient, yet diligent and consistent on getting her to at least sit on the potty every 20-30 minutes at first. She held her pee good, so that our timing extended to every 90 minutes after 4 days. I think panties are best cuz they learn quickily, usually, and you will know what their "schedule" is for going potty cuz you'll know right away. ;) So perhaps it will allow you to get him to "go" when he REALLY needs to go and be able to feel the need?...you'll find his "groove". Best of luck!!!!

[flwrdrmgirl]

Thank you so much. Every bit always helps. I am still working on it! He really puts up a fight when we remind him to go poop on the potty. The other day at the store, he was screaming in the bathroom w/my DH when we were trying to get him to go pee after his nap. He absolutely refused, so I had to just put a diaper w/his underwear over them on him. I know it probably broke the 'system', but I couldn't deal w/it.

I've started school, and my husband doesn't seem to have a problem with him going in the potty WITHOUT much asking about it! So, it's me, I'm assuming...being impatient with him?. Yes, I feel bad . I do like the game idea and I will TRY VERY hard to make it a 'fun ' experience for him, but I hope that it's not too late to start anew. I have tried the 'let's hop or jump to the potty' (works depending on his mood), and the 'you have to be potty trained to go to school' b/c he always tells me that he wants to go to school (this seems to put some sort of thought into his head b/c he always gets quiet when I say this to DS). Basically, I think I am the problem and I need to just be calm. My fear is traumatizing the poor guy!

[Mary_Mary]

Honestly, I think my daughter did better once I STOPPED trying to remind her to go. She was REALLY resistant to me reminding her and asking her if she needed to go. It is SO hard to NOT remind them or stress about them making it on their own...but depending on the personality of your kid reminding them may just make things worse.

It's HARD to bite your tongue and NOT say anything, but some kids just get ticked off when you're asking them all the time about the potty.

It's very frustrating!