Chores/Responsibilities for 3.5 yr old?

[amyamy1973]

Yesterday my 3 1/2 yr old decided to tidy up her room all on her own. She did a decent job considering her age and even kind of made her bed (I finished it up for her.) She was so proud of herself that it made me think that she might be a ready for some regular little responsibilities around the house. She does help set the table for dinner -- in her own special way -- and clears her plate. But we don't sit down to famly dinners every night and I'm wondering if she could have daily duties. I thought she could start bringing in the mail everyday but she can't reach the mailbox!

What do you all think? Is she too young? Do you have suggestions for responsibilites for a pre-schooler? And if she starts doing more around the house does that mean she should get an allowance or something? Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and at this age we should just stick to having her pick up after herself...

[Stephanie]

Ds is 3 and he and his sister put the silverware away. It is not pefect, but they are helping. They also both help put folded laundry away.

I think right now, I would just encourage the helping.

[PeacefulMom]

I don't have a kid that age yet but my DS loves to help out already. he likes to help with the silverware and laundry putting away. He isn't quite into putting away toys yet, but we work on it. I think by 3 they could understand the concept of putting toys away at a certain point of the day like after dinner or before or something. Maybe you could give her a cloth to clean with and use a vinegar solution and a few days a week give her a small space to wipe clean. I knwo my DS likes to help me sweep and clean up his messes from the floor.

[amyamy1973]

Maybe you could give her a cloth to clean with and use a vinegar solution and a few days a week give her a small space to wipe clean.

That's a great idea! Thanks.

[flwrdrmgirl]

Omg, please give me more info on how to encourage this behavior w/out pushing the issue. I always expect instant gratification and I know that isn't going to happen. DS will not put away toys if I ask him to unless, I play the 'where do these go? Outside? In the fridge?etc..I don't think I get creative enough, so I just end up asking him to put his toys away, which of course the answer will be 'NO'.

DS will sometimes take his bowl to the sink, set the table, sweep(ok, there is the rare time where he will clean up toys on his own..once a month). Is it that all of you are constantly cleaning throughout the day when they are awake to watch you clean, whereas, I mostly tidy up after they are in bed.

Is there a special time to approach this?( eg. not hungry/tired, seems cooperative) Please share details! thank you.-robyn

[ima062002]

Rather than giving her chores you could involve her in your chore routine and let her help you. Ages ago kids worked alongside parents, not alone...

Alternatively, letting her chose a chore from a list every day gives her a bit more empowerment and will keep the interest in doing a chore more alive, rather than assigning one thing. And I'd pick a time in the day when she is likely NOT hungry or tired :).

[RedheadbyChoice]

My kids have all been doing chores about the house, from the time that they could walk. :) And with Connor, before he could walk.

[flwrdrmgirl]

Hmm, I love the 'chore list' idea. I know there is a way to encourage DS to help more. I think I just do too much for him?
It must be what you instill in your child. I see this mom and her toddler go through our recycle bins on trash day to collect cans, and I swear the little DS must've been 2 or 3 when I first would see them....he walks right along side her and HELPS her crush and gather the cans/plastic bottles! My DS would be running all over the place!

[hotlama]

help unload the dryer
help color sort dirty clothes
help pull weeds
help feed pets

buy a swiffer sweeper and take out the middle part of the handle so it is her size. Hook a washcloth to it and let her mop/sweep the floor.

[MammaJill]

DS is 5 and DD is 2.5 and they both help with sorting laundry (DS is more of an actual help in this LOL), putting away silverware, putting away their plastic dishes (they are in a low cabinet the kids have access to), picking up toys (this has to be somewhat directed still as in lets put away the cars first here, okay now the little people figures here, etc. with reminders that if mommy has to put them away they stay put away for the rest of the day), putting dirty clothes in the hamper, and feeding the dog.

[singin_mama]

Rather than giving her chores you could involve her in your chore routine and let her help you. Ages ago kids worked alongside parents, not alone...

Alternatively, letting her chose a chore from a list every day gives her a bit more empowerment and will keep the interest in doing a chore more alive, rather than assigning one thing. And I'd pick a time in the day when she is likely NOT hungry or tired :).


This.

All of my kids have helped out with chores since before they could walk. I would hold the little one and they would hold the towels or clothes that we were putting away. I would let them help me stir stuff we were cooking. And help mop.

As they got older they did more and I do find that even the older ones do better when working with me or with another older child. Wes (he'll be 3 in Aug) has been rinsing dishes for nearly a year, does a good job too! He can put away his own clothes, with supervision. He makes his bed, with some help still. He helps Emma (11 yo) take out the trash.

Make it as much fun as you can and give lots of genuine praise, praise for real accomplishment (which for one so young will be for anything that she does, especially if it is done without promting) Brag on her to others when she can hear you for what she has done and is able to do, that helps so much!

[SingingMom]

My 3 y.o. "helps" with the laundry. He opens the dryer door. He helps stuff clothes in there. I lift him up so he can turn it on. He measures the soap for the washer. He helps carry clothes to the washer.

Then he walks off and says "Thanks for your help with the laundry, Mom. Good job" LOL.

I admit, doing the laundry with his help takes longer than doing it by myself. But it's worth it.

He also helps unload the dishwasher (he's helping his older siblings with that one.)

He helps bring in the newspaper. He helps take out the recycling.

He fetches things for whomever is setting the table. (This has taught the older children to be patient with a preschooler, so it's a double whammy.)

I bought an extra swiffer broom and put it together minus a piece or two so it's the right length for him. He helps sweep. He helps dust. He helps pick up toys and put dirty laundry in the basket.

[singin_mama]

Then he walks off and says "Thanks for your help with the laundry, Mom. Good job" LOL.




:D Kids are so cute!

[flwrdrmgirl]

OMg! YOur stories are amazing and inspiring. Now, I am just guilty and blaming myself. I feel so lazy, thus, maybe my DS acts that way too??!! OUr place is cluttered...between the dishes and the laundry..it's out of control. We have also grown out of our small duplex. I go to school M-Th for 5 hours a day, and study (if I'm not so tired) when the kids go to bed...but, first I usually try to clean up toys.

I will try to involve DS more. When we do ask him to pick up toys , it is usually a commanding tone..and I've also tried, "where does this go? in the bathtub?" and that works, but I do need more patience and creative actions. He has replied, " No, mommy." or it's just a plain struggle . Since I am emotionally and physically drained at the end of the evening, then that is even more reason to try and get DS to help me!

I've seen chores done w/larger families, so why not with my family of 4?! He does like the vacuum and playing in the kitchen sink. Where should I start?!-Robyn

[RedheadbyChoice]

I've seen chores done w/larger families, so why not with my family of 4?! He does like the vacuum and playing in the kitchen sink. Where should I start?!-Robyn

Start small, with the toys. I've found that it's best to be VERY specific. Okay, Son, Momma is going to pick up the blocks. Your job is the the trucks. Let's count them! My smaller ones did the best for me when I worked right along with them.

Setting or helping to clear the table is also an easy one to incorporate. Or, asking him to take stuff to the laundry.

[singin_mama]

Start small, with the toys. I've found that it's best to be VERY specific. Okay, Son, Momma is going to pick up the blocks. Your job is the the trucks. Let's count them! My smaller ones did the best for me when I worked right along with them.

Setting or helping to clear the table is also an easy one to incorporate. Or, asking him to take stuff to the laundry.

My thoughts exactly. Little ones don't usually work unless you are right there with them. Remember to keep it fun and speak in a kind, cheerful way so that it is more like playing than work.

[SingingMom]

Focus on the positive. "Alright, I finally have a chance to clean this up! I love living in a tidy house. Wow, this looks nice!"

I choose my clean up times carefully, as well. I often ask the kids to pick up while I serve dessert. This is highly motivating. Or we don't watch our movie (Friday is movie day) until the living room is picked up.

We always do laundry first thing in the morning, right after my run. This is a happy time for me and the 3 year old. My older kids need more time to wake up, so I don't ask them to do chores until a little later in the day. I give the older kids some control over their chores and times- "Would you like to do the dishes now or after lunch? Which one of you wants to sweep and who wants to vacuum?"

And consider, if you're going to school full time and taking care of kids, you're modeling some great things right there. Don't beat yourself up for not do everything right, right now. You are teaching them how important education is to you, and modeling study habits. Even little ones get a great deal from the example you're living...

[flwrdrmgirl]

Focus on the positive. "Alright, I finally have a chance to clean this up! I love living in a tidy house. Wow, this looks nice!"

I choose my clean up times carefully, as well. I often ask the kids to pick up while I serve dessert. This is highly motivating. Or we don't watch our movie (Friday is movie day) until the living room is picked up.

And consider, if you're going to school full time and taking care of kids, you're modeling some great things right there. Don't beat yourself up for not do everything right, right now. You are teaching them how important education is to you, and modeling study habits. Even little ones get a great deal from the example you're living...

Thanks for the motivation! I know I am such a worrywart! My negativity is coming across in my parenting sometimes and that is THE worst. I just have no patience and keep wondering if boys are harder..when I thought they were easier? I hate to use the word 'lazy' , but sometimes I think DS acts this way, and then I have to remember he's only 3!

It's reading the other 'chore' posts in here, that makes me compare my DS to others and wondering if I'm doing something wrong or being 'lazy' myself. (see, worrywart)

I did find another way to make clean up fun...by saying 'how fast can you put the toys away?' or 'let's do put the toys away super fast. faster! '

[RedheadbyChoice]

Sugar, this is where we all get into trouble; comparing ourselves to others.

What works for one family won't for another, it's a fact of life. My older girls have more responsibility than other girls their ages, simply because we have Connor in the house. It's neither good nor bad, IMO, it's just the way it is and the way our family works.

My MIL hates it that my girls have chores and responsibilities and that I hold them accountable to so many things. She thinks I have them do too much, but then again, she did every.single.farking.thing for her kids, when they were at home. Hell, even now she does too much for them, as they're grown adults with families of their own. But, DH and I are in 110% agreement on what our kids do about the house, and that's all that matters.

[Mary_Mary]

Some of the best advice I ever got was from my aunt. Her youngest is about five years older than my boys and one day she said, "Take my advice...start INSISTING that your kids help out around the house from an early age because if you wait until you feel that they are 'old enough' to help out then they're going to fight you every step of the way because they (insert whiney voice here) 'never had to do that before'."

That very day I went home and made my boys (4 or 5 at the time) start helping unload the dishwasher.

Now I'm going to explain the 'evolution' of chores and kids.

I started out just having the boys do some very specific things. When I was unloading the dishwasher one of them had to unload the silverware and the other unloaded the plastic cups and bowls and stuff that were kept in a lower cabinet where they could access them. Anything that was stored high up or was breakable I would put away.

The first day I asked them to do this it probably took half the morning of yelling, threatening, taking away the TV, etc. to get them to actually DO the task. I might be exagerating slightly...it might not have taken HALF the morning...but suffice to say that that first day was NOT pretty. It was pure hell. It absolutely would have been easier to simply do the job myself, but I took my aunts advice to heart and stuck to my plan.

Day two...almost as bad as day one. They were still REALLY resistant to helping.

Day three...STILL almost as bad as day one.

Day four...I think they at least came when I called but still whined constantly about helping.

Day five...I don't remember exactly what day it got better, but before too much longer it actually DID!!! When I called them they would just come and do the task. I know that they went from bitter complaints one day to simply getting the heck on with it the next.

And to this day they still unload the dishwasher, but this is how the responsibility evolved.

First they each had their little 'area' to unload and I think they switched off every time we unloaded.

Once they were proficient at that and were a little taller and more able to handle breakable stuff I started having them each unload one of the racks. One the upper, the other the lower. I think I might still have been unloading certain items, but they were now responsible for more of the task. Again, we switched off on what they were responsible for each time the task needed done.

When we moved to this house our kitchen was set up in a way that having two people working on the dishwasher just wasn't feasible, so I began having ONE person do the job each time, again taking turns each time it needed done. By then they were 10.

Eventually we started switching off the task on a daily basis. (And remember that along with the dishwasher I was having them do other tasks as well, like helping with laundry, so the days that they didn't do dishwasher they would have other responsibilities.)

Probably five years ago we started switching the task list weekly, so now one boy will be responsible for the dishwasher (and a specific list of other chores) on a weekly basis.

I used to have to remind them to unload the dishwasher. I was absolutely ecstatic the morning that I was lying in bed and heard the unmistakable sounds of the dishwasher being unloaded without me even telling him to do it!!! I still have to tell them to go do it on occasion, but they will often get it done without me telling them. We've also added reloading the dishwasher to the task list.

It's been a long road, but it all started with me INSISTING that the boys help, despite the initial resistance (and along the way as well!!!)