Sister nursing and needs help

[Shaunsmom]

My sister is nursing her DD. DD is almost 4 months old.

My sister is a SAHM (single mom, by the way...none of the daddies are around to help support her in any way) to four beautiful children ranging in age from the almost 4 months to 11 years old.

Sister is having nursing issues.

#1. Still drinks alcohol in moderation. Although I don't know how much her daily use has gone down to.

#2. Limits the amount of time the baby is nursing on each side. Sister is convinced that after "x" amount of minutes, that side is empty.

#3. Because she thinks she is empty (and then thinks baby is not getting enough), she began to feed her solids. Now the next thing is that the baby is constipated. I tell her very assertively that the AAP recommendations for starting solids is at least 6 months plus the other indicators not just age.

#4. Doesn't have a good nursing or bottle relationship with baby yet. When sister is lazy and doesn't want to nurse (or pump her missed nursing session), she will feed the baby formula from a bottle. No, I know formula feeding is just fine. The thing is that the baby is now too smart and doesn't want ANYTHING to do with a bottle or formula.

#5. Back to her self diagnosed "low" supply...I've suggested that she began to eat oatmeal daily, try to pump on the side she's not nursing on, nurse/nurse/nurse ON DEMAND, and she's just not listening to me.

So, I figure, since she won't listen to me. (and maybe I do come off as a know it all, sorry. I'm not a know it all but I do keep myself very informed on bfing) Maybe there were some suggestions you all might have to help her.

She is a WIC client and has access to their free lactation services. For whatever reason, she is choosing not to seek help and I think it's affecting her baby. mind you, she does have a misdemeanor child neglect charge on her record already.

What can I do or say to help her want to help herself? I feel so bad for the baby. She is suffering from her mother's laziness to seek help. I am not comfortable calling in any anonymous tip on her. If her kids would get taken away (again)...it would be up to me and DH to care for her four kids plus our two.

I'm lost, please help suggest some things I can tell her or what I can do to help her nursing relationship become stronger with her baby. TIA:)

[Tweet]

I don't think you can make someone listen to you, sorry. If she doesn't want the help, I don't see what else you can do :(

[HammBugga]

You can't. Sorry, I have heard all of that before. Pretty soon she won't be nursing at all. At least she nursed some.

[nikkifaith]

I erased a very bitchy comment. Someone pat my back.

[HammBugga]

If it wasn't in response to my comment then :: pat ::

[nikkifaith]

LMAO. No worries there, Hamm.

[Tweet]

Well, now I want to know what the bitchy comment was!

[Shaunsmom]

Yes, please post the bitchy comment. If it was in response to my original posting, I'm not offended in the least.

My sister says she wants to nurse and asks me for help, then doesn't follow thru with what I advise her to try out.

I want to be the best help I can be to my sister and my niece. No, I know I can't "make" her do anything but the situation just sucks really.

[tata]

Honestly, I agree with those first two responses.

If you are sincere in wanting to help your sister with a successful BFing relationship, I would offer up help with chores and other household duties like cooking and shopping so that she has no "excuse" to not lay up in bed for a 2-3 day nurse-in, which is prolly what she ought to try if her supply is dipping. You could also offer her some information from the AAP or various other credible sources that nursing is a supply and demand process and that the less she nurses, the less milk her breasts will make. Other than that, it truly sounds like you are already doing everything to help her succeed. If she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it and you or anyone else cannot make her. It's really super awesome of you to try and I personally wish that I had someone - anyone! - nearby who is so supportive of BFing.

[samiam]

I would also link her to our site. I don't think a call is warranted at this point if she is just being lazy and giving the baby formula, no matter how much the baby doesn't want it. If there is more to the story, neglect, then I would call. FWIW, you do NOT have to take the kids in if they were taken away.

[RedheadbyChoice]

There's nothing in your post that would warrant a call to CPS. Though breastmilk is better than formula, it's certainly not NEGLECT to feed baby formula.

And like others have said, if she won't listen, she won't. It sounds like you've given her good information, but what she does with it is up to her.

[Tweet]

Oh, I missed that little gem. You would consider calling an anonymous tip on her because she's using formula? That has to be one of the more asinine things I've heard, sorry. It's really not your business if she doesn't breast feed.

[samiam]

Oh, I missed that little gem. You would consider calling an anonymous tip on her because she's using formula? That has to be one of the more asinine things I've heard, sorry. It's really not your business if she doesn't breast feed.

I'm assuming there may be more to the story. The OP says she has already been charged once.

[nikkifaith]

And those are totally seperate issues, Sam.

Yes, my comment was regarding the call to CPS for formula feeding. Asinine will suffice, thanks, tweet.

[Shaunsmom]

Wow, who was going to call CPS for formula feeding?? Not me. The formula feeding not my concern. If you misinterpreted what I posted as saying that I was calling CPS for her formula feeding, that is wrong. Both Tweet and Nikkifaith, I can see you both assumed that I was going to call CPS cuz my sister is formula feeding.

I don't really care what someone else chooses to feed their baby...it's their baby, their choice.

If my sister is drinking alcohol (and not pumping and dumping) and then nursing her baby, that causes concern.

The baby does not want to drink anything from a bottle, let alone formula. If she's not nursing and the baby is refusing a bottle, then the baby is not getting anything.

The baby does eat some solids from my understanding, so it's not like the baby is starving. Baby does appear to be very underweight to both my and my younger sister. We could be wrong. But the baby does appear to be neglected.

[nikkifaith]

If you truly think there is a baby being neglected, you should report it no matter who the parents are. I'm glad you clarified that you weren't calling based on feeding choices alone.

[Tweet]

Yes, I am also glad for the clarification. And I agree with Nikki.

[camille97]

If my sister is drinking alcohol (and not pumping and dumping) and then nursing her baby, that causes concern.

The baby does not want to drink anything from a bottle, let alone formula. If she's not nursing and the baby is refusing a bottle, then the baby is not getting anything.

The baby does eat some solids from my understanding, so it's not like the baby is starving. Baby does appear to be very underweight to both my and my younger sister. We could be wrong. But the baby does appear to be neglected.



First of all, you don't have to pump and dump if you drink alcohol. I wish people would look this up before posting it like it came out of the breastfeeding bible. As long as she's not getting drunk, her breastmilk is fine. However, drinking alcohol can inhibit let down and decrease milk production (that would be my concern since your sister thinks she has a problem in that area already).

Secondly, even if a baby appears to be underweight, she could just grow more slowly than other babies. As long as she's staying in the same percentiles, she is not FTT.

ds grew slowly like that, but always stayed in the same percentiles (always the 25% for both height and weight) and gradually got bigger. He is just now in the 50% at age four. He still looks skinny. He's also a tough little guy, so I'm guessing he has a lot of muscle.

How is the baby being neglected? Does she let her sit in her crib all day in a dirty diaper? We need more info. IMO, what you posted doesn't sound like neglect. Just sounds like a overbearing sibling trying to take over everything. Let me guess, you are older than your sister?

[camille97]

oh, and ds fits 2 and 3T clothes in the waist still, and 5s (waist is big) for height.

[vulturemom]

First of all, you don't have to pump and dump if you drink alcohol. I wish people would look this up before posting it like it came out of the breastfeeding bible. As long as she's not getting drunk, her breastmilk is fine. However, drinking alcohol can inhibit let down and decrease milk production (that would be my concern since your sister thinks she has a problem in that area already).

Secondly, even if a baby appears to be underweight, she could just grow more slowly than other babies. As long as she's staying in the same percentiles, she is not FTT.

ds grew slowly like that, but always stayed in the same percentiles (always the 25% for both height and weight) and gradually got bigger. He is just now in the 50% at age four. He still looks skinny. He's also a tough little guy, so I'm guessing he has a lot of muscle.

How is the baby being neglected? Does she let her sit in her crib all day in a dirty diaper? We need more info. IMO, what you posted doesn't sound like neglect. Just sounds like a overbearing sibling trying to take over everything. Let me guess, you are older than your sister?


Great post! My kids were/are the same way they all were about 10th percentile for both hight and weight up until they quit doing percentiles with them.