negative opinions on breastfeeding

[Elizabethdaisy]

Ladies how do you deal with other people negative opinions about breastfeeding? What do you do or say back?

[gobucks1013]

I fortunatelty haven't ever had anyone express their negative opinions of BFing to my face. I suppose my reaction would depend a little bit on who is saying what to me. If it's family or close friends, I'd be a little less inclined to tell them to F-off and mind their own beeswax. I might actually take the opportunity to dig a bit deeper as to why they feel the way they do. Often times, people's negative opinions about BFing are based on misconception. Perhaps if you can clear up the misconception, and educate your family/friends, they will have a change of heart. :)

Strangers? That's a whole different ball-game, IMO. If a stranger has the balls to make a negative remark to me about BFing my child, I'd likely tell 'em to go F themselves. ;)

[Joyto5]

Usually, I don't offer any information. If I'm asked lately if I'm still Breastfeeding, I say "Heavens NO! Why would I still be breastfeeding when I'm old enough to have a breastfeeding baby of my own?" It's usually shocking enough and/or confusing enough to end the conversation right then!

[RedheadbyChoice]

Bite me works. :)

Seriously, though, it depends on from whom the comments are coming. Meredith is baby #4, I think people have realized that to give me shit about nursing is NOT the best idea. ;)

Honestly, though, I really don't give a damn what other people think about it. My baby, my boobs, my business. I know that I'm doing what's best for my baby, I have the research to back it up, and it all boils down to I'M THE MOMMA! I can be pleasant as pie or I can also be the biggest bitch you've ever seen........and polite in both instances.

Who's giving you shit, sugar? Or who do you anticipate will be flinging poo at you about it?

[ima062002]

What comments are you thinking of exactly? I have comebacks for different things and to different people.

When my mom asks if I am STILL bf'ing I will say "why do you aks, you didn't like my answer the last time"

If someone says bf is gross I might say something like "it's what they are meant to do; it's really a shame that society is so warped and makes people believe that breasts are just for sex. We wouldn't even have them were it not for the way we are supposed to feed our babies".

Or the short version "I am so sorry" and if they ask why "for your (future) babies; that they(ll) miss(ed) out on getting the best food and the special closeness it brings about". If they don't ask I will say the second part silently in my head :).

If it is a person who is close to me who I am bound to see on a regular basis and this is a recurrent thing I'd tell them outright "I know how you feel, no need to repeat it. I'd like to come to an agreement that we are not going to discuss this anymore."

If someone had an issue with my nursing in front of them or their kids, I would chose not to see that person for the time I am bf'ing.

[Elizabethdaisy]

Well last night I was talking to my mom on the phone. Most of you know the stuff I go through with my mom but I still talk to her every once in awhile she's my mom I cant help it. Anyways I was telling her why I didn't want to be put on meds for morning sickness and I said they are not safe for breastfeeding. She says you are still breastfeeding, Good God that's so gross Michelle. Then she goes to tell me that it's not love it's that I am not letting my kids be indepent and I am doing it for myself. She then tells me I need professional help. I feel so low to the ground now and I don't know what to say. I told her I love my kids and want the best for them. I need a nice way to tell her to stop bringing it up and drop it.

[Elizabethdaisy]

My husbands mother use to say it's not right after one. Well I never said a thing about it to her, now that Kyler is 13 months she says she is proud of me for making it this far and good for me. I am glad she was polite about it now why can't my own mom.

[gobucks1013]

I'm sorry ED. I don't know the history b/t you and your mom, but it sounds like your mom just really doesn't understand. Unfortunately, some people are so stuck in their own ways and opinions, there's nothing you can say or do to change their mind. Perhaps her rude comments stem from some of the other troubles plaguing your relationship with her? Perhaps she is jealous? Who knows what her reasons are. If she isn't going to be supportive of you and your parenting choices, it may be best to limit her further involvement with your family right now. :hug:

[RedheadbyChoice]

ED-----you need to tell you mother to shut up every now and again. Seriously. :hug: She does not respect you or your parenting. If it were me, I'd not even share things with her that gives her ammo to smack at you. Like the business about the meds; I would not have even shared that, because you knew EXACTLY where it was going, as soon as she opened her mouth.

When a cactus pokes my finger EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.I.TOUCH.IT., I stop touching the damn thing. :D

How about making a list of 'safe' topics that you can discuss with your mother? I'm hard pressed, though, beyond the weather, because she's criticized you about everything from what you feed or don't feed them, to where they sleep or don't sleep.

*sigh*

I'm sorry she's such a beast to you, sugar. You deserve better than that. Do you have a good relationship with MIL?

[Daisy]

Honestly, for me, it's called Closet Breastfeeding. For those relatives that are going to be that agressively negative, it's not worth my time to try to educate them. If they don't live close-by enough to see me nursing my babe first hand then they don't even need to know.

[Elizabethdaisy]

Well truthfully I didn't see it going badly, I thought she knew. She asked about why I didn't go to the dr I told her the truth. Well we are planning to go to my sister's this weekend and I am bond to see her, so I just need some words polietly to see to her if she says anything again. I don't want to go off on her like I would normally trying not to do that.

[Elizabethdaisy]

Oh yeah, Red I love my mother in law she is the best. That's another reason she lives 2 minutes away from us. She is so great to us and the kids.

[RedheadbyChoice]

Mom, I don't want to discuss this with you; we'll simply have to agree to disagree on this.

[carterandcalliesmom]

I am so sorry your mom treats you like shit ED - HUGS!
My mom feels the same way, but tells other people- like my 7 year old niece - then my niece says to me one day, you know, Callie is old enough to be on a bottle!! My mom has made comments in restaurants that it is disgusting to bfeed while she is TRYING to eat! Honestly, I think my mom's issue is that she had been abused as a child and so maybe that is why she equates bfeeding as something sexual - who knows, it really isn't worth trying to figure out. I know it is hard to accept though because it IS your mom.

[KatieLou]

My MIL is negitive about my bfing past a year,(and everything else I do lol.) and "tries" to bring it up often. Last time she did I told her that the issue was not up for disscussion, that it was DS's desicion to decide when to stop nursing.

[Elizabethdaisy]

I like what you said Katie Lou. She brings it up again, that;s what I am going to say.

[Elizabethdaisy]

I am so sorry your mom treats you like shit ED - HUGS!
My mom feels the same way, but tells other people- like my 7 year old niece - then my niece says to me one day, you know, Callie is old enough to be on a bottle!! My mom has made comments in restaurants that it is disgusting to bfeed while she is TRYING to eat! Honestly, I think my mom's issue is that she had been abused as a child and so maybe that is why she equates bfeeding as something sexual - who knows, it really isn't worth trying to figure out. I know it is hard to accept though because it IS your mom.


Thanks hun. Yeah my mom never breastfed us so she doesn't know alot about it and she has always been negative about it. Feeding him again uhhh yeah he's hungry. Everyone in my family thinks boobs are for sexual and that disgusts me to no end. I have tried to educate them and they dismiss it. My mom is the worse she just keeps bringing it up to annoy me probably. I am trying not to over react and just not argue with her.

[RedheadbyChoice]

ED---and I say this gently because I do really like you, but how about cultivating even MORE of a relationship with your MIL, vs. your own biological mother? Could you also get the lovies you desire and need from her, too?

[RedheadbyChoice]

Exactly, quit discussing it with her.

I like Patricia's answer, about 'you didn't like my answer last time, so let's not go there'. That gives YOU the power.

[RedheadbyChoice]

Also, you cannot educate those who are not receptive.

[nowinteknicolor]

My MIL is very negative about breastfeeding. She always has some comment to make about it, mostly to my husband. She feels there is no need for me to be breastfeeding my daughter still (she's only 3 months!) especially if I plan to go back to work because formula is exactly the same. She also views breastfeeding as a "bodily function" and will not allow me to feed with her in the room (even at my own house), she thinks nobody should ever see me breastfeeding, and breastfeeding in front of my toddler is borderline abuse. ugh, i could go on and on. But in all honesty, I"m a big wuss when it comes to confrontation, in my head I have so many snappy responses and great medical information, but when push comes to shove, I just can't bring myself to say anything. I hide up in the bedroom to feed our daughter when she's over. Oh, and then she tells my husband I might have postpartum deppression because I'm isolating myself by staying in the bedroom when family is visiting. :(

[Elizabethdaisy]

There is no way I would in my own home go to another room. I think you need to say something to her or atleast to hubby to say something to her. I am sorry.

[CaptHeather]

nowintecknicolor-

The next time your MIL tells you she will not allow you to nurse in front of her in your own home, you need to tell her "Okay, I'll see you later then" and whip out the boob and let her leave. It's your home darnit!

ED -
Simply tell your mom "We disagree on this topic and since we won't ever agree, I'm not willing to discuss it with you." Rinse and repeat as necessary. Even if you repeat yourself 10 times or more in a row. Eventually she'll get bored of trying to have a conversation you're not having.

[Elizabethdaisy]

Thanks Capt Heather, sounds like a great idea.

[dodoe80]

I'm sorry you guys are going through this. My mother only bf us for the first 6 weeks. She would say that she bf us so we could get the imunities, so growing up I thought that there was no reason to bf longer than 6 weeks. I have two older sisters that bf a child for 6 weeks as well. The first one went on PPD meds and stopped bf then. My other sister was in the military and said that there wasn't a place for her to pump after she was off of maternity leave. I later found out that both never resolved latching issues that they had. (That was a motivator for me to continue to try and bf.) My MIL on the other hand bf her two boys for two years. So needles to say that I go to her when I want insparation/encouragement when it comes to BF matters.

I have no Idea how my mother will take the news that I want to bf for at least two years. Though if she does say something negative about it I will tell her:

"I worked to hard at breastfeeding to stop now."

[CaptHeather]

dodoe-
If your mom would be amenable to listening to reasoning, I would tell her that the American Association of Pediatricians recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST one full year, and that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding to at least two. So you're going to follow that expert advice and keep breastfeeding your children as long as its working for them and you.

With reasonable critics, I've gotten great results with this sort of calm explanation. I only resort to greater measures if they won't give it up.

[gobucks1013]

My MIL is very negative about breastfeeding. She always has some comment to make about it, mostly to my husband. She feels there is no need for me to be breastfeeding my daughter still (she's only 3 months!) especially if I plan to go back to work because formula is exactly the same. She also views breastfeeding as a "bodily function" and will not allow me to feed with her in the room (even at my own house), she thinks nobody should ever see me breastfeeding, and breastfeeding in front of my toddler is borderline abuse. ugh, i could go on and on. But in all honesty, I"m a big wuss when it comes to confrontation, in my head I have so many snappy responses and great medical information, but when push comes to shove, I just can't bring myself to say anything. I hide up in the bedroom to feed our daughter when she's over. Oh, and then she tells my husband I might have postpartum deppression because I'm isolating myself by staying in the bedroom when family is visiting. :(

This just absolutely blows my mind! I think this may be the same situation I already commented on in a different thread. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. She would most certainly NOT be welcome under my roof with her opinions. I think you should totally bust out the boob the next time she is there. What is she going to do? Physically stop you? I don't think so. If she doesn't like it, she's welcome to leave. Period. End of discussion. Good bye.

I hope someday you muster up enough courage to tell her to STFU.

[Beautifuldisaster2003]

i really just put them on ignore. if said person keeps on and on then i just tell them, this is what works for us and this is what we as parents know what is best.

[Beautifuldisaster2003]

nowintecknicolor-

The next time your MIL tells you she will not allow you to nurse in front of her in your own home, you need to tell her "Okay, I'll see you later then" and whip out the boob and let her leave. It's your home darnit!

ED -
Simply tell your mom "We disagree on this topic and since we won't ever agree, I'm not willing to discuss it with you." Rinse and repeat as necessary. Even if you repeat yourself 10 times or more in a row. Eventually she'll get bored of trying to have a conversation you're not having.


its great seeing you again capt heather

[Jacksmommy]

My MIL objects to nursing babies older than a few months old. Jack wanted to nurse when we were at her house the other day, and she's said for along time now that he's "too big" for that now. I nursed him. She made a face. I ignored her.

It's kind of funny but my sister lately has really been pushing for me to wean Jack lately. She nursed all of her kids for a year. She keeps saying "but he's 3!" - as if I might not know how old my child is. I sent her an article on the natural age for weaning.

[KatieLou]

Also, you cannot educate those who are not receptive.


Right on. That is why I have fianlly gave up tring to educate MIL about bfing, or food allergies, or anything for that matter. If she does not want "to get it" she just won't.

[KatieLou]

nowintecknicolor-

The next time your MIL tells you she will not allow you to nurse in front of her in your own home, you need to tell her "Okay, I'll see you later then" and whip out the boob and let her leave. It's your home darnit!

ED -
Simply tell your mom "We disagree on this topic and since we won't ever agree, I'm not willing to discuss it with you." Rinse and repeat as necessary. Even if you repeat yourself 10 times or more in a row. Eventually she'll get bored of trying to have a conversation you're not having.


You go gal! BTW nice to see you Capt. Heather. How are ya?

[nowinteknicolor]

I know I know, I've literally played it out in my head a hundred times, I just want to put her in her place, tell her off and breastfeed my daughter wherever I damn well please. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it, she makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, especially when she commented on how disturbed she was that I would do something like that in front of my toddler, he's only 22 months and I still shower with him (let's hope she never finds that out). I wish I had the guts to fight back.

[Jacksmommy]

You don't have to fight. You can be very sweet about it. You just really do need to stand your ground. You can say,"Dear MIL, I know bfing makes you uncomfortable, but sweetums here is hungry so I guess you can find your way out because I'm going to nurse her right now and right here."

[SingingMom]

Snort.

She'd better not come over here. We don't shut the door to the bathroom; it's more important to us to keep track of what the little kids are doing than to preserve our modesty from preschoolers. And I'm still nursing a three year old.

And I'll shower with any of the children, if it's what will get everyone showered and dressed in time.

[Beautifuldisaster2003]

Well last night I was talking to my mom on the phone. Most of you know the stuff I go through with my mom but I still talk to her every once in awhile she's my mom I cant help it. Anyways I was telling her why I didn't want to be put on meds for morning sickness and I said they are not safe for breastfeeding. She says you are still breastfeeding, Good God that's so gross Michelle. Then she goes to tell me that it's not love it's that I am not letting my kids be indepent and I am doing it for myself. She then tells me I need professional help. I feel so low to the ground now and I don't know what to say. I told her I love my kids and want the best for them. I need a nice way to tell her to stop bringing it up and drop it.


im sorry Ed that she treats you like that. if i were you i would stop talking to her. all she does is bring you down,and has nothing nice to say. i agree with red and ima too.
keep your head up love.

[CaptHeather]

Hi gals. I'm doing well but tired. Glad the map's gone. ;)

Beautifuldisaster, I don't recognize the name, were you someone else of has my mommy brain destroyed another important memory?

[CaptHeather]

You don't have to fight. You can be very sweet about it. You just really do need to stand your ground. You can say,"Dear MIL, I know bfing makes you uncomfortable, but sweetums here is hungry so I guess you can find your way out because I'm going to nurse her right now and right here."


I agree with this, nitc (dang, I can't figure out how to shorten that). It's only a fight if you fight with her. Don't let it be a fight, just tell her that if she is uncomfortable with you breastfeeding, you will be understanding of her need to leave. There is no argument, it's your home. If you get argumentative with her, it implies that she somehow has say in this. Just be calm, cool, and collected. State facts. Don't try to fight and persuade her to see your brilliance. Just be clear and firm that it's your house and this is how it will be done.