Is this normal? (deciding to have another child)

[haleysmom]

I always knew I wanted more than one child. I would like a lot of children. My fiance originally said just Haley. I knew that he was just saying that, and it would be a matter of time until he wanted another.

We are now both on board for having another child.... at some point in the future.

I just can't get over the overwhelming guilt that my time will be split away from Haley. We are attached at the hip 24/7 and I feel so guilty at the thought of having another baby. I know she would love a sibling.... but everytime I think about it.... I just feel guilty.

Is this normal? Is it just because of her age? (she will be 2 in a few weeks)

TIA

[Wolverine]

I think it's normal. DD2 is 2 months old now and I still feel guilty that I can't give dd1 everything that I used to. She's 2.5 years old and a baby in a lot of ways. It's hard, but, overall we are quite happy. I think deciding on child spacing is hard.

[curiouslurker]

I would say its very normal. I think once it happens evrything will be fine and you will wonder how it was before another. :)

[Elizabethdaisy]

I felt the same way when deciding for another after Kyleigh. But in the end in worked out great. Good luck.

[whitnessforhim]

I was too wondering how normal those feelings are because I feel the same exact way when I think about having another child. Sometimes to the point that it makes me cry. Will my DD still feel special?!? How can I love someone else as much as I love her?!? I can't stand the thought that she won't get all my love and attention!! Won't she feel pushed aside or replaced?!
I don't know if this is all logical or rational...but I understand how youre feeling.
If it were up to me I'd be happy with just one child. However, in our case its my DH that wants more children. If it was up to him we'd probably have 5.

[Mary_Mary]

Not only do I think it's totally normal, I think it's also normal to continue to have concerns once you ARE pregnant again!!

Even though I was totally certain that I wanted more kids, and had waited a long time to HAVE more kids and had had fertility issues too, when I was pregnant with my third child I still went through a few times of 'WHAT was I thinking? My first two are fairly self-sufficient, they don't throw fits in public...and now I'm going to be starting all over!!'

It was always a passing feeling, easily dispelled by reminding myself that I DID want more kids and that if I didn't HAVE more kids I would regret it later.

Even when I was pregnant with my last...after three miscarriages and undergoing IVF to even GET pregnant...I still had some moments of, "HOW will I cope with a new baby?"

Things work out. You just have to keep your eye on the long term goal in situations like that and don't let the short term issues (won't have as much time for the first baby) undermine your ultimate goal.

[Oakenfoldgrl]

I know exactly how you feel. DS2 and I are SO close. We co-slept, breastfed, I stayed at home with him from the minute he was born and we haven't been separated for more than a few hours since the day he was born. I'm very nervous about bringing in another baby (and in just a few days, hours, who knows LOL!) just because of how attached we are.

I tell myself all the time that people have children close together in age (we weren't planning on this baby coming as soon as she did) and that Cohen will do just fine. The one thing I am glad about is his older siblings who he will play with for a bit here and there. I think, in the end, it all works out. I know splitting your time is hard, but I think regular mommy and daughter/son days are a great idea and I plan to start that once this baby comes with all my DC's (this will be #4 for us) and I think that they will have fun with the one on one time and there won't be such an issue.

[Prisca]

Parental guilt of most any kind seems to be completely normal.

I see people who feel guilty for having only one, and others feeling guilty for "dividing" thier love and attention. Both normal, but both also not anything we should really let get to us. There is no such thing as the "perfect" family.

[joshsmom]

Totally normal. I darn near panicked as Leah's due date approached and I watched how attached Josh is to me and "our little life". Every kid is different, but Josh never missed a beat. He fell in love with her almost instantly, totally adjusted to me having to split my attention and he continues to be absolutely crazy for her. My only "btdt" advice, which is totally anecdotal and "20/20 hindsight", I might have liked a bit of a bigger buffer age wise. (Maybe waited till he was 3 1/2-4ish?) In the end, it has been fine and my 'issues' are more related to Leah's personality than having two.

[HammBugga]

I didn't get those feelings until I was pregnant and after the second was born, but I had them too.

[samiam]

My three youngest are each a little less than three years apart from one another, 6, 3, 1. I felt tremendous guilt when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with my second child. I felt it both ways, would I be able to give her the one on one I always had, I would never be able to give the new baby what she had. Almost every parent I have ever talked to that was thinking about or having #2 has said and felt the same thing.

From early on I try to spend as much time doing things together with all my kids so they don't feel left out. I also try to spend some alone time with each of them everyday as well. Sometimes it is hard but I also have it good as well. When my 6yo is at kindergarten and my infant is napping I can spend time with my 3yo, when the 3 & 6 yo go to bed I can spend a few extra minutes with the baby, etc etc.

It is hard at times but then you look around and see them sharing, helping, loving, or fighting and know that it just wouldn't be the same had you not had another.

[nikkifaith]

Hell yes.

[HammBugga]

Totally normal. I darn near panicked as Leah's due date approached and I watched how attached Josh is to me and "our little life". Every kid is different, but Josh never missed a beat. He fell in love with her almost instantly, totally adjusted to me having to split my attention and he continues to be absolutely crazy for her. My only "btdt" advice, which is totally anecdotal and "20/20 hindsight", I might have liked a bit of a bigger buffer age wise. (Maybe waited till he was 3 1/2-4ish?) In the end, it has been fine and my 'issues' are more related to Leah's personality than having two.


I also would have waited if I had known... But if it would mean not having Jonah, I would do it all the same again.

[nikkifaith]

My girls are about two years apart and I think they are perfectly spaced. Sometimes they can share clothes, are interested in the same games, and they love eachother a ton.

[xobehs]

Sounds completely normal. I didn't really have a chance to worry about it ahead of time. DS was a surprise PG, I worried through the PG a bit and cherished the time with DD alone. Now I make a point of finding 1:1 time with both as much as a can.

[RaisingThemLeft]

It's normal. I had a bit of that when I was pg with ds 2. I had him when ds 1 was only 19 months old. I was determined not to shortchange ds 1 out of his babyhood because I felt guilty about having 2 so close so I basically treated them both as babies, tandem nursed, never refused to carry ds 1. I think I was less like that when ds 3 came along. Ds 2 was almost 3 at the time so I felt less guilty. Now I sometimes feel guilty (ds 2 is 6, ds 3 is 3.5) because I see how ds 2 has that "middle child syndrome" thing, even though he probably gets the most attention out of the 3 of them.

[Nursh]

Completely normal. I had those feeling back and forth while thinking about adding another, then all through pregnancy and even after birth. Mommy guilt will almost always be there in one form or another.

[Meredith]

I didn't get those feelings until I was pregnant and after the second was born, but I had them too.

Same here. I still feel bad that I don't get to spend the one-on-one time with DS that I used to, but it won't be long before I'll be able to have more of that time with him again. I still try to pencil in some time for the two of us, even if it's just 30 minutes with a book or something.

[Darcy_]

Totally normal, I felt the same way before we had Serra.

Truthfully it has been great with another one. Watching Parker interact with her, I dont feel like Parker is getting any less attention because Serra was born either.