Sashahomeschoolmama
06-06-2008, 11:05 PM
I wasn't going to do a homebirth plan because I trust my midwife implicitly, dh knows my wishes, and the friends that I've invited to attend are all seasoned homebirthers themselves (and one is a doula). However, my mom is going to be there and my cousin is going to watch the kids and neither of them have any experience with homebirthing. A couple of comments that my mom has made leads me to believe that she doesn't quite know what to expect (for example, she wanted to buy a changing table. When I told her that it wasn't necessary she said, "I figured that it might make it easy for when the midwife takes the baby and does whatever things she needs to do to him.")
Also, at past births people dropping by the hospital has been a problem and it's a huge deal to me, so that's why I harp on it so much.
This way, by putting my thoughts down on paper, I can make sure that my expectations are known before I'm in labor and am more likely to be rude. Anyway, let me know what you think.
First of all, thank you for attending the birth of Sergei C. Please know the level of trust and love that I have for you if I have invited you to be present. I have written this mostly for my own peace of mind but also because I want you to be aware of my wishes during and after labor and delivery. It's unfair to me to have to try to articulate my wants/needs during labor and it's unfair to you to try to guess what it is that I want.
I understand that this plan might seem overly detailed and nitpicky, so I'll ask that you keep in mind that I've had three births at which I was subjected to various interventions and levels of "routine" care. It is very important to me that this is avoided during this birth and that I maintain whatever control possible over my body and my surroundings. Some of my worries and concerns might never even come up, but it makes me feel better to know that you are all aware of my feelings on certain things.
--I do not want to be told what to do. Obviously I trust Jennifer (my midwife) explicitly but for coaches and others, I prefer to choose what positions I want to labor in, what room feels most comfortable, what noises to make, etc. You all know me well so I'm fine with suggestions, just please remember that my nerves will probably be at a heightened sensitivity and I'll likely be more easily hurt or aggravated than usual. It's very important to me that I avoid anything hospital-ish. Don't tell me to push, for goodness sakes don't count, and other things that are the norm in many hospital births. If I wanted a hospital environment, I would go to a hospital.
--Anthony knows my signals and cues. If he asks you to do something, please assume that he is doing so on my behalf. During labor I will likely be very clingy with him and will not want him to be far away from me.
--The kids are welcome at the birth if they would like to be there. I would like to have access to them at all times (not that they need to be in the trailer itself, but I want to know that I can see/hear/touch them if I need to). Remember that they have never been through this experience so try to be sensitive to their wants/needs. London has shown interest in being present at the birth; I don't know the boys' wishes yet and all three of their comfort levels might change during the labor itself. I will have a lot of easy snacks and such available for them (and for you); I don't care how much television they watch, how much computer they play, or how much ice cream they eat while I'm in labor. If they aren't hurting one another, they're fine. They are allowed to play outside in Mom's yard ONLY--Holden can go outside only if London is with him. They like to play with T, the neighbor boy, but please keep an eye on them because T is older and tends to play roughly.
--It is going to be hot and I have had nausea/vomiting during previous births. Being touched or rubbed can make these feelings worse. I appreciate people trying to help comfort me but please be sensitive to how I am responding to your touch. Conversely, I've had three back labors and might wear your hands out with applying counterpressure. I might also alternatively freeze you to death or have you sweating, depending.
--If you want to call friends or family that's fine but please do so discreetly. I do not want to feel as if I am on a time limit or have expectations to be at a certain level of dilation at a certain time (not that we'll know, as I will not have exams until very late in labor). Under no circumstances are people to drop by. I really want to be clear about this. I need to feel safe and secure in my surroundings and I don't want some new mojo interrupting me, breaking my concentration, or making me feel self-conscious. Of all of the things that I feel strongly about (as you can tell by this list that I feel strongly about a lot of things) this is my #1 most important thing and I reserve the right to throw a fit if people just drop in to watch me labor. My brother is an exception, as he lives with my mom, although I expect that he'll make himself very scarce. I also do not want to be bothered with phone calls with one exception--Jimmy K is going to help with our livestock while I'm in labor and if he calls I'd like to know.
--My sense of smell goes into overdrive during labor, so please don't take the opportunity to stop for a salami sandwich on your way to the birth. I will likely have incense burning but don't be offended if I ask you to eat a breathmint.
--I will try to have the kitchen stocked before I go into labor (again, my brother lives with my mom so this will require careful timing so that he doesn't eat it all). Please help yourself to whatever is in the fridge.
I'm very excited about having a homebirth and I appreciate each one of you. Again, I don't want to sound bossy or overly needy (although I can be both); it's likely my last birth and I am very nervous about some things. This event is not meant to be a hospital-style birth in a home environment and I'm dealing with a lot of ingrained societal baggage of my own in the weeks leading up to this birth, so I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. This is not a medical event, it is a private and intimate time. I trust you all and value your presence.
Also, at past births people dropping by the hospital has been a problem and it's a huge deal to me, so that's why I harp on it so much.
This way, by putting my thoughts down on paper, I can make sure that my expectations are known before I'm in labor and am more likely to be rude. Anyway, let me know what you think.
First of all, thank you for attending the birth of Sergei C. Please know the level of trust and love that I have for you if I have invited you to be present. I have written this mostly for my own peace of mind but also because I want you to be aware of my wishes during and after labor and delivery. It's unfair to me to have to try to articulate my wants/needs during labor and it's unfair to you to try to guess what it is that I want.
I understand that this plan might seem overly detailed and nitpicky, so I'll ask that you keep in mind that I've had three births at which I was subjected to various interventions and levels of "routine" care. It is very important to me that this is avoided during this birth and that I maintain whatever control possible over my body and my surroundings. Some of my worries and concerns might never even come up, but it makes me feel better to know that you are all aware of my feelings on certain things.
--I do not want to be told what to do. Obviously I trust Jennifer (my midwife) explicitly but for coaches and others, I prefer to choose what positions I want to labor in, what room feels most comfortable, what noises to make, etc. You all know me well so I'm fine with suggestions, just please remember that my nerves will probably be at a heightened sensitivity and I'll likely be more easily hurt or aggravated than usual. It's very important to me that I avoid anything hospital-ish. Don't tell me to push, for goodness sakes don't count, and other things that are the norm in many hospital births. If I wanted a hospital environment, I would go to a hospital.
--Anthony knows my signals and cues. If he asks you to do something, please assume that he is doing so on my behalf. During labor I will likely be very clingy with him and will not want him to be far away from me.
--The kids are welcome at the birth if they would like to be there. I would like to have access to them at all times (not that they need to be in the trailer itself, but I want to know that I can see/hear/touch them if I need to). Remember that they have never been through this experience so try to be sensitive to their wants/needs. London has shown interest in being present at the birth; I don't know the boys' wishes yet and all three of their comfort levels might change during the labor itself. I will have a lot of easy snacks and such available for them (and for you); I don't care how much television they watch, how much computer they play, or how much ice cream they eat while I'm in labor. If they aren't hurting one another, they're fine. They are allowed to play outside in Mom's yard ONLY--Holden can go outside only if London is with him. They like to play with T, the neighbor boy, but please keep an eye on them because T is older and tends to play roughly.
--It is going to be hot and I have had nausea/vomiting during previous births. Being touched or rubbed can make these feelings worse. I appreciate people trying to help comfort me but please be sensitive to how I am responding to your touch. Conversely, I've had three back labors and might wear your hands out with applying counterpressure. I might also alternatively freeze you to death or have you sweating, depending.
--If you want to call friends or family that's fine but please do so discreetly. I do not want to feel as if I am on a time limit or have expectations to be at a certain level of dilation at a certain time (not that we'll know, as I will not have exams until very late in labor). Under no circumstances are people to drop by. I really want to be clear about this. I need to feel safe and secure in my surroundings and I don't want some new mojo interrupting me, breaking my concentration, or making me feel self-conscious. Of all of the things that I feel strongly about (as you can tell by this list that I feel strongly about a lot of things) this is my #1 most important thing and I reserve the right to throw a fit if people just drop in to watch me labor. My brother is an exception, as he lives with my mom, although I expect that he'll make himself very scarce. I also do not want to be bothered with phone calls with one exception--Jimmy K is going to help with our livestock while I'm in labor and if he calls I'd like to know.
--My sense of smell goes into overdrive during labor, so please don't take the opportunity to stop for a salami sandwich on your way to the birth. I will likely have incense burning but don't be offended if I ask you to eat a breathmint.
--I will try to have the kitchen stocked before I go into labor (again, my brother lives with my mom so this will require careful timing so that he doesn't eat it all). Please help yourself to whatever is in the fridge.
I'm very excited about having a homebirth and I appreciate each one of you. Again, I don't want to sound bossy or overly needy (although I can be both); it's likely my last birth and I am very nervous about some things. This event is not meant to be a hospital-style birth in a home environment and I'm dealing with a lot of ingrained societal baggage of my own in the weeks leading up to this birth, so I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. This is not a medical event, it is a private and intimate time. I trust you all and value your presence.