Should I send this e-mail to my sil?

[hotlama]

Ok, I am tired of having to listen to my sil tell me that I need to let my dd (my 1st baby) CIO and eat Cheerios and frozen waffles! She uses CIO with my niece (her 3rd) who is 3mo older than dd. She has also been feeding her solid food since she was about 3-4 months old. (including soda and chocolate!!!) She admittedly stopped nursing because in her words, it's just "so much easier".

This is the e-mail that I want to send her. She's the type that gets easily offended so I want to make sure that it doesn't sound judgmental or pushy at all. What do you think? Should I send it or just ignore all of her bad advice?


DH mentioned to me that you told him that we needed to let DD "Cry-it-out" to help her sleep better. We seem to get this advice a lot but really don't plan on using it. Of course every family is different and different techniques work for different babies. I just wanted to share with you what we are trying.

(Crying it out)
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp#T051205
http://www.infantsleep.org/cryingitoutresearch.html

(Other good links)
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/index.php
http://kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/index.html

[Daisy]

Oh, it's so hard dealing with people. With my first I told people why I was extended nursing and why I was room-sharing and why I didn't spank and why dd didn't cry it out. But by my second child I didn't care what anyone said or thought, I just did what I wanted.

Now, when it comes to other's kids, whom I really care about, nieces/nephews for example, I tend to say more because I care that they get the very best. I rarely defend my choices in a lengthy way anymore though.

So, I'd send the email if you want to educate your SIL and think she'll actually read what you are sending. Otherwise I wouldn't.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I'd send it.

[MissesGoR]

I'd send it, too.

[BeanBabies]

Ugh. She'd hate me. Jack is 6 months old and hasn't had a lick of solids either.

I'd send it. If she feels it's her business to tell you what you're doing wrong, it should go both ways.

[Jessie81]

Honestly if she is letting her kid have chocolate and soda at this age its not ignorance... no one is dumb enough to think soda is ok for a child that young. It sounds like laziness and bad parenting. If it is what I think the links wont make a bit of difference other than to piss her off- that is if she even bothers to read them.

[vulturemom]

I may send it but, wouldn't expect it to do any good. If she is giving her baby soda and chocolate she isn't worried about what is best for her baby.

[Wolverine]

I probably wouldn't. But, I feel no need to defend my choices. People may think I'm strange for tandem nursing, co-sleeping, etc, etc... but I don't care.

I think the email will only create conflict. Like vulturemom says, she clearly isn't concerned about what is best for her babies. It seems that she is concerned about what is easiest for her.

[RedheadbyChoice]

I wouldn't send it at all.

[hotlama]

Instead of e-mail them to her, maybe I will post the links and other info on my myspace page. If she sees them fine but maybe someone else will see them too and be inspired.

[hotlama]

OK, this is what I posted in my myspace blog. I don't care if she reads it or not. It felt good getting it out.



I'm tired of listening to well meaning family, friends, and strangers telling me how to raise my kids. Just because I am raising my kids differently than you are raising yours, doesn't give you the right to assume that my methods are wrong. I will never let my baby scream herself into complete exhaustion because you think it's what I should do so she will sleep better. I will never feed my baby the same crap you feed yours just because you think that it's ok.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp&035;T051205
http://www.infantsleep.org/cryingitoutresearch.html
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/index.php
http://kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/index.html

[Sameach]

Wow. If I was your sister I would be 10X more offended by that Myspace message than the original email you were considering sending. Good luck with that. You are not doing your case any good by being so defensive and angry, IMO.

[hotlama]

I guess your right. Luckily blogs can be deleted. I just get so tired of her bad advice. All three of her kids are little devils. Why in the world would I take advice from her. The proof that her "recipe" is wrong is in the "pudding".

[RedheadbyChoice]

She's someone I'd just ignore.

[nikkicola]

Charming!

[SingingMom]

I'd just ignore her, too. And letting your message to the world be angry and defensive takes a lot of power away from your message and your good example. I'd rethink that.

Your SIL may be yakking about this to you because she feels inferior. Your choices are obviously more about the well-being of your children- hers are about "easier". Is it possible that she feels inadequate? The proper response to that is loving support.

I have a dear, dear friend who often feels that my parenting is better than hers. It's ridiculous, but true. She often offers me advice because she thinks I'm working too hard. This was hard on our friendship until I understood what was going on. Now I reflect back to her what she needs to hear. "I know you're doing good things for your kids. I think they'll be fine. Kids have a wide range of needs and you know your kids. I have every confidence in you."

And in my case, what I'm saying is true. She's a great mom, although she's done some of the things you list- a taste of soda and the like. Her baby's first words included "cookie" and "chocolate". But she really is a great mom.

It doesn't sound like you feel the same way about your SIL. Perhaps there is a deeper conflict here.