'Please, don't drive your car on the kitty."

[babymakes4]

"Get your hands out of your brothers pants."

"Transformers do not belong in the microwave."

"We can not color on daddies butt."

Oy! What are somethings you never thought you would hear come out of your own mouth until you became a parent?

[MrsKitty]

You...peed on the couch..because you are a pirate??? Am I understanding this correctly?

[babymakes4]

You...peed on the couch..because you are a pirate??? Am I understanding this correctly?


LOL

[FrznPolarAngel]

I agree, the things we say and do are 180 to what we would have said or did in public as a non parent.

[QuiltyConscience]

For the little ones:
"Don't kiss the dog on the lips"

"Don't lick the rock"

"We only pee on trees when we are camping, not at the zoo"

And because I also have a band geek..

"Duct tape is NOT an acceptable way to mend clothes"

"Please don't leave your tuba in the living room"

"Do you really have to practice that song again? It's 2 in the morning."

"Get your sister out of the tuba case"

[MrsKitty]

*sigh* my husband still uses duct tape to fix clothes. I have to throw it out when he isn't looking and he gets really angry. I guess its one of the trade offs for marrying a hardcore gamer geek.

[Hermione]

Don't put the crayon in your nose. Use your finger, at least I can pull that out if I need to.

Don't shut your friend's head in the car door!

[Babyblue]

You...peed on the couch..because you are a pirate??? Am I understanding this correctly?


omg that is the best thing I have read all day.

[still_me]

"No, my butt is not a bongo."

"You can't bend it up when you are peeing."

"Your brother isn't a bucking horse. He is trying to get up!"

"Don't kick baby Jesus across the room. As a matter of fact, don't kick him at all."

"Please do not fart at me. It will NOT knock me over."

"What does 'nut huh' mean? Yes...No....okay, touch the food if you want it."

"Oh baby, I am sorry. Kee Kee doesn't like to be a 'lillow'. No baby, no bang bang the kitty."

[bocarioja]

"You can't bend it up when you are peeing."

"Don't kick baby Jesus across the room. As a matter of fact, don't kick him at all."

"Please do not fart at me. It will NOT knock me over."



I have tears in my eyes. These are great.

Today, Dd told me. "mom, When I have a lot of money someday, k, I'm going to buy chocolate toilet paper, so I can eat while I poop."

She may be onto something.

[Joyto5]

I'm sorry you got hurt there but I'm not going to kiss your butt.

Please don't use the toilet water to comb your hair. And No It's not good for a tooth brush either!

[alejorge]

Those are some really funny things that you guys have had to tell your kids.
Here are some things i have had to tell my kids:
*no you can't eat your daddy's boobies
*get the hot dog out of the baby's eye
*you can't use the toilet water to cook in your toy kitchen

[MiMi_of_4]

DH wants to know why I'm laughing hysterically ~ These are hilarious!

DD is potty training dgs#2, so while we were on the phone this evening, I heard him say he needed to go potty, because *it* was leaking ~ DD said, "Well, pull down your pants and go potty! Oh, honey, it's too late ~ *it's* already leaked everywhere! Mom, I've got to go!!!!!"

I about fell off my chair I was laughing so hard.

[TayNRobbiesMom]

"How the heck did you get in the rabbit hutch??"

"No you can't stay in there, no matter how much you like it!"

[Jacksmommy]

These are too funny. The worst I've had to say so far is,"We don't eat ladybugs."

[cheryln]

Leave the doggy's peepee ALONE!!

[steelady]

*sigh* my husband still uses duct tape to fix clothes. I have to throw it out when he isn't looking and he gets really angry. I guess its one of the trade offs for marrying a hardcore gamer geek.


You're not suppose to use duct tape for clothes? How about stapling them? I've hemmed many a skirt with a stapler.

[StElmosFire]

OMG I am dying here! :happy:
When I say the things I think of you all but I can never remember when threads like this get started.

Keep 'em coming. Ya'll are totally making a bad monday better!

[Babyblue]

PUT THAT DOWN!!!, IT IS NOT A ROCK, ITS A HORSE POOPY.

that one was just a few hours ago.

[Tiffers]

Hilarious! I'm dying here!

Mimi, your story reminded me of something really funny my niece said when she was little.

She was about 3 years old and she walked in on my dad peeing in the bathroom. She turned around and came back into the room with me, my mom and both of my sisters and said,

"HEY! PAPA HAS A TAIL! That's not fair! I want a tail too!"

[still_me]

Hilarious! I'm dying here!

Mimi, your story reminded me of something really funny my niece said when she was little.

She was about 3 years old and she walked in on my dad peeing in the bathroom. She turned around and came back into the room with me, my mom and both of my sisters and said,

"HEY! PAPA HAS A TAIL! That's not fair! I want a tail too!"


LOL!


DH was at Home Depot one day and had to use the bathroom. Of course DS1 had to use it too, so off they went. When they came out DH was red, but laughing and said, "Lets move before someone comes out" Apparently DS1 caught sight of Daddy when he was peeing and yelled out " Daddy, you've got a big penis!".

[Wolverine]

No, you can't touch your daddy's penis.
You can't nurse on your daddy. He only has nipples - no milk in there!

[TayNRobbiesMom]

humm...

My daughter loves to bathe w/ daddy but can't any longer b/c the other day as he was bent over filling the tub she said

"eww daddy you got a boo boo on your butt...and fuzz on your privates...?"

[TuetonicWillow]

Oy! What are somethings you never thought you would hear come out of your own mouth until you became a parent?


"We don't pretend to sacrifice Ginger (our Golden) to the gods of Doritos. Who told you that?"

"Stop eating that sugar straight from the canister."

"Your penis is not a cannon in front of your friends, Jack. It can be a cannon in private but for now, put all ammunitions away in your pants."

"Do not let me find any porn searches on google again. Nice try."

"Nine year old girls do not need facials or brow waxing. Get over it, you're not coming."

"You can't take all my fruit to build a pretend farm in the backyard! Burying a pint of blueberries doesn't mean you'll instantly get a crop. And where is all the jam!?"

....oh the list can go on and on. How about, "Jack, the food that spills on the floor can stay on the floor. Don't lick it up again." -said in a Panera. Ew.

[TuetonicWillow]

I thought of some more.

"Why must you and your friends play with only my good makeup? Do you have a radar? You can't ever play with the drug store stuff?"

to which she replied: "We lack technical skill so we need quality stuff. It helps."



"No, I am not a nazi and no that isn't funny and yes, you're still going to bed."

"Giving him (the pet rat) a spatula will not make him into Ratatouille. Stop putting my utensils in his cage."

[Sunnie]

Why must you and your friends play with only my good makeup? Do you have a radar? You can't ever play with the drug store stuff?"

to which she replied: "We lack technical skill so we need quality stuff. It helps."

I can so picture H saying that. Complete with a hand on her hip. ROFL

Let's see.

"ENOUGH VAGINA TALK!" My 4 yr old is obsessed with her vagina lately. Sigh.

and we had a "That's not a rock...that's CATSHIT!" moment this weekend. Said catshit was in Nathan's mouth. *cries and vomits*

[Babyblue]

and we had a "That's not a rock...that's CATSHIT!" moment this weekend. Said catshit was in Nathan's mouth. *cries and vomits*

I feel very very bad for you, at least ds was only trying to pick up rocks and throw them in the horse's water bucket (got a turd instead) that dh was cleaning.

[alejorge]

I have a few more:
* Stop playing with your wee wee before it falls off
* go put some clothes on no one wants to see you running around naked
* no you can't breast feed your brother.
* you also can't pump your boobies you don't have any milk