"playing doctor" wwyd?

[BoobySnacks]

Here is the deal, they werent really "playing doctor" but DD and a friends boy who is about 1 year older than her were caught today kissing each other in the closet. They were both sitting in front of each other and he had leaned over to kiss her, we really didnt think it was a big deal, but we told them to come out of the closet and play outside where we all were. (We were at their house for a BQ) This is not the first time that he has tried to kiss DD.

Later on, DD was complaining about her bathing suit bothering her shoulder, so I asked her if she wanted to change. She still wanted to swim so she said no, she wanted to still wear it but continued pulling at the strap and itching at her shoulder. I did not think anything of it and figured she would let me know when she wanted to change.

Fast forward one hour...I hear DH say, Sami get your shirt back on and come out here. He walked in the room where they were playing (the door was open of course) and they were sitting in front of each other and DD had both of her arms out of her bathing suit top, you could see her boobies. They both covered their faces as if they knew they had done something wrong. We shut the door to the play room area and made them play the rest of the day outside.

When we got home, I asked DD what happened and she said that her bathing suit was hurting her shoulder the boy told her that she could take her bathing suit off and DD was on her way to doing so. This little boy is not a bad kid by any means, but his mom then informed me that a few weeks before, he found his dad's dirty magazines and was looking at them. Apparently, they were REALLY dirty magazines. Now, of course he is curious and I am afraid to let them play together because he is trying to talk DD into certain things and trying to kiss her.

I do not want to over-react about this whole thing. I have known this boy since he was born and his parents for many years and we have a good friendship and this little boy really is sweet, but I am uncomfortable with his curiosity of DD now.

DD has never been in daycare and does not have much contact with other kids or people outside of our family so I have not had to give her "the talk" about people touching her or asking her to take her clothes off. Tonight, we had to have that talk about appropriate behavior and I explained to her that she cannot take off her bathing suit/clothes in front of other people even if they say it is ok..etc. I told her to come and tell me, etc.

We have always let her run around in her undies in the house when it is hot and it is just us home, so she really is innocent about the whole no shirt thing..not to mention she remembers nursing because she nursed past 3 yrs old and her baby brother (1 yr) nurses so boobies are no big thing to her and she has never really considered them to be all that private. I am not sure if I should be more private with my own breasts so that she understands that hers are private..I am just really thrown off now because everything in our family has worked really well up until now. Now, I have to figure out how to set "privacy" boundaries and what is appropriate and what is not. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill either and make her feel ashamed. What are your thoughts? P.S. It is late now, so all of my facilties are not with me right now, so please forgive for the typos and grammer.

[QuiltyConscience]

How old are they?

(maybe you could add some breaks to the paragraph, that's a bit hard to read)

[Daisy]

I also wonder how old they are. Though at any age I wouldn't like my dd taking anything off because someone told her to.

[RedheadbyChoice]

I tried reading, but not enough coffee in me yet to wade through that.........hit return a few times, pretty please!

But yeah, how old are the kiddos in question?

[samiam]

The kissing is probably a thing many young kids go through. I remember kids running around kissing each other early on at school, it was very innocent though and didn't go any further. As far as the bathing suit goes I would be inclined to give the boy the benefit of the doubt. While I don't think my 6yo would do that if her 6yo friend said to if her suit was hurting (I would think she would go change in another room if it was a boy at least) I wouldn't be too shocked if it happened. When kids are young, especially if they are so carefree in your house, when the boy suggested it it was one of the only logical answers. If your socks are tight on your ankles and bothering you, take them off. Same type of thing IMO with young kids.

As far as teaching your child about private areas and unacceptable touching etc etc YOUR KID IS NEVER TOO YOUNG! IMO as soon as they can understand it is time to talk about inappropriate touching.

I have two dd's and two son's. My dd's are 13 and 6yo. My 6yo and the boys have never been in daycare either and have only been with family or close friends. It is THOSE people that you need to watch out for unfortunately. Statistically sexual abuse happens with someone the child knows, many times a relative. I didn't realize how close to home this was until I found out a few years back (dd #2 couldn't have been 2yo) that my FIL sexually abused his OWN dd from the ages of 6-12yo! Please, please, please, anyone reading this talk to your kids.

As for my own kids I have taught them that they are not to let anyone touch them in ANY area that makes them feel uncomfortable. I have also told them time and time again that they can come and talk to us anytime they need.

I did finally read "Protecting the Gift" and highly recommend it to every parent. It is a great book that talks about how we can much better protect our children.

[Jacksmommy]

How old are the children?
You already told her to keep her clothes on. I think that's enough about that. I wouldn't try to cover up more when nursing. I think it's fine she knows that's not something to hide. I would talk about keeping hands in appropriate places. Friends hold hands. Friends hug. Friends don't put their hands inside your clothes. I'd also want to keep an eye on the children when they play together. Have you talked to the boys parents? Are they going to keep adult material where the boy can't find it in the future?

[steelady]

I didn't catch everything, but a few things that caught my eye:

1. you say the boy is trying to talk dd into things because he saw a REALLY dirty magazine, is he or are you saying you think he is? Regardless, I'm sure there are ways to discuss appropriate and inappropriate touching. However, I'm a bit concerned that you may be placing too much responsibility on one child and not enough on the other.

2. the amount of time spent nursing doesn't seem relevant to anything. Are you concerned you did something wrong? It should be fairly straight forward to explain why exposing one's breasts during nursing is different than taking off your clothes.

3. I was totally icked out when you said her boobies were sticking out. I have no idea the age, but I'm thinking your dd is like 5 or 6 or something and I do not think of the chest area of a girl that age to be "boobies" so I wonder if you are injecting more of an intent than is there (this is a reach, but I wanted to mention it).

It may be a great time to sit down with your friend to figure out what the little boy saw and how they are handling it with him. I would think that if the both of you approach things in a similar manner you may have more success since I'm pretty sure they will compare notes ;)

[BoobySnacks]

DD is 4 and the boy is 5. Sorry for the one long paragraph last night, I was very tired.

I do not think that the boy was trying to touch her and I do not think he is a bad kid. I think he is curious because of the magazine he saw. The mom and I did talk, she is the one who told me of the magazine incident (full on porn mag) and also of an incident at his school where he pulled another girls shirt and looked down it and said that he saw her boobie. The mother said that she was not aware that her husband had the magazine in the closet. He travels for work a lot and had it tucked into some baggage in the closet, but it was found by their son. She was not happy about him leaving it where their son could find it and she said that she had a talk with her husband out it, I do not know the extent.

I also do not put it all on the boy, they were both involved. The reason why I was so uncomfortable about his curiosity is because of the magazine and the prior behavior with his classmate. DD does not think anything of boobies. Sorry if when I said Boobies, it icked people out. It is just a word, not meant to be vulgar.

I was very careful not to make a big deal out of it to DD so that she did not feel dirty or icky and explained to her what areas of her body are private and that she cannot take ANY part of her clothes off for anyone. She had to know that what she did was not appropriate, it was a very sensitive subject for me, which is why I came here for advise to make sure I was doing the right thing and to get suggestions from others.

When I was about DD's age, I took my clothes off in front of a little boy down the street. I really don't remember why, I just know that he wanted me to. He did not touch me or anything. I did not really think it was a big deal, I was innocent. My brother caught me and took me home. I got my ass spanked with a ruler and I was made to feel dirty. I was not. I did not want my DD to feel the way I did, so I wanted to get some advise and see if others thought the way I have handled it was appropriate and if there was any other ground I should be covering.

Thank goodness, the boy's mom is a great gal and she said that she and the boy will be having a long talk as well and hopes that they can still play together.

I am not concerned that I have done anything wrong but, I just wonder if I should be a little more private about my breasts and not so out there with them all the time in our home. I felt like because of this, breasts are not a big deal to her at all. I will still nurse in front of her of course, I just wonder if I should be a little more private with the breast area as well, example: I will be nursing and have to get up and get DD something or answer the phone and I do not put my breast away because I am going to continue nursing when I am done with the task I am doing. Maybe I should put my breasts away until I sit back down to nurse....

I also wonder if I should not let her run around the house all the time in just her undies. In our own home with nobody else around, I never thought it was anything that needed to be addressed. It gets 101-115 all summer here and our house gets warm. I was wondering if she should wear undies and a tank top too instead of just undies, that maybe she is at the age now that she should not be running around mostly naked. I dunno.

I am sorry for how long these posts are.

[xobehs]

I agree with Steele the "boobies" thing being a bit much at 4. I understood your BF point only to mean your DD is "desensitized" when it comes to breasts- that's the way it is in our home too. Breasts are for making milk ;)

Continue to have the conversation about privacy and personal safety, and don't stop having it. Give your DD a language to communicate to you about the issues.

I wouldn't leave them alone to play, but try not to make too much of it.