help please I need sleep

[Elizabethdaisy]

I am so tired lately Kyler who is 14 and half months old gets up so much at night to nurse. my nipples are really sore at night. any suggestions on how to slow him down alittle? we cosleep too so I can get some more sleep.

[Elizabethdaisy]

no one?
I tried giving him a sippy of water last night he refused to take it.

[Nipple_nectar]

Have you tried night weaning? Elizabeth Pantley writes a great book for it, it is called The no cry sleep solution. I never co~slept because I knew from past experience that it really creates a bond while sleeping that may be tough to break later.

What is the sleeping situation for the rest of your kids, have you been able to teach them to sleep independently? Do you plan on sleeping with Kyler and the new baby?

[RedheadbyChoice]

Enlist Daddy's help. Absolutely no way should you be doing it all on your own. Doesn't matter that you stay home with your kids and he works a job outside the home. You're pregnant, so tired already, plus you chase kids all day. And this would be his son as well. :)

I'd suggest looking at this: Dr. Jay Gordon's method (http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp)

But, much depends on what you want. Do you want to night wean completely? Are you planning on weaning Kyler completely before the baby arrives? What about cosleeping? Planning on continuing that?

[Now_serving_number4]

Devin nurses like a newborn day and night so no help here. I feel you pain though.

[Elizabethdaisy]

I want Kyler to be weaned a few months before the baby comes. he barely nurses during the day except when hes tired and at bed. dad tries to help he just cries. all my kids cosleep for awhile now they sleep in their own beds. sometimes daddy has to lay with kayden for alittle bit. I have that book the no cry sleep solution just truthfully dont fully understand it. I tried it with kayden alittle.
I dont know how to night wean I thought since hes slowly weaning now he would stop soon. I am so tired. and my nipples are starting to hurt. I hate to wean him completely but I need to do something.

[RedheadbyChoice]

Has DH read the book? Did you read the link I sent?

Sometimes there just WILL be some crying at night, as Daddy takes over some of the parenting. And as long as babe is being loved on (not being left alone to cry), that's acceptable in my book. What about DH taking him elsewhere, to rock or snuggle? So that he's not seeing you?

[Elizabethdaisy]

yes I just read the article you sent. I will see how it goes tonight with that. no DH didnt read the book. I cant stand listening to him cry. last night though he woke up and I offered him a water sippy cup he refused and went back to sleep he did this twice. it was kinda funny he didnt even cry to nurse.

[Nipple_nectar]

I think the thing about the NCSS method is you want to stop nursing while baby is still awake and gently put him into his crib for bed but if you are co~sleeping I am not sure this will work.

Can a nursing mom still co~sleep and not nurse at night? I think that would be too hard to accomplish, without alot of screaming:(

[Elizabethdaisy]

so what do I do then? hope he stops soon.

[Elizabethdaisy]

I would love for kyler to sleep in his bed. at bedtime I nurse him he falls asleep I put him in his bed then a few hours later he wakes I nurse again and either I fall asleep or I try to put him back in his bed he wakes as soon as I try or very soon after. so usually he stays in our bed until morning after that.

[J-A-N-E]

Are all the kids sleeping in the same room with you and Mike? Is there a "spare" room you could go sleep in away from Kyler for just ONE full night and let hubby take care of him? Where you won't have to hear? (I recommend ear plugs if you are anything like me) for 15 months I was the sole person to get up with Ashley b/c I could not stand to hear her crying with DH. I figured, hell if he is up and can't console her - and keeping me awake - i might as well be doing it myself.

So I took ONE night and slept in the garage. (it was heated) :) It made a world of difference. Even tho DH worked the next day he committed to his share and pretended I wasnt there. (Sidenote: I had EBM available and both my girls took a bottle at night)

If you are not getting proper sleep and are exhausted it will just add to any stress you may be having and nursing Kyler. I was like a new woman after a good night sleep.

Any chance you can nap when Mike gets home at night for 3 hours?

As for nursing - that will be soley up to you as to weaning now or not. I agree with NN that it will be extra hard for you to wean if he is co-sleeping with you.

I also agree with Red regarding there will be some crying. Right now Kyler knows your "plan" or "pattern" and wants the same thing each night (so it seems)

Come send Kyler to my house for a night and you can get some sleep :) He and Caitlin are the same age and she is dozzing thru the whole night.

I know it is easier said but it will get better. :hug: You seem so exhausted. I am telling you to get some rest. I AM YELLING AT YOU TO GET SOME REST. Try to make it happen girl. Dont over do it.

I am a phone call away should you need an ear. Or more advice. Or a plane ticket to my house for a few days :)

[Nipple_nectar]

If you are already working on transitioning him to his own bed then just keep it up~ stop nursing while he is still awake and hand him off to Daddy. He is going to cry for you and that's natural but I would insist that he stay with Dad and dad needs to actively try to eliminate the crying by singing, walking and rocking, reading. Is there anything in the room like perhaps a bedtime toy with soft lights or something that will play soothing music?

What does dad do now when he tries to put DS to bed?

[Elizabethdaisy]

yes we all sleep in the same room. kyleigh on top bunk kayden on bottom bunk. kyler in his pack n play and our queen bed. I am trying to nurse him more during the day but he doesnt want to unless he is sleepy. most of the time if Kyler is really tired he will fall asleep wherever he is and even in the car. I try to nurse him before bed so he sleeps longer but its never more then maybe 4 hours if that. he use to sleep through the whole night really early on then 7 months came and no more sleeping at night.
usually I either go to bed with the kids or a few nights a week I stay up alittle with hubby.

[Nipple_nectar]

You may have to consider getting him into a crib with a mattress, I know my DD weighs too much to find comfort in a pack n play.

Also, are you addressing teething pain?

[Elizabethdaisy]

If you are already working on transitioning him to his own bed then just keep it up~ stop nursing while he is still awake and hand him off to Daddy. He is going to cry for you and that's natural but I would insist that he stay with Dad and dad needs to actively try to eliminate the crying by singing, walking and rocking, reading. Is there anything in the room like perhaps a bedtime toy with soft lights or something that will play soothing music?

What does dad do now when he tries to put DS to bed?


I cant do that. I cant just let him cry for me. ugg why is this so hard.

[Elizabethdaisy]

You may have to consider getting him into a crib with a mattress, I know my DD weighs too much to find comfort in a pack n play.

Also, are you addressing teething pain?


we had a crib he never would sleep in it. I am not sure when he is teething he has tons of teeth now. what should I be giving him?

[Nipple_nectar]

Have you tried Hylands? They work very well here, I give them to DD every night regardless of her demeanor.

Honestly, you NEED to let your DH get involved. Kyler is crying because he knows you will come. Can you temporarily go anywhere else in the house where you cannot hear him cry? Like Jane's post said, she went to the garage!

[Jacksmommy]

Do you give him teething tablets? I always suggest teething tablets for this age baby. Another thing you can try to do is just limit how long you let him nurse at night. I've never been one to let baby cry either, but I've been able to nurse for short periods and say,"Okay, that's enough.", get baby to unlatch and then just rub his back or pat him. It usually works. It's not saying no. It's just puting a limit on the all night part of nursing.

[Elizabethdaisy]

yes we have hylands tablets I just havent given him to him in forever. I didnt know to give it to him every night will try that.
I have tried shortening his nursings at night. its like him being in our bed he can smell my mlik or something lol. I am going to try and put him in his bed more.
I just dont think I can leave him to DH while he cries it would kill me. this is so hard.

[BoobySnacks]

DD also nursed ALLL NIGHT LONG! One day when she was about 18 months old I decided that I had enough of her constant night nursing and suckling. She would wake up crying if my breast wasnt in her mouth and be so upset. The way I night weaned her was when she would wake up crying for my breast, I would sing to her softly and pat pat pat her little butt and rub her back. Sometimes I would have to stand up and bounce with her while patting her butt or rubbing her back or caressing her head and singing, but I made up my mind that I was going to night wean. It was hard, but after a few nights, she was a lot better and I got more sleep. I don't know if my method was a good one because there was a lot of crying and it broke my heart, but it worked for us. Also, I don't know if it was a true definition of night weaning, she would still wake up and nurse at about 4:30-5:00 am and I would let her and then again at about 7:00 am. This was good enough for me considering she would nurse literally all night long. Good luck, I know you must be exhausted being prego and all.

[Elizabethdaisy]

I just cant do the crying. last night I got him to not nurse twice he was so mad that I offered the sippy he went back to sleep. I think I might try that tonight after I nurse him sleep when he wakes the first time lay him back down he is always sitting in his bed waiting lol and whining. and give him his sippy and see what he does. he literatlly refused it and rolled over toward hubby and went back to sleep.

[Amy_G_]

My dh was working out of town when mine was driving me nuts about night nursing. Of course, mine was 29 months old and the only nursing he wanted to do was at night. so recommending dad do it, just wouldn't work at all. If baby is used to going to sleep with mom, handing him suddenly off to dad often makes the transition that much harder.

I taught him to go to sleep without nursing, and that was the biggest thing to get him to not want to nurse in the middle of the night. so I had to teach him to go to sleep without me, cause if he saw me he wanted to nurse.

I started out with mine in my bed. I'm not sure how it would work with a pack and play. I'd keep him up a bit later than usual, and do a longer than usual bedtime routine, including a hearty snack and drink, bath, brush teeth, pj's, several books, prayers, songs. then instead of nursing, I'd say "oh I gotta go pee." leave the room, stay gone longer than necessary, but try to return before screams. I'd use all kinds of excuses. some nights at first it meant he wouldn't go to sleep without the nursing, but then after a while, I'd be out of the room "gotta let the dog out to pee, lock the front door, get some water. blah blah blah" and he'd fall asleep without me in the room.

Once he started falling asleep without me in the room, it was much easier to get him to go back to sleep during the night with a hug, pat, soft word. Before that, if he was used to going to sleep with the boob, then he wanted to go to sleep all night long with the boob.
kwim?

I also know that if you remove the nipple, and don't make sure their mouth closes by pushing up on their lower jaw, they'll search around for it and wake up again.

Another way is to limit it. count to yourself to determine how long he sucks. Then make an announcement that he can nurse until you count to that number (say if he nurses at night only til you count to 100 normally, announce that he must stop when you get to 75). Stay at the same time for a week, or at least 3-4 days. You can use a clock to time it, but the clock was never in the right place when I needed it, and saying you can nurse for 10 minutes is an abstract concept for the little guys.

Also be sure to sneak in a bigger snack or two during the day that is more calorie dense to help hold him over at night. If he gets the calories during the day, then you know nighttime is just comfort.

Try different things, you'll figure something that works.
Heck I'd even tell him the boobs are broken and say no more. or that they are sore and you have to use a nursing shield to help protect the sore nips and well, he probably won't like that at all and that will help him wean?

[Elizabethdaisy]

thanks Amy and everyone else who has given me help. I am just going to try and distract him tonight without nursing him see how it works. usualyl he falls back to sleep quick. maybe in a few nights he wont wake up at all I hope so. thanks ladies.

[Amy_G_]

you could lie and tell him right now the boobs are empty at night. and that happens when mommy's get really tired from nursing all night long. ;)

[RedheadbyChoice]

I really really really really strongly suggest that DH steps up to the plate here and also that YOU allow DH to do his share. No momma likes to hear her babe cry for her, but if there's a Daddy right there, who is comforting the child, momma can allow Daddy to do some comforting as well. And really, what kind of message does that send to your DH? That you don't feel he's capable? Why not give him a chance to do things, to forge his own path with them?(Especially as Kyler isn't a newborn, but a bigger kiddo and you've said that you'll be weaning, so nursing isn't even in the equation here)

Honestly, my DH has never minded the kids getting up, as they got older, because they wanted HIM. We made a deal that if they're up and need to nurse, uh duh, they're mine, but once they're no longer nursing, they get Daddy. He likes being needed by them.

(FYI, the couch works for pregnant sleeping as well)

[Elizabethdaisy]

Kyler is only 14 months old though I am not sure that will work. lol

[Elizabethdaisy]

yeah daddy deals with the kids when they wake up the ones that are not nursing. kayden is usually the only one that gets up but not very often then he lays with kayden in his bed.
I might try what I did last night tonight if it doesnt work well, I think I will talk to hubby about it the next night.
I told hubby last night with his snoring and the kids I might go sleep on the couch he laughed.

[Elizabethdaisy]

I really think Kyler is weaning himself its just bedtime its hard for him unless he is overtired or in the car then he falls asleep by himself. I would love a break before the next one comes.

[J-A-N-E]

this too shall pass :)

recruit hubby more :)

before you know it your babies will be all grown up and you will miss night nursing :)

[Elizabethdaisy]

yep thats how I feel so I am not pushing it. I am so tired but have been for months. I take naps when the boys do and go to bed early most nights.
thanks ladies.

[HummingBird]

I second the Hylands. I give them to dd almost every night. Whether she's been gnawing on her hand or not. She loves them, stomps her feet and jumps up and down when she sees the bottle.

Hope you can get some sleep. I'm right there with you! DS is still up every two hours at night. I'm one mean mama during the day! I'm going on six months w/o a full night sleep. Even when I was pregnant, I was so uncomfortable I was up half the night.

[SingingMom]

FWIW, I coslept and night weaned DS. He is still cosleeping- but he is completely night weaned.

First, I'd address teething pain. If he needs motrin to sleep then that's what he needs.

Next, try reducing the length of your nursing sessions. What worked for me was saying, "A little bit more and then all done. We say Night Night Milk!" My DS is pretty easygoing, so he went along with this.

After getting him to limit the length of the night nursing sessions, we cut a few out. I told him the milk was tired. He could have milk in the morning. I offered to rub his back, and we kept a sippy cup of water in the bed. But he quickly learned to just go to sleep.

We didn't have too much crying over this. I tried to night wean earlier, and he wasn't ready. But when we finally night weaned, completely night weaned, it was probably around eighteen months, and it wasn't that hard.

[KerryS]

Can a nursing mom still co~sleep and not nurse at night? I think that would be too hard to accomplish, without alot of screaming:(

Yes, you can! Check out the link Redhead posted. I followed his method when my 3-year-old was still waking every 1 1/2 hours at night to nurse. After a week, she was no longer night nursing, and down to waking only once or twice. We continued to nurse for an additional year.