Should I have to pitch in for this?

[Kristen]

I have a very close girlfriend who is getting married next month, her bridal shower is next weekend. Anyways, for this bridal shower (being thrown by her sister, mom and Aunt) I asked her sister if she needed any help setting up and told her I would be more than willing to show up early and help out, she is taking me up on that offer.
She (her sister) just sent out an email to all the bridesmaids asking us all to pitch in $50 towards food/drinks for the shower.
Is this something I should be more than willing it do, is it normal to request this of the bridesmaids?

[Carolina]

I have never been asked to do that or heard of anybody doing it. I don't think it's a normal request.

[Suzette]

It would be normal if the bridesmaids were included in throwing the party. To claim that mom, sis, and aunt are throwing the party, then ask for money last minute, is tacky IMO.

[Macabe]

I haven't been asked but I've always offered to pitch in for the shower. I think it's the responsibility of the hostesses, but being involved in the whole process, I start to think of myself as a hostess even if I'm not officially.

Thus, I don't think you should have to--bridesmaids already pitch in so much for dress, hair, etc. But if you can I think it's nice, otherwise the full cost falls on a couple of people.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I've never been asked to do that as a bridesmaid, and I've never heard of anyone else doing it, either.

[Kristen]

Well, just thinking about how much money I have already spent to be apart of this wedding makes me not too eager to jump on board. The invite to the shower says it is being given by her sister, the party is at her Aunt's house and I know her mom is pitching in for things for the shower as well.
I am not sure what to do with this. DH is already so angry at how much I have spent on everything but at this point $50 doesn't really seem like much at all!

[WalkingTittyBar]

I dont think you should have to.

[camille97]

Tacky, and the maid/matron of honor is supposed to foot the bill for the shower. Sometimes the brides mom or another family member will offer to pitch in, but shouldn't be expected to.

I definitely wouldn't pitch in AND buy a shower gift. Seems like double dipping on the bride's part, IMO.

[Crabbie]

I definitely wouldn't pitch in AND buy a shower gift. Seems like double dipping on the bride's part, IMO.


The bride has nothing to do with this, as far as I can tell.

[camille97]

Yeah, you are right. I suppose it's the maid of honor's way of being a cheap ass. And in the end, I would probably still buy a shower gift cuz I like shopping for other people. lol.

[Bellaelle]

Usually you have a group of women who host the bridal shower.I have never heard of the bridesmaids all shelling money out for the shower.

And I do not think it is fair for the maid or matron of honor to pay for everything either.

[JenniferH]

Tacky, and the maid/matron of honor is supposed to foot the bill for the shower.
This may be true in your circle, but it is not a universal expectation. And, in fact, if the Maid of Honor is an immediate family member of the bride (sister or mother) the strictest queens of etiquette would consider it in bad taste for her to give any shower at all (asking for "gifts" for your own family member).

As a bridesmaid or maid of honor (7 times) I've always been involved in giving a bridal shower so I've always contributed to the cost of the shower, but if I was not hosting it I would not expect to be asked to underwrite the event.

I've hosted them alone. I've hosted them with co-workers. I've hosted them with family members of the groom or bride. I've hosted them with some of the other bridesmaids.

[Justicedog]

As a bridesmaid or maid of honor (7 times) I've always been involved in giving a bridal shower so I've always contributed to the cost of the shower, but if I was not hosting it I would not expect to be asked to underwrite the event.



I've always contributed to the cost of the shower when I was a bridesmaid, as the bridesmaids always gave the shower. If I wasn't part of the group giving the shower, I didn't contribute.

[NazirsMom]

It would be normal if the bridesmaids were included in throwing the party. To claim that mom, sis, and aunt are throwing the party, then ask for money last minute, is tacky IMO.

totally agree.

they are the ones throwing the party so they are the ones who should be throwing in the money

[BeanBabies]

Well, I'd chip in but then I'd complain about it to other people. :D

[Laurens_Mom]

For the showers I've been involved in, it was always given by the Bridesmaids. So we all chipped in. Whether it be money, food or prizes for the guests.

[newbie]

Same here, I have been in several weddings as bridesmaid & Matron of honor, we always hosted the shower and split the cost.

[camille97]

This may be true in your circle, but it is not a universal expectation. And, in fact, if the Maid of Honor is an immediate family member of the bride (sister or mother) the strictest queens of etiquette would consider it in bad taste for her to give any shower at all (asking for "gifts" for your own family member).




I don't have sister, so that's probably why it never occurred to me (re: asking for gifts for your own family member).

The last bridal shower I hosted was ages ago, but I paid for the majority of it. I was not the maid of honor, my friend's wheelchair bound friend was. She paid for virtually nothing (I believe that my friend paid for her MOH's dress, too). It annoyed me to no end simply because it was sprung on me at the last minute, and it was poorly planned and executed. IMO, if you can't afford to foot most, or a good portion, of the bill, you shouldn't accept that title.

Asking for money at the last minute from those who are not taking part in the planning, etc. is tacky.

[bocarioja]

I'd offer to bring a few dishes or maybe the cake and a game. At least that way, you're not flat out refusing the tacky offer and you're still helping.

[steelady]

Yeah, you are right. I suppose it's the maid of honor's way of being a cheap ass. And in the end, I would probably still buy a shower gift cuz I like shopping for other people. lol.


Maybe the maid of honor doesn't have enough to be a cheap ass.

I'm not an etiquette person at all. If you can't swing it, just tell them "hey, I'm sorry, things are tight with all the other expenses, perhaps I can make a dish?"

Flame me if one wishes, but I find it sad (and annoying) when it seems like what is "correct" or "proper" seems more important (or more correct?) than doing what is right or best for everyone (and this is aimed at both those throwing the events and those participating, I've heard and seen enough to know this goes both ways).

[Suzette]

What would annoy me if I were the OP, is being asked one week before the shower to contribute $50. It's not even like they all discussed this months or weks ago and agreed on an amount affordable to everyone.
To email one week before and ask for a certain amount of money is just wrong.

[steelady]

What would annoy me if I were the OP, is being asked one week before the shower to contribute $50. It's not even like they all discussed this months or weks ago and agreed on an amount affordable to everyone.
To email one week before and ask for a certain amount of money is just wrong.


To each her own. Knowing my friends, they wouldn't ask if it wasn't needed, but then again it wouldn't be a requirement either. I've heard too many times "well, why didn't you just ask?". I don't view a request or a question as a requirement and I choose not to get pissed off about being asked (unless someone gets pissed off at me for saying no).

But, as I said, it's annoying and sad on both sides. Those who think they need extra whatever (pushing the cost on others) and those who are more concerned with what is "correct" or tacky or whatever than having a good time/fun experience for everyone.