So how do I handle this? RE: friend's potential affair

[freemama]

So, I have this best friend, I will just call her Tina, although that is not her name. Tina's husband is in the military and is currently stationed somewhere different than here. They have been trying to rent their house but its been a no go so she and the kids are here in Va for now.

Tina is the kind of woman who needs a lot of male attention. At my sister's wedding, she ran off with one of the guests. I have no idea what happened but I can only speculate. That made me feel very uncomfortable.

Tina does not have trash service, so she brings her trash to our local "convenience site". There is a roll off driver there that she has been flirting with for months. Somewhere along the way they exchanged cell phone numbers. After the incident at my sister's wedding it was like Tina needed even more male attention and she began texting with this roll off driver. They are exchanging sexually suggestive texts and making plans to go to amusement parks and bars together.

Tina wants me to be her excuse. She wants me to go along with them to bars and other places so that if anyone sees them together she can pass him off as my boyfriend. She wants me to go to bars with him and her and his friends so that I can be the designated driver and her "wingman". I don't want to be involved in this AT ALL. I don't want to be partially responsible for her destroying her marriage and I don't want to be putting my personal safety at risk. I feel used and pretty angry about this.

I've been kind of avoiding her but I am afraid of telling her no because I really value her friendship, although its apparent she doesn't value mine. How can I handle this graciously?

[Crabbie]

There is no gracious way to handle. Tell her the truth. If you do not want to be involved, tell her. Do not make excuses just tell her. You have been through harder things than this and can do it, so just do it.

[freemama]

I really am disappointed in her. I don't want to see her destroy her marriage and her family this way. She has a great husband. It makes me angry to see her doing this especially because she has no idea how lucky she is to have a husband who treats her like a princess.

[Crabbie]

You can't save her marriage.

[Earthmama]

Be honest - and don't blame yourself for other people's mistakes. (Blame may not be the right word, but I hope you see what I mean, anyway.)

[JenniferH]

Say no. Don't worry about being gracious. She is not deserving of your graciousness.

Not only would you feel used and angry and unsafe, but you may jeapordize your own custody concerns if your stbx gets wind of you hanging out at bars and having a new boyfriend. Even if you have done nothing wrong (and going to bars and having a new boyfriend in YOUR situation would not be) a judge could see it differently.

[Bellaelle]

Tell her to stop acting like a trashy ho and to start acting like a respectable wife and mother.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I agree with all the others. However you decide to handle it, the best thing to do is to stay the hell out of it.

[J-A-N-E]

I agree with all the others. However you decide to handle it, the best thing to do is to stay the hell out of it.


This

[alejorge]

I agree with what everyone is saying.

[Laurens_Mom]

Be honest with her and tell her what you told us.

[Justicedog]

I'd just be truthful, that you don't want any part in that.

[JulieBaby]

Echoing everyone here: Tell her no.

She has already ruined her marriage by being unfaithful. Even if her husband never finds out, her infidelity will always haunt her and create tension in her marriage.

Whatever you do dont get involved. Even with her being the guilty party, when and if her husband finds out what was going on you will end up being blamed for her stupid action, even though you are not to blame. Personally, I wouldnt want to be in the way of the wrath of a scorned husband/wife.

[Gigi]

First of all, she is no kind of "friend."

Secondly, back away from the ho. Nice flew out the window when she suggested that you assist her in being one.

[3girls2luv]

That pisses me off in so many ways. First of all he is serving our country and putting his life on the line and is wife is here being a shitty wife. Second how dare she ask you to cover for her she is no friend and I would just back away from her and not just tell her no but HELL NO!

[Iconoclast]

I'd jsut say you aren't comfortable with it and leave it at that.

[TuetonicWillow]

I would tell her I wasn't comfortable being involved and say no more.

[TuetonicWillow]

Or...what Iconoclast said.

There ya go.

[Tweet]

What's wrong with just saying "no fucking way will I do that..it's not my style" ??

[Tweet]

That pisses me off in so many ways. First of all he is serving our country and putting his life on the line and is wife is here being a shitty wife. Second how dare she ask you to cover for her she is no friend and I would just back away from her and not just tell her no but HELL NO!


To be fair, you don't know that he's some wonderful husband. He could be a wife beater for all any of us knows.

[xobehs]

Why did you even have to post? The answer seems obvious, and everyone above has said.

Oh, and one thing. She is not your friend.

[3girls2luv]

To be fair, you don't know that he's some wonderful husband. He could be a wife beater for all any of us knows.


She said he was a good husband that treated her like a princess.

[JustMoi]

Tell her that you will not be a party for her acting the whore while her husband is away. It may be harsh but it sounds like that's what she's planning. Maybe the harsh word will rattle her enough to get her to think with something other than her genitalia.

[steelady]

That pisses me off in so many ways. First of all he is serving our country and putting his life on the line and is wife is here being a shitty wife. Second how dare she ask you to cover for her she is no friend and I would just back away from her and not just tell her no but HELL NO!


Not sure what one has to do with the other. If he was a chiropracter, she is still being a shitty wife (ASSuming he isn't ok with this behavior)

[Mobeanie]

Tell her to stop acting like a trashy ho and to start acting like a respectable wife and mother.

If you don't want to friends, say exactly what Bella said. That's what I'd tell any of my friends. If you do want to stay friends, be nicer.

[Tulip]

You can graciously tell her that you will not assist her in committing adultery. If she wants to go down that road, she's on her own.

I would also be clear that I will not lie for her under any circumstances.

If she values your friendship, then she will respect your feelings on this. If she doesn't, then she's not worth your time.

[pawprint]

Tell her to stop acting like a trashy ho and to start acting like a respectable wife and mother.


Lol. Bella, you crack me up!

[CatSoup]

Not sure what one has to do with the other. If he was a chiropracter, she is still being a shitty wife (ASSuming he isn't ok with this behavior)


Because some of us get a bit more riled up over our soldiers being screwed over than others. Would it be okay if her husband was something else? Of course not, but emotionally it gets to some of us more when we know that he's out there serving his country and she's serving her own whorish needs.

[fell4myfallbaby]

i agree with everyone else. just tell her you don't feel comfortable. if she is your friend she won't want to put you in a situation that makes you uneasy. and tell her that you don't want to talk about it cause you don't agree with some things. if you don't want to lose her friendship just agree to disagree.

[3girls2luv]

Because some of us get a bit more riled up over our soldiers being screwed over than others. Would it be okay if her husband was something else? Of course not, but emotionally it gets to some of us more when we know that he's out there serving his country and she's serving her own whorish needs.


Thank you CS. That is exactly what I meant. It does weigh heavy on my heart when I see one of our soldiers being screwed. My dad was military and he got sick with a lung disease while in the military and he died from complications of this lung disease last Aug. He basically died too young for serving his country. I do not blame the military I am proud to say my dad was a hero.