I actually kinda agreed with Dr. Laura last night...

[VegasLactivist]

I was listening to Dr. Laura last night on the way home in my van, and this woman called in. She said her children were furious with her, and she was at risk of losing her relationship with them. All her kids are 20+ years old. She had like 7 kids.

She is in her 2nd marriage.

Her son was coming home from 2 tours back to back in Iraq. He had been gone for a LONG time, at war. He called his mom and said, "I really want to come stay with you for awhile, while I adjust back to life stateside. Would that be OK?"

Her husband said, "You can come stay, but you have to pay $300 a month in rent from day 1."

Son said, "I can't do that mom. I need to wait until I find a job. Can I have a couple of weeks to get employed and then start paying rent?"

"No, he says no. He said day one or not at all."

And she DIDN'T LET HIM STAY!

Dr. Laura's response? "I'm sickened that any mother would choose her new man over her son who needed her. If I was your children, I'd never speak to you again. Your priorities and your loyalties are a mess."

A bit harsh maybe, but you know, I agree. Married 2 years to this guy, and she's leaving her son whose been at war for 2 years on his own because her husband doesn't want him there unless he pays him?

Sickening if you ask me. Sometimes Dr. Laura gets it right.

[HammBugga]

That IS fucked up. As an aside, my boss was talking about Dr. Laura and said she is always right. Then she asked me if I listened to her and I said "no, but I think I've heard of her. Isn't she the one who is against Mothers who work outside the home?" And she's like 'Well...yeah." way to put your foot in your mouth boss lady.

[VegasLactivist]

LOL Sarah. Yeah, I'd have to say, MUCH of the time, her summations are stuck in 1948.

[tifttu]

I tend to agree, but at the same time, I wonder how this guy just did two tours in Iraq and is suddenly unemployed with no money saved up from extra pay, tax free pay, and terminal leave pay?

[BeachMama]

Every once in a while I agree w/ Dr. Laura.

[VegasLactivist]

I tend to agree, but at the same time, I wonder how this guy just did two tours in Iraq and is suddenly unemployed with no money saved up from extra pay, tax free pay, and terminal leave pay?


It doesn't even matter. The demand by his stepfather was out of line, and his mom going along is 100 times worse.

[camille97]

As an aside, my boss was talking about Dr. Laura and said she is always right. Then she asked me if I listened to her and I said "no, but I think I've heard of her. Isn't she the one who is against Mothers who work outside the home?" And she's like 'Well...yeah." way to put your foot in your mouth boss lady.

:roflol

[xobehs]

I tend to agree, but at the same time, I wonder how this guy just did two tours in Iraq and is suddenly unemployed with no money saved up from extra pay, tax free pay, and terminal leave pay?
He should just be able to jump back into society with two feet and not stumble- no problem. Huh. This is just not reality.

I would be kissing my DS and just thankful he is home and healthy.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I agree with Dr. Laura and shebox.

[KerryS]

Every once in a while I agree w/ Dr. Laura.

Sort of like how a broken clock is still correct twice a day.

[JustMoi]

Um... I don't agree. If the house is also the stepfather's (and it probably is), he has equal say in whether or not someone else stays there, whether it's her son or not. She married the guy, and her loyalty is to her spouse and not to her ADULT child. I can understand why she was torn, but I also understand why she sided with her DH.

[KerryS]

She married the guy, and her loyalty is to her spouse and not to her ADULT child.

I agree with this.

[steelady]

Um... I don't agree. If the house is also the stepfather's (and it probably is), he has equal say in whether or not someone else stays there, whether it's her son or not. She married the guy, and her loyalty is to her spouse and not to her ADULT child. I can understand why she was torn, but I also understand why she sided with her DH.


Can't agree with this. I realize the house may also be the step dad's, but when he married the mom, he had to know that she had children, and likely knew one of them was in Iraq. While, theoretically speaking, he doesn't have to, I can't find any reason why he couldn't show a little compassion for the child and empathy for his wife, his mother. I don't know that I could side with my dh if I thought he was being unreasonable, uncaring and unsupportive of my child. As a disclaimer, my child will always need someone (he has autism), not matter what, so I may have a skewed perspective.

Then again, i do think things like going to war are a bit out of the ordinary and should be treated a bit specially. I can only imagine what that man (the son) will have to go through and I do not think it is over the top to want to do that in a safe place-with his mom.

[Missymoo]

It doesn't even matter. The demand by his stepfather was out of line, and his mom going along is 100 times worse.

Well, who knows what kind of relationship the son has with the mother and stepfather. Maybe he was a really bad teen to deal with before he left. Maybe he stole from them, who knows?

There could be myriad reasons why the step father didn't want him to stay there.

[JustMoi]

Once my kids are adults, they will be living on their own. Neither mine nor DH's children will be living with us once they are adults unless there is some sort of catastrophic event (house fire, serious illness, etc.). That's just something DH and I have agreed on. Once the kids are grown, they should have the tools to be self supporting.

I DO think that if my child were coming home from Iraq that would fall into special circumstances... but if my DH didn't want him to live with us, I'd try to find another option for the child.

[steelady]

Well, who knows what kind of relationship the son has with the mother and stepfather. Maybe he was a really bad teen to deal with before he left. Maybe he stole from them, who knows?

There could be myriad reasons why the step father didn't want him to stay there.

But he could stay there, he just had to pay them 300 per month, starting day 1. That the step dad wouldn't give him a 2 week free period to find work, etc.

I am ASSuming there were no major issues (i.e. killing, wanton destruction, assault/abuse) I would still let my partner's child (hypothetical) stay with us, with strict rules, after he had served two tours in Iraq.

Not that I think it is a right for the adult child, more of a compassion thing on the side of the parental adult.

I'm also assuming Tami isn't forgetting something major like the son tortured the neighbor's cat and that the mom would have mentioned something that would support her case like "he stole from us once..."

[leosmommy]

Argee or disagree with the lady, I love the way she can bitch a person out. Must take notes.

[tifttu]

I never said that he should be able to hit the ground running...in fact my point was just the opposite. I think there may be other issues not brought up causing the step-dad to insist on the rent from day 1. It's not like you get off the plane from deployment with no job and no money. I think mom should have more input in the situation than it sounds like, but perhaps she doesn't want to be the bad guy. I just think there's more going on.

[oldtimer]

Once my kids are adults, they will be living on their own. Neither mine nor DH's children will be living with us once they are adults unless there is some sort of catastrophic event (house fire, serious illness, etc.). That's just something DH and I have agreed on. Once the kids are grown, they should have the tools to be self supporting.

I DO think that if my child were coming home from Iraq that would fall into special circumstances... but if my DH didn't want him to live with us, I'd try to find another option for the child.

And I am guessing your kids are still small.
When you have older kids, lets talk.
You can plan till the cows come home honey and things always change.



I love it when couples who have small kids makes 'plans' for 20 years down the road. It is just so damn cute.

[Debs_Cage]

I can imagine very few situations where I would not allow my adult children in my home. For example, drug addicted criminal. Certainly not a hero coming home from Iraq. I will always (assuming they are honest, responsible, law abiding citizens) have an open door long enough to get them back on their feet.

I understand charging rent if one can afford it, but at least give him time to get a job and a paycheck.

[TuetonicWillow]

I agree that she has every right to put her relationship above the needs of her son because he is an adult and she shouldn't have to put her kids lives' before her own anymore. But there are fines lines you don't cross here. Moving to Spain with new hubby to live out your life long dream despite your adult kids protest- tough shit, I'd go to Spain. Putting hubby's rules above the needs of your young son who has to start from scratch like this? Not acceptable in my book.

I can't say I can relate. I cannot imagine not allowing my son to stay with me rent-free for a month or two while he got on his feet. That would be a big fight DH and I would have to just see through. I would be upset about my husband not understanding my NEED to help my children in this capacity. In fact, I would think if my husband was unwilling to be of help to my own children ( whether they were 4 or 14 or 40) then I would suspect I'd chosen pretty poorly and I'd be reconsidering my marriage.

[VegasLactivist]

In fact, I would think if my husband was unwilling to be of help to my own children ( whether they were 4 or 14 or 40) then I would suspect I'd chosen pretty poorly and I'd be reconsidering my marriage.

This is the other thing Dr. Laura said to her, I'd forgotten to include it. I would also be having that "true colors" moment.

[Sashahomeschoolmama]

I agree with TW.

Also, the stepfather should remember that nothing in life is guaranteed. A few years ago my mom had a well-paying job. She'd worked there for over thirty years.

Then the company moved to Mexico. Now she works for a fraction of the pay she made then. Her entire financial security is gone and dh and I help her pay her bills.

You might be the one in the position to help today. But you might be the person needing help tomorrow. Surely even the most self-serving person can understand the wisdom in helping people who you may someday need.

[Sashahomeschoolmama]

I'm also a little appauled that the stepdad doesn't understand that the son will need some decompressing time. It's not like you can come home from war and then go start a job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart the next week.

[Iconoclast]

ITA w/ Sasha and TW. With one caveat. Leave out the emotional stuff related to Iraq. It doesn't matter wehre the kid has been. He asked his mother for help, a reasonable request in most instances. I only wonder if the step Dad has a reason to hold this particular kid to a very strict standard.

Has the young man been extremely irresponsible in the past? Why is he broke? I thought military people got paid a stipend in addition to having all their basic needs met, and that some even get hazzard pay for dangerous deployments (although for all I know the USGovt doesn't consider Irag hazardous duty what with all the progress since the surge, lol). He should have some money in the bank. If the step Dad knows for a fact that the son has been blowing it all on internet pron/poker and shore leave hookers, well then I see his point. Failing that, the step dad sounds like a real jerk.

[JustMoi]

Oldtimer, I do not have small kids. In fact, my kids are 20, 18 and 14, and DH's kids are 21, 19 and 15. So... no. Not small kids. And I still firmly say exactly what I said before.

And the condescending tone was unnecessary.


And I am guessing your kids are still small.
When you have older kids, lets talk.
You can plan till the cows come home honey and things always change.



I love it when couples who have small kids makes 'plans' for 20 years down the road. It is just so damn cute.