trylyn5
07-08-2008, 10:38 AM
My trauma began more after the birth of my child than during. But looking back now, the whole thing makes me upset. Grief for the first two months of my child's is really what I'm feeling.
My daughter was born on February 8th, 10 days after her due date by c-section. My doctor insisted on inducing me after 8 days using cytotec and then pitocin. I'm a first time mom and trusted my doctor but I wish I'd known more then. Knowing what I know now about cytotec, no one would have gotten near me with it. They told us it was off-label use but that it was perfectly safe.
After 18 hours of labor I was only 2.5 cm dilated but having 90 second contractions every two minutes. I ended up with an epidural (had planned on nothing) because I knew I couldn't take it if it took as long to get the rest of the way. (btw--is it supposed to hurt when they check you so see how far dilated you are?) The epidural of course slowed my labor down so they had to up the pit. By the last few hours the pit was so high the epidural wasn't working. After 29 hours I finally got to push but my baby's heart rate wasn't stable after that long so I ended up with a c-section. At the time I was just happy to have a healthy baby. But because of the epidural not fully working I ended up with a ton of narcotics too during surgery because I could feel.
I did get to breast feed as soon as I got to recovery and for that I am so grateful even though I had to have help holding my beautiful baby. That first time went so well. I remember thinking how wonderful it was. Then they took her to the nursery (because I couldn't take care of her because of the drugs) with the promise that they would bring her back when she was hungry. 7 hours later they finally deemed her hungry and brought her back. This is where our problems really began. Looking back, I think she was really sleepy because of the drugs but they kept saying they were fine for her. We struggled during our whole hospital stay to nurse. The lc had me pumping after every feeding and giving what little colostrom I got out to her in a syringe. The ped at one point said "well if she was bottle fed she'd be drinking several ounces already" because my milk hadn't come in yet and she was losing weight (we didn't go to that ped).
At her one week visit she's starting gaining again but she'd lost a total of 15 oz. The night before we hadn't been able to wake her up to nurse. We'd tried for four hours with no success. I had to pump and give my 6 day old a bottle. I cried and cried. It finally took 4 weeks of nursing and supplementing to get her back up to her birth weight. I was nursing every two hours, pumping after every feeding, and supplementing during the day. I was determined that my baby would never have any formula but I just wasn't able to pump enough to supplement totally with breast milk. I cried and cried when I finally opened that can (that the lovely formula company had sent me in the mail). I felt like I was giving my baby junk.
Finally at 6 weeks the ped finally decided her weight gain was sufficient that if we monitored her weight we would wean her off the supplements. I was so excited! We spent a week with her pretty much attached to me like everyone said to do. I took her to the lc and she'd only gained an ounce. I cried. The lc told me to hang in there. The next week, I'd gone back to work, taking her with me at this point and was on Reglan also nursing on demand, she'd gained 3oz and I was really hopeful. But the third week we were back to just 1oz and she was looking really thin. We had to start supplementing again for her health.
Meanwhile, I went in for my postpartum appt at 4.5 weeks (they wanted me early for some reason due to the c-section). I'd started on Fenugreek three days before and at the same time started bleeding really heavily again. I was having some cramping too periodically but thought I'd eaten something bad so I didn't mention it to the doctor. She told me I was having my first period. I was 4 weeks post partum and breast feeding. Since when does that happen? She also gave me the perscription for reglan because of my supply issues.
Four days after my appt the cramping was getting worse and I was having a lot of rectal pressure (like the urge to push at the end of labor) so I called and talked to the nurse. She thought it was bowel related and referred me to a family doctor. I finally got in to see her at 5.5 weeks post partum. She order a ct scan to rule out appendicitis. The ct scan revealed something in my uterus. I had an ultrasound for a better look but it was probably fibroids. The ultrasound tech said it didn't look like fibroids to her. She thought it might be a large clot. This kinda scared me and I called the family doctor as soon as they said she should have the results. She refered me back to the obgyn and said I might need to have an endometrial biopsy. By this time I'm freaked out.
I got into my ob at 8 weeks postpartum and she kind of blew me off. I wasn't having the cramping anymore and she said it just a red herring. I had fibroids and it wasn't anything to worry about. I was really relieved but my husband wasn't because she hadn't examined me and no one had ever seen fibroids before on any of my prenatal ultra sounds. So I called back and to placate me, she scheduled a followup ultrasound for 4 weeks later (13 weeks post partum). In the meantime, I keep bleeding. I started on the mini pill (9.5 weeks) to try to get it to stop and it got worse. I was having to change pads more often that I would on the first day of my period. At ten weeks post partum I passed a chunk of tissue. Right after my doctor's office closed on a Friday. By Monday I was able stop all supplements with my daughter and she's been gaining appropriately ever since.
At my ultrasound three weeks later, whatever was there was gone. My ob called the next day and after some discussion told me that while it was very rare in a c-section, it seemed I had retained some placental fragments after delivery.
I am so angry about this. Number one, I wouldn't have needed the c-section most likely had I not been induced. Number two, she was in there. Nothing should have been left behind. Number three, I had all the symptoms of retained fragments and she missed them.
I really feel like because of her negligence in this I missed so much bonding time with my daughter. I could never just hold her after I fed her. I had to put her down to pump. I was always so worried about her weight and why I couldn't feed her. Not to mention, I should have gotten an infection after 10 weeks of dead tissue in me. I'm concerned I might not be able to have another baby if I did get an infection and it went undetected. I'm also angry now that I may not be allowed to try a vaginal birth.
I won't go back to that doctor and now I'm leary of all doctors. I don't know how to go about finding someone else. All my friends here are planning their c-sections as early as their doctors will let them and hoping they go into labor earlier than that. That's not what I want.
I am so thankful for this place that I can share this with other women who've had difficult experiences. I needed to get this out so I can start moving on.
My daughter was born on February 8th, 10 days after her due date by c-section. My doctor insisted on inducing me after 8 days using cytotec and then pitocin. I'm a first time mom and trusted my doctor but I wish I'd known more then. Knowing what I know now about cytotec, no one would have gotten near me with it. They told us it was off-label use but that it was perfectly safe.
After 18 hours of labor I was only 2.5 cm dilated but having 90 second contractions every two minutes. I ended up with an epidural (had planned on nothing) because I knew I couldn't take it if it took as long to get the rest of the way. (btw--is it supposed to hurt when they check you so see how far dilated you are?) The epidural of course slowed my labor down so they had to up the pit. By the last few hours the pit was so high the epidural wasn't working. After 29 hours I finally got to push but my baby's heart rate wasn't stable after that long so I ended up with a c-section. At the time I was just happy to have a healthy baby. But because of the epidural not fully working I ended up with a ton of narcotics too during surgery because I could feel.
I did get to breast feed as soon as I got to recovery and for that I am so grateful even though I had to have help holding my beautiful baby. That first time went so well. I remember thinking how wonderful it was. Then they took her to the nursery (because I couldn't take care of her because of the drugs) with the promise that they would bring her back when she was hungry. 7 hours later they finally deemed her hungry and brought her back. This is where our problems really began. Looking back, I think she was really sleepy because of the drugs but they kept saying they were fine for her. We struggled during our whole hospital stay to nurse. The lc had me pumping after every feeding and giving what little colostrom I got out to her in a syringe. The ped at one point said "well if she was bottle fed she'd be drinking several ounces already" because my milk hadn't come in yet and she was losing weight (we didn't go to that ped).
At her one week visit she's starting gaining again but she'd lost a total of 15 oz. The night before we hadn't been able to wake her up to nurse. We'd tried for four hours with no success. I had to pump and give my 6 day old a bottle. I cried and cried. It finally took 4 weeks of nursing and supplementing to get her back up to her birth weight. I was nursing every two hours, pumping after every feeding, and supplementing during the day. I was determined that my baby would never have any formula but I just wasn't able to pump enough to supplement totally with breast milk. I cried and cried when I finally opened that can (that the lovely formula company had sent me in the mail). I felt like I was giving my baby junk.
Finally at 6 weeks the ped finally decided her weight gain was sufficient that if we monitored her weight we would wean her off the supplements. I was so excited! We spent a week with her pretty much attached to me like everyone said to do. I took her to the lc and she'd only gained an ounce. I cried. The lc told me to hang in there. The next week, I'd gone back to work, taking her with me at this point and was on Reglan also nursing on demand, she'd gained 3oz and I was really hopeful. But the third week we were back to just 1oz and she was looking really thin. We had to start supplementing again for her health.
Meanwhile, I went in for my postpartum appt at 4.5 weeks (they wanted me early for some reason due to the c-section). I'd started on Fenugreek three days before and at the same time started bleeding really heavily again. I was having some cramping too periodically but thought I'd eaten something bad so I didn't mention it to the doctor. She told me I was having my first period. I was 4 weeks post partum and breast feeding. Since when does that happen? She also gave me the perscription for reglan because of my supply issues.
Four days after my appt the cramping was getting worse and I was having a lot of rectal pressure (like the urge to push at the end of labor) so I called and talked to the nurse. She thought it was bowel related and referred me to a family doctor. I finally got in to see her at 5.5 weeks post partum. She order a ct scan to rule out appendicitis. The ct scan revealed something in my uterus. I had an ultrasound for a better look but it was probably fibroids. The ultrasound tech said it didn't look like fibroids to her. She thought it might be a large clot. This kinda scared me and I called the family doctor as soon as they said she should have the results. She refered me back to the obgyn and said I might need to have an endometrial biopsy. By this time I'm freaked out.
I got into my ob at 8 weeks postpartum and she kind of blew me off. I wasn't having the cramping anymore and she said it just a red herring. I had fibroids and it wasn't anything to worry about. I was really relieved but my husband wasn't because she hadn't examined me and no one had ever seen fibroids before on any of my prenatal ultra sounds. So I called back and to placate me, she scheduled a followup ultrasound for 4 weeks later (13 weeks post partum). In the meantime, I keep bleeding. I started on the mini pill (9.5 weeks) to try to get it to stop and it got worse. I was having to change pads more often that I would on the first day of my period. At ten weeks post partum I passed a chunk of tissue. Right after my doctor's office closed on a Friday. By Monday I was able stop all supplements with my daughter and she's been gaining appropriately ever since.
At my ultrasound three weeks later, whatever was there was gone. My ob called the next day and after some discussion told me that while it was very rare in a c-section, it seemed I had retained some placental fragments after delivery.
I am so angry about this. Number one, I wouldn't have needed the c-section most likely had I not been induced. Number two, she was in there. Nothing should have been left behind. Number three, I had all the symptoms of retained fragments and she missed them.
I really feel like because of her negligence in this I missed so much bonding time with my daughter. I could never just hold her after I fed her. I had to put her down to pump. I was always so worried about her weight and why I couldn't feed her. Not to mention, I should have gotten an infection after 10 weeks of dead tissue in me. I'm concerned I might not be able to have another baby if I did get an infection and it went undetected. I'm also angry now that I may not be allowed to try a vaginal birth.
I won't go back to that doctor and now I'm leary of all doctors. I don't know how to go about finding someone else. All my friends here are planning their c-sections as early as their doctors will let them and hoping they go into labor earlier than that. That's not what I want.
I am so thankful for this place that I can share this with other women who've had difficult experiences. I needed to get this out so I can start moving on.