The baby talk...Help!

[babymakes4]

so, my ds1 is 9 years old, and when Owen was born 2 1/2 years ago he was almost 7. Dh and I explained to him then, how babies are born, in terms he could understand on his level. We told him that mommy had a baby in her tummy and when it was time mommy would go to the hospital and the baby would come out.

Now, 2 1/2 years later he is a little more curious. He saw me watching discovery health and a woman was having a c-section. Now he has it in his head that the doctor is going to cut me open to get the baby out. I told him that sometimes that has to happen, but normally that isn't so. That was enough for him and he let it drop.

However, he has expressed the desire to be at the hospital with dh and I while I am in labor (I am sure he won't stay for the birth)

Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can aproach him with this? He is a rather sensitive child and I don't want to traumatize him.

Any good books (he loves to read) or videos I might look into?

[LivingLoveandLogic]

I was far more literal with ds1 when his sister was born. He was a very precoscious 3 year old when dd1 was born. He knew that the baby was growing in my uturus, that the baby got nourishment through an umbilical cord, that the baby would be born by coming out of my vagina. We watched a birth video over & over at his request. He would have me rewind the tape to the part where the baby's head was crowning and watch it through the newborn baby having her first bath with her big sister, over & over. :) I'm pretty sure at some point we went over how the baby got there too, we were just as literal. We kept it all simple, but used correct terminology. We explained it all as matter of factly as we could and answered questions the same way. We told him that it would hurt, but it was a hard working hurt (like pulling his wagon when it was overloaded with toys), not a hurt like falling down and cutting your knee. All of this took place through many, many small conversations through out our day.

With an older child, my ds is 9 now, maybe you could ask him if he has any questions. What is it that you think might traumatize him? I don't mean that in a condescending way, do you think he will be upset that you're experiencing pain/labour? If so I would talk to him very matter of factly about it as much as possible before hand. Maybe even demonstrate some of the noises you might make while in labour and some of the breathing or other things you might do to help yourself deal with the pain. Maybe make him an honourary labour coach?

I'm just throwng stuff out, I hope it helps. :)

[babymakes4]

I guess I shouldn't have said traumatize. I just think that he is niaeve when it comes to the sex part of how the baby got there. He has recenly watched a litter of kittens born, so I think he gets the jist. I just haven't actually sat down and talked to him about all the literal stuff.

He knows the baby is in my uterus, he knows about the umbilical cord, the water sac, all that stuff.

Im just not sure I could explain it in a way that wouldn't confuse him more. Know what I mean? I want to say the right things to him so he can feel good about the information he is recieving. He's at that age where this kind of stuff is embarasing for him to talk about with parents.

He does know that labor hurts, and he knows that it's all in an effort to get the baby out. I just wish there was a good video or book that we could read together and then discuss it, I think it would be a good way to break the ice so to speak.

[Joyto5]

Im just not sure I could explain it in a way that wouldn't confuse him more. Know what I mean? I want to say the right things to him so he can feel good about the information he is recieving. He's at that age where this kind of stuff is embarasing for him to talk about with parents.

He does know that labor hurts, and he knows that it's all in an effort to get the baby out. I just wish there was a good video or book that we could read together and then discuss it, I think it would be a good way to break the ice so to speak.

When we were sitting around the dinner table, My oldest asked "Mom? How do you make sex?" Before this I had been talking to DH about how we could explain it to our kids. DH and I both found out at school and Not fro our parents. DH turned white and told him we will tell you when your older. I pulled him into another room and said. "He's asking. NOW is the time. Not later!" He was 11 years old.

We pulled him and his sister into the living room after dinner and talked about it ALL! They asked a question and I answered it. DH was really having a hard time with it. Our 8 year old wanted to be involved as well so we had him in also. As time went on Dh started to feel more comfortable about it and started answering the male questions. I remember our 8 year old at one point when we were explaining why men have an erection, my DS#2 said, "Can we change the subject, that's gross!" I have pregnancy books and pulled them out so we could go through the pictures of a birth. I wish my mother would have taken the time to tell me about such things when I was young.

I find the best way is the unfiltered, totally honest, real words and no frills sex talk. Of course I had 2 older kids to explain it to. The 8 year old just wanted to be involved. He's no worse for wear and it's made it so that all 3 of the older kids want to be here for the birth. They all know this is the last one and would like to watch the process. I'm fine with it, it's talking DH into it I'm having a problem with. He's a very private person. We are getting through to him. It's my body the kids will see and what better way then to see the birth of a sibling!

[babymakes4]

See, I think Im more squeamish than dh is. He is very matter of fact about everything. Maybe we should just wait until he asks then?

[HammBugga]

I was nine when my sister was born and my parents got a book that explains it all, in literal terms.

[Joyto5]

See, I think Im more squeamish than dh is. He is very matter of fact about everything. Maybe we should just wait until he asks then?

I use to be squeamish about it also. The older I got and more I thought about it being a normal, natural part of being what we are, the more comfortable I started to become with the aspect of it as well as with my own body.

It's how all of us came to be and how most of us will come to make another human being. It's sad how most of our parents had such a hard time explaining such a beautiful experience and function to their children.

If it was me, I would wait until the questions are asked. When my DS asked in his own HFA way about how it's done, after we answered it, of course more questions started coming. Earlier I had already talked to my DD about becoming a woman and what will happen, so she was very interested in the conversation and asked her questions as well.

I'm sure you'll be ready when the time comes.

[NickNAK]

My children all know how babies get out and two of them are younger than your son. I would just lay it all out there. Don't get too gory or graphic if you think he can't handle it, but just tell him the truth.

[Wolverine]

My dh used to be squemish about these things also. We literally had to practice saying the words so that he would not react outwardly when my dd (2.5 years old) asks blunt questions.

We were very literal about how the baby would come out. We told her it was natural and that's how all animals give birth unless there is a problem. So, we would be at restaurants and she would say to the waiter "did you know there is a baby in mommy's uterus and it will come out of her vagina?" She didn't believe us and wanted to check it out with everyone. She was *sure* that babies came out of your belly button :)

[Joyto5]

She was *sure* that babies came out of your belly button :)

Sad to say, DH thought this same thing until he was 18... He was VERY sheltered!

[CatSoup]

Hard to say for your ds. Mine watched 'in the womb' with me while I was pg with his brother. It showed the vag birth of twins as well as a c-section birth at the end. He hung out with me while I was in labor,and left when it came down to the birth.

[cream_city]

I wouldn't wait for him to ask -- if he is interested in being present for the labor, then I think he needs to be prepared, not in a scary way -- like others have said, just a factual way.

I've heard good things about the videos "Gentle Birth Choices" and "Birth Day." Maybe you could pre-view one, and if it seems good, have him watch it with you?

[Babyblue]

joyto5, my dh was far too sheltered too.

until sometime during our second year of marriage, while talking about labor and birth, my dh finaly realised that women do not pee out of our vaginas.


if you can handle and want your ds in the roomwhile you labor and birth thats great. I am very very pickey and uncomfortable with most people other then dh, or my twin sister if dh passes out. I would not want any dc or esp my mother or mil in the room while I labored or gave birth.

[3girls2luv]

I have no real advice but when dd3 was born dd1 was 13 and she already knew that "babies came out of the ha ha" and dd2 was 9 and the subject about where babies come from had never really come up.

When we told them we were having a baby dd2 said "ok I know babies come out from mommies tummy, but I want to know how it got in there." DD1 spit out what ever it was she was drinking and looked and me and DH and said "yea mom tell how it got in there :)" Well at that time I knew it was time to give her "the talk".

[kohlby]

My son wasn't quite 3 when he picked a science book out of the nonfiction kids section of the library. We had a very interesting assortment of books to read those days since DS liked the nonfiction ones. We looked at the book together and I explained things to him - well, all but how the sperm exactly gets to the egg! I just told him that the daddy gives the mommy the sperm and he didn't ask how. (Though at nine, I would have offered up the exacts, even without a specific question). I think looking at a scientific book helps - it leaves less up to the imagination and allows as a springboard for questions.

*When DS was almost 3, he didn't know babies came out of a vagina. It was after DD had been born and he knew I was cut for her to come out and he had seen the scar. However, since then, he's questioned us about DD's vuvla. (Well, DD questioned us about DS's penis in the bathtub one day). And we explained that babies that aren't too big come out of there. He's 5 and pretty much knows everything except how the daddy gives the mommy the sperm. (He does know that sperm come out the daddy's penis but I think his mind has the daddy handing some sperm over to the mommy).

[alejorge]

My kids are too young right now to understand where baby's come from. My daughter knew that I had a baby in my belly and that he was oing to come out she thought that he came out of my belly button. That was pretty funny. Well she got to be in the room with me when I delivered her little brother and she got to watch me push him out. She was soo happy and excited and she has never quit talking about it. It has been almost 6 months and she is still talking about it.