Bedtime stall tactics

[Jmom1010]

How do you deal with them? We get about an hour and 1/2 of them every night. DS has to get up earlier now and he is still not falling asleep until 9:30 or so, an hour and a 1/2 after we put him to bed. There's my blankie fell, I want to be covered up, where's my bear?, I need to use the potty, etc etc. When he asks to use the potty we let him try since we are trying to toilet teach. All the others go on and on forever. We go back in and rescue friends and blankies from the floor and cover him up but it never just one time. He's not upset, just looking for us to come in. Do we put a limit on how many times we go in? And if we do what do we what do we do if he throws a fit and starts to cry? I don't want to let him CIO but we can't break the cycle if we do go in constantly. I'm not expecting it all to go away, but he needs to be asleep earlier since he's a bear in the morning. Moving his bedtime earlier just seems impossible to do in the Summer since we are usually over someone's house swimming after dinner. And oh yeah my son is almost 3 so I know we have tons of years of stall tactics ahead of us. I just don't want to be contributing to the problem by reinforcing the behavior KWIM?

[Stephanie]

Maybe try making up some bedtime passes? He gets a certain number of passes for you to go in there or for him to come out of his room. I just finished the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, and that was a suggestion. You can decrease the number of passees slowly.

I do think that crying at bedtime at almost 3 years old is different than crying at 3 months. He probably cries when you tell him he can't eat cookies and ice cream for dinner, but that doesn't mean you give him those things. That said, a lot depends on the child. We don't let ds cry at night because he has major anxiety and really believes that no one is there. We will let dd cry a little, as long as she isn't hysterical, she is just upset about bedtime, and knows we are there. You can tell if he is crying and he needs you and you can respond (this is what ds does). Dd cries the same way when she doesn't get her way as she does when we tell her it is bedtime. She is expressing her discontent with what is happening and there isn't anything wrong with that, but she is not at the point where she is scared or overly upset. If she gets to that point, we go to her.

The potty thing will pass. Ds would do that all the time when we were potty training, but he stopped.

[PeacefulMom]

Is there any way you could just stay in there until he fell asleep? Like say I'll read to you and sing to you or just sit here until you are asleep? It just sounds to me like he really needs you if he's coming up with all these excuses, not that he just doesn't want to go to sleep. I could be way off base here. Is his bed big enough for you to lay with him?

[Jacksmommy]

Is his room dark? Jack stays up til it's dark in the summer unless he's skipped his nap. It's hard to go to sleep when it's light outside. As for stall tactics, I really don't have a technique. If Jack truly seems not tired, then he can stay up until he is. If he's tired and resisting sleep, well then I just pick him up and say it's time for night night. He really doesn't put up any fuss about it. I nurse him to sleep and stay with him til he's sound asleep. He's really never had a problem with bedtime.

I agree with the suggestion to stay with him until he falls asleep. It's very comforting - makes bedtime easy, and it's not something that will last forever.

[Nipple_nectar]

Yeah, we wait until it's dark. Right now, we don't even begin the bedtime dance until 9:30pm and it takes until 11pm on most nights before we are even close.

[tifttu]

I think DS would be out about 10,000 times if I didn't stay in with him. We have dark curtains over the windows to help, but he's nowhere near ready for me to say, "goodnight" and leave and him just stay in bed and go to sleep.

[Jmom1010]

Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure sitting with him would work because he really likes to talk with me now and I really like talking to him so I can't see him dropping off if we are babbling away. When he is in a big boy bed I could try moving reading time into his bed instead of on the couch.

His room is really dark as the sun sets on the other side of the house.

I may give the pass idea a try.

[jessiehannan]

It takes a while, but I kept putting DD and DS in bed and when they would get up I would tell them that it is time for going to sleep, not getting up to read another book, get a drink, etc, and put them down for bed. I have a cut off for drinks as well, in hopes of DD staying dry through out the night. DS does really well going to bed, but DD still gets up. I compromised with her, she can lay in bed and talk, sing, make up stories as long as I can't hear her in the living room, she has to be quiet. It is her way of winding down, and has done it since she was about a year old.

[Jacksmommy]

Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure sitting with him would work because he really likes to talk with me now and I really like talking to him so I can't see him dropping off if we are babbling away. When he is in a big boy bed I could try moving reading time into his bed instead of on the couch.

His room is really dark as the sun sets on the other side of the house.

I may give the pass idea a try.


Jack is a talker at night sometimes, too. I sing. I think I have about 10 bedtime songs that I sing, and after I sing each one I hum them. If Jack is still talking after that I say,"Shh, it's time for sleeping."

[klynnw]

We set up a very consistent bedtime routine about the time ds1 was two. Bath, pjs, book (read to him while he is in bed, I kneel at the side of the bed, he is still in his crib, but it's one of those convertible kinds, so we have had it set up as a toddler bed for quite a while), I sing him a song, then we "cuddle" ( a little quiet play where we talk, hug, kisses, etc) and then I say the same good night words to him every night, then I leave. He needs to have his fan on in his room and a nightlight. Also, I put a cup of water (with a lid) on his night stand to eliminate that possibility, and he knows if he's not tired, he doesn't have to go to sleep right away, but he cannot come out of his room. I've found him asleep in the middle of his floor surrounded by toys before. If he does come out, we march him straight back in, but he doesn't get the nice good night again, we are a bit more firm. I also remind every night where we are sleeping and tell him he can come find us if he is scared (he used to make good on this deal frequently, but he's not doing it any more).........I don't how much of this stuff you're doing or if any of it would work for you, but I thought I'd share what works for us.

[Jmom1010]

I'm willing to try many different things. Tonight was a very different night. DS has been way out of control the last few days with the temper. So tonight we was pushing his potty chair around the kitchen and I wanted him to use it before we put his diaper on for bed. Well he threw a fit, pinched me, hit me, kicked me, screamed in my face, so I took him to time out to get a grip. Well he refused to stay put continued to hit, pinch, etc so I decided I had enough. I got him up, put his diaper on, brushed his teeth and away to bed he went. After he calmed down I read him a story in bed then I left again making it clear it was bedtime. He just fell asleep now at 9 and all the stuff went down at 7:30. All the usual games, tossed friends, blankies etc. It was all I could do to keep going in there. His behavior lately really has me not liking him much. I know it is just another phase in his growth but I'm afraid that he will grow up to be one of those out of control bratty kids that Supernanny has to straighten out.

[Jacksmommy]

Your little guy sounds stressed to me. It sounds like there is a pressure to keep a certain schedule, and I understand he needs sleep to function well the next day, but it sounds like he's still wound up when he goes to bed. He's at a difficult age. I'm sure you know that - not just a difficult age to handle - a difficult age to be. He's growing up so fast and becoming more independent all the time, but he's still a toddler who may need more help winding down at night. I think that's why he keeps trying to get you back in his room. Could you just sit beside his bed and rub his back and hum and stay with him until he's ready to drift off to sleep?

Oh, and I really wouldn't push the potty chair - especially when he's grouchy like that. Doesn't he still wear diapers to sleep?

[ima062002]

Here is what I do with our ds (who is 4 and getting much better at going to sleep, but it still takes him about 30 min. or more):

Nursing, pat on the back, hugs etc. and then I tell him that I have to go do X (go brush my teeth, pee, do laundry) and when he wanted to come in the beginning I told him that we all have different jobs, mine was to get the house clean and get ready for bed and his to go to sleep so that he can grow. I then told him that I'd be back in 2 minutes and that I wanted him to wait for me. We never used a crib so in the beginning I made sure to go back in within the minute so that I could set him up for sucess and thank him for waiting. So I'd go in and rub his back a bit more, give him another kiss and say that I have to go do X now and that I'll be back in 3. Gradually I worked up the minutes to real 5 minutes and now I just tell him "I'll be back in a bit". It takes a few times to go back in now and then he's asleep.