need advice please

[chinapiggy]

My daughters scream their heads off whenever my sister leaves for work. She lives with me and leaves 4 days a week at 9 a.m. The girls are 2 and 10 months. They follow her to the door, scream, cry, beg for her to stay, and then the 2yo bangs her head into the wall. It happens anytime she leaves the house actually. She tries to say goodbye, give them kisses, give them warnings, leave at the same time each morning, etc.

Got any advice? I just feel so bad for them. They are so attached to her. I dread the day she moves out. It was not so bad when the baby had no clue what was going on but now that they both do it, it is hard on me too. It is also breaking my sister's heart.

[Hennyetta]

let me just commend you for not being jealous. I lived with my SIL for 3yrs and it bothered me when they'd be excited for SIL to get home from work, or upset when she left. It was hard for me.

IMO, I just think it is one of those things they'll have to deal with. your sister has to go to work, and they will just have to deal with it. I think your sister is doing all the right things. can you distract them with something special that they are really into that they can only have when sister leaves?

how long does the unhappiness last?

I hope someone else has some better ideas, I fear I am not any help.

[3girls2luv]

Consistency is the key for my dd. She would cry when I or DH would leave for work so we started to form a routine so she would know we were leaving. We would give her her "baby" ,hug her, give her a kiss and tell her "we will be back". When we would get home we would say "I'm back". We did this for about a week and the crying stopped now she tells us "be back?" when we are leaving or even when we just pick up our keys. I don't recomend sneaking off because it may stress them out and they will possibly become very clingy because they will be afraid that she will leave when they are not looking.

I'm not sure if that will help but its what we did and it worked. Good luck.

[chinapiggy]

We try to keep it consistent. She gives them a warning of like 5-10 minutes. Then she packs her lunch and puts it by the door. She Hugs each one, holds them, then kisses them and says her goodbyes. She gets home after they are in bed so there is no saying she will be back that night. She tells them she will see them in the morning though.

I love that she is so close with them. They do not cry near as much when I have to leave them or when my hubby has to leave. I get my fair share of their love though;) I just fear that I will not be near as involved in her kids lives if she ever has any.

[xobehs]

A quieter exit might be better for awhile. Have her slip out the door while you and the girls are out of sight.

[3girls2luv]

Don't give them so much time to think about it. She needs to let them know she is leaveing right when she is leaving. (like pulling off the bandaid fast vs. pulling it off slowly). She can maybe buy them each a little bear or doll so that they can hold and play with while she is gone or some of her cosutme jewelry for the older dd.