12yo DD1 is running away.

[hotlama]

I went into DD1's room just now and she was packing her backpack to run away. She said that she was going to run away tonight because her brother hit her and she is tired of him.

I told her not to use her backpack because she'll need it for school on Monday and helped her pack her backpack with what she needed for school hoping that it would take her mind off of running away. Instead, she went into the garage and got her suitcase. She told me that I needed to drive her to the bank so she could get some money before she ran away since she would need to buy food. I told her that I wouldn't drive her to the bank because I can't help her run away and that if she really wants to she will have to do it alone.

I also told her that she'll have to wait and run away after school starts because we are going school shopping tomorrow and I didn't want her to miss it. I said that she can still pack her suit case so she is ready but it would be better if she waited until fall break so she doesn't miss any school.

She thought that waiting was a good idea. She's in her room packing her suitcase right now. The funny thing is that she isn't packing clothes, just odds and ends.


This is my first time experiencing a "run away" threat. I know she isn't really going to run away. Maybe tonight I'll take her out for a girls night.

[jessiehannan]

Sounds like she needs a break from her brother! Poor thing sounds upset. I second the idea of a girl's night out!

[JudyJudyJudy]

How old is her brother?

Whether or not she ever goes through with it, it's sad that she feels that she needs to run away.

[3girls2luv]

Awwww I remember when I "ran away" around that age and all I took was odds and ends and moved out to the horse coral for about 2hrs.

I think she needs a girl's night out too.

[hotlama]

How old is her brother?


He's 14.

I think it will be a lot better once school starts. Her brother is going to an after school tutoring program so she won't see him from 8:30am - 6:30pm during the week. She is also going to be in a choir twice a week from 7:00-8:00 and church once a week from 7:00-8:00.

I think that time apart will make her heart grow fonder. She probably just has summer cabin fever.

[3girls2luv]

He is 14 and she is 12? He should not be hitting her. Poor baby

[still_me]

My mom told my sister, "Well, move over because you'll need more than that!" She ended up calling her bluff and they sat down and had a talk.

It sounds like she does need time apart.

ETA: I just saw how old your son is. It sounds like he needs a talk about how he shouldn't be hitting girls. That is something you don't want him to get away with. I am sure you already know that though.

[JudyJudyJudy]

He is 14 and she is 12? He should not be hitting her. Poor baby
I agree. Why is her 14yo brother hitting her, and what is being done about it?

[cc1003]

Once I ran away to the trampoline. But seriously, why is he hitting her?

[hotlama]

I agree. Why is her 14yo brother hitting her, and what is being done about it?

DH had a long talk with him about how dishonorable it is to hit a girl.

He got what was coming to him from DD1. She whomped him a good one right after he hit her. A few years back we gave her a few lessons in self defense and I think DS forgot who he was messing with. She's tough but is still sensitive. I promised her that she could go to a girl relatives house next summer to get a break from boys so she is feeling better.

[hotlama]

Sometimes a firm conversation can be just as effective as a punishment.

[cheryln]

No hitting period. Regardless of gender. It isn't okay for a girl to hit a boy either (except in self defense circumstances, for either gender).
They need firm consequences for hitting. No tv/phone for a week.


Absolutely. Hitting should not be tolerated. When I was a kid I got beat up all them time by brother. I ended up being more pissed at my parents for not doing anything about it.

[cream_city]

My brother was younger than me, and honestly I felt sort of abused by him because he hit me so often. It stopped by the time we were 12 and 14 though. I can't imagine, honestly, a 14 y.o. hitting his younger sister.

Did she really want to go away next summer? It seems like she shouldn't have to leave to get away from him, but that he should be forced to change his behavior.

Did he apologize?

[cream_city]

No hitting period. Regardless of gender. It isn't okay for a girl to hit a boy either (except in self defense circumstances, for either gender).
They need firm consequences for hitting. No tv/phone for a week.


I agree.

[JudyJudyJudy]

hotlama, I don't want you to feel attacked, but the way this is being handled concerns me. I don't think your dd should have to learn that she needs to hit to defend herself. She needs to learn that the hitter with be dealt with--not that she will just have to deal with whoever hurts her. I fear that if she's ever abused by a boyfriend or husband, she will see it as normal and will think there is no need to seek anyone's help for it.

I think it's very sad that she feels the need to leave for the summer to get out of an abusive situation. That must be an awful way for her to have to live.

[Sputterduck]

hotlama, I don't want you to feel attacked, but the way this is being handled concerns me. I don't think your dd should have to learn that she needs to hit to defend herself. She needs to learn that the hitter with be dealt with--not that she will just have to deal with whoever hurts her. I fear that if she's ever abused by a boyfriend or husband, she will see it as normal and will think there is no need to seek anyone's help for it.


Yes. A child needs to understand that being hit is not okay ever. I just took it when I was being hit by my husband, and I now that I'm out of that situation I would *never* downplay getting hit to a little girl. It is a really freaking big deal.

[hotlama]

I don't think your dd should have to learn that she needs to hit to defend herself. She needs to learn that the hitter with be dealt with--not that she will just have to deal with whoever hurts her. I fear that if she's ever abused by a boyfriend or husband, she will see it as normal and will think there is no need to seek anyone's help for it.

I disagree with you about DD not needing to learn how to physically defend herself. If she is ever attacked, I want her to be strong enough to get away. Using your words doesn't always work while someone is trying to attack you. A hitter will be dealt with after the hit, but wouldn't it be better if she was strong enough to prevent the hit in the first place or show the hitter that she isn't the type of girl who will tolerate being hit?


I think it's very sad that she feels the need to leave for the summer to get out of an abusive situation. That must be an awful way for her to have to live.

She does not feel like she needs to leave for a summer to get out of an abusive situation. I simply put the offer on the table to give her a chance to have girl time without boys around. He does not beat on her on a daily basis. This was an isolated event that escalated from an argument.


Her brother was dealt with. Just because he wasn't grounded from t.v. for a week does not mean he doesn't understand what he did was wrong.

[jessiehannan]

I'm glad she is feeling better.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I disagree with you about DD not needing to learn how to physically defend herself. If she is ever attacked, I want her to be strong enough to get away. Using your words doesn't always work while someone is trying to attack you. A hitter will be dealt with after the hit, but wouldn't it be better if she was strong enough to prevent the hit in the first place or show the hitter that she isn't the type of girl who will tolerate being hit?
Wow. I was trying to be nice before. Do you honestly not see the difference between teaching a girl to defend herself against an attacker and having to defend herself in her own home where she should feel safe?


Her brother was dealt with. Just because he wasn't grounded from t.v. for a week does not mean he doesn't understand what he did was wrong.
"Tired of her brother hitting her" doesn't sound like a one-time deal. It sounds like an ongoing problem. :(