I am sooo tired of my 6 yr old being angry!

[jessiehannan]

I could deal with it, when it was just the whiny, sulky type of angry. But now she has started throwing lay on the floor and kick and scream temper tantrums. She has also started hitting and pushing her brother. Today at the WIC office she did a kicking screaming temper tantrum, and then when we got home, she took some peanut butter crackers away from her brother, waited until he went in his room to cry and threw them at the wall beside him so that they would get crushed. She knows that 'broken' food sends him off the deep end, and did it deliberately. I just don't understand why she has started doing this at 6 when she never did it before.
There are some things going on in family life that she is frustrated with, but we have no control over, and she is just going to have to deal with. One is the birth of her baby sister. (and she was fine with that until she asked for another baby brother and we told her no, that we weren't having any more babies.) Another is that my mom and her husband were having some problems with their marriage, and my mom and I decided that it would be better if the kids didn't go with them for a few weeks. (My stepdad was drinking heavily, and we decided that it was a no go with him being belligerant and them living right on a river.) Another thing is that DH's mom had knee replacement surgery the week before the baby was born, and she isn't getting to spend as much time with Grandpa as she wants because of PT, checkups and the like. Plus Grandma is grumpy because she is in pain. They take her as often as they can, though.
Right now she is angry that I will not buy her toys, even though her b-day is in two weeks. I had to cut back on spending this year, and after school supplies and clothes for her, I only have $25 each for her and DS for their bdays, not including the cakes. She is full of 'gimme gimme gimme' right now, and it is driving me nuts. She won't help around the house either. Ahh! I just don't have the energy for this right now! I am just so tired, I have bronchitis, and my house is filthy. :(
Any one have any suggestions?

[jessiehannan]

She is doing better now than she was earlier today. Every one went to their rooms and had quiet time alone and DS took a nap w/o a fit. She is much more cooperative than she has been for the past month. I think I may need to add a little more structure into our day, and start getting ready for school. More than anything I am just sooo stressed out because August is so busy for us. (8 birthdays, back to school and this year a baby shower, two parties, 3 get togethers, 4 non profit org. meetings, and 1 big non profit org. event.) Yuck. But such is life. Parties this year are cake and sandwiches at Grandma and Grandpa's. I don't even have the time to make and decorate custom cakes for them this year, like I always have. Next year, I am not agreeing to do anything in August! This year Gabe is getting a cranium game that was clearance, and a bubble toy that was also clearance, a Richard Scarry preschool activity book, and clothes. (Since he needs clothes so badly I have done what I swore I would never do, clothes for birthdays.) Lilith wants a Bratz doll, and I will see what I can find. Dh got home early today and sent me out for an hour by myself, and is helping clean house so that helps.
Dh has gone from 20 hours a week at work to 35+ so that decreases alot of stress. Mom and hubby have worked things out. Just waiting for MIL to heal now. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my vent. :)
And I am such a dingbat, I just realized why she is so grumpy! She has two loose teeth and can't eat anything hard, which eliminates 90% of her diet. Now I am going to have to get creative, we don't eat many cooked or canned fruits or veggies, just fresh. I may have to go get a blender so that she can have smoothies.

[cream_city]

I'm glad things were better this afternoon!

If she's in a wanting things phase, do they have a toy lending library or just the regular library nearby you could go to?

I'm sure her teeth are making her more on edge.

[hotlama]

DS1 used to be like that when he was 7. The only ting I was able to do to get him to stop having tantrums was to put him in his room.

I made sure that his room was free of anything that he could break and then whenever he had a tantrum I would pick him up and take him to his room and shut the door. I would stand outside his door and hold the door knob and every 5 minutes or so, I would tell him that as soon as he stopped yelling, he could come out. As soon as the tantrum stopped, I would open the door and tell him that no matter how he behaved I would still love him and want him.

It took about two or three months of doing this every day but each time he had a tantrum, the time he spent in his room was less and less until eventually all I had to do was tell him that he had to go to his room and he would stop.

This will only work if your DD doesn't have toys in her room. At the time we had a playroom for all the toys so all he had in his room was his bed and a dresser. I'm sure that if he had things to do in his room it wouldn't have worked.

[hotlama]

(Since he needs clothes so badly I have done what I swore I would never do, clothes for birthdays.)

Oh, you don't even want to know what I have done every year. Santa brings shampoo, soap, tooth paste ect. I add a little candy but everything else is something needed.

[jessiehannan]

I just hate buying kids clothes for b-days! Since her bday and his bday and my BIL bday and my bday are all in August, it is rough on the wallet. I always got school clothes and school supplies for my bday and I hated it. I cried every year. I cried even harder the one year that they just took me shopping and let me pick out clothes that I liked, and the first time I washed them and hung them out to dry some one stole them off the clothes line. I was ten. So even if I have to do with out and I usually do, the kids get something fun. This is the first year that I haven't been able to make them any fun clothes or costumes for presents either. The kids love getting new clothes though, so I guess my rule doesn't apply. One thing we did this year, and I want to continue, is making homemade pizza that the kids get to top themselves. It took 2 bags of pepperoni slices because we kept on eating them . :)
Thanks everyone!

[mtmomma]

The hitting and tantrums are unacceptable. You let her know that. When she has one you ignore her. When she completes her fit, you ask her if she is done, and then she is sent to her room for a time out. Or you move her into room for her fit.


That works like a charm for all ages!! 6 was a very hard yr for me & my oldest I was pregnant on bed-rest & she was testing all limits. It sucked but I did what CM23 said as a friend of mine suggested I try & it worked it took about 2 weeks but after that dd seen her fits was pointless.

[Earthmama]

If she's hungry, that might cause her grumpiness - AND the wants. I know I impulse shop A LOT more when I'm hungry.

You can throw an instant breakfast packet in the smoothie for added protein & vitamins - it will help her feel full.

I just want to hug you all, you are going through so much!

[Mary_Mary]

Most of your post has been addressed already, and well addressed.

One thing I'm going to comment on though is the 'not helping around the house' aspect of things.

At her age you are going to have to INSIST that she start helping. She WILL fight you on it. She will throw tantrums. She will cry, whine, yell, stomp her feet, scream, refuse to comply, etc.

It is going to be a huge fight and you're going to feel that her help isn't worth the effort...but you need to insist NOW that she start helping. Don't wait even a day, because you might as well get this fight out of the way.

My boys were around 6 when my aunt (whose youngest kid is about five years older than my boys) mentioned that she wished that she had insisted that her kids start helping around the house at a much younger age. I went home that day and gave my boys jobs to do.

I started small, just asking them to help unload the dishwasher, each of them doing a small part of it. They pitched a huge fit, but I insisted. Unloading the dishwasher that day was annoying because they were NOT cooperative and complained loud and long.

The next day they complained too. I explained that if they would just do it and stop complaining they could get back to what they wanted to do sooner.

They complained the next day too...but a little less strenuously.

By the third day they were still a little grumpy about it, but came and did their task more quickly and with fewer complaints.

But they got the message that they were expected to help and started just coming and doing their job when asked.

So buckle down NOW and insist that she help around the house. Address all her other issues as well, but INSIST that she help around the house.

[jessiehannan]

The not wanting to help with the house is something new. They only thing she will do w/o complaining is dishes, but I only have so may of those she can wash. Right now her jobs are to help with dishes, clean her room, and help pick up the living room and kitchen floors so that I can vaccum. DS isn't quite mature enough yet, and if I can get him to help, so be it. He is 3. I just flat out tell her, I did not make the mess and it is not my job to clean it up. My job is to clean up my messes, and her job is to clean up her messes.