I'm not doing anything wrong!

[goodmorning]

Hi, I'm new to the forum, but this seems like the place to go for breastfeeding advice, and I need help!!

I'm currently breastfeeding my 2month old and my 3 1/2 year old. My MIL just called to let me know that she intends to call CPS about how I'm "sexually abusing" my son (by still breastfeeding him) and neglecting my daughter (she is under the impression that feeding my son is taking milk away from my daughter so I must be starving her). I'm not sure if she's really going to do this, or if she's just being manipulative again; but if she does what will happen? Will CPS have to investigate? What will they say?
It's not like I'm feeding my son only breastmilk, he has a very healthy diet and only breastfeeds once or twice a day, usually bedtime, we're just not ready to wean yet. And my daughter, although very small, is very well-fed.
I don't know what to do.

[tracyo77]

I would say your MIL is crazy - and I would hope that CPS would tell her so.

[Amy_G_]

google some info on extended nursing
some info on tandem nursing
and print it out.
then you can hand it to the CPS worker if one shows up on your doorstep.

I'd have to tell my dh to deal with his mother, and suggest he advise her that visits from CPS tend to stress out parents to the point that they don't want anything to do with those who call CPS on them.

I'd probably also suggest he give her info I printed out and throw in a bit about how a mother can breastfeed twin newborns, and neither starve, so there should be plenty of milk for the older child who barely nurses at all.

[BoobySnacks]

I don't think there is anything CPS can do about your choice to EN. You MIL is outragious. I am not sure I would let her near my family if she is threatening you like that. That is just awful that she is threatening to uproot your family and tear you all apart. I would never in a million years even let her in my door or speak to her again. I know she is the grandparent, but in my opinion, her threats are abusive and I would not tolerate them. Your doing a great job by and it is your decision an your son's decision when to wean, not hers and not CPS.

[goodmorning]

I have talked about her with my husband many many times. She has such a flair for the dramatic, and she gets so worked up she makes my husband feel guilty and lets her come over. I never leave my children alone with her (despite her protests) but she always guilts and threatens her way into our lives.

[whitnessforhim]

Wow unbelievable that a grandparent would make such threats!

I agree with Amy...gather info on EN and tandem nursing and provide it to her and also to CPS if they ever show. I would suspect CPS would probably laugh in her face if she did actually have the balls to make that call or at least I would hope they would laugh in her face.

What does your husband have to say about this? I agree he should be the one to tell his mother to get a life.

Thats just horrible. I think you are doing a wonderful thing for both of your children.

[whitnessforhim]

I have talked about her with my husband many many times. She has such a flair for the dramatic, and she gets so worked up she makes my husband feel guilty and lets her come over. I never leave my children alone with her (despite her protests) but she always guilts and threatens her way into our lives.


Thats too bad.

[madelsmama]

We have two breasts. We have two breasts in case we need to feed two babies. This is also why our breasts way over produce milk in the early weeks, so we'll have plenty of milk for both babies/children.

You MIL sounds like a real piece of work; you'll fit in well here with all of the other moms whose MILs are pieces of work also!

[goodmorning]

thanks for the welcome madelsmommy,
"piece of work" doesn't being to describe it, lol.
She's so successful at being manipulative because she really works the "sweet, caring grandmother". She's never mean, never raises her voice or calls me names. She'll have these "breakdowns" where she calls my husband in tears because she's "just so scared for her poor grandbabies and doesn't want them to die", oh brother.

[madelsmama]

thanks for the welcome madelsmommy,
"piece of work" doesn't being to describe it, lol.
She's so successful at being manipulative because she really works the "sweet, caring grandmother". She's never mean, never raises her voice or calls me names. She'll have these "breakdowns" where she calls my husband in tears because she's "just so scared for her poor grandbabies and doesn't want them to die", oh brother.
Sorry, I literally LOL'd when I read that last part. How fun for you! ;) I hope she lives across country from you, though I'm guessing not.

CPS doesn't have anything on you. And I would be willing to bet that she's just bluffing you.

How does she know you're breastfeeding both? If she asks, I may be inclined to tell her that you've been working on weaning for quite some time now, which is technically true.

[Peanut1207]

Okay from my experience with CPS (I taught an an at-risk district and have had some encounters) they can be VERYYYYYYYYYY misinformed so I would absolutely contact your doctor (if possible and supportive) and print out information from a reliable source to have on hand to support your decision. Just to cover your A$$ should anything come of it which hopefully nothing will. Can't you just tell MIL you weaned him? I know it sounds bad but just for your own sanity? I know, I know you shouldn't have to lie about it but the pressure of these threats has to get to you. Good luck and keep us posted!

[goodmorning]

oh if only she lived across the country. yea no, she lives across town.
She's always coming over with presents for the kids, which is sweet, but also gives her an excuse to invite herself in for a few hours (seriously, riot police could not keep this woman away)
And she knows I breastfeed because my dear son, adorable as he is, is not the best at keeping secrets. My MIL will just ask him straight out "a big boy like you isn't still breastfeeding right?" to which he will reply, "yuh-huh, i LOVE ta-ta's!" kids make terrible co-conspirators :)

[whitnessforhim]

LOL oh your son sounds cute!

Sorry MIL is being such a pain!

[SingingMom]

You never know- I am personally acquainted with a CPS worker who herself was an extended nurser. Your MIL may quickly get an earful. Or she may not.

Regardless, you are NOT abusing your child, and it's unlikely that CPS will think that you are. So take a deep breath- stupidity is everywhere, try not to get excited about it.

[Peanut1207]

Just to clarify...I didn't mean that ALL CPS workers would have issues in my (little) experience I have come across a few very misinformed workers (on a variety of causes). I'm not sure the workers in the area I live in are the cream of the crop which is horrible to say because there probably are some wonderful and caring people out there...I just happened to deal with some not so great ones. Good luck.

[mandeloo]

the next time you get a bruise from accidentally bumping into something, call the cops and tell them your MIL assaulted you. That ought to cook her goose.

Sorry don't really do that, it's just an analogy.

I really do not think you have anything to worry about. One of the best things you did was post your situation on this forum. If it ever came to it that CPS took your kids because you extended nursed someone here would contact someone who could crawl all over their butts.

WHat does your husband say about all of this? Oh man, and I thought my mom was bad. She threatened CPS on me when she saw I closed the door to my daughter's bedroom while she slept. *rolls my eyes as hard as I can* some people suck!

[Jacksmommy]

I'm still nursing my 3 1/2 year old. Tell your MIL than many women EN. Don't worry about CPS. If your MIL just says sexual abuse they may investigate, but if she says breastfeeding then I doubt they will. In any case, you aren't doing anything wrong. She's being very rude and pushy and hurtful.

[singin_mama]

Your MIL is full of it. I think that if she does call CPS and just says 'sexual abuse' they will of course investigate. As pp said I would print out some information on EN to have ready for MIL and CPS.

[dodoe80]

I feel for you. People in my family have called DHS (DCFS=CPS) on others in my family over questionable sercumstances and that has caused lots of hardships in my family. I hope she doesn't but make sure you have printed information on EN.

[chinapiggy]

They all have good advice. I would call her over. Have the info printed up and make sure your hubby is united with you. Sit her down with the kids asleep or away. Talk to her. Tell her she has raised her kids this is your turn now. Tell her she is more than welceom to call your ped or the LLL and talk to them about her concerns and they will reassure her you are doing the right thing.

Tell her that if she calls CPS on you for something that is not warrented she will be out of your life. You will not answer her calls or answer the door when she comes. If she thinks your hubby is serious she may back off. Then follow through. Tell her you want her to be a part of your kids lives, they love her. Basically just be straight forth and honest. Tell your hubby that there would be lots less stress if he was on your side and follow with your plans.

I wish this would have worked for me. However, my MIL does not speak english. Therefore, she was only allowed to look at my kids when I was there or when I approved it. I told my hubby this was the way it had to be and he agreed. He wanted me to listen when he felt something strongly so there had to be mutual respect.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[_MrsC_]

thanks for the welcome madelsmommy,
"piece of work" doesn't being to describe it, lol.
She's so successful at being manipulative because she really works the "sweet, caring grandmother". She's never mean, never raises her voice or calls me names. She'll have these "breakdowns" where she calls my husband in tears because she's "just so scared for her poor grandbabies and doesn't want them to die", oh brother.

I'm sorry, I know you're being serious, but this totally made me think of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Good Luck with your MIL and welcome to the board!

[StElmosFire]

Wow unbelievable that a grandparent would make such threats!

I agree with Amy...gather info on EN and tandem nursing and provide it to her and also to CPS if they ever show. I would suspect CPS would probably laugh in her face if she did actually have the balls to make that call or at least I would hope they would laugh in her face.

What does your husband have to say about this? I agree he should be the one to tell his mother to get a life.

Thats just horrible. I think you are doing a wonderful thing for both of your children.

Yep. Tell her to mind her own business!

[colleen0419]

Just made me think of something my DH's grandmother said to me the other day. She says "you're not still doing (points to her breasts) THAT are you?" To which I proudly replied, "YES!!" I guess I can forgive her since she's 92! For pete's sake she's 4 months!! I truly believe that most MIL are on this earth to drive us crazy! To those of you that have great MIL, I envy you!!
:p