WWYD? Seeing a baby that might have something wrong?

[dewoman81]

Today at the post office, there was a tiny baby with a cleft palate. I always check out babies and dd was interested in the noise in the car seat. I was taken a little aback by the obvious recent surgery, but I said "Look Ella, baby!" dd gets so excited about other babies. I looked at the mom and said, "precious" with a smile. She smiled back. I got in line and from behind me, I could hear adults and children say "what is wrong with that baby" and "poor baby". If I could hear it, the mother could too.

What would you do in the situation? I felt kinda bad for the mom.

[alejorge]

I really don't know what i would do. That poor mom. I think that you did the right thing by being nice and telling her she had a precious baby. I bet that totaly made that mothers day.

[Wildf1ower]

That sucks! :(
I'm not sure what I would do - I think YOU did the right thing - compliment the baby and NOT ask questions. When my son was a baby and his eyes were crossed very noticeably and he also has a shunt, which was still visible when he didn't have hair, and I hated people commenting about it. As for the other people, maybe shooting them a dirty look, but to SAY something might just make things worse for the mom.

[Teresa64]

I don't think there is anything else u could have done. Doubtless just the fact that u gave her the complement probably made her day...
Course if I would have had time to think about it I would have very loudly cooed over the baby till I shamed the other stuped people...lol...

[Jacksmommy]

Talk to the mom. Smile. Say something nice about the baby. Pretty much what you did is what I would do.

[pawprint]

Talk to the mom. Smile. Say something nice about the baby. Pretty much what you did is what I would do.


I agree. Babies are precious- cleft palate or not.

[BeachMama]

I'd be tempted to say something to the rude people behind you. At the very least I would've given them a dirty look or put my finger over my mouth as to say shhhh.

[hotlama]

I think you did all that you could do. It's a shame that people would say things like that about a tiny baby.

[maksmom]

Good for you, you did the right thing. That baby will alway be precious, and those people will aways be idiots.

[CPAMOM]

I'm sure that the mother has had her fill of dealing with stupid people. It is always the right thing NOT to make a comment about a deformity or handicap. I've actually had a mother say "oh, I'm sure you noticed that Ben has a clubbed hand...He was born that way." I just replied..."Oh really, I hadn't noticed" and smiled. My DH grew up with a brother that was severely mentally retarded and blind. You don't even want to imagine the comments that people make. If your child is asking questions or is scared, try being frank with them. One story I have is when I was a cashier in high school, a man was in a wheelchair because he had lost both legs. There was a little boy with his mom behind him in line. The boy wanted to know what was "wrong" with the man. The mom replied that everyone is different in their own way and that some people need a special chair with wheels to help them get around. There is nothing to be afraid of...he is just like you and me. You could actually see the man well up with tears....He said thank you to the mom and went on his way....

[Marysmom]

Yes, I agree with CPAMOM. When children ask questions, it's important to tell the truth.

Recently, there was a woman with dwarfism at the grocery store. We kept seeing her in the aisles. My 5 yo dd, was very curious. When I noticed my dd staring, I took her aside and explained that just as she was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, some people are born so that they don't grow very tall. That the woman was just like everyone else, just shorter. I also told dd that it is not polite to stare at anyone.

After that, my dd stopped staring and lost interest in the woman.

[haleysmom]

Honestly I would have just complimented the baby and been done with it. I think speaking up against the other people would have made it worse for the mom. I would have maybe shot them a look if the mother wasn't looking, but I wouldn't have addressed it.

I'm sure the mother has faced this before, and hopefully at the end of the day, she remembers your compliments instead of their ignorance.

It's completely different if kids are asking questions, that's natural... but how could an adult make it to adulthood without knowing that babies can have something different about them and not know that it's rude to make comments outloud. Kids seem to understand/accept it more than adults.

[RaisingThemLeft]

I would have stared down the people who made the rude comment. I wouldn't want to cause a scene with the mom right there- that would have made it worse I think.

[steelady]

I'm sure that the mother has had her fill of dealing with stupid people. It is always the right thing NOT to make a comment about a deformity or handicap. I've actually had a mother say "oh, I'm sure you noticed that Ben has a clubbed hand...He was born that way." I just replied..."Oh really, I hadn't noticed" and smiled. My DH grew up with a brother that was severely mentally retarded and blind. You don't even want to imagine the comments that people make. If your child is asking questions or is scared, try being frank with them. One story I have is when I was a cashier in high school, a man was in a wheelchair because he had lost both legs. There was a little boy with his mom behind him in line. The boy wanted to know what was "wrong" with the man. The mom replied that everyone is different in their own way and that some people need a special chair with wheels to help them get around. There is nothing to be afraid of...he is just like you and me. You could actually see the man well up with tears....He said thank you to the mom and went on his way....

I disagree. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking (if it is not obvious) if one can do it in a respectful way. Pretending something isn't wrong isn't, IMO, a good approach if it is obvious (don't know about tha tsituation, but I would imagine one may notice a club foot). Saying "Yeah, I noticed" and treating it like no big deal (IMO) is a better way of handling things, and gives you (general) an opportunity to learn or listen to the other mother.

I think the other mom handled that very well.

Bold is mine.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I agree with Steel. Steel's post (and Steel) reminded me of something I encountered at Sam's one day. This boy (he appeared to be a preteen) kept talking to me in a way that might have annoyed some people, but I was actually enjoying it. We were looking at books and such, and his mother was further down the aisle.

His mother saw that he was talking to me, and I guess she was afraid that he was bothering me. She came down to where we were, and she looked at me almost apologetically and said, "He's autistic."

I said, "Yeah, I thought he might be. He's precious and seems to be really smart."

He had eased on down the aisle, and his mother then started talking to me about him. It was as though she was wanting to talk about it and was glad to have someone who would listen.

[xobehs]

Talk to the mom. Smile. Say something nice about the baby. Pretty much what you did is what I would do.
I would strike up conversation just to drown out the asshats around me.

[TayNRobbiesMom]

I have a lazy eye and believe it or not, get lots of moments like that now...People think my theres more wrong then just apearance. (which there isn't)....

When it comes to babes, I'd just talk to mom and smile and say "they're perfect angels" meaning that She as a momma love em the same...

[mtmomma]

I'd be tempted to say something to the rude people behind you. At the very least I would've given them a dirty look or put my finger over my mouth as to say shhhh.

Yup thats what I would have done!

[SingingMom]

I have heard disabled people say that they hate it when people try to pretend that there's nothing different about them.

However, I wouldn't assume that this means that everyone wants the same thing. If it were my baby, I'd grow a very thick skin. And if I had been in your shoes, I'd have had my four munchkins asking questions. Which I would have answered, as tactfully and honestly as possible. I would have told them, "The baby's face didn't grow just right yet. That happens sometimes. But look, the doctors are fixing it. Isn't she beautiful? What pretty eyes she has!"

[Leigh-Anne]

God people can be arseholes. I would certainly give them the frowning of a lifetime.

[Sunnie]

I'd be tempted to say something to the rude people behind you. At the very least I would've given them a dirty look or put my finger over my mouth as to say shhhh.


I'd loudly and in a PA way tell my Dd that what the people behind us were saying was rude.

[MiMi_of_4]

I was the mother of that cleft-lip baby, and when I heard people make *under their breath* comments, I addressed them face-to-face and explained his birth defect, and the surgery he would have to correct it. When others referred to him as "poor baby," I assured them he was indeed NOT a "poor baby!" I told them he was much loved ~ cleft lip and all!