What to do with DD?

[jessiehannan]

I am torn on this. My inlaws want to take DD for the weekend, to spend time with her before school starts and buy her school shoes among other things.
DD has had some pretty bad behavior recently, and I don't want to let her go because of that, as in temper tantrums, hitting her brother, trying to bite her brother (when she took away his present right after he opened it and wanted it back), not wanting to do her chores, etc. Normally I wouldn't let her go, as per agreement with the inlaws. They usually take her twice a month, and they have been able to take her 3 times this entire summer, because my MIL had knee replacement surgery on June 11. When ever she goes with them, she behaves for them, and they have very few problems with her. Having them buy her school shoes would help me out with money, and I feel that she needs a break from us, and we need a break from her.
So i just don't know what to do this time, when it is usually so cut and dry.
I have until this afternoon to decide for sure.

[maksmom]

I'd let her go, maybe making sure that she knows that you are allowing her to go inspite of her behavior, just so she knows that this is not a reward, but a much needed break.

[Sunnie]

Honestly, I'd never withhold seeing grandparents as a punishment.

[jessiehannan]

that is what i was thinking, but DH doesn't want to let her go unless she does her chores. However, I am the one who has to fight her all day to do them. Right now all she has to do is finish folding the one basket of laundry she started last night at 8, and put them in the rooms they belong. She has been working on this since 8 this morning again, and has more than half left.

[jessiehannan]

She is going to see them this weekend, regardless of if she spends the night, we are all going out for dinner on Sunday. What we did before the knee surgery, was if she didn't behave, she didn't get to go over on Friday and stay until Sunday afternoon, and get to go watch a movie, she would just get to see them on Sunday when we went over because we went over every Sunday.

[steelady]

How old?

If her behavior is age appropriate (though annoying, I'm sure), I don't know if that rises to the level of not having a super special (which this sounds like it is) weekend. Perhaps a proviso of "if you do X, Y and Z, you come home immediately" if it is appropriate.

If her behavior is really out of control, as in beyond just annoying/normal, I probably would look for some sort of modified arrangement, not as punishment per se, but as a way to make the entire thing more enjoyable (assuming that the behavior won't stop because she is at gma's house) for eveyone. Not sure what that would be, but in our family it may be a shorter trip, more parent supervision (not just gparents) when out and about, etc.

[jessiehannan]

it isn't her normal, but I am not sure if it isn't age appropriate. She is acting worse now than she did at 2 and 3. She will be 6 next Thursday. About the only problems they have with her at their house is her constantly getting in the fridge to munch or get a drink, (once the kids can open the fridge themselves, I give them free run of it ) and she usually gets a bad case of 'gimme gimme, I want'. If we keep her home, she will get to do something else that is super special too, sh wil get to go run around with her friends all weekend at the park, some of who live way out of town, and we get to see every 3 months or so.

[xobehs]

My aunt gives DD a really bad case of the gimme gimme gimme I wants. So I understand where you are coming from. I hear Sunnie's point, but it isn't necessarily a punishment issue, but perhaps a curbing of over indulgence behaviors that aren't helping behavioral outbursts right now.

Maybe shorten the trip a bit, just a day outing, or a late evening drop off soon to bedtime and then up for the outing and back home right after?

[jessiehannan]

Well, something else decided for us. She gets to go Saturday morning when I go to the bank to cash Dh's checks. He got paid a day late this week, and got home 10 minutes before the bank closed. It is a 30 minute drive to the bank. She will be returned when we meet at the steakhouse for dinner on Sunday.
It's more their rule than mine, and I would feel so mean saying you can't go, since she isn't get as many oppurtunities to go.