Help, help, help!!!!

[ConcernedHubby]

Hello,

I am the new father of a 15 week old baby girl (first one). My wife is breastfeeding our child and I find it one of the most awe inspiring things I've ever witnessed.

However, this event does not come without its share of problems. At about three weeks, my wife started having problems with oversupply and that lasted about three weeks itself until our little one became accustomed to it and didn't scream her head off through the feeding.

Fast forward to week 11 and we're back to the same problem. Our daughter will feed for four minutes and then just screams her head off. She won't latch back on until she's done screaming and crying (10 minutes). Then she'll latch on for about another five minutes, maybe. Sometimes, she won't latch back on at all.

It's starting to put a real strain on my wifes relationship with our daughter, enough to the point where my wife is thinking about throwing in the towel and just pumping and bottle feeding her. I don't want that to happen but I'm starting to see that might be the only thing to do as she feeds very well with a bottle at day care. We have consulted with numerous LCs and they all tell us the same thing: We see no problem and you're fine, just stay with it.

We need help. If any of you can offer advice, please do. If you need more info, please let me know.

Thank you.

[Amy_G_]

there is a possibility that it's as simple as baby is full after 5 minutes, but wants to nurse to sleep, so baby gets mad, screams, uses up some calories, nurses again and crashes. Pacifier may be an answer.

It could be GERD, but doens't sound like it without more info. read about it on this page about reflux. http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/reflux.html

It could still be high supply, overactive let down. It could be that overactive let down, or high supply is now gone and baby is pissed off that there isn't a super fast flow like baby is used to.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/fussy-while-nursing.html

give us more info on weight gain, what was done for oversupply, how much and how often mom pumps, what kind of bottle is used t daycare and how much milk baby takes in at daycare. all can contribute to or give an answer for a breastfeeding issue.

[divea]

Congratulations on new paenthood!

Why is it straining the relationship? If the baby is gaining weight and all else is fine.......then ....if a mother is relaxed, a baby will relax too. Besides, there is nothing that a 15 week old do to strain any relationship, those are your wife's issues. i am sorry for being so hard on her, but a friend has a 9 week old boy who underwent open heart surgery the day he was born, so he has a wound on his chest that needs tending, plus he has a swelling in his brain that MIGHT indicate brain damage and yet she continues to breastfeed him....with another toddler at home to take care of, hospital visits, and a sick baby that should be kept away from other kids and public places...she is not even thinking of throwing in the towel. babies cry....a lot.

It probably is a lot of gas......pat her, hold her upright, the works. If she is taking the bottle at day care it probably is 'nipple confusion' (search the boards and you'll find more).

[madelsmama]

duplicate post, sorry!

[Amy_G_]

yes we should be able to get thru anything in bfing if that mom can handle breastfeeding a seriously ill baby. but MEh, everybody has things that stress them out, and not everyone's tolerance level is the same. Listening to your baby cry should be a bit stressful, as that will help you strive to find the answer and make the crying stop.

there is a good point, that it may be nipple confusion, or bottle nipple preference.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/concerns/pacifier.html#confusion
giving bottles only when mom and baby are apart, following the guidelines for bottlefeeding a breastfed baby, and watching the type of bottle nipple used(slow flow) can help. Also, knowing as a parent that just because baby prefers one thing over the other, doesn't mean you have to give in. cause you'll face that battle a lot as a parent, and sometimes you have to fall back on mom/dad knows best.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bottle-feeding.html

[madelsmama]

Congratulations on new paenthood!

Why is it straining the relationship? If the baby is gaining weight and all else is fine.......then ....if a mother is relaxed, a baby will relax too. Besides, there is nothing that a 15 week old do to strain any relationship, those are your wife's issues. i am sorry for being so hard on her, but a friend has a 9 week old boy who underwent open heart surgery the day he was born, so he has a wound on his chest that needs tending, plus he has a swelling in his brain that MIGHT indicate brain damage and yet she continues to breastfeed him....with another toddler at home to take care of, hospital visits, and a sick baby that should be kept away from other kids and public places...she is not even thinking of throwing in the towel. babies cry....a lot.

It probably is a lot of gas......pat her, hold her upright, the works. If she is taking the bottle at day care it probably is 'nipple confusion' (search the boards and you'll find more).

WTHeck? I don't think I've ever read such an unsupportive post. I think nearly every mother here can identify with such strain and feeling as though she would like to through in the towel.
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Concernedhubby, how wonderful you are to come here on her behalf! Welcome! There are many moms here who have dealt with oversupply (and have overcome!). The first 12 weeks of my second child's life were much like your description: lots of screaming, spraying, unlatching, and crying (on my part). Rest assurred, things DID get better, and it had nothing to do with how the baby was burped. ;)

She also nursed anywhere from 3-8 minutes, coming off the breast multiple times during let-downs, and would scream for about 10 minutes after that. I think it just took that extra 10 minutes for her brain to get the message that she was "full" after filling up so quickly. It was really, really hard at first.

How is she nursing the baby (from both breasts, one breast, etc)? Is she taking measures to correct the OALD/oversupply?

[jorobaker]

I had a similar problem with ds1. I was told to hand express some milk or pump for 2 to 3 minutes before I fed him. It will increase her supply, but it will be good as the baby gets older. Good Luck!

[divea]

okay.

[ConcernedHubby]

I want to thank you all for your supportive answers. divea, I understand that this may not be the biggest problem that we could face with our child, but it is still something of a concern to my wife and myself. I truly hope that your friends baby is okay and I applaud her for her commitment to breastfeeding.

In regards to the other questions posed in this thread: Gabbie (our daughter) is gaining weight (towards the low end of the weight scale), takes about three to four bottles at day care (3.5 - 4.5 ounces each), and we use Medela bottles with slow-flow nipples. My wife pumps three times a day while at work but strictly breastfeeds when at home or anywhere else.

Please note that we are not the type who gives in because it's easier. We are just concerned that our child is not getting enough during feeding. My wife gets upset because she feels that the child should want to breastfeed and not cry during it. She feels rejected when this happens. We have tried everything, but nothing seems to make the feedings go any smoother.

Once again, I do appreciate your help and support. Thank you.

[divea]

It was not the giving in.....you wouldn't have come to the forum searching for answers if you hadd to give in. I just was trying to say that there "MAYBE' more than bfing issues going on if the crying is affecting the mother so much. "MAYBE". And that should be looked into also. If the baby is all healthy and stuff and crying is 'affecting the realtionship' then crying never stops.

thanks for your good wishes for my friend and I did apologise in my first post on being hard on your wife....doing it again.

[madelsmama]

CH, is she nursing from both breasts or just one?

Has she tried block feeding? This was the way to success for us and others.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html
https://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/oversupply.html

[Amy_G_]

give specific weights if possible.

three to four bottles at day care (3.5 - 4.5 ounces each), seems like an incredible amount of breastmilk. how many hours does this cover? If baby is taking in such a large amount of breastmilk (the high end of what you say is 18 ounces of milk) in say 8 hours at daycare, that may account for baby not wanting to eat at home at the breast, as they've already taken in most of their calories for the day. But if baby wants to suck, and mom is offering the breast, baby may be frustrated.

"The research tells us that exclusively breastfed babies take in an average of 25 oz (750 mL) per day between the ages of 1 month and 6 months. Different babies take in different amounts of milk; a typical range of milk intakes is 19-30 oz per day (570-900 mL per day). " http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html

[Amy_G_]

He says she's got a handle on the overactive supply, so I'm not giving info on how to regulate oversupply. kwim?

[Nipple_nectar]

What does your wife's work schedule look like? IOW, does she have off weekends and give the baby a chance to nurse full time? How long is she gone on an average work day? Would you mind giving us the pumping/nursing schedule for those days?

I think it may be as simple as nipple confusion and if that's the case, would you be willing to eliminate bottles and feed with a BFing friendly alternative? www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/alternative-feeding.html

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/back-to-breast.html#bottles

[USAFeyez06]

Try madelsmom suggestion on block feeding. I dealt with oversupply issues for quite sometime and block nursing helped tremendously with that.

Reflux is also an issue so read through some information on that as well.

As far as your concerns about the infant not getting enough breastmilk... first and foremost, please know that this is a concern for most new parents breastfeeding their little one. There are plenty ways to tell however: is the little one having enough wet and dirty diapers? (I believe it's 6-8 wet, and at least 1 or 2 bm's a day) Also, how is her weight gain? (not so much that the baby is gaining a lot of weight, just that he/she is following their own curve, even if it is the 5% percentile.) Is the infant fussy directly after a feeding or content?

Some babies only nurse for a few minutes on each side while others nurse for what seems like forever. When she pumps, she is getting an adequate amount, correct?

There are many reasons for babies fussing at the breast; gerd, oversupply, food allergies/sensitivies, gas, (even teething). There is going to have to be some detective work involved, but you will figure it out. Breastfeeding is not easy and can be very frustrating. If it were not for the women on this board, I would have "thrown the towel in" more times that I care to admit. (Sorry that someone left such an unsupportive post for you).

Has your wife considered going to a breastfeeding support group or seeing a lactation consultant? They can weigh baby before and after a feed to see how much they are getting, not an exact estimate, but does help some.

Again, this will get easier. Come here and ask all the questions you can think of! :hugegrin:

[madelsmama]

Amy, I've pursued the OALD line b/c I'm curious to see if it's corrected, since it can wax and wane. It could be that it's in full force right now and baby's having trouble "keeping up" again.

You're right, it could be a host of things. This issue is near and dear to my heart, so I like to rule it out first. :)

[tifttu]

I agree, divea...back down.

My first was one of those attached 24/7 babies. My second would only nurse when hungry and screamed when the breast was offered if she wasn't hungry. I found it to be quite stressful to have my baby screaming and I didn't know why. I was doing what helped my first and now it was just making things worse. A paci was the key with her, not more boobage...she also was a VERY fast nurser and I would often stress and cry worrying that she wasn't getting enough. I don't think I had other "issues" that needed to be worked out. I just dont' like hearing my babies cry. I find it physically painful.

Sorry to digress. I've been on this fourm for 4 years and I can't stand when someone needing support gets a downright rude answer.

concernedhubby, I think the other ladies here have some good thoughts. Also, 3mos is a tough age (at least it was for DD). It was like the world came alive to her and made focusing on nursing much more difficult. I hope you find something that works and thank you for being so supportive of your wife.

[Nipple_nectar]

Well, we can give Divea the benefit of the doubt here, since she has only posted a dozen times since March, she obviously isnt here enough to feel the comraderie between posters. We feel strongly about this particular forum feeling very friendly and supportive.

Maybe she does'nt realize that many posters come here for reassurance and are in desperate shape, needing extra support and we may be their last hope.

She did apologize and it has been noted in my corner;-)

We do try really hard here, to make this board a total comfort zone for everyone, especially to newcomers:)

[ima062002]

I agree that oversupply could be the issue here - sounds like it for sure - but I'd like to hear about the lower end weight gain a bit more. How much are we talking about? Most babies whose moms make too much milk tend to grow like weeds. Average weight gain that young is about 5-8.5 oz per week. Can you tell us more dad, please?

[JudyJudyJudy]

Concerned husband, something I always suggest is to have her thyroid levels tested. I had an oversupply after my son was born, and it turned out that I was hyperthyroid. A few months later my son was back to screaming again, and this time I had the opposite problem. I was hypothyroid and wasn't producing enough milk.

I'm not saying that this is definitely her problem, but it is something I would check out. Many experts believe that all women should have their thyroid levels tested while pregnant and postpartum.

I wish you and your wife the best.