DH's parenting gets on my nerves

[flwrdrmgirl]

Ok, this is a part vent/part question to anyone else on same boat. My DH is a good dad, HOWEVER, once 3y/o DS does something wrong...anything from wrestling w/his 1y/o DD, playing Power Ranger and hitting him, to simply opening the fridge door, DH starts to snap at the normal 3y/o stuff.

I do it too, but I'm also trying VERY HARD to use positive reinforcement, redirection, saying 'no' every other time, etc. I read articles about disciplining your 3y/o, and WANT to learn more about raising my kids. And everytime I try to tell DH to try a different approach besides, NO!, STOP IT!, and DON'T!, he gets all bent out of shape. Accuses me of criticizing his parenting skills, and not doing anything right. He has also used the excuse, "well, I wasn't thinking about it at the time."

Well, DUH! It's so annoying...he doesn't even like it when I nag him so much, and I can only imagine what it feels like to a 3y/o when you're constantly telling him NONONONO. (AND, DS only continues or acts up even more EVERY time DH scolds him this way, so you think DH would take a hint and try something new!) I've also read that saying no ALL the time will break your child's confidence.

I understand you have to be stern, and sure, I don't want DS to hit his sister or throw things, but seriously!!! Is my DH just being a stubborn ass to spite my wishes?! How else can I get him to simmer down and listen to me?

I've tried many approaches. SEnt him parent links, advised him indirectly ("WE should try to...., or I noticed that if I do it this way, then..."). He also comes from a family background of yelling. His mom yelled a lot for little things to big things. Always "STOP IT!" in that annoying tone.

DH thinks he's not yelling sometimes too! WTF?! I want to record him one time and let him hear himself! I've also asked him "don't you want us to raise our kids differently than our(his) parents' and not yell at everything in sight?!"
So annoying.

Sorry this is so long, but I have to give details so you can see where I'm coming from. I think we need counseling. I have another example, but I'll save it for next post.-robyn

[Earthmama]

I'm so sorry. That sounds really frustrating.

Have you tried telling DH that it's not just his/your job to make sure DS does the right thing, but learns how & why to do the right thing? So explanation will need to be a part of almost every "no".

[CatSoup]

No time to read all of this but I will~
My dh does the same thing with our kids, I know it must be hard on all of you because at that age they are always testing their limits. Sometimes you just have to let stuff go,otherwise you'll spend every minute getting onto the kids. :(

[Sunnie]

I don't know. Sometimes explaining things to kids, especially 3 yr olds, is worthless. Certainly was with my oldest. He just tunes out any and all explanations. Now with middle, she listens to explanations. It just doesn't stay in her head. LMAO

[Earthmama]

Well, I suppose it really does depend on the child. Explanations have always been effective with DS (3). He's a pretty analytical little guy already. I even catch him explaining things to his older cousin already.

[Sunnie]

That works for my Dd but for Ds1 he just need to have the law laid down. I wish I didn't have to hammer drop with him, but I do. Sigh.

[flwrdrmgirl]

Yes, I think long explanations don't work for every child. Believe me, sometimes DS 'tunes me out' and I catch myself trying to shorten my reasoning..but it really depends on his mood. It's really challenging. I'm not so 'quick' to come up w/stuff every time. Maybe I'm just such the nag.

[Earthmama]

It is a challenging time. I hope you find a solution that works for all of you.