Marshmallow
09-14-2008, 06:58 PM
So it's been a few months since I've been here but I need just a moment to vent and couldn't think of a better place.
I'm about 34 weeks along now. We found out we have are having a girl. We were so excited at first and now I'm scared as hell. Dh is out of control with his spending. I've tried every possible way to get him help including counseling that my work offers. I don't know what to do anymore. I am in tears every night just thinking about the future. I have been working 50 hour weeks trying to get some kind of savings while dh just wastes the money away.
If he isn't spending the money at gas stations or what not he is going to the doctor/ER for ridiculous things. In the last two months he has sworn he was having 3 heart attacks. Three hours and a multitude of tests later they tell him nothing is wrong and maybe he should lay off the energy drinks. We are thousands of dollars in debt with medical bills right now. My ex has finally started paying child support and I have been using that $20 a week to keep up out of collections by paying bits of bills as they come. This income is never been something I can rely on though since my ex is constantly switching jobs and dodging the system.
I just found out that since I have been working for almost a year now I can get 12 weeks of maternity leave. I first get to use my 3 weeks of sick time that I have saved up and then I get short term disability for the rest. This is where I am really screwed. Even though I work 40 hours at my job I am considered part time because my FTE is .5, meaning that to keep my benefits I only have to work 5 days in a pay period. Well Short Term Disability will only pay me for half of what my FTE is. So basically I am going to get next to nothing for the rest of my leave. Which I understand it's hard to find a job that pays any type of leave so I should be lucky. The thing is that Dh had promised to get a second job months ago, not only so that we could save up but so that we wouldn't need to worry about money while I was on leave. Apparently he feels that he shouldn't' have to get a second job and that maybe I should think about getting a part time job while I'm on maternity leave since I am the one that is causing this gap in our money situation!
I have been in so much pain throughout this pregnancy and have gone through two OBs! The first one decided to move to MN and the second one is taking some time off (they won't tell me what for). So now I am just seeing our family practice doc. which I love as a regular doc. but I'm not sure I want him to deliver the baby. I'm also not sure if I want him to be the boys doc. anymore. Riley went in for his two year wc a few months ago and I had to beg with the doc. to refer Riley to speech therapy. He seems to think nothing is wrong with him even though he is not speaking at all yet. Something is also wrong with his fine and major motor skills and his balance. Riley went to speech therapy for a week only to then find out our insurance won't cover it at all, even though I called before hand to find out if it would be and they said it would! So we had the Early Intervention 0 to 3 program through the state come and evaluate him and they are super concerned and want Riley in not only speech therapy but physical and occupational therapy too. So now I am searching for a new doc. for the kids.
My cousin who watches my kids is also pregnant. She is due a few weeks before me and is having a boy. This is the third pregnancy we are going through together and I love my cousin to death but I can't have her watching my kids anymore. She thinks that she is going to watch the new baby too after I go back to work but things have gotten so out of hand. First off she over charges me and is constantly rounding up on her hours. Alex will come home for her house and tell me that all he had for lunch was a peanut butter sandwich and that she would only let him have the one. This is pretty much all he eats there every day. Once he did say that she had 8 chicken nuggets and split them between the 5 children. Riley, even though he can't tell me he's hungry, will pig out when he is home. Same goes for drinking. It's like my kids are starving and dehydrated when they get home. It's like why in the hell am I paying her so much money to take care of my kids if she isn't going to actually take care of them? She just found out she has gestational diabetes so I understand her lack of energy but her house has fallen to the point of disgusting. There is constantly rotten food laying around and half of her house is covered in laundry. Unfortunately I have no other alternative at the time. I have searched everywhere for a new babysitter that we can afford and it's slim pickings out there.
I have been super depressed lately. So I went to my doc. and had prescribe me anti-depressants. I however chickened out on my way to the pharmacy sot he script is still sitting there. I guess I can't get the idea out of my mind that if something did happen to the baby we would never know if it was because of me being on meds while pregnant. So my mood swings have been terrible lately. I cry constantly. Things have gotten so bad between me and dh that he moved out temporarily. I think it had a lot to do with him going of his meds but he just became so violent towards me and I spent most of my time at home hiding in my room folding laundry or sitting with the kids over at my parents.
I'm sitting here now at my parents trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to get home. I stopped here to use their computer to check the bank account before I headed to get gas (I am on super empty). I know that there should have been money in there because my mom just borrowed me $100. Well it's a good thing I checked because the account is completely drained courtesy of dh. So I have no money and no gas and probably can't even make it home on the fumes I have left. And I can't ask my parents for any more money, I'm pretty sure they are going to disown me soon because of all the money I have had to borrow lately.
I am at the end of my rope.
I'm about 34 weeks along now. We found out we have are having a girl. We were so excited at first and now I'm scared as hell. Dh is out of control with his spending. I've tried every possible way to get him help including counseling that my work offers. I don't know what to do anymore. I am in tears every night just thinking about the future. I have been working 50 hour weeks trying to get some kind of savings while dh just wastes the money away.
If he isn't spending the money at gas stations or what not he is going to the doctor/ER for ridiculous things. In the last two months he has sworn he was having 3 heart attacks. Three hours and a multitude of tests later they tell him nothing is wrong and maybe he should lay off the energy drinks. We are thousands of dollars in debt with medical bills right now. My ex has finally started paying child support and I have been using that $20 a week to keep up out of collections by paying bits of bills as they come. This income is never been something I can rely on though since my ex is constantly switching jobs and dodging the system.
I just found out that since I have been working for almost a year now I can get 12 weeks of maternity leave. I first get to use my 3 weeks of sick time that I have saved up and then I get short term disability for the rest. This is where I am really screwed. Even though I work 40 hours at my job I am considered part time because my FTE is .5, meaning that to keep my benefits I only have to work 5 days in a pay period. Well Short Term Disability will only pay me for half of what my FTE is. So basically I am going to get next to nothing for the rest of my leave. Which I understand it's hard to find a job that pays any type of leave so I should be lucky. The thing is that Dh had promised to get a second job months ago, not only so that we could save up but so that we wouldn't need to worry about money while I was on leave. Apparently he feels that he shouldn't' have to get a second job and that maybe I should think about getting a part time job while I'm on maternity leave since I am the one that is causing this gap in our money situation!
I have been in so much pain throughout this pregnancy and have gone through two OBs! The first one decided to move to MN and the second one is taking some time off (they won't tell me what for). So now I am just seeing our family practice doc. which I love as a regular doc. but I'm not sure I want him to deliver the baby. I'm also not sure if I want him to be the boys doc. anymore. Riley went in for his two year wc a few months ago and I had to beg with the doc. to refer Riley to speech therapy. He seems to think nothing is wrong with him even though he is not speaking at all yet. Something is also wrong with his fine and major motor skills and his balance. Riley went to speech therapy for a week only to then find out our insurance won't cover it at all, even though I called before hand to find out if it would be and they said it would! So we had the Early Intervention 0 to 3 program through the state come and evaluate him and they are super concerned and want Riley in not only speech therapy but physical and occupational therapy too. So now I am searching for a new doc. for the kids.
My cousin who watches my kids is also pregnant. She is due a few weeks before me and is having a boy. This is the third pregnancy we are going through together and I love my cousin to death but I can't have her watching my kids anymore. She thinks that she is going to watch the new baby too after I go back to work but things have gotten so out of hand. First off she over charges me and is constantly rounding up on her hours. Alex will come home for her house and tell me that all he had for lunch was a peanut butter sandwich and that she would only let him have the one. This is pretty much all he eats there every day. Once he did say that she had 8 chicken nuggets and split them between the 5 children. Riley, even though he can't tell me he's hungry, will pig out when he is home. Same goes for drinking. It's like my kids are starving and dehydrated when they get home. It's like why in the hell am I paying her so much money to take care of my kids if she isn't going to actually take care of them? She just found out she has gestational diabetes so I understand her lack of energy but her house has fallen to the point of disgusting. There is constantly rotten food laying around and half of her house is covered in laundry. Unfortunately I have no other alternative at the time. I have searched everywhere for a new babysitter that we can afford and it's slim pickings out there.
I have been super depressed lately. So I went to my doc. and had prescribe me anti-depressants. I however chickened out on my way to the pharmacy sot he script is still sitting there. I guess I can't get the idea out of my mind that if something did happen to the baby we would never know if it was because of me being on meds while pregnant. So my mood swings have been terrible lately. I cry constantly. Things have gotten so bad between me and dh that he moved out temporarily. I think it had a lot to do with him going of his meds but he just became so violent towards me and I spent most of my time at home hiding in my room folding laundry or sitting with the kids over at my parents.
I'm sitting here now at my parents trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to get home. I stopped here to use their computer to check the bank account before I headed to get gas (I am on super empty). I know that there should have been money in there because my mom just borrowed me $100. Well it's a good thing I checked because the account is completely drained courtesy of dh. So I have no money and no gas and probably can't even make it home on the fumes I have left. And I can't ask my parents for any more money, I'm pretty sure they are going to disown me soon because of all the money I have had to borrow lately.
I am at the end of my rope.