I need help getting into the mind of a 2-y.o.

[_MrsC_]

DS is 2, he'll be 3 in February. I can't take him anymore. EVERYTHING is a battle. He no longer wants to eat dinner. All he wants is crackers and raisans. He is constantly asking to watch TV and throws a fit when I tell him it's time to turn it off.

I'm of the mindset that it's a phase. DH seems to think it's related to new daycare. Neither one of us knows what to do. I'm not even sure I can truly explain it but I don't like it and I don't like how I'm reacting to it. I am losing my temper very easy and it scares me.

DS and I just fought for what felt like an hour (but was probably close to five minutes) to get his diaper and T-shirt on. My guess is that he's ready to start potty training, but it's bedtime on Thursday night I'm not starting tonight. I asked him if he wanted to be all done wearing diapers and he said yes. I said "wear the diaper tonight and this weekend we'll teach you how to use the potty". He continued to fight me. Of course, I didn't really expect him to know what "wait until the weekend" meant but I had hope...

DS has been in his new daycare setting for exactly one month. Before that he was in home daycares, the last of which we pulled him out because we felt they were watching too much TV and not playing enough (especially outside play). The new center is very nice, I love the staff and DS always seems happy when he's there. He's usually ok when I leave, playing happily when I come to pick him up and thrilled to see me. It seems great. DH's point of view is that they let them do whatever they want and DS is getting spoiled and expecting that at home. I'm not sure they let them do anything they want. The center has an aproach of not saying "No" just to say so or because they (the adults) don't feel like doing something, but they do have rules and somewhat of a structured day.

If this change is in anyway related to the new day care, I'm leaning toward the thought that his days are longer than the last place and he's also more active throughout the day.

Any advice would be welcome. I'm at my wits end here and not sure how much more I can take.

ETA - I didn't proof-read...

[Stephanie]

I know both my kids have trouble adjusting from daycare to home, and just need some time to wind down. Just like mama needs a few minutes to unwind. We usually do a quiet, independent activity when we get home. Ds may play a computer game, and dd will usually watch him or watch a short show. Then, tv/computer time is done and we move on to other activities. We usually all feel better after some down time.

I doubt he is getting spoiled. Our daycare has that philosophy as well, but I know both kids hear no during the day. I think it is more of trying to phrase things in a positive way. Ds and dd are told to use helping hands, instead of just hearing no hitting. Do they do a lot of identifying feelings too? Like, my friend is sad because.... or I am sad because my book was torn. They do a lot of that at our daycare. I am guessing they have similar philosophies.

Do you think he might need an earlier bedtime if he is more active during the day? Other than, it sounds like a normal 2 year old. I just finished reading I'm 2 Years Old by Jerri Wolfe. It is a quick read, and she wrote it from the perspective of a 2 year old, so it's very cute. There wasn't anything new or mind blowing in it, but it was a good reminder of where my 2 year old is.

[tifttu]

Well, I try to pick my battles. Crackers and raisins...fine. I don't do food battles. I also found that for DS a couple of warnings before change went a loooong way even to the point of him doing it himself. Like when xyz is over we're going to do abc or when I finish singing twinkle twinkle little star it will be time for this, when I count to ten we're going to turn of the tv and brush teeth....10, are you going to turn it off or should I? Stuff like that.

It's by no means peaceful all the time, but that cut out a lot of our big issues. Now if I could get him to stop trying to make is sister cry....

[Jmom1010]

I agree with what people are saying. And it does seem to be a phase because we are in it now too. We have our good days and our bad days. I try to appeal to DS by getting him interested in whatever is coming next. Like he hates to get up in the morning to go to daycare. So I make a big deal out of what is going on outside like "the moon is still up come see." or "there's a rabbit in the back yard." I also will play lets make a deal. The other night he wanted waffles for dinner but I had made pork. So I promised waffles for dinner the next night and followed through. I also pick my battles. If there is no real hurry to change activities sometimes I let DS change at his own pace. Offering choices helps some too although we are having some issues with DS making up his mind so sometimes I just don't bother.

[kohlby]

It easily could be an adjustment phase, in which case, I hope he's out of it soon! My son was rather challenging since birth, so it wasn't a phase. (But it got much better at 4 and 5 was even better). He does have some sensory quirks so that didn't help. For dinner, I serve everyone the same dinner. If there's something my kids don't like, they have to get up from the table and get a suitable substitution. My son was able to make his own cheese sandwich all by himself by 2 due to this. I also found that he started eating what I served more often since he was too lazy to get up. (Plus, it does help teach him about healthy eating and food groups). He's now 5 and still gets substitutions sometimes. I don't want to make the dinner table a battlefield. There was a stage where everything was a battle.

For changing activities, I had to do a 10 second countdown. After that, I scooped him up and physically moved him. I also taught him things like if he left the park easily, we would come back the nice next day. And if he didn't, then we wouldn't be back for a week. I did have to enforce that a few times but he learned to leave the park easily and started doing the countdown himself - making him feel like he was in control. It was the same with switching activities - once he got used to it, he would do the countdown. (Plus, the 10 second countdown worked wonders when I was nursing him while pg!)

Dressing DS was a battle for a while. As I mentioned, he has some sensory quirks which do effect his eating and did effect his dressing, though not much anymore. I'd start dressing him 30 minutes before it was time to go anywhere. He could get used to each piece of clothing that way one by one. I did force clothes on him. Telling him that we couldn't go to a certain place if he didn't put clothes on didn't help. (However, with DD who has no sensory quirks, telling her we can go to the park, store, etc once she gets dressed makes her cooperate right away).

*DS went through a phase where he would want to watch tv. We started unplugging the tv and he couldn't get to the plug. We also started doing a "quiet time" when he gave up his nap by 2. He is allowed to watch tv during quiet time. So, he gets a certain time of day when tv is allowed. Otherwise, he's used to it being off. "TV time" is scheduled just like "lunch time" is scheduled. (Though we're very unstructured otherwise!)

[Jmom1010]

Hey I like that substitute dinner idea. I think I'll try it.

[mandeloo]

I have a 22 month old, food battles are a lost cause! If she doesnt want it, or doesnt like it I can expect to be mopping it off of the floor. Every day, three times a day. However she has no sleep problems. My older boy had the sleep problems.

I am willing to bet that the sleep he gets at daycare is not sufficient and causing these battles. That's usually what happens with mine. Your boy sounds like my oldest boy, very "king of the house" and what worked for my boy was the Daddy. Daddy has "the voice" it's firm, its baritone and kids know you don't mess with Daddy.

Don't be scared if you lose your cool, we all do. If it gets too bad, set him in a place he will get in the least amount of mischief and walk away, even if it means you're late for something.

As for daycare, I would not switch his daycare because that's another big change which will throw routine for a loop. Looks like what daycare doesnt do you will have to do. You can possibly ask them to tell him no? Daycare was another great thing for my oldest and his discipline. They need to be firm with him. Another thing is maybe you can cut his daycare days down to half days. He is not taken out of the daycare completely but he could possibly get another nap in and then would be rested enough to be cheerful.

The hardest thing for children to take is abrupt change (I find) and weaning is everything. Even when it comes to things like school and potty training. Gradual change, try to make everything a big fun game and get DADDY heavily involved! That will also help with your feelings as well.

[PeacefulMom]

By 2 and a half they are starting to try to assert their autonomy. I say give him as much as you can. Let him pick out his clothes, choose foods, watch TV for as long as he wants, he won't do it forever. And you can try and entice him with a fun game or puzzle too. But you've got to let them explore being themselves by that age.

It also does sound like he's ready for potty learning! Very exciting. May be the influence of other kids from day care pushing that too.

I doubt it is the day care causing problems though. It is all age appropriate. I say let them do what you can when you can and the times you need them to follow directions will be easier.

Take him out for walks and let him lead the way. Go wherever he wants to go as long as it is out of danger. Our DS is 2 and gets a lot of feelings of power and control by leading the way.

And we don't battle food. I try to only keep mostly healthy things available and offer what I want him to have and if he doesn't eat it he gets to pick something else within reason. Raisins and crackers would be within reason to me. And I think you'll find that he won't want that for dinner every night forever either.

Good luck!

[_MrsC_]

Well the weekend was much better. We went out Friday night for dinner at a buffet and DS ate a ton. We also bought him a potty and some pull-ups. He was so excited to wear "underwear" and even peed in the potty before bed that night. That was the only time though. I'm trying to take a low-key approach to the whole thing but I told him that if he's not going to try to use the potty I'm not putting "underwear" on him.

I have decided not to worry too much about the food issue. He's not eating junk all day, it's just the lack of variety that worries me sometimes.

The substitute idea is an interesting one. I never thought of a two y.o. being able to fix his own sandwhich, but there is a lot that he can do that I never thought about before. I was looking around the kitchen this weekend thinking about that idea, but I don't think it's an option just yet. Our freezer in on the bottom and Ds can't reach even the bottom shelf on the fridge. We could get the things for him and let him make his own meals like that... It's something DH and I will need to talk about.

I actually think the daycare is a good thing for him. But the long days may be too much. I'm currently working an angle at work to hopefully work in-office a few hours a day and the rest of the hours at home in the evening. I hope they go for it because I think it will take pressure off our family life.

Thanks to everyone who has listened to me vent and offered advice. Some days just seem to tough to take. I'm sure you've all been there at one time.

[Psyche]

Stop describing my son. ;)

[_MrsC_]

Psyche - Since the day I joined this message board I have followed you (and also MandyPTA) around to see what your boys are up to because they are all so close in age.

[Psyche]

Psyche - Since the day I joined this message board I have followed you (and also MandyPTA) around to see what your boys are up to because they are all so close in age.


DS is about to drive me ape....poop. Seriously and he has had no major changes to his life. He is so very, very two. Off the wall tantrums that last for forever when he doesn't get his way, begging for things repeatedly, whining. And being purposely antagonisitic. You tell him to get down, oh he'll keep climbing. The hitting. The growling. The no's. Its harder to redirect him and I'm so not patient with being pregnant right now.

He's spending the night with my parents Friday night while DH and I stay in a hotel close by. I hope it goes well because I need a friggin break from him and my college students before I throw something through the window.