Autism - advice needed

[JustMoi]

My nephew is 18 months old. He was born when his mom was 39, and is her first child. She thinks he's perfect and wonderful, etc.

But I've raised three children and babysat countless others. I know enough to recognize certain signs. I think this child is somewhere on the spectrum. He cries, and will occasionally fuss/whine when he wants something. He laughs once in a while. Other than that, he does not vocalize AT ALL. None of that happy baby-babble that all babies seem to start at only a few months old when they discover they have a voice. He does know 4 or 5 signs that he uses regularly, but you'd think he'd still attempt to vocalize. But he doesn't.

He seems to be seriously speech delayed, and I know that the sooner the intervention begins, the better his prognosis can be. How in the world do I get SIL to at least have him evaluated?? (If it makes a difference, SIL is a fundamentalist (apostolic pentecostal) and rarely, if ever, does anything that is not mainstream when it comes to parenting - in fact, she's already started spanking.)

Help :( My nephew needs evaluation and help.

[Earthmama]

:( All I can send is my best wishes & a hug to help with your strength in this matter. :hug:

[steelady]

IF she is open to it, you can try sitting her down at the autismspeaks.org website. They have a video library comparing a child with autism with a typically developing child-if there is something that is similar to your nephew, it may help.

IMO, without knowing those involved, if there is someone she admires or looks up to that agrees with you, having them speak with her may help.

What about the child's father? Would he be open to an evaluation?

I don't know her church, but i will say that some more extreme fundamental churches (or rather at least one, but they don't seem unique to me in other areas) don't feel autism exists; the children are possessed by demons. I have NO IDEA if her church would susbcribe to this, but if they may, there may not be much you can do.

As a side note, if the child is autistic, spanking may have little to no effect on the child (as a discipline tool). If the child is under sensing, or has a high threshold for pain, it may not be a deterrent and may even feel good the child.

[lolabear]

i would def have her get him evaluated ... early interventions are wonderful and its best to get started as early as possible

[JustMoi]

I'd LOVE for her to get him evaluated, but she simply won't do it. She thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Her DH is more fundie than she is, actually... but they are not the type that would think he's possessed by demons. But I'd bet they don't think autism is all THAT much of an issue, that it can be solved with sufficient prayer and discipline. She's also going to homeschool, and I think that will compound the problem - fewer people being exposed to the child who can tell her that his development is not normal. *sigh*

[Sputterduck]

I lost my post so let me try again...

I don't know if all pentecostals are like this but my xSO and his mother are really weird about medical issues. If you say anything like "I think I'm getting a migraine" or "They think my dad has cancer" they will shush you and tell you that you can't "speak sickness" in their house. They say that opens you up to the devil and he will come in and make you sick with what you are saying.

They say you must pray to God thanking him for already healing you. You can't ask God to heal you, you must act as if he already has. Then if you have enough faith God will heal you.

Unfortunately they are sick quite often. Yet they will tell you that no one in their family gets sick because they have faith in God.


I would worry that your nephew's mom won't be open to hearing anything about autism.

[steelady]

I'd LOVE for her to get him evaluated, but she simply won't do it. She thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Her DH is more fundie than she is, actually... but they are not the type that would think he's possessed by demons. But I'd bet they don't think autism is all THAT much of an issue, that it can be solved with sufficient prayer and discipline. She's also going to homeschool, and I think that will compound the problem - fewer people being exposed to the child who can tell her that his development is not normal. *sigh*
Believe it or not, that may not be such a horrific thing.

Discipline, in the form of routines, can be very helpful and homeschooling,in general, can cut out a lot of sensory overload stuff that can happen in school.

You never know what's going to happen, kids are amazing things (just trying to say things may not be forever dire).

On the other hand, would they be open enough to him getting evaluated for some sort of hearing issue? That may be a way to start down the path. Another thing could be having her exposed to typically developing children-the contrast may turn a light bulb on.

[JustMoi]

What's interesting is she used to work in child development, and is very well educated on the subject. She's been around hundreds of children.

Discipline in the form of routines may be good, but he's 18 months old and she already spanks him. Even in a neurotypical child, that's simply too young to spank.

I do know that his hearing seems to be fine... he hears whispers, loud voices, high and low pitches etc. He did have a physical issue earlier with tilting his head, but they corrected that with physical therapy.

She's just VERY resistant to the idea of autism or even severe speech delay. I'm sure that she will eventually come around... but with this, I think it's the sooner the better.
She thinks the fact that he can sit still and quiet during a 3 hour church service is a GOOD thing - not accepting that it's truly not normal for an 18 month old to not make ANY verbal sounds except to cry.

[Tweet]

That is sad .

I did want to say that there is also a good possibility it's not autism. My son had the same exact symptoms at that age. He was delayed in several areas and they also found him to have some hearing issues right around the same time. Obviously, no way to tell without an eval .

I am with Steel with wondering if they'd be open to getting evaluated for hearing issues.

[JustMoi]

He was already evaluated for hearing issues a long time ago (when he turned a year old). She's not one to take him to the doctor a lot, but she DID immunize him on schedule and a hearing test was given to him when he was there for his one-year shots.

I do know of some children with severe speech delay that are considered on the spectrum simply due to the speech delay.

[Tweet]

That doesn't make sense..

[JustMoi]

SHE doesn't make sense when it comes to issues with this boy. She tried for several years to have a baby, and had several miscarriages before finally carrying the one pregnancy to term. She can't have more, and he will be the only child she ever has.

I think she's just got blinders on - doesn't want to see him as imperfect in any way. I understand that, all parents want their children to be perfect (or at least "normal"). But she just can't see what is obvious to everyone else.

[steelady]

SHE doesn't make sense when it comes to issues with this boy. She tried for several years to have a baby, and had several miscarriages before finally carrying the one pregnancy to term. She can't have more, and he will be the only child she ever has.

I think she's just got blinders on - doesn't want to see him as imperfect in any way. I understand that, all parents want their children to be perfect (or at least "normal"). But she just can't see what is obvious to everyone else.


It may be deeper than just wanting your child to be perfect.

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that SOMETHING was wrong with ds by about 15 months. I was open to just about anything except autism. It terrified me to no end. In fact, it was one of the most terrifying things to me even before I was pregnant.

My heart goes out to both of them, and to you.

[Jacksmommy]

My nephew is 18 months old. He was born when his mom was 39, and is her first child. She thinks he's perfect and wonderful, etc.

But I've raised three children and babysat countless others. I know enough to recognize certain signs. I think this child is somewhere on the spectrum. He cries, and will occasionally fuss/whine when he wants something. He laughs once in a while. Other than that, he does not vocalize AT ALL. None of that happy baby-babble that all babies seem to start at only a few months old when they discover they have a voice. He does know 4 or 5 signs that he uses regularly, but you'd think he'd still attempt to vocalize. But he doesn't.

He seems to be seriously speech delayed, and I know that the sooner the intervention begins, the better his prognosis can be. How in the world do I get SIL to at least have him evaluated?? (If it makes a difference, SIL is a fundamentalist (apostolic pentecostal) and rarely, if ever, does anything that is not mainstream when it comes to parenting - in fact, she's already started spanking.)

Help :( My nephew needs evaluation and help.

Other than directing her toward some gentle discipline books, I'd let it go. If she thinks her child is perfect, he may well be.

[SingingMom]

My DS didn't vocalize much, either, and NEVER when someone not in the immediate family was around. We had several friends and relatives gently trying to get us to take him in for an evaluation.

He wouldn't make sounds in unfamiliar places, either.

Now he's three and you can't shut him up. And he seems perfectly social at swimming lessons and the park.

It's possible that there isn't a big problem. I agree that it's not normal for a kid that young to sit quietly for three hours, but I was that kind of kid, too. And if I'm on the autism spectrum, I must be REALLY high-functioning.

So in your shoes, I'd discuss my concerns with the mom. "Does he talk when I'm not around? I never hear him. Are you worried about that?" But I'd try not to worry too much yet.

[irisheyes81]

I've never heard of a child being diagnosed just because they do not speak. My cousin did not speak a word until she was over 2 years old. She was evaluated, and was fine...she just did not speak. Once she started speaking, she spoke in sentences, as if she had been talking the entire time. She is now 5, and ahead in all development areas for her age, and a super social girl.

[Wolverine]

At 18 months, dd1 was not speaking at all. We did have her evaluated to curb some of my anxiety. She was fine. Speech delay is one of (i think) 5 evaluating points.

[xobehs]

I agree with what Steel has said but want to chime in:

the lack of speech doesn't alarm me at 18 months since he is communicating. He is using signs consistently.
If he lacks engagement or joint attention I would worry a bit more. For example, a clown walks in the room and the child sees it, the child looks at you (or mom for example) as if to say, "do you SEE that? is that ok?"

Do you see any signs other than a speech delay?

[xobehs]

At 18 months, dd1 was not speaking at all. We did have her evaluated to curb some of my anxiety. She was fine. Speech delay is one of (i think) 5 evaluating points.
I have never had a student on my case load Dx'd on the spectrum with only a speech delay.

[Tweet]

I have never had a student on my case load Dx'd on the spectrum with only a speech delay.


That doesn't right to me, either. In fact, around here it's a HUGE process to even get at dx and it's done by several markers. I mean, a severe speech delay could be happening for a number of reasons..sometimes , like in my case, you never really know why. But they don't dx on one symptom alone.

[JustMoi]

It's not that he's not speaking. He doesn't VOCALIZE at all, except to cry and a very rare laugh. He never made any of the cooing noises, he doesn't do any baby-babble, etc. and never has.

There are also other signs. He stares at things in a rather odd way (but he could have vision issues, that we don't know), he rocks... that sort of thing.

[Tweet]

Hmm, would she be open to a vision eval to get things rolling? I know you said that he'd already had his hearing checked.