Farewell

[dewoman81]

This place used to be a wonderful source for me and my bfing issues. I tried to make friends, but people on here are too opinionated for me. I know it is a debate board, but when I ask a question, the question isnt answered. All of the other small details are debated in a horrible way.

[Babyhellfire]

Dramatic much

[xobehs]

I think it was kind of clear that you would get such responses since you had been down the same road before.

Good luck. I hope you can do some growing and reflecting.

[CatSoup]

:( I'm sorry to see you go.

[QuiltyConscience]

I Think your questions are answered, just not the answers that you may be wanting to hear.

Sometimes it is harsh to hear what you don't want to. but sometimes it can be very helpful to at least consider what others are saying. My best friend is my best friend because she will tell me when she thinks I am screwing up. And that is a good thing.

Please understand that I mean you no ill will, and that I don't think that you shouldn't have a nice wedding. I hope you have a lovely wedding, and that is a memorable day for all of you.

I do think that you may regret spending all of your savings and going into debt over it, and I am not being mean to you when I say that. It will seem foolish later, making cc payments on a trip to Jamaica If money gets tight and you are trying to pay for necessities, yKWIM?

I Know a whole lot of people who started out their marriages ass-deep in debt, and it really tears people apart. It's hard, stressful, and can be avoided a lot of the time.

I was not very nice in your thread, and I am sorry for that. I do hope you will at least consider what several people said, and learn from it.

[Sunnie]

Damn us outspoken women who have opinions and don't know our place.

[3girls2luv]

I am sorry to see you leave and I do hope you have a nice wedding and happy marriage. I have learned over the past yrs. that when you come on here to ask for an answer or an opinion, you better be ready to accept the answers you get. Sometimes I come here before asking my RL freinds because no one candy coats anything here and sometimes that is a good thing. Live and learn.

[Bohemian]

I agree with Quilty.

I'm sorry this place isn't for you anymore but it's probably best not to post on a debate board if your don't want your questions or opinions debated. Maybe you can find the support you need on the support boards here.

[Nipple_nectar]

I have been absent from the boards lately with IRL drama but I am sorry to see you leave.:(

[bocarioja]

CM, you're focusing on the "small details."

Best of luck to you, Dewoman.

[Funmommy]

Good Luck Dewoman in everything you do. :hug:
I'll be sorry to see you go. :(
I hope everything works out the way you want them to and you have a wonderful/magical wedding. :D

[Nipple_nectar]

I read the thread and I think some are overreacting as usual, that would be just another day here at BFDC..some are only here for the sheer joy of instigating others, being aggressive, sarcastic and even downright hurtful at times.

If you can weed through all of that and glean the information from the few, sometimes the many, it depends on the subject, really. Then you have a good healthy perspective of what internet message boards represent. Take it all with a grain of salt.

[PiccoloRose]

I'm sorry to see you go, dewoman. I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and wish you the best for your future!

[KaraJ]

This place used to be a wonderful source for me and my bfing issues. I tried to make friends, but people on here are too opinionated for me. I know it is a debate board, but when I ask a question, the question isnt answered. All of the other small details are debated in a horrible way. Sorry to see you go. Good luck, PM me if you feel the need.

[KaraJ]

I read the thread and I think some are overreacting as usual, that would be just another day here at BFDC..some are only here for the sheer joy of instigating others, being aggressive, sarcastic and even downright hurtful at times.

If you can weed through all of that and glean the information from the few, sometimes the many, it depends on the subject, really. Then you have a good healthy perspective of what internet message boards represent. Take it all with a grain of salt. ITA.

[EvilAmy]

In these economically unsteady times and threat of having another depression (which I'm not sure if I doubt or believe) I think it would be irresponsible to think "Hey it's my day who cares if I'm wiping out my savings and using my credit card all to have one day of glory." I would be looking to cut at many corners and extras as I could. Then again I'm a tight wad and cheap and behave that way anyway, and yet I always manage to pull off something nice. And the most important lesson I've learned as a grown-up was if it's my day that means it my day, not my day listening and fullfilling everybody else's wishes of what my day should be. Which means I would have "runaway".

[HammBugga]

Stop overreacting Amy, GAWD.

OP- see you next week.

[KatieLou]

I have not read the thread, but you will be missed, and I wish you luck.

[alejorge]

I am sorry to see you go. Good luck with your wedding. I hope it is everything you want it to be.

[Tweet]

Good luck.

[Tweet]

And I will add that in the other thread , I know I was harsh. I should have just not responded at all. But do you have any idea what I'd give to have been able to have family at my wedding? It's just that it's very hard for me to swallow that someone could complain so much when their parents and other family members are doing so much..being so kind..and to focus on this one woman ( who you call crazy, yet she watches your child) just seems so selfish. I'd have given a lot to even have my mother around ..it's those things I think are important. Anyway, it's not my business and I should have kept my mouth shut.

[Justicedog]

People didn't answer the question the way you wanted. It's kind of like saying, I'm going to move to Las Vegas and become a prostitute to earn some money, how should I get to Las Vegas? And then getting answers suggesting other ways to earn money and then saying, my question wasn't answered.

You don't like the answer so you blame the folks who bothered to respond with real life and common sense. Not mature and not smart. But, good luck whereever life takes you.

[Sunnie]

.some are only here for the sheer joy of instigating others, being aggressive, sarcastic and even downright hurtful at times.


There isn't a rolleyes smilie big enough to convey my rolleyes at this.

[Earthmama]

I'm sorry to see you go. I wish you a beautiful wedding & a happy marriage.

[GirlsMama]

I am sorry to see you go, hopefully you will be back and have thought about what to include this board in and what to keep to yourself. It's a lesson I've worked hard to learn.

I'm currently reading Queen Bees and Wanna Bees, and maaan, there are some posters on this board that came to mind while I was reading the roles in girls' groups.

If you chose to go into debt for your wedding that is your choice, it does not effect the people on this board. (a wedding of less than $10,000 is not going to cripple the economy).

Good luck in the future. That sounded quite high school year book-y. :) Hpe that wedding is great!

[Crabbie]

farewell

[Monkeytoes]

Good bye

[colleen0419]

See ya

[Justicedog]

I am sorry to see you go, hopefully you will be back and have thought about what to include this board in and what to keep to yourself. It's a lesson I've worked hard to learn.

I'm currently reading Queen Bees and Wanna Bees, and maaan, there are some posters on this board that came to mind while I was reading the roles in girls' groups.

If you chose to go into debt for your wedding that is your choice, it does not effect the people on this board. (a wedding of less than $10,000 is not going to cripple the economy).

Good luck in the future. That sounded quite high school year book-y. :) Hpe that wedding is great!


So, where's your list? Name names.

[jaelwoman]

I am sorry to see you go, hopefully you will be back and have thought about what to include this board in and what to keep to yourself. It's a lesson I've worked hard to learn.

I'm currently reading Queen Bees and Wanna Bees, and maaan, there are some posters on this board that came to mind while I was reading the roles in girls' groups.

If you chose to go into debt for your wedding that is your choice, it does not effect the people on this board. (a wedding of less than $10,000 is not going to cripple the economy).

Good luck in the future. That sounded quite high school year book-y. :) Hpe that wedding is great!


Holy Crap, are you serious? I don't post much anymore, haven't even really lurked in a while and didn't read all of posts in the thread the OP was talking about, but have you thought of the fact that the women on here that are trying to talk to her are in a been there done that kind of place? Do you honestly think there are posters that are intentionally cruel because they get enjoyment out of being intentionally cruel??

A wedding of less than $10,000 may not cripple the economy but it may cripple HER economy. If she sinks every dime she has, including the dimes she doesn't have into a "DAY" - who the fuck is going to bail her out when her new husband's company folds the day they get back from their honeymoon? Or the car they are driving is involved in a hit and run car accident and it's totalled and they need to buy a new car...or someone gets really sick.

Do you think maybe the "queen bees" on this board are imparting wisdom and you and the OP are just too immature to realize it??

[Sunnie]

Nipple Nector said the same thing as Girlsmama. Ream them both, IMHO.

And yes, Girlsmama, I'd love it if you named names. Go ahead. I'm waiting.

[jaelwoman]

Guess I should have :(

[Sunnie]

I'm telling you, I get so sick of the "some posters only post here to be mean, bitch and hurtful" bullshit. Fucking sick of it. Just because you think someone is fucking up does not mean you are trying to be mean and hurtful.

Fuck

[xobehs]

Woah!
There is a MASSIVE difference between being realistic, upfront and forthcoming than there is to being a "mean girl" nice misogynistic term BTW! What a pile of bologna. This board has never had a flavor for telling folks what they want to hear- I should know I have been on the other end of the stick and I haven't cried victim.

[Teresa64]

Woah!
There is a MASSIVE difference between being realistic, upfront and forthcoming than there is to being a "mean girl" nice misogynistic term BTW! What a pile of bologna. This board has never had a flavor for telling folks what they want to hear- I should know I have been on the other end of the stick and I haven't cried victim.


This.

I have gotten used to the way people post on here. While some of it is shocking that is the joys of being online. You can say how you feel and not try to sugar coat it. I think everyone has been at the other end of the stick at one point and now I value peoples opinions...whether I agree or not. If anyone remembers my first post I didn't even realize that this was a debate board and got put in my place fast.

[frannie]

This.

I have gotten used to the way people post on here. While some of it is shocking that is the joys of being online. You can say how you feel and not try to sugar coat it. I think everyone has been at the other end of the stick at one point and now I value peoples opinions...whether I agree or not. If anyone remembers my first post I didn't even realize that this was a debate board and got put in my place fast.


I very much agree with Teresa 64.
I noticed the way this board was the first few post I read. I was very shocked since this is the first board/site I have ever been a part of. I know when I post Im going to get an ear full. But I do enjoy getting another point of view, it gives me something to think about. Although I could do with out all the name calling, but that just MHO

[GirlsMama]

I'm not saying it isn't good to try to stop someone from ruining themselves financially.

With my reference to that book I was not talking about the mean girl role, or the Queen Bee role, but rather a different role. I thought it was interesting, as I was reading the book I laughed right out loud.

[GirlsMama]

Woah!
There is a MASSIVE difference between being realistic, upfront and forthcoming than there is to being a "mean girl" nice misogynistic term BTW! What a pile of bologna. This board has never had a flavor for telling folks what they want to hear- I should know I have been on the other end of the stick and I haven't cried victim.


I never used the term mean girl, there are several different roles in that book.

[jessiehannan]

Goodbye, dewoman.

[Crabbie]

I never used the term mean girl, there are several different roles in that book.


As it looks right now, it looks like you were referring to the 'mean girls' . Maybe you can clarify.

[KerryS]

I think those who deny that there IS a pack mentality around here are deluding themselves.

[pawprint]

I think those who deny that there IS a pack mentality around here are deluding themselves.


I agree. I think people have been OTT to dewoman. Although she probably should have caught on and stopped posting about it.

[Bohemian]

I think those who deny that there IS a pack mentality around here are deluding themselves.


Hmm, I think there are a few posters (usually newer) that take the opportunity to chime in "negatively" on trainwrecks. For the most part though, I think someone says something really stupid and/or defends and gets all pissy about it and everyone reacts. Most come down hard on them, have the same reactions, and you totally get why. I don't think that's a pack mentality. It's everyone getting pissed about the same thing. The perception of the reader plays a huge part imo. If you agree with an op that's getting chewed out, you might think pack mentality or not understand why people are reacting a certain way.

That is my armchair analysis so take it FWIW! ;)

[KerryS]

I'm not necessarily speaking about dewoman's lastest thread. I'm speaking in general.

[trylyn5]

I think those who deny that there IS a pack mentality around here are deluding themselves.


This. Some days people are respectful even while disagreeing. Which many of the posters in the original thread were. Some days you can practically hear the wolves circling just waiting for an opportunity.

[still_me]

I'm not necessarily speaking about dewoman's lastest thread. I'm speaking in general.


I agree that there can be a pack mentality here. I remember when I first joined that Catsoup was being attacked for being a old member in disguise. People were tearing her up and down because they thought she might look like someone who posted here before, but they couldn't remember clearly.

That being said, when *I* agree with a group of people it is usually over things like racism, sexism, religion, or something like that. Things that the majority of this board won't stand for tend to bring out people. I do think that people can circle or hold grudges against a poster for things, but all in all, I wonder if it is because of the person or because of the mentality. I try to step back and reevaluate my stance on things if a lot of people are agreeing on something just to make sure I'm not going with the flow.

[madelsmama]

I agree with Kerry and Paw, and Girlsmom to some extent.

It's possible to disagree and debate without being harsh and hurtful. The majority of the time, I think differences are handled well, but when the thread starts to go sour, there is definitely a pack mentality and dog piling that ensues. Why not disagree with someone's parenting, political, or financial choices without calling them selfish or stupid?

[QuiltyConscience]

I am sorry to see you go, hopefully you will be back and have thought about what to include this board in and what to keep to yourself. It's a lesson I've worked hard to learn.

I'm currently reading Queen Bees and Wanna Bees, and maaan, there are some posters on this board that came to mind while I was reading the roles in girls' groups.

If you chose to go into debt for your wedding that is your choice, it does not effect the people on this board. (a wedding of less than $10,000 is not going to cripple the economy).

Good luck in the future. That sounded quite high school year book-y. :) Hpe that wedding is great!


You do get that when you post a vague "some posters..." everybody who posted is wondering "hey are you talkin' to me?"

Sure, going into debt for her wedding is not going to effect me personally. Most of everything that people talk about in their personal lives doesn't affect me personally.

I'm not worried about her hurting the economy either.

My concern is how she may be setting herself up for some badness..I have known the hurt an misery of being in debt. It sucks. It sucks a lot.

Creditors calling non-stop, telling you you better pay up now or else..feeling like an idiot paying off credit cards at $500 a month, for stuff I didn't even have anymore, but if I blew a tire, I'd have to wait till payday to fix it. feeling stupid because I couldn't get to work because I couldn't afford a $25 tire repair, because I was paying off dinners out from 2 years before, and outfits that had long gone to Salvation army.

I have done plenty of stupid. I could write a book about how to screw yourself financially. I got downright creative with stupid.

So I am coming from a place of, Please, please, do not do what I did. It took several years to undo the mess DH and I made for ourselves, and we spent a whole hell of a lot of money on interest and late fees that could have been put to much better use.

I'd really like to see somebody avoid all that. I wish I had avoided it.

[Bohemian]

I'm not necessarily speaking about dewoman's lastest thread. I'm speaking in general.


As was I.

Still-Me,
I'd forgotten about Cat's first experiences. I disagreed and defended her but I don't remember the whole board going after her. I thought it was just a few people that kept harping on it.


Why not disagree with someone's parenting, political, or financial choices without calling them selfish or stupid?

Well calling someone stupid isn't productive but I don't see what's wrong with telling someone that you think they are selfish, if you indeed feel they are because of their views. Sure everyone could just go around saying nothing but "I disagree or I agree" but it would get pretty boring without people explaining why.

[QuiltyConscience]

People didn't answer the question the way you wanted. It's kind of like saying, I'm going to move to Las Vegas and become a prostitute to earn some money, how should I get to Las Vegas? And then getting answers suggesting other ways to earn money and then saying, my question wasn't answered.

You don't like the answer so you blame the folks who bothered to respond with real life and common sense. Not mature and not smart. But, good luck whereever life takes you.

I am beginning to wonder if someone does indeed post
"I'm going to move to Las Vegas and become a prostitute to earn some money, how should I get to Las Vegas? "

Any answers other than...

" Greyhound has some good deals. ooh, I found a flight for just $99 out of Houston, how far are you from Houston? And here's a link for some great thigh high boots and crotchless panties on sale. You would look great in the tiger print ones. And Yay you for being in charge of your sexuality!! Good luck with your hookin' I know from the friday night sex threads you looove BJ's so you'll make lots of cash!;)"


...Is just being mean.

[Tweet]

Well, I'm coming up from a place like "please grow the fuck up and don't waste your time whining about luxuries you don't have. Be grateful for the nice things people are doing for you". If that makes me a queen bee or part of a pack mentality, ok. It's not about her wanting a nice wedding , it's about her constant whining of who is not doing what for her and who is working against her "machine". It literally makes my stomach not feel good and I don't have much patience for it.

I feel that as always, she's feel to post about such things and people are free to comment on them. I haven't seen anyone go on and call her horrible names. A whole lot of people have said she sounds selfish and not very smart about her finances.

[jessiehannan]

Well, I'm coming up from a place like "please grow the fuck up and don't waste your time whining about luxuries you don't have. Be grateful for the nice things people are doing for you". If that makes me a queen bee or part of a pack mentality, ok. It's not about her wanting a nice wedding , it's about her constant whining of who is not doing what for her and who is working against her "machine". It literally makes my stomach not feel good and I don't have much patience for it.

I feel that as always, she's feel to post about such things and people are free to comment on them. I haven't seen anyone go on and call her horrible names. A whole lot of people have said she sounds selfish and not very smart about her finances.

I feel the same way as Tweet.

[Babyhellfire]

I agree with tweet as usual,damn pack mentality ;) .

..I also agree with boho though, that it isn't necessarily pack mentality ,but people having similar reactions- which is sort of packish , LOL- I dunno.There ARE times I think it feels as though certain cliques clash- certain people clash,and certain people are some what bullied(in the same sense that telling that girl going to vegas she'd be a hoe,and not just the price of buses).Maybe in a way it is pack mentality,collective group reaction.
I think if you go around with the idea that there is a group of circling sharks waiting to tear other people down here- yeah, you might see it- but if you actually took the time to anylyze who those poeple are that seem to be the "sharks" in each given debate or arguement - you are actually going to find they aren't always the same people.Or on the same sides-Thats not nesseicarily a "pack" mentality - any more than rep and dems arguing politics are following "pack mentality", KWIM?
PEOPLE clash- people disagree or argue. I think quite often some people search for patterns where there aren't any- and somewhat create them.Not saying that bf.com is free from it- far from it- but I do not think it is there as much as some people seem to.

What I actually see here that people might refer to as "pack mentality"- is people chiming in to agree, in debates-or discussions. So instead of posting much of their own you get 10-15 people that pop on later in the night to just agree,maybe add a tidbit of their own- I get that when it is something flamitory that can be hurtful to people on the opposite side- but quite often someone is more eloquent than myself and i agree,and want to input my take on an issue,and understand when others do the same.I don't think that is pack mentality -to want to add your opinion on something,but sometimes I think others here do think so, and I can see how it can be taken that way when a debate has become long or pretty much over and someone else comes online.-- I just do NOT think MOST people here are doing that out of some need to be in the pack, or part of the offensive though,or maybe I am far to optimistic about the true intentions of the members here-:shrug:

[GirlsMama]

I was talking more of roles like the Banker roll, and I wasn't talking about this thread, I shouldn't have brought it up at all. I just feel bad that dewoman feels as bad as she does because I have felt that way before as well.

I also made financial mistakes, borrowed the max every semester when student loan time came because I was a single mom, working two pt jobs and going to school ft to be eligible for financial aid. I borrowed a lot and I am going to be paying it back forever. So I tell my dd1 not to borrow more than the barest, and I will help her as much as I can, because I don't want her to be in debt like me. My only debts are my student loan and about $1,000 of my appendectomy. Other than that we are debt free, of course we live on base so we don't have our own home, that will be the one debt we will likely take on in the coming years.

I always like to give advice and my dh has told me umpteen times, no one wants to hear it, so I am getting better at biting my tongue. He also says I can talk myself blue in the face and if a person wants to make a move that I disagree with I can't do anything about it. I see that as what's happening with dewoman. She clearly has a certain idea about what a traditional wedding is and that's ok. Those here who are older and wiser are trying to help her realize what $9,000 dollars could do for her long-term life, and that is fine. But she doesn't want to hear it. And that is fine too. and now I have totally lost my train of thought because I had to chase down a 17 month old with an open bottle of water.

[Sunnie]

big difference between going in debt for school and going in debt for a wedding. one is necessary. one isnt'.

[CatSoup]

Nipple Nector said the same thing as Girlsmama. Ream them both, IMHO.

And yes, Girlsmama, I'd love it if you named names. Go ahead. I'm waiting.

Ream me too.

[CatSoup]

Hmm, I think there are a few posters (usually newer) that take the opportunity to chime in "negatively" on trainwrecks. For the most part though, I think someone says something really stupid and/or defends and gets all pissy about it and everyone reacts. Most come down hard on them, have the same reactions, and you totally get why. I don't think that's a pack mentality. It's everyone getting pissed about the same thing. The perception of the reader plays a huge part imo. If you agree with an op that's getting chewed out, you might think pack mentality or not understand why people are reacting a certain way.

That is my armchair analysis so take it FWIW! ;)

I don't agree. I don't usually agree with some of the things that posters say to get themselves into trouble, but I can still see when they are getting OTT criticism and hatefulness.

[CatSoup]

I agree that there can be a pack mentality here. I remember when I first joined that Catsoup was being attacked for being a old member in disguise. People were tearing her up and down because they thought she might look like someone who posted here before, but they couldn't remember clearly.
.

And so many of them said, "If I'm wrong I'll be the first to apologize..blah blah blah." They never did, not that I really expected them too. :p

ElizabethDaisy is another example. There was really no reason for everyone to jump her ass for asking too many questions.

[GirlsMama]

big difference between going in debt for school and going in debt for a wedding. one is necessary. one isnt'.

I borrowed more than I needed for school, because I was trying to keep my dd out of daycare so I was using money for living expenses.

[Bohemian]

I don't agree. I don't usually agree with some of the things that posters say to get themselves into trouble, but I can still see when they are getting OTT criticism and hatefulness.


But is that OTT criticism and hatefulness a pack mentality? Or is it just someone that loses patience and is literally sick to their stomach hurt by someone else's words and has a strong emotional reaction to them?

For me, it's the latter and I would suspect the same for many others. I'm not saying it's the best way to express yourself or react but I don't think that a bunch of people having a strong emotional reaction means they were sitting their with baited breath so that they could jump at the opportunity to be mean and nasty. I don't think there is anyone here that I 100% agree with all the time but even so a consensus in opinion (even negative expression of one) does not equal pack mentality.

ElizabethDaisy is another example. There was really no reason for everyone to jump her ass for asking too many questions.

I never had any beef with ElizabethDaisy and I never gave her a hard time BUT she was annoying as all get out. No she never really said anything in particular, it was just her personality. She rubbed a lot of people wrong and people got sick of her and expressed that. Yes, it would be nice if everyone was sweet and loving with one another but that isn't the real world on the boards or anywhere else. I'm happy that people can express themselves freely even if it hurts sometimes or I don't always agree. That is why so many people post here. It's real, people don't hold back and they are drawn on that. Support boards where people always agree with one another are a dime a dozen.

[madelsmama]

Where I see the "pack mentality" coming into play is after someone posts a whiny or perhaps annoying question, receives a few responses, then someone decides to tell them how whiny or annoying they are or their question is. After that spade is played, it's as though other people feel the courage and enpowerment to crap on that person, too.

I'm not saying that everyone should agree; you're right, Boho, that would get boring. Disagreement and debate is what this place is about. But if the person is that annoying, honestly, why not just avoid the person or thread? It may not be the "real world" to be kind to one another, but that shouldn't make us feel entitled to be cruel to people that we see as weaker or don't like, even on a message board.

[KaraJ]

I'm not saying that everyone should agree; you're right, Boho, that would get boring. Disagreement and debate is what this place is about. But if the person is that annoying, honestly, why not just avoid the person or thread? It may not be the "real world" to be kind to one another, but that shouldn't make us feel entitled to be cruel to people that we see as weaker or don't like, even on a message board. ITA. Just because you disagree with someone, doesn't mean you have to flame. I'm speaking in general.

[KaraJ]

Yes, it would be nice if everyone was sweet and loving with one another but that isn't the real world on the boards or anywhere else. That's because people are too butt lazy or selfish to make the effort.

[TuetonicWillow]

It's not about her wanting a nice wedding , it's about her constant whining of who is not doing what for her and who is working against her "machine". It literally makes my stomach not feel good and I don't have much patience for it.

This is how I feel about this particular situation. If someone lamented the big wedding she didn't/can't have, I'd not think to say anything, except maybe, "Sorry." But that's not what Dewoman posted. Ever. She only ever posts whines about how she's entitled to a honeymoon and that she's got a right to a fancy wedding and that her friends and family should be paying for it. That's a bunch of bullshit. She asked if if was okay to hit up her guests for donations, she poasted about slipping cards in invites asking guests to buy her meals on her honeymoon, she whined about having to finance the wedding at the same time she posted multiple threads about needing a job. Then she complained that her MIL, whom she detests, isn't giving her $1,000.00.

Frankly, I find her appalling in regards to these matters. Her attitude and expectations are OTT. Nevermind going into extreme debt for a party- that's her business. Burt then again, she opted top share her business here. Over and over and over, always with the same result.

I can't even wrap my mind around defending her as simply wanting a 'nice wedding". As if that's all iis was...

[TuetonicWillow]

That's because people are too butt lazy or selfish to make the effort.


Says the pot to the kettle.

[Bohemian]

Where I see the "pack mentality" coming into play is after someone posts a whiny or perhaps annoying question, receives a few responses, then someone decides to tell them how whiny or annoying they are or their question is. After that spade is played, it's as though other people feel the courage and enpowerment to crap on that person, too.

I'm not saying that everyone should agree; you're right, Boho, that would get boring. Disagreement and debate is what this place is about. But if the person is that annoying, honestly, why not just avoid the person or thread? It may not be the "real world" to be kind to one another, but that shouldn't make us feel entitled to be cruel to people that we see as weaker or don't like, even on a message board.

(Bold mine)
I can see that and that was what I meant when newer people jump in with a nasty comment of trainwreck threads.

I usually do ignore people that are generally annoying, it's the people that say things that have great potential to hurt others that I have a hard time ignoring.

What is your definition of cruelty? For me that means attacking someone because of their appearance or saying that you wish harm to them in some way. If I felt someone is acting ignorant and selfish, I'll say so and I don't consider that cruel.

Words have a lot of power here and if you're going to express yourself in a way that is offensive, it's not surprising to me to see people get offended and react in a negative way. That isn't entitlement, it's reaction to powerful words expressed.

[KaraJ]

Says the pot to the kettle. If I've been rude, it's too people who never gave me the same courtesy. Frankly, I'm tired of pretending politeness to people who don't want it.

[Bohemian]

That's because people are too butt lazy or selfish to make the effort.


Yes, I do think that may be the reason you lash out here when people find you offensive and don't agree with you. You hit the nail on the head with that one! :gig:

[TuetonicWillow]

If I've been rude, it's too people who never gave me the same courtesy. Frankly, I'm tired of pretending politeness to people who don't want it.


I think my 10 yr old uses that argument a lot. "I only called him a jerk because he called me a dummy yesterday!"

You've got a lot of growing up to do.

[bocarioja]

If I've been rude, it's too people who never gave me the same courtesy. Frankly, I'm tired of pretending politeness to people who don't want it.

Pretending politeness?

I'm not sure what this means.

[KaraJ]

Yes, I do think that may be the reason you lash out here when people find you offensive and don't agree with you. Me? Lash out? When?

Pretending politeness? Staying civil when I don't feel like it. But I try too cuz it's the right thing to do.

[KaraJ]

Yes, I do think that may be the reason you lash out here when people find you offensive and don't agree with you. I can say the same thing to several posters on this board.

[TuetonicWillow]

You've never lashed out, Karaj?

In one thread you managed to call me everything from mean to a criminal to selfish to a liar.

[KaraJ]

Like I said, I decided I wasn't going to be courteous to people who didn't want it. You have never managed to be polite to me when we disagreed, so I got tired of it.

[TuetonicWillow]

And like *I* said, you have a lot of growing up to do.

[Bohemian]

If I've been rude, it's too people who never gave me the same courtesy. Frankly, I'm tired of pretending politeness to people who don't want it.


to not too. Too would be used to say:too little, too much

You have no accountability for your words. You think people being rude to you makes it okay to be rude back. Well, you expressing such little compassion and judgment for others makes others think it's okay to be rude to you. Instead of always justifying your actions, self reflect a little bit.

[KaraJ]

And like *I* said, you have a lot of growing up to do. Meaning what?

[TuetonicWillow]

It's self-explanatory, Karaj. You are very immature. I'd take mean over childish anyday of the week.

Feel free at anytime to attempt to admit that you called me a criminal and much more. It might be a big step for you. Admitting you were wrong is a big girl thing to do.

Try it. It's liberating to own what you say even when what you say is crap. We've all been there, done that. Now it's your turn.

[Bohemian]

FTR, I've tried to be patient with you Kara. I've tried to discuss intelligently. It's like talking to a brick wall. You play games and refuse to even own up that some of things you say are hurtful. THAT has made me lose patience with you to the point I don't even try anymore. You are hardly the victim you like to think you are.

[KaraJ]

to not too. Too would be used to say:too little, too much Oops. Sorry.

You have no accountability for your words. You think people being rude to you makes it okay to be rude back. Well, you expressing such little compassion and judgment for others makes others think it's okay to be rude to you. Instead of always justifying your actions, self reflect a little bit. No, it doesn't make it okay to be rude back. However, there came a time when I was tired of getting stepped on, so I got angry. I own up to the fact that I should be nicer. However, I don't feel bad about being "harsh" (as some put it), when people's language and disdain for my views was down right disgusting and wrong.

[KaraJ]

Feel free at anytime to attempt to admit that you called me a criminal and much more. It might be a big step for you. Admitting you were wrong is a big girl thing to do.
I'll admit it. I admit I was rude when I should have taken the higher road. However, it's disheartening when I see others make no effort to do so.

[Nipple_nectar]

There isn't a rolleyes smilie big enough to convey my rolleyes at this.

Sunnie, I meant what I said and I stick by it. I'm not referring to you, if that's what you want to know. So, you cut to the chase and give people the truth, I respect you for that, really. Once I got to know you, I discovered you weren't just "billy goat gruff", it's your style and you have plenty of it. But be honest, can you read the post below and HONESTLY SAY it isn't meant to be deliberately hurtful?


Stop overreacting Amy, GAWD.

OP- see you next week.

I agree with you and Jaelwoman, for the posters who try to give a BTDT position, I have no issue with. It is the posters who post NOTHING ELSE but a jab. It's worthless. Just my two cents.

[Babyhellfire]

Now, now don't use that pack mentality to dogpile on kara

[TuetonicWillow]

I still have not seen you admit that you have no basis whatsoever for your claims about me.

[KaraJ]

Ugh.
What I'm TRYING to say, is that we're never going to agree on several issues. Everyone is different. I just wish people could disagree in a more civil manner instead of tearing up turf.

[KaraJ]

I still have not seen you admit that you have no basis whatsoever for your claims about me. Where are the quotes?

[KaraJ]

It's like talking to a brick wall. Why? Because I rarely agree with you?

[TuetonicWillow]

Find your own quotes. People here have called you racist, bigoted, ignorant and more based on what you posted. Nobody here has said anything to you they made up out of thin air.

You are the only one who did that. And you will do and say anything to avoid admitting it.

This is why people have no patience for you.

[xobehs]

Ugh.
What I'm TRYING to say, is that we're never going to agree on several issues. Everyone is different. I just wish people could disagree in a more civil manner instead of tearing up turf.
You ripped my turf to shreds when you said it was my fault I was raped bc I had been drinking. I have little remorse about anything I will ever say to you since that, you are an evil little bitch.

[KaraJ]

Nobody here has said anything to you they made up out of thin air. I still don't get why people think I'm racist. Bigoted... maybe.

[KaraJ]

You ripped my turf to shreds when you said it was my fault I was raped bc I had been drinking. I have little remorse about anything I will ever say to you since that, you are an evil little bitch. I never said it was your fault.

[Sadalsuud]

Why? Because I rarely agree with you?

No, because you either don't respond to what was said, respond to only part of it, pick something out that is completely irrelevant to respond to or don't get what was said at all and you need clarification.

[KaraJ]

No, because you either don't respond to what was said, respond to only part of it, pick something out that is completely irrelevant to respond to or don't get what was said at all and you need clarification. True, but most of the time, I have several people posting at once with a million different questions. It's hard to get everything.

[TuetonicWillow]

Karaj, are you going to recant the 'selfish' and 'criminal' claims or not?

[KaraJ]

Not until I look back at my quotes. I really don't recall calling you either. Though maybe I did. I'll have to look.

[TuetonicWillow]

You are some piece of work, lady.

[KaraJ]

Couldn't find them. Really, I can't. Were you talking about the abortion thread?

[TuetonicWillow]

I think I'm through talking to you or with you about anything.

I've had better people than you piss themselves and pass out drunk in the back of my car.

[Meredith]

You do get that when you post a vague "some posters..." everybody who posted is wondering "hey are you talkin' to me?"

Sure, going into debt for her wedding is not going to effect me personally. Most of everything that people talk about in their personal lives doesn't affect me personally.

I'm not worried about her hurting the economy either.

My concern is how she may be setting herself up for some badness..I have known the hurt an misery of being in debt. It sucks. It sucks a lot.

Creditors calling non-stop, telling you you better pay up now or else..feeling like an idiot paying off credit cards at $500 a month, for stuff I didn't even have anymore, but if I blew a tire, I'd have to wait till payday to fix it. feeling stupid because I couldn't get to work because I couldn't afford a $25 tire repair, because I was paying off dinners out from 2 years before, and outfits that had long gone to Salvation army.

I have done plenty of stupid. I could write a book about how to screw yourself financially. I got downright creative with stupid.

So I am coming from a place of, Please, please, do not do what I did. It took several years to undo the mess DH and I made for ourselves, and we spent a whole hell of a lot of money on interest and late fees that could have been put to much better use.

I'd really like to see somebody avoid all that. I wish I had avoided it.

I haven't read this entire thread, and I haven't read the thread that the OP is referring to, but this post really hits home for me. I really can't fault someone for trying to share their negative experiences in order to prevent someone for making the same mistakes. DH and I are stuck in a spiral of our own poor financial decisions right now. I wish someone had come along and bitchslapped us before we fucked everything up. I would have delightedly allowed a virtual wolfpack to feast on us if it would've prevented the hell that we're in now.

[Bohemian]

Why? Because I rarely agree with you?


Not at all. I don't agree often with Hidesome. I didn't agree with him on the healthcare thread. He however expressed himself intelligently and when people questioned his opinion, he responded maturely and with tact. When he expresses himself it's well thought out. Sometimes you just don't think about what you say and how you say it. Even if people say, hey that is hurtful you refuse to acknowledge it and say something even more offensive. You often express yourself without anything to back it up like the stuff about healthcare and how many Dr's should be allowed into med school. You pick and choose who to respond to and ignore people that aren't being rude to you. Your complete inability to see another point of view. I know what you're thinking and it's not true. Take Hidesome for example or some of the people I've disagreed with in this thread. It's a totally different experience exchanging differing opinions with them, than with you. THOSE are the things that have made me lose patience with you.

[Bohemian]

Why? Because I rarely agree with you?

eta: I should have included this in the above post.

See and your quote here is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. I already explained why and even repeated myself in the prior post. Why did you ask again? This is the game playing I'm talking about. Your either ignoring parts of peoples post or your reading comprehension is awful.

[Justicedog]

Why do things always end up being about KaraJ? Kara, Kara, Kara! <humph>


Now, I want to know the lists. Which list am I on? Mean girl? Queen bee? Pack? Can we make this about me for a change?

[HammBugga]

KARA makes it all about Kara.

Seriously Kara, people were nice to you when you came. it wasn't until you started spouting off at the fingers all your hateful, bigoted, racist remarks that people reacted negatively to you.

Take a step back and look at your behavior oh Righteous One©. Then maybe you will see why people here don't welcome you with open arms.

[Shaunsmom]

This thread has taken a weird twist...makes for interesting reading material really.

Get the lists!! I want to see which one I am on too:)

[KaraJ]

I think I'm through talking to you or with you about anything. Suits me fine. Really, I don't give a crap about what you think of me. But the fact remains that people were unnecessary mean to people like Dewoman and Elizabeth Daisy. Dewoman irritated me a couple of times, she really did. But I just ignored her, rather than rip her up one side and down the other. I think Tata was flamed too, though I'm not completely sure on that one.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Poor dewoman. She can't even say "farewell" without Kara making it all about her.

As for ElizabethDaisy, I defended her on numerous occasions. However, I'll never forget when she jumped on me on a thread because she misunderstood me. I still feel bad for ED because I do think her reading comprehension skills are lacking. The OP can't use that excuse.

[Sputterduck]

I must've missed something with ElizabethDaisy... I didn't know anything happened with her.

[KaraJ]

Poor dewoman. She can't even say "farewell" without Kara making it all about her. Actually, I think it was Willow who made it all about me. I was talking about Dewoman before she (willow) jumped my case.

[EvilAmy]

I'm not necessarily speaking about dewoman's lastest thread. I'm speaking in general.
Dear Pot,

You are black.

Sincerly,
Kettle


PS. However I do agree.

[GirlsMama]

Meredith, you may wish someone had stepped in to stop you, but honey, and you know I love you, you may not have listened :) When I wanted to marry my ex, my family said "no no no" but I did, and later I regretted it. If someone had told me not to take out as many student loans as I was, I would have figured I knew best and done it anyway. Though no one stopped me or tried to stop me, so I can't be sure.

[colleen0419]

Not at all. I don't agree often with Hidesome. I didn't agree with him on the healthcare thread. He however expressed himself intelligently and when people questioned his opinion, he responded maturely and with tact. When he expresses himself it's well thought out. Sometimes you just don't think about what you say and how you say it. Even if people say, hey that is hurtful you refuse to acknowledge it and say something even more offensive. You often express yourself without anything to back it up like the stuff about healthcare and how many Dr's should be allowed into med school. You pick and choose who to respond to and ignore people that aren't being rude to you. Your complete inability to see another point of view. I know what you're thinking and it's not true. Take Hidesome for example or some of the people I've disagreed with in this thread. It's a totally different experience exchanging differing opinions with them, than with you. THOSE are the things that have made me lose patience with you.

ITA, sometimes I think that karaj just says things to get a rise out of people.....like the healthcare thread when she said something about "kids die.....it's cancer". But she refuses to even see someone else's point. I can respect other points of view. I don't consider myself a mean girl, and I am fairly new here, but I have little to no tolerance for that shit.

[JudyJudyJudy]

ITA, sometimes I think that karaj just says things to get a rise out of people.....like the healthcare thread when she said something about "kids die.....it's cancer". But she refuses to even see someone else's point. I can respect other points of view. I don't consider myself a mean girl, and I am fairly new here, but I have little to no tolerance for that shit.
Actually, I think she was just trying to hang on hidesome's coattail with that comment, but she didn't do a very good job of it.

[colleen0419]

Actually, I think she was just trying to hang on hidesome's coattail with that comment, but she didn't do a very good job of it.

true, but somehow I was WAY more tolerant of the way hidesome was getting the point across verses karaj

[bocarioja]

God forbid Karaj ever find herself in the position of dealing with cancer. In real life. With someone she actually loves. In a postition where money becomes an issue.

I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone except the most arrogant, hate-filled... wait... That isn't a very Christian attitude, is it?

Still, I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.

[JudyJudyJudy]

true, but somehow I was WAY more tolerant of the way hidesome was getting the point across verses karaj
I think it's probably because hidesome said, "People die."

Kara said, "Children...."

I think the sound of the word "children" makes it sound more uncompassionate, especially when it's coming from someone who is so adamant about protecting fetuses.

[colleen0419]

I think it's probably because hidesome said, "People die."

Kara said, "Children...."

I think the sound of the word "children" makes it sound more uncompassionate, especially when it's coming from someone who is so adamant about protecting fetuses.

ITA, Judy. She is such a hippocrite

[Meredith]

Meredith, you may wish someone had stepped in to stop you, but honey, and you know I love you, you may not have listened :) When I wanted to marry my ex, my family said "no no no" but I did, and later I regretted it. If someone had told me not to take out as many student loans as I was, I would have figured I knew best and done it anyway. Though no one stopped me or tried to stop me, so I can't be sure.

You are probably right. I was a stubborn little twit. ROFL.

[Crabbie]

Suits me fine. Really, I don't give a crap about what you think of me. But the fact remains that people were unnecessary mean to people like Dewoman and Elizabeth Daisy. Dewoman irritated me a couple of times, she really did. But I just ignored her, rather than rip her up one side and down the other. I think Tata was flamed too, though I'm not completely sure on that one.


tata was flamed. sure. But that isn't why she left and don't lump her in with ED a Dewoman. They are on different levels of the field.

[TuetonicWillow]

Karaj, I'm still waiting for you to openly admit that calling me selish, dishonest and a criminal were based on nothing.

I'm still waiting for you to say it.

[JudyJudyJudy]

TW, if you're holding your breath, you're going to turn blue.

[Sadalsuud]

Didn't she delete those posts? If those are the ones she deleted, she took them back. It's like it never happened! /sarcasm

[JudyJudyJudy]

Didn't she delete those posts? If those are the ones she deleted, she took them back. It's like it never happened! /sarcasm
Oh, yeah, those don't count.

[GirlsMama]

You are probably right. I was a stubborn little twit. ROFL.


So was I. I'm still stubborn, probably still a twit, but not so little anymore!

[Sunnie]

Sunnie, I meant what I said and I stick by it. I'm not referring to you, if that's what you want to know. So, you cut to the chase and give people the truth, I respect you for that, really. Once I got to know you, I discovered you weren't just "billy goat gruff", it's your style and you have plenty of it. But be honest, can you read the post below and HONESTLY SAY it isn't meant to be deliberately hurtful?




I agree with you and Jaelwoman, for the posters who try to give a BTDT position, I have no issue with. It is the posters who post NOTHING ELSE but a jab. It's worthless. Just my two cents.


It's bullshit to say that some people only post to be hurtful and you know it.

[nicurn]

I don't know, Sunnie. Brickhause and Mogey have both posted specifically to hurt other posters, for example. When the average "regular poster" does so, they often apologise and own their rudeness.

Why do you think that no one does?

[still_me]

TW, if you're holding your breath, you're going to turn blue.


Awww! You can be Smurfette.




This whole thread makes me want to say BLAHHHHHHH! I realized I started to laugh like a crazy women 4 pages back.

[MissionaryMomma]

I'd bet that if the lurkers all came out for this one thread, they could tell you that they see a pack mentality. Sometimes it's amusing, depending on my mood.

See, I have a theory---there are a few people out there who will tell you like it is, whether you agree with them or not. I'll name names---Sunnie is one. KaraJ is another. Hidesome and JudyJudyJudy also come to mind. I have a respect for that, even if I don't agree with them. I think that others of us (me included) try to put our opinion our there, mildly at first. Then when there is a following, a full attack is made. It's fun. It's entertaining. It makes us feel all feel big---too big. We're filled with pride. People agree with us and we're going after the weaker prey. Good fun.

It's a shame, really. Debate, good. Have fun. Name calling, etc, no good. I've seen threads that turn grown women into kindergarteners "I'm rubber you're glue...." Then when a few get together on common ground, look out. Someone is going down!

[MissionaryMomma]

And Sunnie, I meant that in all the best. You do cuss a lot and it used to take me back. Now I see it as part of your charm. LOL! I probably won't be posting much myself and lurk once in a while, but I want you to know that I've enjoyed our small chats. I feel like you've changed just a bit. I used to avoid you. Or maybe it's that I've changed. Hard telling.

All the best to you!

[xobehs]

I'd bet that if the lurkers all came out for this one thread, they could tell you that they see a pack mentality. Sometimes it's amusing, depending on my mood.

See, I have a theory---there are a few people out there who will tell you like it is, whether you agree with them or not. I'll name names---Sunnie is one. KaraJ is another. Hidesome and JudyJudyJudy also come to mind. I have a respect for that, even if I don't agree with them. I think that others of us (me included) try to put our opinion our there, mildly at first. Then when there is a following, a full attack is made. It's fun. It's entertaining. It makes us feel all feel big---too big. We're filled with pride. People agree with us and we're going after the weaker prey. Good fun.

It's a shame, really. Debate, good. Have fun. Name calling, etc, no good. I've seen threads that turn grown women into kindergarteners "I'm rubber you're glue...." Then when a few get together on common ground, look out. Someone is going down!
How many times is this board going to be scolded and accused of this? Doesn't it get old?
As for the theory- what is wrong with people "saying it like it is"? I have to add, karaj does not say it like it is. She makes inflammatory comments and then back pedels, that is NOT saying it like it is. The others you single out are engaging and enjoy a debate, hence the name of the board. DEBATE, in case anyone forgot.

[MissionaryMomma]

Oh lawd! Sure, it gets old. Wah wah wah.

Debate? That's debatable in and of itself. Dog piling, more like it.

And I never said there was anything wrong with saying like it is. I wish I had the guts to do it. KaraJ may backpedal (ok, she does, a lot), but she does stand up for herself, and alone I'll add. She has to have some kind of guts.

[MissionaryMomma]

And I wasn't singling them out as an offense. I think it's admirable, even if I do shrink away in intimidation.

[xobehs]

And I never said there was anything wrong with saying like it is. I wish I had the guts to do it. KaraJ may backpedal (ok, she does, a lot), but she does stand up for herself, and alone I'll add. She has to have some kind of guts.

I have always liked the saying, "If you are going to be stupid, you had better be tough."

[Sunnie]

I don't know, Sunnie. Brickhause and Mogey have both posted specifically to hurt other posters, for example. When the average "regular poster" does so, they often apologise and own their rudeness.

Why do you think that no one does?


mogey was a troll. He/she/it doesn't count. Brickhouse indeed posted supportive things even though she could be caustic at times.

[CatEyes]

Sorry you are leaving.

[BeanBabies]

I read the thread and I think some are overreacting as usual, that would be just another day here at BFDC..some are only here for the sheer joy of instigating others, being aggressive, sarcastic and even downright hurtful at times.

If you can weed through all of that and glean the information from the few, sometimes the many, it depends on the subject, really. Then you have a good healthy perspective of what internet message boards represent. Take it all with a grain of salt.


Bold mine.

I agree and disagree. I feel a few were unnecessarily harsh but I don't feel it's because they just wanted to be mean for the sake of being mean. Their point was correct, but their delivery was a bit nasty. Being nasty does not always negate a very good point.

[BeanBabies]

People didn't answer the question the way you wanted. It's kind of like saying, I'm going to move to Las Vegas and become a prostitute to earn some money, how should I get to Las Vegas? And then getting answers suggesting other ways to earn money and then saying, my question wasn't answered.



You are comparing a wedding they can't afford to asking advice for becoming a hooker? That's ridiculous.

[BeanBabies]

That's because people are too butt lazy or selfish to make the effort.

Oh my, this is the most ironic thing I've read in months! "lol9" Good one!

[Justicedog]

You are comparing a wedding they can't afford to asking advice for becoming a hooker? That's ridiculous.


No, I'm comparing the way a question was worded and how it was answered. Her query was how do X. Some can't say how to do X because they don't think X should be done. Same thing.

[KerryS]

I've had better people than you piss themselves and pass out drunk in the back of my car.

If I didn't know you were a cop, this statement would make me laugh.

[Tweet]

Oh lawd! Sure, it gets old. Wah wah wah.

Debate? That's debatable in and of itself. Dog piling, more like it.

And I never said there was anything wrong with saying like it is. I wish I had the guts to do it. KaraJ may backpedal (ok, she does, a lot), but she does stand up for herself, and alone I'll add. She has to have some kind of guts.

Well, you can assume the worst , if you wish. I'd prefer to think that the majority of this board can think for themselves just fine and don't need to "dogpile" anyone. A majority may agree, but that's not what you're talking about. You're saying people are enjoying being mean because others are being mean. That's a pretty heavy accusation to make, for one thing. Another thing that bothers me is there is absolutely no point in bringing it up if you aren't going to get specific. No one knows what you're talking about otherwise and people will then wonder if you're talking about them. Frankly, it's a little chicken shit.

[BeanBabies]

Yes, I understand that. But - I can't equate prostitution to someone wanting a really nice wedding. Especially after someone was promised the money to help pay for it.

I understand the poster has previous issues with said wedding (I vaguely remember her putting her honeymoon on her wedding registry or something?) so I see there may be a backstory. Which does complicate issues, for sure.

I recall Jessiehann (not correct but I hope close?) ragged her ass (for what I thought was) out of the blue for her sense of entitlement. The poster was told the money was forthcoming. And so far, she has not received it. How is that entitlement?

I don't know many people who didn't have help to pay for their wedding. I know I sure as hell had help from both my parents and my in-laws. If it weren't for them, we would not have been able to have the small but wonderful wedding we had. Was I entitled?

[Justicedog]

If I didn't know you were a cop, this statement would make me laugh.


I just saw that quote. That was funny.

[BeanBabies]

Oh, I most definitely give KaraJ props for stating her beliefs and damn well sticking to them. I still think she's a twit, though.

[Tweet]

Except sometimes she doesn't stick to them..she deletes them :)

[jessiehannan]

Yes, I understand that. But - I can't equate prostitution to someone wanting a really nice wedding. Especially after someone was promised the money to help pay for it.

I understand the poster has previous issues with said wedding (I vaguely remember her putting her honeymoon on her wedding registry or something?) so I see there may be a backstory. Which does complicate issues, for sure.

I recall Jessiehann (not correct but I hope close?) ragged her ass (for what I thought was) out of the blue for her sense of entitlement. The poster was told the money was forthcoming. And so far, she has not received it. How is that entitlement?

I don't know many people who didn't have help to pay for their wedding. I know I sure as hell had help from both my parents and my in-laws. If it weren't for them, we would not have been able to have the small but wonderful wedding we had. Was I entitled?

I do think she has a sense of entitlement. She came online bitching about how a crazy woman that she doesn't particularly like isn't giving her money for her wedding.
If any one else would have posted complaints about spending money that they didn't have, I would have been equally irritated. That is one thing that drives me absolutely crazy, no matter who does it.

[Tweet]

Yes, the backstory played a part in my reaction to her thread, for sure. It's one thing to be really disappointed and quite another to be completely ungrateful and assuming that this woman is not ponying up the money just so she can "work against the machine". I mean, just referring to her family as her "machine" sounds like she has a big sense of entitlement.

And it did rub me the wrong way that she's calling her MIL "crazy" and basically worthless, but she sure doesn't seem to mind her giving lots of money and apparently she's ok enough to watch her kid. And then she has the nerve to belly ache about her MIL saying she wasn't going to watch the kid for the honeymoon? Maybe she's sick of being taken advantage of. Or, maybe she is a raving lunatic like Dewoman says..in which case it seems odd to accept childcare and money.

[MissionaryMomma]

Well, you can assume the worst , if you wish. I'd prefer to think that the majority of this board can think for themselves just fine and don't need to "dogpile" anyone. A majority may agree, but that's not what you're talking about. You're saying people are enjoying being mean because others are being mean. That's a pretty heavy accusation to make, for one thing. Another thing that bothers me is there is absolutely no point in bringing it up if you aren't going to get specific. No one knows what you're talking about otherwise and people will then wonder if you're talking about them. Frankly, it's a little chicken shit.

I've not been any kind of chicken poopoo. I've named names.

I don't have time to wade through TONS of threads, but one off the top of my head is the Joe Six Pack thread. I pointed it out in that thread as well. Not chickey doodoo in my book.

And I'll add something else---when there is a thread that turns religious and there is one or two standing alone while others are making jokes and such around them, someone makes a good point for the opposition. Why is it followed up by an "A-fuckin'-men"? Or an "amen and hellelujah"? That's mockery of the worst kind, imo. I don't have time to find it, so please don't ask me to look. Many could pop up and tell you it's there, though.

[Sunnie]

I say afuckingmen. How is that mockery? It means I absolutely agree with what was said. Emphatically.

[nicurn]

It makes a mockery of what others hold sacred by taking a word of prayer to God and adding a curse in the middle.

I find it distasteful more than offensive, but I can certainly sympathise with those who are hurt by it.

[Sunnie]

God doesn't have the corner on the word Amen. It just means "i agree" pretty much. Yes, the traditional use is in prayer but it can be used in any circumstance when you completely agree with what someone has said.

[nicurn]

Sunnie, I wasn't suggesting that it did. God hasn't cornered the market on the word "god". However, to many people (including the majority of Americans) the word "Amen" carries sacred connotations that are profaned when profanity is inserted, and they are bothered by that.

As an American, you know very well that the word is commonly considered to be sacred. I don't begrudge you your right to use language as you want, but don't try to pretend that you don't know how it comes across.

[Sunnie]

I'm not pretending. I didn't know it could come across that way and I still don't understand it quite frankly.

But I've never placed a high importance on words. Words are words. They are neither good nor bad. They just are.

[xobehs]

Well, you can assume the worst , if you wish. I'd prefer to think that the majority of this board can think for themselves just fine and don't need to "dogpile" anyone. A majority may agree, but that's not what you're talking about. You're saying people are enjoying being mean because others are being mean. That's a pretty heavy accusation to make, for one thing. Another thing that bothers me is there is absolutely no point in bringing it up if you aren't going to get specific. No one knows what you're talking about otherwise and people will then wonder if you're talking about them. Frankly, it's a little chicken shit.

I agree, and again, I just don't get the point of bringing it up either. It's one of those broad stroke generalizations about the character of the board that is just not conducive to anything. A lot of people leave bc they don't like it here and it is not for them- sounds like a healthy thing to do if the sentiment here bothers you.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I have to agree with Sunnie about "Amen." I don't say Afuckingmen, but I've never seen "Amen" as a Christian word. I hear people say it IRL all the time with and without the "fucking" in it and without it being in reference to religion or god.

[Bohemian]

I've not been any kind of chicken poopoo. I've named names.

No you haven't named names for your broad generalizations. You named some people that you think "tell it like it is" and that you admire but that's it.

I looked through your posts on the Joe six pack thread and there weren't many. You mentioned that you didn't understand why people use or bring religion into an argument to which I replied I had and why. I stand behind it because Kara is the one to bring it up quite frequently and has the nerve to tell people if they are going to hell or not and pass judgments out left and right based on her religion.

Besides that you said this:
I've not been around for a long time, however, so I don't know much aboud KaraJ. I have noticed a little change of dynamics here, since the exodus to ihmmb. I see who has taken over any Barney bada$$ rolls. I also have a few posters in mind who annoy the crap out of me.

and in this thread you've said there are people that just being mean to be mean because of the whole pack mentality. As Tweet said it's pretty chickenshit, not to mention passive aggressive to make those accusations and I see no name mentioning in regards to those in this thread or the other one.

Now I'm the third person (maybe more) that disagrees with you on this and I can assure you my thoughts are my own and I disagree because *I* disagree. I'm not doing so to be mean or jump on any imagined bandwagons.

And I'll add something else---when there is a thread that turns religious and there is one or two standing alone while others are making jokes and such around them, someone makes a good point for the opposition. Why is it followed up by an "A-fuckin'-men"? Or an "amen and hellelujah"? That's mockery of the worst kind, imo.

I try not to be offensive on purpose and I'm not one to say any of the above but seriously if this board were to stop saying or speaking of any topics that someone found offensive, this board wouldn't be bf.com anymore. I see complaining about this type of thing like someone writing into the producers of "Sex and the City" and asking to not include sexual scenes because they are offensive to them. It's ridiculous. Instead of trying so hard to control the actions of others on this board, control your own and stop reading/posting if it's so offensive and bothersome. No one is forced to be here and there are million boards on the internet that can be found without anyone ever saying anything negative about religion or cussing. (If that is the kind of environment you want)

[MissionaryMomma]

I agree, and again, I just don't get the point of bringing it up either. It's one of those broad stroke generalizations about the character of the board that is just not conducive to anything. A lot of people leave bc they don't like it here and it is not for them- sounds like a healthy thing to do if the sentiment here bothers you.


I didn't bring it up. Kerry did, iirc. Anyone want to jump on her *broad generalization*, or do we just say something to someone we're less intimidated by? Proves my theory, in my mind at least.

[MissionaryMomma]

No you haven't named names for your broad generalizations. You named some people that you think "tell it like it is" and that you admire but that's it.

I looked through your posts on the Joe six pack thread and there weren't many. You mentioned that you didn't understand why people use or bring religion into an argument to which I replied I had and why. I stand behind it because Kara is the one to bring it up quite frequently and has the nerve to tell people if they are going to hell or not and pass judgments out left and right based on her religion.

Besides that you said this:


and in this thread you've said there are people that just being mean to be mean because of the whole pack mentality. As Tweet said it's pretty chickenshit, not to mention passive aggressive to make those accusations and I see no name mentioning in regards to those in this thread or the other one.

Now I'm the third person (maybe more) that disagrees with you on this and I can assure you my thoughts are my own and I disagree because *I* disagree. I'm not doing so to be mean or jump on any imagined bandwagons.



I try not to be offensive on purpose and I'm not one to say any of the above but seriously if this board were to stop saying or speaking of any topics that someone found offensive, this board wouldn't be bf.com anymore. I see complaining about this type of thing like someone writing into the producers of "Sex and the City" and asking to not include sexual scenes because they are offensive to them. It's ridiculous. Instead of trying so hard to control the actions of others on this board, control your own and stop reading/posting if it's so offensive and bothersome. No one is forced to be here and there are million boards on the internet that can be found without anyone ever saying anything negative about religion or cussing. (If that is the kind of environment you want)


Well, garsh, I get to wear the *board mommy* badge today. Yippy skippy.

Perceptions are a funny thing, though not without basis. You perceive things your way and I'll perceive things mine. Ain't freedom grand?!

[MissionaryMomma]

I'm not pretending. I didn't know it could come across that way and I still don't understand it quite frankly.

But I've never placed a high importance on words. Words are words. They are neither good nor bad. They just are.

I'm not a huge fan of profanity, unless I stub my toe or something, but I'm specifically talking about religious threads. I think it's a poor choice of words, specifically when discussing religion. It feels condescending.

[MissionaryMomma]

And while I'm serial posting, I'll say this---I couldn't care less if you want to dogpile, let's just not pretend it doesn't happen.

[Babyhellfire]

So any time a group of people disagrees it must be a a dogpile?
It couldn't just be that they disagree?

Tweet,Boho, I and a few others disagreed with the sentiment that there was some pack dogpile mentality as much as it is claimed here- in the 1st place-
So ,you come along any even FURTHER push the issue as if it is MUCH more common here than even kerry suggested...
But, then if the people ALSO disagree with your sentiment we must be dogpiling. No, we don't think you are wrong we are just attacking , and being nasty just for the fun of it-Yeah, thats it

[Bohemian]

I didn't bring it up. Kerry did, iirc. Anyone want to jump on her *broad generalization*, or do we just say something to someone we're less intimidated by? Proves my theory, in my mind at least.

You didn't bring up first in this particular thread but you brought up in the Joe six pack thread before this thread even exsisted.

And here you go with your generalizations. Who are these people that only say things to people they are less intimidated by? Who belongs in this group? Is it me? Is it Shebox? Since you don't have the balls to name names and just make random passive aggressive generalizations, I'll have to assume you're talking to me.

I'm not sure how it proves your theory since I responded to what Kerry said in this thread long before you said anything. I've gotten in heated debates with Judy, Steel, Sasha, Aeon and more. None of which are weak or easily intimidated. In fact I'm having a hard time thinking of any regulars that haven't disagreed with one another at one time or another

But hey if you want to play the victim and assume dogpiling just because several people disagree with you, then go right ahead. Like you said, ain't freedom grand?

[Camille]

ElizabethDaisy is another example. There was really no reason for everyone to jump her ass for asking too many questions.


First of all "everyone" didn't jump her ass, that's ridiculous to say that (it's a huge blanket statement). A few posters got sick of her posting drama/TTC/pregnancy/etc ten or more posts per day (on the debate board) and said so.

She is annoying. And she's back, so they couldn't have been that mean to her. Supposedly she's sticking to the support forums, but I'll believe that when I see it. She's a glutton for punishment, IMO.

You don't come on a DEBATE board acting like an attention whore, repeatedly asking stupid questions that by your fourth pregnancy you should damn well know the answer to and expect the whole board to happily answer your incessant questions.

Some people just like to see themselves type. Get a freaking blog already. (why do you think I have one?) "lol9"

There are some boards that are intended for only support. This isn't one of them. If it was meant to be that way, this forum would be called "Express yourself as long as you're not offensive and be sure to put on your fake happy face non-debate forum". :rolleyes:

[MissionaryMomma]

So any time a group of people disagrees it must be a a dogpile?
It couldn't just be that they disagree?

Tweet,Boho, I and a few others disagreed with the sentiment that there was some pack dogpile mentality as much as it is claimed here- in the 1st place-
So ,you come along any even FURTHER push the issue as if it is MUCH more common here than even kerry suggested...
But, then if the people ALSO disagree with your sentiment we must be dogpiling. No, we don't think you are wrong we are just attacking , and being nasty just for the fun of it-Yeah, thats it

I did not come here to push the matter further. I came late (different time zone) to answer for myself wrt to my chickey poopoo self.

I never claimed dogpiling for myself. I said, let's not pretend it doesn't exist.

[MissionaryMomma]

You didn't bring up first in this particular thread but you brought up in the Joe six pack thread before this thread even exsisted.

And here you go with your generalizations. Who are these people that only say things to people they are less intimidated by? Who belongs in this group? Is it me? Is it Shebox? Since you don't have the balls to name names and just make random passive aggressive generalizations, I'll have to assume you're talking to me.

I'm not sure how it proves your theory since I responded to what Kerry said in this thread long before you said anything. I've gotten in heated debates with Judy, Steel, Sasha, Aeon and more. None of which are weak or easily intimidated. In fact I'm having a hard time thinking of any regulars that haven't disagreed with one another at one time or another

But hey if you want to play the victim and assume dogpiling just because several people disagree with you, then go right ahead. Like you said, ain't freedom grand?


You are taking this way too seriously. Perhaps it is you who needs to step away from the computer. You're managed to make it all about you. Kudos.

Since we're talking just to each other here, I'll just tell you that I don't even know who you are. I've not been around for a long time.

Standing up to Sasha? Seriously, you've got guts. I love her dearly, but I'm intimidated by her.

I'd really love it if lurkers would PM me and let me know if I'm off my rocker with this or not.

[Sunnie]

You are taking this way too seriously. Perhaps it is you who needs to step away from the computer. You're managed to make it all about you. Kudos.



This is out of line and unlike you MM.

[xobehs]

Well, garsh, I get to wear the *board mommy* badge today. Yippy skippy.

Perceptions are a funny thing, though not without basis. You perceive things your way and I'll perceive things mine. Ain't freedom grand?!

THere is nothing wrong with your perceptions being different. I think it is best to skip the statements that are generalizing and when you say things along the lines of
"Let's not pretend..." Let US?
You are projecting. Stand by your opinion but don't cram it down others. You have done it twice on this issue.

[xobehs]

For the record, I have tangled with quite a few here, big bad scarry Sunnie for example ;)

[Bohemian]

You are taking this way too seriously. Perhaps it is you who needs to step away from the computer. You're managed to make it all about you. Kudos.

Since we're talking just to each other here, I'll just tell you that I don't even know who you are. I've not been around for a long time.

Standing up to Sasha? Seriously, you've got guts. I love her dearly, but I'm intimidated by her.

I'd really love it if lurkers would PM me and let me know if I'm off my rocker with this or not.


Think what you want but I'm not taking it seriously and only replying to what you are putting out there.

You are the one that has said:
I see what people have taken over the roll of barney bad ass
I see pack mentality
I see people only reply to people who don't intimidate them.

How am I supposed to know who you know or you don't know? How am I supposed to know who you are referring to?

Hello, but you make comments aimed in general at the board, don't be surprised if the board in general replies to them. That is not making it about me and don't think I didn't notice that was an attempt to deflect and not address the valid points I brought up in my previous post.

[TuetonicWillow]

There may be a pack around here but I sure as hell am not part of one. That said, I think you're being OTT, MissionaryMomma. And ...bratty. Sans profanity.

[TuetonicWillow]

And how is anyone intimidated by online people? I get worrying about nutters who will cross lines to RL, but just debating online? That takes guts?

I can't relate to that.

[EvilAmy]

You know using the phrase "dogpiling" and "pack mentality" is like "Karma's a bitch."

You never hear none of them used in the positive sense, yet it happens just as often.


Oh well.

[Babyhellfire]

I did not come here to push the matter further. I came late (different time zone) to answer for myself wrt to my chickey poopoo self.

I never claimed dogpiling for myself. I said, let's not pretend it doesn't exist
Cute
You came in late and said the same thing- when people disagreed you played the victim. Deny it if you want it was pretty straight forward, I could quote it if you prefer


I didn't bring it up. Kerry did, iirc. Anyone want to jump on her *broad generalization*, or do we just say something to someone we're less intimidated by? Proves my theory, in my mind at least.
---and this was your feeble response to two people disagreeing with you, two people who also openly,respectfully, disagreed with kerry..
but Oh. In your case they jumped on you in a dogpile.
Yes,occasionally weaker people will follow stronger and agree -because they feel less intimidated.
I have some sort of optimism ,that is not often the case with most regulars members here.I won't deny dogpiling takes place here- I am just saying I do not think it happens as often as some think.
..and obviously just because someone disagrees with you does NOT mean they are JUMPING in dogpiling you.

[EvilAmy]

and for the record i did have a smart assed answer for kerry. then again i always have a smart assed comment.

[BeanBabies]

Which is why I love you. "lol9"

[pawprint]

Ooohh! I hope to hell you think I'm a Barney Badass. I am not really sure what that means, but I hope it's me. I'm hardcore you know. Of course, I was always hardcore. You just notice more with less people who talk a lot.

[Tweet]

I've not been any kind of chicken poopoo. I've named names.

I don't have time to wade through TONS of threads, but one off the top of my head is the Joe Six Pack thread. I pointed it out in that thread as well. Not chickey doodoo in my book.

And I'll add something else---when there is a thread that turns religious and there is one or two standing alone while others are making jokes and such around them, someone makes a good point for the opposition. Why is it followed up by an "A-fuckin'-men"? Or an "amen and hellelujah"? That's mockery of the worst kind, imo. I don't have time to find it, so please don't ask me to look. Many could pop up and tell you it's there, though.

Ok. I don't remember you naming names here or in the Joe Six Pack thread, unless you are referring to karaj and saying that everyone was "dogpiling" her. If that's the case, I will then definitely disagree. And in fact, I'd be disappointed if people didn't speak out against (loudly) racism,bigotry, and sexism. That's the only person I remember recently that had a whole bunch of people flame them.

Dewoman's thread really didn't seem like a flame fest as much as it was a" why on EARTH would you do such a thing?!" and then those of us that felt it was shitty of her to complain so much and that would include the whole backstory that went along with it.

I have no idea what to say about Afuckingmen and the like as I'm not religious and don't think of such things. I'd assume people that say things like that aren't religious so I'm not sure it matters. I've not seen it used as mockery here so I don't know how to answer your question.

[EvilAmy]

Barney Badass?

Does that make you a purple dinosaur that wears black leather while singing I Love You/You love me with a crappy attitude?

[Tweet]

I didn't bring it up. Kerry did, iirc. Anyone want to jump on her *broad generalization*, or do we just say something to someone we're less intimidated by? Proves my theory, in my mind at least.


Huh? I've disagreed with Kerry on that before, iirc. I'm not sure why you'd assume anyone here is intimidated by anyone on this board. We're all grown ups here, right?

But, if it makes you feel better....Kerry, I disagree with you that there is a pack mentality here. Unless you're referring to the times when just about everyone flames the troll.

[Camille]

Barney Badass?

Does that make you a purple dinosaur that wears black leather while singing I Love You/You love me with a crappy attitude?

"lol9"

[Tweet]

You are taking this way too seriously. Perhaps it is you who needs to step away from the computer. You're managed to make it all about you. Kudos.

Since we're talking just to each other here, I'll just tell you that I don't even know who you are. I've not been around for a long time.

Standing up to Sasha? Seriously, you've got guts. I love her dearly, but I'm intimidated by her.

I'd really love it if lurkers would PM me and let me know if I'm off my rocker with this or not.

Well, just because you are intimidated doesn't mean the rest of us are. <shrug>
I think Sasha is a very intelligent, well spoken and always has her arguments well thought out. I don't,however, think she is intimidating and though I should not speak for her, I doubt she'd want you to feel that way.

And why are you saying that Boho is taking this too seriously? You're accusing people (though we don't know who) of dogpiling because they're either mean or can't think for themselves. That is insulting and of course people will wonder if it's them you're talking about . I'm not sure how that can *not* be taken a bit personally.

Incidentally, I did look back in this thread and the other one and do not see where you named any names regarding dogpiling. You spoke of karaj and that's it. In this thread there are no names to go with the dogpiling. So maybe now you could just address it and name names? Maybe people aren't realizing they are coming off that way to you.

And ftr, I've been addressing you in this thread because you've been the most vocal about the :dogpiling". I'd already addressed Kerry's comment and haven't seen her say anything else yet. If she were having the conversation,though, I'd gladly disagree with her as well. It doesn't have anything to do with being intimidated- I don't understand why you think it does :confused:

[MissionaryMomma]

Cute
You came in late and said the same thing- when people disagreed you played the victim. Deny it if you want it was pretty straight forward, I could quote it if you prefer


---and this was your feeble response to two people disagreeing with you, two people who also openly,respectfully, disagreed with kerry..
but Oh. In your case they jumped on you in a dogpile.
Yes,occasionally weaker people will follow stronger and agree -because they feel less intimidated.
I have some sort of optimism ,that is not often the case with most regulars members here.I won't deny dogpiling takes place here- I am just saying I do not think it happens as often as some think.
..and obviously just because someone disagrees with you does NOT mean they are JUMPING in dogpiling you.


Once again, let me say that I'm not playing the victim. Never once have I said that I have been dogpiled on. Playing the vicitm? Hardly. I've not claimed it for myself even once. You have suggested more than once that I have, but I have not.

[MissionaryMomma]

Ok. I don't remember you naming names here or in the Joe Six Pack thread, unless you are referring to karaj and saying that everyone was "dogpiling" her. If that's the case, I will then definitely disagree. And in fact, I'd be disappointed if people didn't speak out against (loudly) racism,bigotry, and sexism. That's the only person I remember recently that had a whole bunch of people flame them.

Dewoman's thread really didn't seem like a flame fest as much as it was a" why on EARTH would you do such a thing?!" and then those of us that felt it was shitty of her to complain so much and that would include the whole backstory that went along with it.

I have no idea what to say about Afuckingmen and the like as I'm not religious and don't think of such things. I'd assume people that say things like that aren't religious so I'm not sure it matters. I've not seen it used as mockery here so I don't know how to answer your question.


There wasn't a need to name names in the Joe 6-pack thread. I stated that I found it distasteful to bring her religion into it (along with her other past wrongs) when she didn't start it. I even gave an OTT example of it in that thread.

FTR, I didn't read Dewoman's thread. I was responding to a general perception of this board. Nothing more, nothing less. Honestly, I cannot name names, unless I go back through and read every thread that I felt this way about----because I don't pay attention much to names anymore. There are some that are prolific to me from the past (and I named them). Any current ones don't register on the radar. I've been blissfully out of the loop.

[MissionaryMomma]

Barney Badass?

Does that make you a purple dinosaur that wears black leather while singing I Love You/You love me with a crappy attitude?

LOL!

That term was one I heard growing up that refers to Barney Fife, whom I LOVE, btw.

[Sunnie]

There wasn't a need to name names in the Joe 6-pack thread. I stated that I found it distasteful to bring her religion into it (along with her other past wrongs) when she didn't start it. I even gave an OTT example of it in that thread.

FTR, I didn't read Dewoman's thread. I was responding to a general perception of this board. Nothing more, nothing less. Honestly, I cannot name names, unless I go back through and read every thread that I felt this way about----because I don't pay attention much to names anymore. There are some that are prolific to me from the past (and I named them). Any current ones don't register on the radar. I've been blissfully out of the loop.


KaraJ claims to be Mormon but she keeps spewing things that are NOT a good representation of her religion. The joe six pack thread was a very good example of that.

[MissionaryMomma]

This is out of line and unlike you MM.


You're right, it is both. I apologize, Bohemian, for being spiteful. I shouldn't have taken my crappy day out on you.

The point, though, still stands---in that you are taking it a lot more serious than I am meaning to put it out there. I'm not even bothered by the dynamics I perceive here. If I was, I wouldn't be here. What I'm saying is that it does exist (and perhaps only on occasion) and that we shouldn't pretend otherwise. The *we* is a collective board *we*, in case anyone thinks I'm speaking specifically to the few who have addressed me in this thread.

And with that, the prosecution rests. I'm tired of debating this. Or in the words of my youngest, "I'm bored with this spaghetti. Can I eat something else?"

[MissionaryMomma]

KaraJ claims to be Mormon but she keeps spewing things that are NOT a good representation of her religion. The joe six pack thread was a very good example of that.


I must not be reading the same quotes that you are because I saw KaraJ chime in with her usual charming self and all other recent threads were thrown at her by others. I'm not saying that others weren't hurt by her (and rightfully so). The point I made on that thread was that she couldn't discuss that topic without all other topics and her religion being thrown at her. FTR, I'm not a KaraJ fan, either.

Eta a disclaimer: Please read "Charming" with a sarcastic tone. Thanks.

[Tweet]

As I recall, there was only one (maybe 2?) people that brought up Karaj's religion in that thread. I'm not sure what constitutes dogpiling, but I wouldn't think it'd be one or two. And I only recall one person saying anything off color about her religion. For sure not dogpiling. The rest of it was in direct response to what karaj was saying about her religion and also about her own personal religious beliefs that she herself claimed were more "radical".

Maybe it came across that way since you came into the thread later or something..for those of us that were at the threads from the beginning, it seemed completely necessary to call karaj out on A LOT of what she was saying. Then again, I do believe in standing up for rape victims ,regardless of their sobriety. I also believe in standing up to those that are racist. Like I said earlier, I think it would be more concerning if people did NOT speak out loudly against such things.

eta she said they were more radical than what her church typically teaches, sorry.

eta once again: you of course are free to your own perceptions. Apparently you see dogpiling. I (and others) disagree with you and do not perceive the board dynamic to be this way. Why insist it's "pretending"? That right there is insulting. Why not just accept the fact that people flat out don't agree with you and simply don't see it the same way?

[MissionaryMomma]

Ok, we'll agree to disagree. Still doesn't make me wrong, though. LOL!

If you look at the Joe six pack thread, you will see Sasha saying that it's fun. That proved my perception (in my mind) on that thread.

There is also a strong possibility that I don't hold the same hatred for KaraJ that others may or may not have and that is why the perceptions differ. I've not been around, as I stated, and I've only been around long enough to know that everything KaraJ lets out of her mouth should be taken with a grain of salt---or ignored completely.

[JudyJudyJudy]

MM, I don't disagree with you. I do think there is a pack mentality at times. Humans are really not that different from other animals, so it is often human nature to do this. However, just because a large group of people seems to be "attacking" one person doesn't necessarily mean that it's because of pack mentality. Sometimes a whole group of people just genuinely have the same opinion about a poster, such as KaraJ, or about a topic, such as dewoman's wedding topic, and happen to express similar opinions.

In the past I have seen some true instances of pack mentality. I think the reasons vary. In some cases, I think posters might want to feel a part of what they perceive as the in-crowd while at other times posters might just be afraid to speak their opinions until they see others expressing the same opinions they have. Again, I don't think it's that unusual for humans to do this. Of course, there are others who just like to stir up trouble and enjoy attacking, but I think they fall into the minority of posters.

[MissionaryMomma]

Judy, when I grow up, can I be as eloquent as you? Thanks for posting that.

[Carolina]

Oh, my. I can't believe the OP left because she felt ppl here were too opiniated and debated things about her. If you want ppl to discuss stuff or give opinions, then why bothering posting things about your life here, then asking "what would you do" or "what do you think"?

[nicurn]

NO, Carolina. You are only allowed to respond on my threads if you are an amusing but blithering idiot or if you agree with me.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Judy, when I grow up, can I be as eloquent as you? Thanks for posting that.
http://bestsmileys.com/kissing1/1.gif

[Tweet]

Ok, we'll agree to disagree. Still doesn't make me wrong, though. LOL!

If you look at the Joe six pack thread, you will see Sasha saying that it's fun. That proved my perception (in my mind) on that thread.

There is also a strong possibility that I don't hold the same hatred for KaraJ that others may or may not have and that is why the perceptions differ. I've not been around, as I stated, and I've only been around long enough to know that everything KaraJ lets out of her mouth should be taken with a grain of salt---or ignored completely.

I'm not sure people hate her. But speaking only for myself, I do not hate her. I do hate some of what she espouses. It's the epitome of ugliness to me and not something I'd be comfortable ignoring.. there are some things that I could never keep my mouth shut about. If I did, I'd feel like I was just as bad as the person saying the horrible things.

I do not think in this case that there is a right or a wrong, after thinking about it some more. I think it's all about perception. Over the years I've seen some viciousness here, particularly on huge trainwreck threads. What I don't agree with is the idea that the posters here cannot think for themselves and therefore must dogpile.