My eating, emotion, excersize journal continued...

[The_Babycakes]

Hey everyone!

I'm so glad to see everyone has their journal's set up already.

Perhaps, I can look at this new board, new thread, new everything as a new starting point for me. Today has been rough, thank god it's almost over.

My cals are at 1910 right now, but who know's what I'll eat later. I did no excersize today.

BUT....on a positive note. I called around to find out the prices for fitness programs around me. I ended up checking out the YMCA. It's kinda a travel, about 15-20 minutes away. But, we might be eligible for a grant so that we could all attend as a family. They have two huge pools, several fitness/cardio/kickboxing/aquatic classes to choose from, weight rooms, and child care rooms and classes geared toward the children.

I am so excited! I hope the fear of being judged doesn't stop me from going. When I walked into the weight room, there was a group of buffed, muscle heads staring at me. If we are approved, which I'm pretty sure we will be...I will definitely be taking advantage of it. Unfortunately, it takes 4-6 wks to have a determination. I really hope it comes sooner, I can't wait to get started. http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/3.gif

[Stella]

Good luck! Don't let anything stop you. You go and have fun!

[hollydawn]

I hope you are able to go to the YMCA. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun for your family.

Don't be intimidated by anyone at the gym. You are there to work out and improve you health - just like everyone else. I know it's hard not to feel judged (been there), but I know you'll meet many people working hard and trying to lose weight just like you!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks everyone. I hope I get the aid, too Holly.

Well, my lovely and generous friend Chrystal send out my exchange package today. I got some delicious Kashi Oatmeal and Dark Chocolate cookies, granola, and dried cherries. Let's just say the box is no longer standing.

Breakfast: 1 yogurt, a couple bites of the kids waffles 120
Snack: 3 cookies and a little bit of milk 470

I took two of my diet pills, because I need them right now. I haven't taken them in almost a month, but I feel that I'm going down the wrong path and I'm not strong enough to stop myself. Also, I'm taking the kids to a birthday party at a bowling place. You *know* there's gonna be pizza, cake, and all sorts of yummy forbidden foods. I need to stop. I'm already up to about 600 calories for the day.

I hope the pills kick my butt into not feeling hungry or eating. Yesterday I ate almost 2000 calories and the day before I ate 2000 calories. Plus, not alot of excersize. Well, wish me luck w/ the bday party. Thanks ladies!

[Stella]

Hang in there, Love. You're doing just fine.

[Baobab]

Babycakes,
Your committment to losing weight and getting healthy is one of the reasons I decided to finally start posting on the WM board. Keep up the good work and the positive attitude. Don't let one bad day bring you down. I hope you are able to start going to the Y. It sounds like there will be all kinds of great exercise options for you and your family there. Even though it will be a bit of a drive, it will be worth it!

[The_Babycakes]

Baobab, thank you so much. That is so sweet of you to say. I really am the last person to think about getting healthy and so forth. I mean, hell I've been living at 300+ pounds for 2 yrs and 280 for 2 yrs before that. I never thought I would be any kind of inspiration to others, but I'm glad you're here!

I think I did okay at the birthday party. I had half a slice of pizza, half a soda, half a piece of cake, and a cookie. Still have to figure out the calories to see where I am at. Now I really need to motivate myself to pop in a video and move. I borrowed T-tapp book from the library and there's a dvd in the back of it to my surprise, so I want to check that out and see what all the hype's about..lol!

I hope everyone is having a beautiful Saturday and having fun with the new board, I know I am!

[sweetpea]

I think that you are my strength right now.
You are so positive and focused.
Keep up the good work.

[The_Babycakes]

Sweetpea... http://bestsmileys.com/love1/1.gif

Well, my cals for today are about 1750. We had sushi for dinner. I really want to do some of my excersize tapes, but there are always people here dammit! Dh, dd, ds...and there's only one t.v. I'm not waiting until dh is finished w/ his movie cuz I'm tired. But, he's going out tommorow morning, so maybe I could fit it in there if the kids will let me.

Oh, it's so funny you guys. I got ds (4), trying to follow the moves so seriously..yet so cute and then their's dd (2)doing all sorts of leg lifts and moves...it's so hilarious I can barely focus. Not to mention our living room is super small and barely big enough for me alone. Well, hope fully I can divert their attention, IDK...we'll see.

Have a good night everyone! Much love. http://bestsmileys.com/love1/5.gif

[The_Babycakes]

Well, I ate more last night after I journaled, so my calories were about 2000+. I really want to get back on track. This morning after making a big cheese, pork roll, and salsa omelette for dh and the kids I sat in another room and sipped my green tea and water and took 2 diet pills. I did have 3 bites of the eggs w/o the cheese for a little protein.

Then dh went out and I bribed the kids with lollipops and a movie in another room and popped in the T-tapp video. That lady is crazy! OMG, I tried the 'hoe down' for like 3 minutes and then went on to a new calorie burning yoga tape. That was my first time doing it and it was hard. I don't know how long I did it for, but I was definitely tired. I tried to do the light aerobics tape, but I was beat..so I just stopped. I had a 100 calorie yogurt.

So my food so far is 1 egg 80 and a yogurt 100. Not bad, I hope the rest of the day is as easy. I might take my pills in a bit to keep me strong. I'll be taking the kids out today and hopefully get alot of movement in there.

Tommorow, dh is dropping me off canoeing again. I'm doing the path I did last time. It was so hard, I couldn't believe the difference between that one and the one I usually did...way more work...way more calories burned!

[Stella]

LOL If you do T-Tapp enough she gets in your head. It's like an earworm. I love it! lol I need to do a workout. Tapping makes me feel better (believe it or not!) It's great for stretching/strengthening your core muscles.

[Barbarella]

Man, I need to get back to T-Tapping.

Jess, you're still doing good. I hope your food starts to feel more comfortable again soon. :)

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks ladies. It's weird cuz when I started my first excersize tape...I couldn't stand the girl doing it, now she's grown on me and I feel the same way about other girls..lol! I guess perky, fit girls who say things like 'think tall' just annoy me!

Lunch: Mcdonalds grilled chicken salad, couple licks of ice cream, a bite of cheeseburger, and a bite of nugget. 430

Snack: 1 slice of low cal bread w/ flaxseed peanut butter on it 130

Dinner: I have no idea! Dh and I may go out since my mom is watching the kids for a couple hours. I **really** want to have a drink tonite, but not sure about the calories.

[hollydawn]

Sounds like you did good at the birthday party. It is so hard to eat in moderation when everyone else is eating all the good stuff, but it sounds like you were able to.

Great job on the t-tapp. I bet your kids look adorable "working out" with you!

[Flutterby]

Great job on the t-tapp. Hoe downs kill me--it doesnt' look like it should be too hard to do, but after I suffer through it I am sweating and winded lol! I'm so jealous of all the canoeing you get to do! Kayaking around here is a big thing, but I've never done it, looks like a lot of fun though.

[StElmosFire]

I'm glad you got your package. You have another one on the way. I am sending it through the regular mail so I hope you get it in time for Halloween.
I hope you get your membership to the YMCA. I used to feel sillly going into the gym too but you know what, at least you are there. Your making the change. No one can judge you for that.
Hang in there sweetie :cool:

[steph76]

Have you had more energy on the days that you had more calories?
I hope you find the balance that works for you

[The_Babycakes]

I'm glad you got your package. You have another one on the way. I am sending it through the regular mail so I hope you get it in time for Halloween.
I hope you get your membership to the YMCA. I used to feel sillly going into the gym too but you know what, at least you are there. Your making the change. No one can judge you for that.
Hang in there sweetie :cool:

You didn't have to do that! Thank you though, you are so sweet. I just really hope I don't eat the whole thing like I did last time. I.Cannot.Be.Trusted...lol!

Steph, no I haven't had more energy. If anything I feel more run down and tired. Blech, I know it's mostly my period. Yesterday I went out for dinner. I ordered a glass of wine, bowl of onion soup w/o the cheese, and a veggie wrap on whole wheat, hold the fries. Then dh and I shared a slice of cheesecake. I also ate way too many of his waffle fries. :(

Overall though I ate about 1800 calories yesterday and worked out a little in the morning. So far, today has been ok.

Breakfast: 1 serving of Kix w/ milk and 3/4 of a banana 300

Snack: 'Nutrition' bar 80

Lunch: Tuna fish sandwich and chicken noodle soup and pickle 450 I wish I could find a good substitute for the mayo in the tuna fish. I use the lighter stuff, but it still adds alot of calories. I was thinking about salsa, but wasn't feeling very daring today.

So, my total cals so far are about 820.

I went canoeing this morning and probably burned anywhere between 500-800. I wasn't as focused as I usually am and didn't exert myself as much. There was alot of times I just let the current take me down the stream, so I don't know. I did two hours though, so I know I burned something.

Dinner is going to be turkey kielbasa and I don't know what else. I think I'm gonna walk on the treadmill for a little bit, probably 10-20 minutes and watch my soaps now. Hope everyone is having a good day!

[steph76]

Oh, I think salsa sounds goood!
I don't care for mayo though.
Pms and periods just really are energy zappers aren't they?

[Stella]

Have a good day today, dollface. :) MMWAH

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Stella, I'm trying to.

I really want to binge. I should be happy since my weigh in went well this morning. Down 2 pounds, bringing me to 295.5. I'm just not with it lately, not like I used to be. I need that determination back. I feel like crap today. Headache, backache, tired, impatient, emotional, blech!

Here's my food so far:
Breakfast: 1 slice of cheese, 1 slimfast choc bar, and a low fat toaster breakfast strudel...I know healthy right? 330

Snack: Bite of apple, peice of candy, a couple bites of pb&j 100

Lunch: 1 breaded chicken patty (the frozen type) w/ 1 slice of cheese and honey mustard 230

Snack: 1 bowl of kix cereal w/ milk 200

So, I'm up to about 900 cals so far and have no intention of excersizing. I also fell today and scratched up my knees. Not to mention my knees have been hurting my lately, I almost feel like I've put on weight. I hope I don't over-eat today.

[greatestgood]

Just get through the day, gorgeous. All our lives, we're going to have days (weeks) when we're not feeling it. It's going to get better again. And DAMN you are really dropping the weight! :)

[hezzie]

Great job, BC! I agree with GG too, not every day is going to be great. Just take it one day at a time and do the best you can. You are an amazing inspiration!

[hollydawn]

Some days can be so hard-it's hard to stay completely on track all of the time. You have made such great progress so far. Try and look at how far you've come when you feel yourself slipping.

We're here for you!

[The_Babycakes]

Alright, I'm about to whine for a minute...so feel free to click to the next thread. I'm very whiny aren't I?

Well, anyhow...yesterday SUCKED. I binged, I purged, and I felt crummy. I won't even discuss it anymore, because it was probably my worst day in a while.

Today I am determined to make it better. I started the day with 2 diet pills and lots of water. I'm back to relying on the pills and I don't like that, but whatever helps right?

Breakfast: 2 packets of low sugar oatmeal with wheat germ and water 220 ( I didn't finish it, wasn't that good)

Lunch: 1 frozen breaded chicken patty (these are really killing me, they are convient, tasty, and not very good for me) on toasted rye bread w/ honey mustard 320 Then I picked at the kids chicken leftovers...as usual :( 60

Total so far is about 600 calories. It would be great if I got some excersize in today. I think dinner will be raviolis and chicken meatballs.

I really need to get back on track, I don't know why I've lost so much determination.

[Flutterby]

Have you tried the different brands of veggie burgers? They are really good and healthier than the breaded chicken patties. Just a suggestion :)

[steph76]

Must be something in bf.com air. I think a lot of us are in a funk right now.
Hopefully things will be better soon.

[The_Babycakes]

Oh ya, I really like the veggie patties. I bought these because I had a coupon and they were on sale...for the kids and dh. I don't have alot of food in the house, have to go food shopping tommorow, so I'm eating what's here.

I did okay today.

After lunch I had a toaster breakfast strudel (another thing I bought for dh and the kids) 175

Dinner: Barilla plus spaghetti w/ tomatoe sauce and 2 chicken meatballs. I had very little, not like I usually have. 350

Snack: About half a bag of popcorn, not really the healthy kind. 275

That brings my total to 1400, which is good. No excersize though, maybe some sexercize later if he's lucky...lol.

[Baobab]

Babycakes,
Great job getting back on track today and not letting a few bad days get you down. Remember that each day is a new beginning. Heck, each hour, no, each MINUTE is a new beginning. You've come a long way and you are on the right path. Keep it up!

Have you heard anything more about the Y membership? Maybe the excitement of a new exercise routine will get you focused again.

[StElmosFire]

Your back on track girl. You have come so far.
You can keep going. I know you can because you have.
Hang in there ((hugs)):D

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks guys! Baobob, I just turned my application in the other day and they told me it takes 4-6 wks. :( I really want to start now, but guess I'll just have to wait.

Today started out great. I took my diet pills and they really kept my mind off food and kept me moving.

Breakfast: Smoothie with van soy milk, banana, ice, and frozen strawberries 240

Lunch: WW meal 310

Snack: 2 slices of turkey and a piece of chocolate (thanks Chrystal!) 115

Dinner: Chicken and pita bread with veggies 450

Snack: Pudding 60

And here's where things got a little hairy. I was only at 1575 up to this point and then dh pulled out some *real* candy.

2.5 fun sized snickers bars 180
1 small bag of skittles 50
1 small bag of mini mm's ?

Ya, this was me… http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/20.gif

So, my great day turned into an okay day at about 1950 calories! I'm not mad about it though. I did go food shopping today and got excersize that way. I know this weekend is going to be hard, it's dd's birthday party Sunday and I have alot of good food planned, plus cake of course.

Tommorow is a new day, I am feeling much better now that I'm taking the pills again. I do feel a little guilty that I can't do it on my own, but I *was* doing it on my own for awhile and there's nothing wrong with a little help, right? I mean, they don't have the side effects most diet pills gave me in the past...headaches, shaking, dizziness and I'm not abusing them by no means.

Another motivator was today. All my clothes don't fit me anymore! At least they don't fit me like they used to. They're very baggy and wearing them makes me look bigger than I am I think. So, on the positive side...proof that I'm really losing, and on the negative...I have very little clothes to wear. :( I do have some old clothes from when I was thinner, but they are all worn out and out of style. I know it's not that big a deal, just annoying I guess.

I also had another great motivator...I got a special package from my good friend Chrystal that put a hug smile on my face! I am so lucky to have you ladies. Chrystal, thank you so much!

Well, until tommorow...goodnite ladies!!

[steph76]

Sounds like you are doing great.
Do you have any good thrift stores around you? Maybe you could find a few new pieces for not much money.

[Stella]

I'm so proud of you! You're doing so great!

Don't worry about a little treat on a special occasion. Every day isn't special like that. You still have to enjoy your life.

Huge hugs to you! MMWAH!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Steph and Stella. I probably could do that Steph, if I really needed to. Shopping for clothes just sucks in general for me, hopefully that will change soon.

I posted a bulletin this morning, before the boards were back up.

I stepped on the scale this morning for no apparent reason other than to depress myself and it told me I weighed 292!! http://bestsmileys.com/happy/6.gif

That would mean that :::according to my evil scale::: I lost 3.5 pounds in 4 days..lol! Hey, you know what? I'm freaking taking that number and running! That brings my total loss to 36.5!! Saaaawwweeeet!

I am a little worried that this means one of two things~
1. I will not lose anymore for a few weeks, since I had such a great loss, or...
2. I really didn't lose that much and will feel like shit next time I weigh in and find out I 'gained'

But, honestly I don't care. I need this right now. I need to know that what I'm doing is working so I can stay motivated. If the scale is correct, I am almost into the 280's and that is amazing to me considering I was over 300 pounds less than a month ago! :)

Here's my food for today:
Breakfast: 2 eggs and 1 slice of low cal toast, coffee 270
Lunch: LC Panini, a handful of carrots w/ 2tbls of french onion dip, and a low cal pudding 440

So my total so far is 710 and I just took my pills with lunch, so hopefully the afternoon won't get the best of me. Dinner is going to be split pea soup and a salad. Hope everyone is well!

[hollydawn]

Great job, Babycakes!

Even if you are taking the diet pills, you are still doing it on your own! If the diet pills can help get you over the rough spots (and there are no ill side effects) don't feel badly about using them. We all need a little help sometimes!

Great job on another loss. Keep it up!

[Baobab]

I'm glad that you got the encouragement that you needed at the time that you needed. Regardless of what the scale said though, you are doing awesome! The fact that you are doing this slowly, by learning to make healthy food choices and by making fitness a part of your life will make all the difference. Even though the pace can sometimes be frustrating, you are making lifelong choices that will improve the quality of your life and the life of your family for many many years. Your kids and dh must be so proud of you. You are a great role model.

[steph76]

Hope you are having a great weekend!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Baobob and Steph.

It's been a crazy and emotional filled rollercoaster this weekend. Isabel turned 2 yesterday and that stirred up alot of emotions and some out of control eating and purging. I am starting over today though. I need to start excersizing again, as I haven't done any official excersizing in several days.

I think I've gotten a bit cocky and comfortable with my weight loss 'curriculum'. What I mean is that I think I got it all down and no longer work on improvising. For example, I need to get back to some basics like chewing my food longer, not leaving left overs out-discarding immediately, getting down my water, choking down a multi-vitamin, having meals and snacks more planned out.

I've been pms'ing for like a week now and everyday I think I'm gonna get it and I don't. I am so sick of feeling emotionally out of control and moody. I wish it would just come already. Usually once it makes it's appearance I become more balanced and stable. None of it helps with the weight loss.

Last night I binged and purged and I could feel my throat and esophogus hurting. I felt so bad and sorry for what I did to my body. That is abuse and I think I need to respect my body more and not abuse it like that. I know I've caused some damage from all the years of purging, and I hate that I've done that. I really don't want to do it anymore, but I don't want to fat either. I just need to be stronger and have more will power, and for the times I can't...I need to forgive myself. :sigh:

Well, I sure wasn't planning on writing any of that, so maybe it's a good thing I did.

[Stella]

oh honey, I'm so sorry. (((HUGS))) Please forgive yourself. Today is a brand new day, full of promise. I'm here for you.

[zinkemomx2]

:hug:

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks everyone. I just don't understand why it's suddenly such a battle with food. Today was okay, but a struggle.

Breakfast: Coffee w/ diet pills 70

Lunch: LC Panini 340

Snack: Chocolate chip granola bar 110

Here's where I got a little crazy. I didn't like the first panini and was still hungry, so I had a second one (different flavor).

"Snack": LC Panini 420

Snack: Yogurt 110 and 2 more diet pills

Snack: Another cc granola bar 110

Finally Dinner!: Salad w/ dressing measured out 180 and 7 brocolli and cheese bites from 'morningstar' w/ bbq sauce 460

That brings my total to about 1800. Not a great day, but at least I didn't go over 2000. I also didn't excersize, maybe later...maybe not.

[Barbarella]

Thanks Baobob and Steph.

It's been a crazy and emotional filled rollercoaster this weekend. Isabel turned 2 yesterday and that stirred up alot of emotions and some out of control eating and purging. I am starting over today though. I need to start excersizing again, as I haven't done any official excersizing in several days.

I think I've gotten a bit cocky and comfortable with my weight loss 'curriculum'. What I mean is that I think I got it all down and no longer work on improvising. For example, I need to get back to some basics like chewing my food longer, not leaving left overs out-discarding immediately, getting down my water, choking down a multi-vitamin, having meals and snacks more planned out.

I've been pms'ing for like a week now and everyday I think I'm gonna get it and I don't. I am so sick of feeling emotionally out of control and moody. I wish it would just come already. Usually once it makes it's appearance I become more balanced and stable. None of it helps with the weight loss.

Last night I binged and purged and I could feel my throat and esophogus hurting. I felt so bad and sorry for what I did to my body. That is abuse and I think I need to respect my body more and not abuse it like that. I know I've caused some damage from all the years of purging, and I hate that I've done that. I really don't want to do it anymore, but I don't want to fat either. I just need to be stronger and have more will power, and for the times I can't...I need to forgive myself. :sigh:

Well, I sure wasn't planning on writing any of that, so maybe it's a good thing I did.

Honestly? There's A LOT of power in this post. You're looking at your actions and not only saying, "You know, there's a BETTER way", but you're saying that you DESERVE better. :hug:

You've come so, so far. You'll get through this.

FWIW, PMS time is totally a "batten down the hatches" part of the month for me. It gets bumpy. It gets really tough. But it goes away. Hang in there! :hug:

[Unicorn]

Babycakes, from doing some reading around here, there are a LOT of us struggling right now. As Barbarella said, you were able to look at what you were doing, and say "there is another way". That in itself is a huge, huge step.

Fitness is a journey, not a destination.

[The_Babycakes]

I love you guys, thanks.

Today wasn't that bad. I just realized I didn't take any diet pills today either.

Breakfast: 1 packet of low sugar oatmeal w/ raisins and coffee, which I didn't finish either. 210

Snack: 1 serving (about 9-10) chocolate covered pretzels...mmmm 200

Lunch: French onion soup and half a blueberry muffin 400

Snack: Salad and 1 can of healthy veggie soup 400

Dinner: A couple bites of cheesy pasta I made for the fam and more salad 400

Snack: Bowl of Life cereal 250

Total cals for the day are about 1850 and I'm going to have some more coffee in a bit.

[hollydawn]

Sounds like you got right back on track, Babycakes. Good job!

[Unicorn]

OMG I ADORE chocolate covered pretzels.

You are doing great. I am glad that you did not take any pills. Your weight loss will come, in its own time. Every single day you get a little bit stronger

[StElmosFire]

Your doing so good girl.
I am just so proud of you:smo:

[The_Babycakes]

Don't be too proud Chyrstal, I really suck today. I stopped tracking my candy and completely over did it. God, I musta had at least 20 pieces of candy. What a binge. I can't believe I have no self control. I didn't even want to stop myself. Snickers, almond joys, reeses, kitkat, 1000grand, take5, m&m's, starburst, I ate it all and some. :(

I want to throw up, but I don't think it's gonna matter. I've been eating all day, and I don't even feel full even though I've probably ingested over 3000 calories. Suck, suck, suck. I don't want to have a pity party for myself, I really don't. I just thought if I journalled this it would help me to STOP. I knew this was gonna happen. I just hope that one day of going way over won't ruin my whole week or make me gain.

I really feel good about my loss. I can feel my body changing and I like it. I need to remind myself of that. I'm wearing pants that I couldn't fit into a month ago, why do I want to fuck that up over a dozen or so candy bars.

Well, since I can't purge, I don't know how else I'm gonna make myself feel better. I suppose excersize would be a great penant. I can't do it now though, so get on me to do it later. I have to go to a parade at 7pm and I know by the time I get home I will be tired, but I can't just do this and 'get away with it'. I WILL WORK OUT TONITE. No freakin' excuses. So what, I got my period. So what, I'll be tired. So what, just do it! No excuses.

[StElmosFire]

Join the club girl. I ate so much candy today I am sick. UGH! Try to enjoy the rest of your halloween and start fresh tomorrow. We will start together ok.
Love ya girl!

[zinkemomx2]

I am also a member of that club. Today was not one of my greater moments.

[Barbarella]

So what, just do it! No excuses.

Good words- and ones that I needed to hear myself.

We'll get there. :hug: Did you exercise last night?

[The_Babycakes]

Good to know I'm not alone, although I'm sorry about it too.

Anywho, today's a new day. I didn't work out last night, between ds's tantrum and dh's tantrum, I was way too tired.

I did, however, go to the YMCA today with a free day pass to check it out. I love it so much, I wish my application for financial aid didn't take so long. I don't want to wait 6-8wks. I'm even contemplating signing up with the cheapest program, which really isn't even that cheap. It's $90 for 10 visits.

So, I did the elliptacle for the first time and at first it was wierd, but I liked it. I burned more, faster than on the treadmill. And I love using all the new machines with all the bells and whistles. So, I burned a little over 200 there, then did the step machine and burned 50, then bicycled for a little bit and burned 30+. I was so embarassed, because my face was beet red.

After I did that, I decided to try out the pool. I weighed myself on their scale and according to that scale I was 290 and some change...in the afternoon. I like that scale. :) Also, I tried on my bathing suit from this summer and I could totally see a difference in the way it fit and looked. Feels good.

I got in the pool and did a couple laps and man I couldn't believe how hard it got. I could barely breath each time I got to the end. It's 25yrds and I'm not sure if a lap is one way or back and forth, but I did 10 laps one way, or 5 back and forth. I liked it though.

I probably burned somewhere around 400 cals all together. Not as much as I should have, but I feel it and I worked my whole body. Not bad for starting out I think.

Food hasn't been the best.

Breakfast: 1 bowl of life cereal 300
Snack: Fucking candy...twizzler, 100grand, take5,snickers 350
Choked down multi-vitamin and it got lodged in my esophogus, so I had a small banana 100
Lunch: 1.5 snicker mini's and ww meal 400

Total so far is 1150 and I'm aiming for under 1600 today. I hope I can do it. I don't know why I'm so hungry lately.

But overall, I'm feel so much better that I got some excersize in. What a mood lifter, I feel positive, thinking clearly, and just more energized. Well, I'm going food shopping today so hopefully I don't get anything that I might abuse throughout the week. I think I've fallen in love with chocolate covered pretzels.

[greatestgood]

Babycakes is back!

As far as the pool is concerned, I've been told that going from one end to the other is a length, and going there and back is a lap. The pool totally kicks my ass but I love it!

[The_Babycakes]

Ahh, thanks. Good to know, so I did 5 laps. I thought of you while I was doing it GG...and that totally sounded sleezy..lol!

Barb, dh just told me you called. I don't have your number anymore, so pm me or call me back. Hope everything is okay. :)

[greatestgood]

Ooh, maybe I'll think of you next time I'm doing it. (Sleazy is my second language.)

[The_Babycakes]

Yeah, baby. (said in best Austin Power's voice) :wink:

[zinkemomx2]

Thanks everybody. Now I am going to be thinking of y'all while I am 'doing' it.

Glad to see you are getting back into the swing of things Babycakes.

[The_Babycakes]

Great, now I"m gonna be laughing like an idiot the next time I'm doing it, thinking about you both doing it...lol.

Oy, I am so up and down lately. I was up to 1700 last night after dinner, where I skimped and ate little only to ruin all my efforts by eating more stupid fucking candy later on. I probably ate 2000+. :(

BUT, this morning I weighed myself and it read 290!!!! Woohoo!! So that means that my loss last week was in fact correct and I am almost out of the 290's, how freaking cool is that? I'm sure all the candy I ate will catch up with me next week, but I feel good.

It was short lived though, cuz after I weighed myself, dh and I had a fight. He wanted to go to Mcdonalds for breakfast as a family and I told him I really couldn't have anything there. He got a little angry and admitted he was wrong for being angry. I felt bad for holding them back, so I told them to just go and pick me up when they are done. Well, he agreed and I felt like shit. I am really hurt that he chose fast food over me. I wasn't about to go there after losing 2 pounds and eat some crappy food. I can usually have a salad there for lunch, but they weren't even serving lunch.

Either way I feel like crap, all we do lately is fight. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of crying and being angry. I feel so good sometimes and then he just brings me down. Our 5 yr anniversary is coming up in a week and right now I feel like I don't even want to celebrate it. We really need counseling.

[The_Babycakes]

Let me put this in here too since it's not in my sig anymore.


http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/w4CiBKf/weight.png
(http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w4CiBKf/)

[Stella]

:hug:

I'm so proud of you!

[Flutterby]

Babycakes--WOW almost 40 pounds lost! You should be so proud of yourself--I AM! You've been doing so well! BTW, I bought some salmon, now how do I cook it? I've seen on your menus you've posted, that you frequently eat it. I am so NOT a fish person, but dh needs to eat healthier because of his cholesterol. Anyway, I'm just so awed by you lol!

Amy

[Unicorn]

WTG Babycakes!!!

Great job on sticking through, even in some really tough places this week. Halloween candy is a bitch, those silly "little" packages usually mean that I end up eating 8 of them. This year, I dumped all of Meagan's candy out and left it at my parents. It was either that or the garbage. Starving children in Africa are not going to benefit by my eating too much candy, nor suffer because I threw it out.

Regarding DH, not that this is an excuse, by ANY means, but sometimes when one spouse is changing a lot, the other spouse can dig in the heels a bit and resist. Some feel that if their SO changes a lot, that the one changing may start changing their feelings about them, and they get scared. Could your DH be feeling this way? Just a thought, and does not excuse his behavior, but may help you in dealing with him a bit.

Exercise is one of the best mood regulators out there! I will keep my fingers crossed that your application goes through in record time.

[zinkemomx2]

Either way I feel like crap, all we do lately is fight. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of crying and being angry. I feel so good sometimes and then he just brings me down. Our 5 yr anniversary is coming up in a week and right now I feel like I don't even want to celebrate it. We really need counseling.


Remember that I am in the same boat as you. DH was laid off in June and still has not found a job. His unemployment runs out soon and I don't know what he is going to do. He does always have the option of driving over the road but he wants to be home. Financially we are NOT in a good place. We haven't acquired any debt, yet, but the savings we had is virtually gone.

At least you guys are fighting. That means you are talking and airing some of your grievances. We are not doing that here. Both of us are holding things in and that is not good. Add that to the fact that I don't think I like my DH anymore and we are a divorce waiting to happen.

Hang in there and keep your chin up. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Congrats on the two pounds!

[The_Babycakes]

Babycakes--WOW almost 40 pounds lost! You should be so proud of yourself--I AM! You've been doing so well! BTW, I bought some salmon, now how do I cook it? I've seen on your menus you've posted, that you frequently eat it. I am so NOT a fish person, but dh needs to eat healthier because of his cholesterol. Anyway, I'm just so awed by you lol!

Amy

Aww, thank you! I used to pan cook it in orange juice, soy sauce, orange jam and garlic. Then, I would reduce the sauce after the fish had cooked and it would turn into a glaze to put over the fish. But, now I pretty much just salt, pepper, adobe, it and broil it with a little lemon juice or low cal salad dressing on top. You can also throw a little bit of bread crumbs on top to give it a nice brown coating. I hope that helps, I just bought some steelhead trout tonite and I'll probably just broil it with some olive oil, seasonings, and lemon. :)

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Zinke and Unicorn and everyone for your support and just 'listening',

Dh and I talked and we have bigger issues than what's apparent on the top. We fight over stupid, stupid things because we are both just hurt and angry over the condition of things in general. But, we have love and just need to keep feeding that love. After a day filled with lots of fighting, crying, and sadness we kinda made a pact.

I figure if him and I can pretend, even if it's not 100% real, that we are what we want to be treated as perhaps we will eventually become those people. Like, if he wants me to treat him like a great man, he needs to play that role. And if I want to be considered a good wife then I need to act more like it. Plus, we need to work on getting the passion back and just being more considerate and caring of each other's feelings.

So, hopefully that will work. Zinke, I'm so sorry you guys are at that point. I really hope you two can work on it, if that's what you want. I know how hard it is to talk sometimes, there's many times I'd much rather pull my own hair out than talk to my dh. I hate being at odds with him, I simply can't function when we are not 'okay'. Big hugs to you Zinke.

[The_Babycakes]

Ya, I know I'm serial posting, but it's my thread and I'll bump if I want..lol!

I just had to come here and share my happiness, feel free to skip this post...I may come off as bragging.

So, the best feeling in the world right now for me is trying on all my old clothes. Clothes that didn't fit me a month ago. It is so fucking awesome to be able to pull a pair of pants, shorts, skirt up past my thighes and OMG even button them!! Unreal. I am so happy about this. It is a great motivator for me. I can totally feel and see a difference in my body. I kinda wish I had more pics of me at 328, because I soo do not plan on going back there.EVER!

I also realized that I have lost all my pregnancy weight from dd (my second pregnancy) and weigh less now than I did when I gave birth to ds (my first pregnancy). I weighed exactly 300 pounds 4.5 yrs ago when I gave birth. So, I feel like I've rewound time or something.

I also have noted some lifestyle changes that have become easier. I used to stop at Mcdonalds, burger king, wendys...all.the.time. If I passed it, I usually stopped and got all sorts of 'bad' foods. I can't believe how many calories I ate in one sitting at those places. Now, I don't even think twice about stopping...it's not even an option anymore and I'm okay with that. I really have lost my urges to eat that garbage...sometimes..lol!

So, in comparison to how I ate before and what little excersize I did, I've really come a long way. And I think that even if I screw up it's still okay, because *anything* is better than what I was doing before. So, no matter how bad I do in a day I am still losing and I'm still 110% better than I was 3 mths ago! Whew, now if only this positive attitude can stick, I should be okay.

Now, as for today...I realized yesterday that I did in fact over-due it at the gym the other day. I am very sore. My butt, my legs, my calves, my back...all achy. I'm not sure if that means that I made more progress with my workout or just simply hurt myself. I'd like to believe that I'm hurting because my muscles are growing..lol.

I really want to get back to the gym, but it's so damn expensive. I'm hoping to get some extra cash soon so I can join up for a few visits while I'm waiting on the financial aid.

I ate 1650 cals yesterday, did good with food. No excersize because I was sore. Today is a new day, I hope it's a good one! If you've actually read all this, I thank you! I know my posts are usually very long and I don't expect everyone to actually read them half the time, there more for me than anything else. :)

[Baobab]

Babycakes, I just read your the past few days of your journal and I can tell you've really been struggling. The important thing though is that you haven't given up. You are acknowledging your difficulties and proactively seeking solutions and support. I think that is awesome!

Also, I just want to add to the chorus in congratulating you on your amazing 40 pound weight loss! I know it is hard, but try not to focus on how far you have to go, but how far you've come. Same with the exercise. Instead of saying you should have burned more calories, focus on how many you did burn. I think it is awesome you were able to do five laps! Many people can't even do one. I hope your YMCA membership comes through soon because it sounds like it will give you the boost that you need right now.

I also know how hard it can be to stay committed to changing yourself when your partner isn't supportive. I think it is great that you are not letting it take your focus away from the your overall goal to become healthier. I'm glad that you and your dh were able to talk through some of your problems and come to some resolutions. I hope that relieves some of your daily stress.

And get the candy out of the house!!! I took all of mine to work and gave it away, even though it pained me greatly to do so.

[Baobab]

Babycakes, we cross-posted. I love your positive attitude. Being able to fit into old clothes is the best feeling, isn't it? I'm glad you are able to see how far you've come because you really have come a long way, baby!

[zinkemomx2]

I always think a little discomfort after a good workout is okay. It means that I pushed myself and have shown to myself how much I can really do. Pain is not so good. I am hoping yours is discomfort. Take it a little easier and take a few Tylenol or Motrin and keep on working. You are doing so great.

And please brag as much as you want. It is your thread and you can say or do what you want with it. Besides it encourages me to work that much more and that is always a good thing.

I think it is great that you were able to talk to your DH. That is part of our problem. We really don't talk anymore. Looking back we never have. I feel as though I have grown a lot since having the kids and he hasn't. It is hard to explain. Add that with the fact that I don't think I WANT to work on it and I feel as though I am hanging in limbo. Okay, enough of me stealing your thread and bringing it down.

I think you are doing such a superb job. When I am counting my points I find myself driving past the fast food and not even thinking about it. When I stopped counting it was like I gave myself free reign to stop as often as I wanted. I was also not making good choices when I stopped. I went right back to the greasy, fried, smothered in mayo, calorie laden foods. You are correct in that every better choice you make is one more step in the right direction. So what if you slip a little? You aren't slipping the entire time like before that that is what really counts. You realized your mistake and you are moving on without letting it drag you down.

So please keep up the good work and keep inspiring the rest of us to do better. Now I gotta go get the kids a snack and hop on the treadmill.

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Baobob, and Zinke you aren't bringing my thread down at all. I understand what you mean about growing and the other person doesn't. My dh is 45 and I'm 25, so ya I'm definitely still growing and changing and it's fustrating and scary. We don't have alot in common, we very opposite people, all we have to hold on to is our love and that's why we need to keep that strong cuz without it we won't survive. If you ever want to chat, pm me. Thanks for all the words of encouragement girls!

[sweetpea]

Babycakes, have I told you latley that you really do inspire me.
You work so hard and it is paying off.

[Unicorn]

Babycakes, you should toot your own horn as much as you want! You DESERVE it! You have made a life change here, and sometimes those "little things" provide such a huge motivation when the going gets rough that it is great to write them down. That way, when you are having a rough day, you can go back and read them for inspiration. I am just so thrilled that you have accomplished all those milestones.

Sounds like you and DH are working really well at acknowledging each of your feelings, even when they are not pretty. That is really going to help in the long run.

Workouts should push your body a bit, as zinke said it is good to have a little muscle fatigue afterwards. Actually, the best thing to do when you are really sore is to do a little light cardio exercise the day after. That really gets the blood and oxygen into those sore muscles, and flushes out all the "stuff" that is making them sore.

Keep in mind, you don't need to go to the gym to get a really effective workout. You can do walking or speed walking outside, or do your own little "step" routine using your stairs (if you have them) in the house. You can even use DC in these home workouts. I used to do squats holding Meagan, or lay on the floor, hold her over my head, and raise/lower to work the arms. Works really well if you bring them all the way down for a kiss at the bottom!

You are doing great!!!

[Unicorn]

Serial posting to :bump:

[StElmosFire]

:worship: Babycakes.
I so wish I was like you. You are on just a great road to success girl. Gosh I cannot find words to tell you how truly proud I am.

Toot that horn girl. Toot Away!

[Unicorn]

Found this on another website, and thought it was great!

Pathway to Achievement

The best way to figure out how to do something is to do it. Make the
commitment to make it happen, and you'll start working your way through the details.

Don't get bogged down speculating on how something will come about. Instead, get started on the best approach you have, and follow the path wherever it may lead.

When traveling along a road, you can never see the entire road at once, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter is successfully making your way through the portion of the road that is right in front of you.

Work through the things that are to be done right now, and you'll put
yourself in position to handle the things that come along later.

Travel down this section of the road, and you'll then be able to travel the next section, and the next.

If you put all your energy into worrying about every little detail of how to reach your goal, you won't ever get started.

Instead, put your energy into reminding yourself why you have chosen to go there, and then do whatever it takes along the way.


You'll never know precisely how something is to be done until you actually do it. So go ahead, get started, and discover your own unique pathway to achievement.

-- Ralph Marston

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Unicorn, that was very inspirational to read this early in the morning. I had a setback not related to my weight recently and I just haven't been up to journalling. I will be back later to read up on everyone and journal when I have more time. Thanks everyone. :)

[Unicorn]

Hope everything is OK Babycakes! thinking of you!

[The_Babycakes]

Whew, it took me all day to catch up with everyone, but I'm here.

Okay, so last week I weighed in at 290 and yesterday I weighed in at 286. I lost 4 pounds this week! I almost don't believe it. Especially considering there were quite a few 'bad' days this past week. I am completely speechless by my loss, seriously. At this rate I'll be meeting my goal of 270 by New Years.

I feel like a different person all together. I feel so blessed to have everyone here behind me from day one, supporting me and staying with me through all my long and whiney vents. Thank You everyone, from the bottom of my heart.

I just feel so great and the feeling is almost indescribable. Being able to wear clothes I haven't worn in years, having better sex with dh (sorry I had to throw that in!), having more energy, and just feeling better about myself in general. I can wear my wedding rings now w/o constantly taking them off and losing them because they are too tight. I feel my bones and see my feet. I can literally see my body parts shrinking. It's just amazing.

Despite the loss this week, I'm not doing as great as I think I should be. Haven't been excersizing, I've been very lax on my calorie intake, *and* I've been purging. :( But, everyday I start out the same and try again to make it better. Today, I popped in a belly dancing workout video. It was fun and made me feel very sexy, not to mention it was indeed a workout.

I also plan on getting on the treadmill today no matter what. Tommorow is my 5 yr anniversary and I'm still not sure what we are doing. I really want to go to the gym, but am told that the results for my financial aid will be in next week, so IDK if I should waste the money on a membership just yet.

Dh lost his license....again, so going canoeing is a problem since he can't drive. Not to mention I've really lost my 'umph' for canoeing recently, not sure why. I went to GNC yesterday, because I ran out of my diet pills. I was talking with the guy and found out that the pills I've been taking are *not* an appetite suppresant...they are a fat burner. So, here I thought that they were suppressing my appetite when I took them. All in my head I guess...lol! Either way, they seem effective enough.



I have been documenting my weight loss with pictures of me in my bra and underwear starting at 315, not at my starting weight of 328 and am contemplating posting them here. I wouldn't keep them up that long, but I wonder if it would make people feel uncomfortable as I am still quite overweight or if it's a bad idea? There is quite a difference between my first pics and now.

[The_Babycakes]

Oh, and once again I'll post my ticker since it's not in my sig anymore...


http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/w4CiBKf/weight.png
(http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w4CiBKf/)

42.5 pounds in 14 wks! Hell, I think I'll just be a copycat and put that in my sig line..lol!

[Flutterby]

I for one would love to see pics :) You've done an amazing job!

[Stella]

42.5 lbs! You are an inspiration!

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad week. I get so sad when you say you've been purging. :( I'm glad you're being honest, though. I need to start exercising, too.



Oh, and

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Love ya!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks girls! I don't think I am brave enough to post my pics. Stella, it makes me sad and disappointed too. :( A working progress though I guess.

Well, I've already eaten too much today. You know what sucks, that no matter what day it is or holiday, you still have to eat right. I wanted to make something special for dh and the kids this morning, so I made a big breakfast. I used to make 5-6 course breakfast's before my lifestyle change (can't call it a diet). So, I made strawberry waffles, bacon, eggs, coffee, and orange juice. I sat there with 1/4 of a waffle w/ a little bit of light butter and light syrup and 2 peices of bacon and just felt bad for myself.

I hate that I can't eat some of the foods I make. It would be so much easier if dh was on the same path as I, but I hope when he's ready he will be. He's made alot of sacrifices food wise at home. I do try and buy full fat, full calories items for him and low cal stuff for me. So we each have our own butter, milk, ect.

Anywhooo, after that I ended up picking at the waffles on the table and more bacon while I waited for my lc panini to cook in the mic. It's not even noon yet and I've already eaten 700 calories. I just took my pills and drank some green tea. I did go on the treadmill for 10 minutes and did my bellydancing video for 20.

We are going out to a drive in movie (my very first one!!) and dinner later, so I want to have enough cals left to enjoy my dinner and not feel guilty. I don't plan on eating anything else until dinner, maybe something small. I did good yesterday, I only ate 1450. I'll be happy if I keep today around 1800. Well, that's about it.

I can't wait 'till my cousin comes to watch the kids. We are getting away from our wonderful children for half a day!! Woohoo, we need it. Hope everyone has a great Saturday! xoxo

[Stella]

Oh honey, enjoy your day. Don't feel guilty about enjoying your meals today. It's a special occasion! You can resume your normal routine tomorrow.

I hope you have a wonderful day. "thheart"

[steph76]

Ok, let me nitpick here. Stella did not say she was disappointed just sad. None of us, ( I think I can speak for all here) are dissapointed that you purged, just sad and maybe worried for you.
I think there is a huge difference.
And I don't want you to feel dissapointed in yourself either.
You are a great, strong, vibrant woman, mother and wife, and friend.
Got it!
Hope you have a great Sunday!

[Barbarella]

42.5!!! Wowza! :clap:

Here's the thing with the purging. It's not good. You already know that. But, you've been able to, so far, say, "Hey, that wasn't a good idea" and move on. Eventually, purging won't be anything more than a fleeting thought in the back of your head when things get rough.

You're doing so good, Jess. I am proud of you!

[StElmosFire]

I haven't been able to check on ya'll lately but from what I see here you are doing awesome. No purging is not good but we are preaching to the choir. I have been close more than once in doing that. I do not want to get there but I do know the pain you feel when you feel like you have to. Small steps mama.
You are doing so well. If you need to take a day and eat whatever than go ahead. It won't kill ya however do not feel guilty and do not purge. If you cannot do that without the guilt and the purging than don't but girl you have to live life and enjoy it. Moderation is key. Have 1 bite, enjoy 1 small piece. Log it and forget it.
Easier said than done I know but now that I am in my "new" mind, it's not so hard.
Hang in there babe, you are such a stong sexy woman that is kicking ass in this fight against fat. Keep fighting, we are behind you "thcatfight"

[Unicorn]

I haven't been able to check on ya'll lately but from what I see here you are doing awesome. No purging is not good but we are preaching to the choir. I have been close more than once in doing that. I do not want to get there but I do know the pain you feel when you feel like you have to. Small steps mama.
You are doing so well. If you need to take a day and eat whatever than go ahead. It won't kill ya however do not feel guilty and do not purge. If you cannot do that without the guilt and the purging than don't but girl you have to live life and enjoy it. Moderation is key. Have 1 bite, enjoy 1 small piece. Log it and forget it.
Easier said than done I know but now that I am in my "new" mind, it's not so hard.
Hang in there babe, you are such a stong sexy woman that is kicking ass in this fight against fat. Keep fighting, we are behind you "thcatfight"


She said it all! Log it and forget it! but, next time you are tempted, you may be able to remember how bad you felt, and then modify some of what you eat.

In time, as you progress, your family may be able to continue making small changes and come closer to "meeting in the middle". Till then, stay strong! You may even find that you can make small modifications that they will not even notice. For example, scrambled eggs, use only 2 yolks for every 6 whites. Can't tell at all!

Hang in there! YOu are a strong lady embarking on a journey. There will be bumps in the road. At times, I think we all think about purging. That thought is there and tempting, but in time you will be able to let that go, and move on. One off day will not derail you, I am sure of that.

[The_Babycakes]

You guys rock. Thank you for all the support. Sometimes I don't reply right away, but I still read all your kind words over and over. Thanks. :)

I weighed in today, a day early, and looks like I lost a 1.5, bringing me to 44 even. I don't think I deserve it, as I have really been struggling and giving in to food and not excersizing much. I'm still happy that I'm losing. I'm wondering if the fat burning pills I'm taking have a bigger role than I thought originally. I don't know why I'm so hungry lately. And I'm starting to have the mentality that well, I've lost 40+ pounds, maybe I can take a 'break'. That's not good. Whenever I stop and examine how far I've come I get a big head and think maybe, just maybe, that's good enough. I know it's not.

I'm supposed to hear back from the YMCA this week, so I'm depending on that to come through so I can start using the gym. I took measurements this morning for the first time through this whole process. I was quite depressed to hear my numbers. Assuming I did it right..my waste is 49 inches, hips 57.5, and bra band (not bust) is 42. According to the charts that puts me at a size 30? WTH? My 26/28/30's are very loose. So, I don't understand that.

Since I've lost the weight, I've mentioned it to my mom and dad on a few occasions and got 'Oh, that's good', but yesterday my mom came over and when I came out her first words were, "Wow, you've lost alot!", that was a really great feeling and just what I've been looking forward. I guess I rely on my parents approval more than I thought.

[Unicorn]

Keeping my fingers crossed for the YMCA! that will really help you feel better, both physically and mentally stronger.

So glad that your mom noticed. We all want parental approval! Knowing that a loved one is supportive of us is key in succeeding.

As far as diet goes, maybe you need to up your calories just a little bit, and put more lean protein in? That will help you feel fuller, and keep your muscles from breaking down.

You are doing Great!

[The_Babycakes]

Ok, so I've really been neglecting the board and my journal lately. I'm sorry everybody. I've just been struggling lately and it sucks. I think the majority of us are struggling. I blame this on the time of year mostly. With the weather change, season change, and all these damn freakin' holidays.

But, as much as I would like to turn my back I can't. I suppose one could say that this is the time I need to be here the most. I feel so fat and disgusting. I hear the number in my head...44,44,44...but I get sucked back into the reality of it all.

I haven't been excersizing at all. I have no will, desire, or energy to do it. I am so hungry lately, I could just eat all day. It's been adding up, I've been eating about 2000 cals a day with no excersize. I know it could be worse, but I just feel like a failure lately.

And I've received so much praise here and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Wth is wrong with me and positive attention? Guess, it goes back to self esteem issues. I just don't feel like I deserve it. I don't feel inspirational, I think I am far from it. And I think that even though I've worked hard, the main reason I've lost so much so fast is simply *because* I am so fat to begin with. I literally burn more calories because of my weight than someone thinner. So, I hope no one compares their weight loss with mine, because it's just easier for me to lose being so much bigger. I'd hate for anyone to feel bad.

What else. Hmmm, I'm not drinking enough water, not excersizing, not getting enough sleep, stressed from fighting with dh (ya, what's new?), and hating myself. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. I weighed myself this morning and that 2 pounds that was gone the other day has either creeped back up or was never gone to being with. So, I'm about 284-286.

And you know what, fuck it...I'm gonna post my half naked pics because it's my thread and I want to. I do think that both before and after pics are disgusting, but I also think it's pretty cool to see how some of the rolls are disappearing and how I've transformed. So, you have been warned, they are not very pretty. But, it's my body. Maybe, just maybe posting these pics will make others not feel so bad about theirs...lol.

[The_Babycakes]

If you are easily grossed out, please close this now. The following are pics of me in my underwear and bra. On the left in the green underwear I weighed 315 and the right is 286, so there's a difference of about 30 pounds.
*
*
*
*
*
Edited

[The_Babycakes]

edited

And for contrast, here's one of me in clothes thinking I look sexy. This was on our anniversary, 11-10.

[Flutterby]

Whoo hoo girl! You are coming along NICELY if I may say so :) You like so nice in your date outfit!

Amy

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Amy. :)

[greatestgood]

Look at the difference in your abdomen. AND I see a little curve of the waist too. You're really doing it!

[Barbarella]

Holy cow. What a difference!!!

You're doing SO well, Jess. :) :)

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks GG! I actually have a little bit of a waste now.

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Barb, you don't know how hard it was for me to post these. Thank you!

[Cricket]

Babycakes, you are doing GREAT! You are such an inspiration!

[Unicorn]

Babycakes I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

Yes, it is excruciating to post those, but look at you! Look at the difference in your shoulders! And your abs from the side! That is REAL PROOF of your progress.

Can I say something? From hanging around on fitness/weight loss boards for a long time, I know that 40ish pounds is a classic time to hit a plateau, and to become really burned out on the whole "weight loss" idea. Why? Because the body has hit one of those natural "stop points" that we all have built in to let the brain know that there is something changing here, and that it is big. Now, you need to take things to the next level, and stir things up a bit, so that your body responds with more weight loss.

I think that if you need to ease up a bit, that is not at all a bad thing. Maintain this weight for a week or two, to allow your body to adjust, and then make a plan for what to do next. 2000 cals is not bad. Can you make it 2000 healthier calories, and then start cutting back a bit?

Not to:deadhorse:, but I really really think that adding a little exercise in will help you get through this rut.

1) It will give you something else to focus on besides diet.
2) It will give your body the boost it needs to burn more calories
3) It will release endorphins, and that will make you feel good
4) It is time that is only for yourself, not for kids or DH

If the stinking treadmill just does not excite you, don't do it! Find something that you cannot wait to try. Get a new workout video. If moolah is an issue, turn on the TV and find a workout program. Kathy Smith does great 1/2 hour workouts, and those are usually on in the morning. Tape it and do it later if the time does not work for you. Benefit of those is that it is a different workout every day. No boredom. Start slow, start gentle, and you will be amazed.

All that you are going through is completely normal, and almost expected. I have confidence in your ability to succeed.

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Cricket!

Thank you so much Unicorn. Your post had me tearing up. Thank you so much for your advice and letting me know that's it's okay and maybe even normal. I did take out a bellydancing dvd from the library that I did a few times. I am going to call the YMCA right now and see if they've got anything.

[Flutterby]

Can I ask you a techincal question lol? How did you post pics side by side like that? When dh comes home next week, I want him to take some new bikini pictures so I can post them side by side, and see if I can (or anyone else lol) see a difference.

Amy

[The_Babycakes]

I just uploaded them to photobucket and then copy and pasted the links one after another so they would post together. As far as putting two pics onto one, I haven't yet figured that out. I know it can be done with photoshop, but I don't have the patience right now. Good for you for taking some pics, I wish I had taken mine earlier when I first started.

[Flutterby]

Well, guess who surprised me by walking in the door today :) :) So, I'll be having him take some pics on Sunday and then I'll get them up soon. I have to say that after 1 1/2 years, theres not as much of a difference as I would have hoped, but just taking each day as it comes now.

Amy

[The_Babycakes]

Awww, I love those kind of surprises. Glad he's home. Have a good night!

[hezzie]

Wow, Babycakes! You are doing great! You can really see the weight loss in those pictures. Amazing! Your pictures and your determination continue to be an inspiration to me.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've come a long way. Your increased hunger may just be a sign from your body that it is in recovery mode or something. I'm sure it is just a plateau and you will see more loss soon. I agree that exercise may help you get over this hump.

You can do it. You are strong and you have control of your body.

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Hez, I hope that's all it is and that it soon passes. I'm starting everyday new and with a better perspective. I kinda failed yesterday with dinner and ate about 2200 calories for the day. I think I really do need to focus on excersize right now. No word from YMCA, perhaps next week. I hope I do well today with my eating.

[The_Babycakes]

Finally, I have some positive news to write about. I didn't do as good as I expected with food. I was good until I took the kids bowling and didn't have enough money for my own lunch, so I ended up snacking on theirs...damn thos e *FRIED* MACARONI AND *REAL CHEESE* BITES were good...lol! Ya, they were good. Anyhow, I made up for it by finally excersizing. I found out their's a gym right around the corner from my house that does daily fee's of like $6.

So, I got my ass on the ellipticel and did 40 minutes and burned 510 calories! That's the longest and most calories I've ever burned on a machine before, so I am proud. I tried out a few other weight machines, but I was soooo tired from the workout that I went home. Can I just say, I *really* love the elliptical. It's so easy to do and you burn more than on the treadmill with less effort. I love it! I wish I could afford one. The machine I used was so nice. I definitely plan on going back there once and a while. My whole mood did a 360 after my workout, very good stress reliever.

My foo d is about 2000 today, but I'm not beating myself up so much since I did a good workout. Let's hope tommorows good and I don't hurt too bad. :) Hope everyone is well and having a good wknd! *muah*

[Barbarella]

Wow! I've never tried an elliptical, but it sounds awesome. :)

[The_Babycakes]

I like it so much that I'm thinking about buying..used of course. I found one on craigslist and am waiting to hear back. I'm going to sell my treadmill to fund the elliptical. I'm excited. :)

[Kassandra]

First of all, your body is not gross.

Secondly, I can see a difference all over! Your arms and legs are thinner. Your waist is more defined and your rump is smaller!

Ellipticals are fun. They're also more friendly on your joints since you don't have the impact of bringing your foot down with every step. To add a twist to that workout, do 5-10 minutes moving forward, then stop and get going in reverse for 5-10 minutes, and repeat until you're done working out. Going backwards feels a bit odd, but it works that muscle group in a different way than going forward.

Good luck finding a machine!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Kassandra. I do go backwards from time to time. And I went to the gym today again this morning and did 40 minutes and burned 525 cals!! I also did a few other machines and worked my stomach and back.

I'm picking up my very elliptical tonite for a very good price. Now I just gotta sell the treadmill. What I don't really get is that if I do 40 grueling minutes on my treadmill at 2.5 mph, I would only burn about 200 cals, as opposed to the elliptical for 500+, so this is great! My food has also been good today. I'm so glad that I'm excersizing again. I feel so much better about myself. Now, I'm off... :)

[sweetpea]

You look so awesome. You go girl.
Im so happy you could post those you reaaly can see the change.

[Unicorn]

You Go BAbycakes!!!!

That is fantastic. Ellipticals are great because you can really get a rhythm going. Put on some great music, and off you go! That must feel so great to find something that you look forward to.

Keep up the good work!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks girls.

So, ya...I hurt myself. Pretty bad. I am paying the price for working out so hard, so fast after not working out at all. I feel like I've been beat up. My entire body is sore, I could barely walk yesterday. I think I also aggravated an old knee injury, too. Oy. What sucks is that not only am I in pain, but I really want to use my new elliptical and have yet too.

I took some Motrin 600's last night and this morning...and I *rarely* take pills. Hopefully I will feel well enough tommorow or the next day to get back to working out. Anyone have any suggestions for healing fast? Other than resting, what else can I do? It's funny cuz when I was working out and right after I felt fine, hell I felt great. And slowly but surely it began to hurt more and more. Muscles in my body I never knew existed hurt.

I have to say thanks though to everyone who told me how much the excersize would help. Because even though I over-did it, it has really helped with the eating and overall health. I don't feel as hungry as before and don't have all the guilt associated with eating a little more.

I'm going to try and get a nap in today, as I'm not getting enough sleep and I know that's not good either.

[hollydawn]

Wow, Babycakes. I can really see the difference in your butt and waist. Your body is not gross - you are doing such a fantastic job.

Ellipticals are great, aren't they? I bought one a couple of months ago. Now only if I could find the motivation to get on it.

I hope you are feeling better soon! Thanks for sharing the pics!

[Flutterby]

I would give your new elliptical a try if you have sore muscles. Once you are warmed up, it would loosen your muscles and help them feel better (but not if you overdo it again!). Also, try a hot bath with Epson salts--I've heard that really helps. And, maybe take some advil or some other anti-inflammatory?? Just some thoughts! I'm so jealous you have your own elliptical. I LOVE using them :)

Amy

[Stella]

WOOHOO! Look at that difference! I'm so proud of you, honey. You're beautiful "thheart"

I can't do the elliptical to save my life. lol It kills me! I really need to start exercising now.

[PrincessEmilysMommy]

Babycakes you look great! Seriously what an awesome job you're doing! :clap:

I have an eliptical, and I love it. I put on a tv show or my ipod and away I go. It's easy on my joints and a great stress releiver.

I'm so proud of you! :hug:

[hezzie]

We bought an elliptical a few years ago. DH uses it every day, and I just got back into using it about a month ago. I love it! I have been reading on mine, but should be getting an Ipod for my birthday and will use that once I figure it out.

Let us know how you like yours!

[StElmosFire]

You are looking so good girl. Not gross at all! You have made such great progress.
I applaud you for posting those.
You are such an inspiration. You need to live to girl, just remember that. We will all have our ups and downs. You have come so far you will succeed, I do not doubt that at all.

"thheart""thheart""thheart""thheart"

[Unicorn]

Hey there!

The best way to get rid of the soreness is to do a really gentle aerobic exercise. Not even enough to really get you sweating, but about 10 minutes on low intensity. That will get the oxygen into those sore muscles, and flush out all the lactic acid that makes them hurt. Motrin and a good hot shower/bath will also help. Make sure to drink lots and lots and lots of water to flush everything out.

So sorry you are hurting. Slow and gentle. 10 minutes every day is much better for weight loss than 40 minutes every third day. After a week of 10 minutes, then gradually add on time to work up to 40 minutes.

You are doing great!

[Cricket]

Babycakes, I make a sore muscle soak that you would love! Mix epsom salts with equal parts table salt (or dead sea salt, if you have it) and baking soda. Throw in some mint/menthol or lavender essential oils and you'll be in heaven in no time!
I also agree that an aerobic workout to warm up your muscles will probably help a lot. :)

[The_Babycakes]

Great advice, great advice!! Thanks everyone. I thought that excersizing would help with the soreness, but I wasn't sure. Now, I know *exactly* what to do if this ever happens again...thanks so much!

I did get on the elliptical yesterday for a grand ol' 10 minutes and burned 100 cals. It was harder than the one at the gym for some reason. I still haven't developed a relationship with it. It has alot of features that I'm not sure of yet. Eating has been okay. What's really killing me is lack of sleep.

Pretty much, dh lost his license..this is the third time. :insert roll eyes/angry smiley: And he has been able to find some temporary employment but it is an hour away...so, I have to get up at 4-6 am and drive 2 hours in the morning and night. Very little sleep. Then the night before last my ds woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain. I took him to the hospital and it turned out he was fine. We were there from 12-2, then I had to drive dh at 6. So, ya I'm exhausted.

Then, this morning dh and I recieved a pan of some type of bread, maybe pumpkin bread or something, but it's sitting on my counter and I've already ruined my breakfast by eating a couple slices. I have no idea how many cals it is and I fear I might eat more. I want to throw it away but it was a gift and I know dh would like to have some. I wonder if I can hide it from myself...lol.

I'm really having bad feelings for Thanksgiving. We're having it here and all the fixings. I just know I'm gonna be hovered over the toilet half the day throwing up my food. I'm actuallly kinda scared of having all that fucking food sitting there all day long. I wish I could just check out for the day. I don't know how I'm gonna deal, but it's gonna be a struggle.

Then, today I weighed in at 286. Last week I weighed in at 284.5. So, that pretty much sucks! I thought that with my workouts I would lose something, but I just keep telling myself that I've hit a 'platuea' and try not to dwell on it. The more I think about it, the more depressed and vulnerable I get. I have to change my ticker and I'm not happy about it.

I'm just gonna focus on excersize. I'll do the elliptical and maybe a tape, but I have alot of cleaning to do today, so who knows.

[The_Babycakes]

Don't mind me, I just wanted to log this down somewhere for my own records/benefit. I was going through old papers yesterday trying to find out what I weighed and when, so I could have a timeline of sorts.

From my old school records, doctors visits, and memory:

Age Weight

5................. 52
6................. 57
7................. 73
8................. 85
9................. 105
10............... 122
11............... 153
12............... 155
13............... 180
14............... 193 <----Damn!
15............... 152 <----I was very active (getting in trouble) during this time
19-20.......... 200-220 <----Stayed at this weight for a while and felt comfortable
21............... 300 <----What I weighed when I gave birth, gained 80 pounds!
22............... 270-300 <---Suffered post partum depression badly after first baby, rough yr.
23............... 318 <----What I weighed when I gave birth, only gained 18 pounds.
24............... 320 <----I was on zoloft for over a yr which has weight gain as side effect
25............... 328 <----My heaviest and my starting point for losing

Those aren't 100% excuses, just my own explanations for the weight fluctuation.

[Unicorn]

good for you Babycakes for documenting all of these things! That is the best way to really get a handle of how you got to where you are. You will get used to the elliptical in time, just look at it as a new adventure!

As far as the plateau, think of it this way. Your mind is catching up to where your body is. So even though the scale does not move, there is a lot of progress that is occuring. Your body is now re-setting it's "comfort zone" to your new weight. Once it does that, then you can start the weight loss again, and move down to the next plateau, and reset your body again. There is still a LOT of changes that are going on in your body, even if you cannot see them on the scale. This is also the time where you may start to build more muscle, especially as you increase the exercise. Increased muscle mass is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It helps you burn more calories at rest and during activity. So, even if the scale does not move, you could be losing fat and gaining muscle. This will help you when you start to lose weight again to burn even more calories! Not today (sounds like you have enough going on!) but some other day, consider taking a set of measurements. It is often during plateaus that folks notice a difference in measurements. That is fat loss and muscle gain.


so sorry about DH. I hope that he is doing something really really nice for you to say "Thank You" for all your extra effort. How long until he can get his license back or re-apply?

As far as tomorrow, Thanksgiving is only ONE DAY!! One day absolutely will not set you back to where you were before. So, try to keep that in mind. What you really need is a game plan to deal with tomorrow BEFORE it occurs. OK, so.......what times of day or meal/snacks do you think that you will have the most trouble with? Is it just because the food will be out and available all day? Plan out what you will eat at each meal. Visualize yourself enjoying your friends and something tasty. Visualize yourself feeling a sense of contented satisfaction and feeling "not hungry" and stopping eating. Visualize what you will do with your hands and mouth when not eating. Play a card game with family members, take a small group or DC for a walk after dinner. Sip slowly from a glass of water. Chew a piece of gum. Yes, gum really works. Put several pieces in your pocket, so they are available. Yes, it is hard to sometimes stop eating and conciously insert that piece of gum, but try it.

Do not deprive yourself of the special holiday. Enjoy the foods that you like to have, but enjoy them in moderation. Take one slow, thoughtful bite of your favorite dessert. Savor the flavor on your tongue. Enjoy it. Then, pitch the rest of the food. Do not just scarf down as much as you can, saying "well, the day is f&^%cked anyway, I might as well go overboard". Savor just a little bit, and you will be amazed at how satisfied you will feel.

Also, dress up a bit. Put on makeup and a nice outfit that fits now that did not before. Feeling pretty can give you additional motivation to eat differently. This may sound really dumb, but one motivational saying I have heard is "Act like the person you want to be." In this case, "act" the part of the healthy thin YOU. Eat what "she" would eat. Try out this new facet of yourself. You will be surprised how easy it becomes to act differently. Most importantly, the "new healthy thin you" would absolutely NOT purge after eating, because she knows that is not helpful. The "new healthy thin you" will have avoided that situation by being smart about what she eats, and getting satisfaction out of her food.

I know that you are stressed and tired. Try to get in a nap today, even if it means missing a workout. When we are well rested the whole world looks better, and we feel better about ourselves.

Gosh, I have written a freaking novel! If you develop a game plan, tomorrow will be much more manageable. Not a walk in the park, but much less overwhelming than where it is now. I have faith in you!

[zinkemomx2]

I am going to wear tight pants so I don't have room to overeat.

[Unicorn]

Shamelessly purloined this from my other online home, beachbody.com:

I'd like you to look far into the future and decide who you want to be in this world. A fit person or a fat person? A healthy person or an unhealthy person? Someone who is vulnerable to sickness and injury or someone who has a strong immune system and is physically durable? A human being that slowly comes apart at the seams as they get older or an extraordinary individual who's willing to open new doors and confront new and exciting challenges?

I think we shouldn't confuse the weight loss industry with the health and fitness industry. Although they're intertwined, I believe they should be separate, or at least segregated. In the weight loss world the main focus is on looks. It's all about before and after pictures, dress sizes, inches lost, and total pounds lost. It's intertwined with health and fitness because health improves when the weight comes off. I believe that when a person is only looking to look good they inevitably fail in the long term and lose sight of the bigger picture. There are countless stories of people reaching their goal weight then gaining it all back plus some more. Weight loss, losing inches, and looking good are the perfect first steps to life long health and fitness. When you reach your fitness goals you must then figure out what drives you and motivates you to keep going. - Tony Horton (Power 90, P90X)

[The_Babycakes]

Damn you're one smart cookie Unicorn. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You really helped me put things in perspective. I feel much better about facing tommorow, and I *must* re-read your post tommorow morning to remind myself. And I agree about the your last post. I have to say that looks being comfortable in my own skin are my main motivators. Unfortunately, being healthy ranks after that.

I really hope that it's a 2 pounds muscle gain..lol! I just did alot of cleaning, painting, and housework, so I'm sure that burned some cals. I'm also planning on doing the elliptical at some point today. I like all the advice you gave about tommorow. I usually do chew gum, so I'll be doing that and water, and I like the idea about dressing up..good thinking!

As for dh, I'm trying to implement two rules. I would like him to show his appreciation by rubbing my feet every-other day and eating healthy. I am very concerned about his health and weight and I asked him to please try for me. He tells me to just leave it alone, that my nagging him is actually making him eat more. I try to leave it alone, but his eating habits are so bad and he's not getting any younger. He's twice my age and I want him to be healthy so he can be around for along time. His *younger* brother died last year from diabetes and a heart condition and dh is walking around with an extra 60 pounds. :( He quit smoking cigarettes 2 yrs ago and I love him for that, and has since gained alot of weight. This is so fustrating.

Everytime he eats a donut, or second plate, or whatever junk my heart really does break a little. I just think man, he's gonna pay for that later when he *is* ready to lose the weight...why not start today? He never pressured me to lose weight...ever. I think that is partly why I am so big now, because he loved me unconditionally. So, I hate to be a nag, but I don't know what else to do? He says leave him alone and he'll change when he's ready. I would be fine with that if he could give me a date. I suggested New Years resolution and he just kinda laughed at me.

[The_Babycakes]

Well, Thanksgiving wasn't horrible, but wasn't great either. I did end up purging, but it wasn't when I was dressed up and with family, it was later that evening after everyone had left. I overate and purged. :( I suck.

Today was so difficult food wise for some strange reason. I think I'm starting to get pms, so...woopity doo. I binged twice today, but I didn't purge. That was a step. Instead of guilting myself into purging, I made it to the gym tonite and worked out. I feel much better after working out and I'm glad I didn't purge.

I did 33 mins on the elliptical and burned 403 cals. Then I worked out my arms and stomach, since the elliptical works out most of the lower body. And I made sure I paced myself and had a good stretch at the end so hopefully there will be no sore muscles tommorow.

I didn't count my calories today or yesterday and that really threw me off. I had two pretty high calorie meals today, and no dinner. So, I'll hopefully just have a yogurt or something small in a bit followed by some sexercise and I'll be good.

Oh, I forgot to add that I weighed myself yesterday morning and I apparently lost that 1.5 again, so I'm back to 284.5?? I don't know anymore. The scale at the gym told me 292 w/ sneakers on..so lol go figure. Stupid scales.

I hope everyone is okay and had a pleasant holiday. I am sooo not ready for Christmas, but yet here it is upon us.

[GaPeachmommy]

Babycakes you are such an inspiration :) 44 pounds lost in 16 weeks! keep up the good work!!! I need to get on my elliptical machine. It is just upstairs collecting dust. I will get on there tomorrow for sure!!!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks GA, I'm trying. Get to dusting!

So, today was okay. I binged *and* purged again. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel so out of control with my eating. I started my day out pretty good. I had 2 eggs and low cal toast for breakfast while the fam scarfed down banana pancakes with butter and syrup. Then later, we ended up at a diner for lunch. Stupid, stupid me ordered a rueban. I held out on the the fries (although that really didn't matter, cuz I just ate the kids fries), and had pickles and cole slaw. Real cheese, regular dressing, regular bread. I ate half the sandwich, which was pretty big and bits and peices of the kids chicken strips and fries. I was so disgusted with myself I threw it up. :( WTF is wrong with me? This is the fourth day in a row that I've purged...definitely not the norm for me.

The rest of the day was okay. I ate a very small meal for dinner and had a really good workout on the elliptical tonite. I did 41 minutes and burned 371. Everytime I thought about stopping, I told myself...just do 5 more minutes...you have to cool down anyway and then I would get closer to my goal of 40 minutes and push harder. So, I felt really great about that. I bought some epsom salt and dead sea salt and ran a nice hot bath afterwards.

Then, I went into the kitchen and there was dinner staring me in the face. I wasn't planning on eating anymore, I had brushed my teeth and everything. But, like a ravenous animal I began shoving food into my mouth. I was feeling so good and so proud of myself and just felt like shit after that. I'm really out of control lately. I'm trying to compensate by excersizing, but that numbing urge to overeat is still there. I don't even *think* when I binge. It's like I'm in some sort of trance. I need to stop this. I can't keep on binging and purging. I am hurting myself. I know this. I'm sick of being uncapable of controlling food...that's why I purge, so I can gain back some of that control.

Tommorow will be a new day and I have high hopes. I will eat right, I will love my body, and care for it the right way dammit. I am truly amazed at how my body has worked so hard carrying all this weight and now losing it. I am thankful that I haven't any serious health conditions because of my neglect/abuse. I have to put these things into perspective and embrace my body. It may not be beautiful, but it is worthy of respect.

[GaPeachmommy]

Babycakes, you should check out the book "Life is easy, food is hard" from the library. It is over emotional or out of control eating. It is a really, really good book :) It gives a lot of good ideas from a dr. that has struggled with this herself . I understand your love/hate relationship with food. I struggle with that as well. Night time is my down fall ~ I really want to pick up knitting or crochet or something ~ because you can't eat and do that at the same time, right?

I hope that today is better for you!

[Unicorn]

Hey there Babycakes!!

Well, look at it this way, that is one holiday down and over with! I think that you did really well. Think back to what you did last year, compared with this year. I am sure that there is a huge difference.

Please please try not to beat yourself up too much. When our schedule gets thrown off, and then we add in rich, yummy tasting meals, it is really easy to fall into our old bad habits. That is a natural Knee-jerk reaction to being out of our comfort zone. But, as you said, you can get back into your "zone". I am SO PROUD of you for keeping up with the exercise through this weekend. That will really start to pay off in the long run.

Binging happens to almost all of us. It is a tough cycle to break. Have you "talked" with Barbarella at all about OA? Perhaps you are at a stage where a few meetings might be helpful to help address this binge/purge cycle. It can be overcome, you just need the appropriate "tools" to help you. Keep in mind that weight loss and health come hand in hand. Focus on one, and the other will follow. As you gain more respect for your body, you will avoid doing things that "damage" it such as purging. This is a tough battle Babycakes, and not one that is won overnight. But, you can do it!

As far as DH, you can lead a horse to water, but can't make 'em drink. I know. My DH also has about 60 to loose. While I see that he is making some small changes, he is still resistant to making the major ones that I think that he needs to make. However, he has to do this on his own time, and in his own way. The more I push, the more he will resist. So, What I am trying to do is be the "in home demonstration" of weight loss success. In other words, When he is going for a second helping, and I am looking on jealously, saying either out loud or to myself "I would really like a second helping, but I know that I have eaten enough to satisfy my needs, and having more would only set me back. So, I will just have more water, cup of tea, etc."

That being said, I do think that you could make some small changes that might help him in the long run, without making it about his weight loss or even yours. You had said that there is whole milk, white bread, etc other stuff in the house for him and the kids? Well, sorry to be a biatch, but NO ONE over the age of 2 needs whole milk, whole milk yogurt, etc. I would start by making some small changes, even only 1 per week, to adjust the food items in the household. If anything, use the kiddos as an excuse "I want them to grow up eating healthy from the start." Yes, it is a change, but they all will thank you for it. As high-fat or snack items run out, simply do not replace them. Want a snack? Have an apple or carrots. Thirsty? Drink water. They will grumble and groan for about a 2 weeks, and then it will become normal.

You are doing great!

[steph76]

I agree with changing what is available to them if that is an option.
I saw Dr. Oz on GMA this week, he said that it takes 2 weeks to start the new habits of eating better and 3 months for your body to actually be better.
I too have a dh that is packing some extra weight. And always goes back for seconds etc.
But, I have made changes in what I cook and I know that is helping him.
If you would like I can send you some WW recipes for you to tinker with.
I hope that does not sound insulting, b/c i know you are a great cook! I have drooled over some of your creations you have posted about.

Oh and BTW, you so do not suck!
I will tell you what our WW leader tells us "you are a VIP." As Barb says, fake it til you make it!
Repeat that to yourself many times daily til you believe it!

[The_Babycakes]

GAPeach, thanks! I just tried to look it up online at my library, but it didn't come up? Honestly, I'm not much of a book reader though, I've tried several times in the past year, but can't seem to get through a book.

Thanks Unicorn. You always have such great advice. I bet you are an excellent friend in real life, if you're this great online. I have tried several times to get into an OA meeting online, but for some reason it doesn't load for me. As far as dh goes, him and the kids have been eating pretty much what I buy, there's a few exceptions though. And we haven't bought/drank whole milk in several years...lol, or whole yogurt for that matter. The kids, dh, and I go through the Yoplait lights like candy here, they are so good even fat free. I don't buy any high fat snacks either, I really don't. Don't get me wrong, I've tried, but I always end up eating the entire box, whatever in like 2 days, so now I just don't bother. Basically, you won't find anything exciting to eat in my house. :) Dh has actually been doing better and he's working on it at his own pace, which is great and all I really wanted. He's a little scared to jump in head first, so he's making little changes.

Thanks Steph~I think I have a booklet from when I tried ww a while ago with some recipes in it. I need to sit down and plan out a new weekly menu soon. I'd say that 80% of whatever I cook I incorporate healthy alternatives into. Doesn't come out as great as it would with the full fat everything, but it works. :)


Now, for journalling...sorry so long, I really don't expect anyone to read, just need to get it out.

Well, I have mixed feelings. I really felt like I was doing better and turning a new leaf, but I weighed myself early this morning and am very dissappointed. :( I just reviewed my weigh-in's for the month and it's really weird.

8th-286
14th-284.5
21st-286
22nd-284.5
25th-283.5
28th-284.5

WTF? I mean, I know that my food has been higher than normal...but I also purged alot. (in case anyone is wondering I haven't purged, or even thought about it since Sunday) I've also been excersizing like crazy and burning alot of calories. I'm really sad about this. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I feel like I've stalled. I absolutely feel toner and stronger though, so that's excellent.

So, shortly after my weigh in I stopped into a convenience store for coffee and was seriously considering grabbing something really good, but oh so bad to eat as my way of saying 'fuck it'. I ended up getting a power bar and I felt really good about that. So, I got off on the right food today as far as eating goes and I feel fairly confident about it. I am contemplating making this non-bake cheesecake which is about 350 cals for two peices. I'm also making a lighter version of chicken cutlets. Roasted without breading, just lots of spices. I've had my oatmeal, my greentea, protein bar, and fat burning pills, so I'm optimistic.

I had a great workout last night at home, the day before that I went to the gym. I'm burning an average of 525 in 40 minutes on my elliptical. It was late last night too, but since I ate too much with dinner I made sure that I got my workout in and felt great about it. I also scrubbed my tile floor yesterday, and felt it so that counts as another workout.

I bought myself a pair of workout pants and a shirt the other day from Fashion bug, it was pretty cool bypassing the 30/32 and 26/28's...it was great! I got a 22/24 and they fit pretty good. I fooled myself by trying on a 18/20 though...lol. Soon.

[Unicorn]

WTG jumping right back in there Babycakes! So proud of you for making good food choices! I hear you about the "boring" kitchen. I have one too for the exact same reason. Please please don't sweat the scale. I think that with the exercise, you are increasing your muscle mass and that is off-setting the fat loss that you are accomplishing, so that as far as the scale goes you will not see a change. However, pretty soon the balance will shift as this new muscle starts to burn up even more fat, so keep up the good work! Remember, the scale is only one indicator of all that you are accomplishing.

chin up girl! You are doing fantastic!

[hollydawn]

Don't get discouraged by the slower losses once in a while. I'm sure your body is just adjusting a bit. I bet it is so exciting fitting into a smaller size-I can't wait til that happens here!

Keep up the great work, Babycakes-you are amazing!

[The_Babycakes]

Here I am. Still haven't lost anything. :( This sucks. That's pretty much it. Still no purging, no real binging either. While I am back in control of my food, I am still eating 2000-2500 calories a day. I've been doing pretty good with excersizing though to try and balance things out. Finally got my letter of approval for the YMCA. :) That made me happy. We still have to pay a portion, but it's worth it for the benefits.

We went as a family tonite, dropped the kids off in the childcare room, and I got dh to do the elliptical with me. :) That also made me very happy. Then we all went to the pool. I was only able to get in about 3 laps, because the kids were there and I wanted to hang with them. I am seriously pissed about my weight though. I feel like I'm back to where I started. I'm not feeling good about myself or my looks as I was starting to.

I also thought at one point that my goal of 270 by New Years was almost feasible, but that's not looking like it's gonna happen now since I've only lost like 5-6 pounds in the entire month of November! I'd have to lose 14 pounds in one month to reach my goal. Ya, I know I set them a bit high, but if I would have just kept losing at the same rate, I might of actually had a chance. Well, whatever...can't do much to change that now, just keep at it everyday.

I'm going away to visit relatives for Christmas and I'm very apprehensive about that. Very strong Italian values and such, so you know the food will be torture during the holiday season. I have no plan really, other than stock up on alot of frozen meals. I need strength right now, but then again who doesn't lately? I swear I really despise the holidays. Just not looking forward to them this year.

[Stella]

Hang in there, dollface. You can do this! Plan ahead. Don't skip meals so you can pig out when you get to your parties. Keep drinking your water and keep your healthy snacks handy. Bring a dish with you to share that you know you can eat without guilt.

I'm so proud of you! Enjoy your membership to the Y. That must be great to go as a family. :)

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Stella, we're going there for like 5 days, so it's gonna be rough.

Good News though, the scale finally moved! :) I was really beginning to lose hope. This morning I took a chance and it read 279.5, as opposed to the 283.5 it gave me on Friday..WTH? Well, as usual, I'm taking it and running. It feels really good to be in a new number category. Hello 7's, goodbye 8's, and see ya soon 6's! Another cool thing is that I am one pound away from losing a total of 50 pounds! That is quite exciting. I got my period yesterday, so I didn't excersize, but wanted to. I may go to the Y this afternoon or just jump on my machine, IDK. Wouldn't it be great if I could lose 9.5 pounds in one month? Make it to 270 by New Years? I know I probably won't, but it can't hurt to wish.

[Unicorn]

Hey there!

Doesn't it feel great when the scale finally moves!!! That is wonderful, and I am so glad that you got things going at the Y. What a nice thing to do as a family. Keep working towards your goals, and they will come!!

As far as the holidays, sometimes stuff is just a bit out of our hands. How about determining before you eat, what is the good, better, and best option? That way you can get a sense of control of what you are eating. Sometimes you will choose good, sometimes best, but at least you will "know" what you are choosing! Also, sometimes you can just be honest with folks. " I would love to have a small bit, but I am really working hard and have accomplished so much, so just a taste is enough for me!" Stay positive, and others will follow.

[The_Babycakes]

Thank Unicorn, you are so uplifting. :) (and sweet!)

I am feeling really good lately. My food and excersize have been great and I am very proud of myself.

Saturday--1300 calories, no excercize
Sunday--1500 calories, 40 min elliptical -435cals
Monday--1600 calories, 36 min elliptical -408cals, 5.5 swimming laps -300cals

Went to the Y by myself tonite and did really well. I am thoroughly enjoying excersizing lately. I wish I could keep this feeling going and not fall into a rut as I sometimes do. I'm even thinking about looking up gyms in the area where I'm going for a few days so I can keep up with it.

Oh, and no change in the scale this morning, so the loss is confirmed. :) One more stinking pound to 50!

[Kassandra]

Wow! You are an inspiration!

I see you got the elliptical. Do you like it better than the treadmill?

I'm still doing the recumbent bike at the gym and that seems to be working well for me. I'm up to 17 minutes on level 3! Amazing considering I couldn't make it 10 minutes on no resistance a year ago in physical therapy due to the pain in my hips.

No weight loss here - unfortunately, but I'm getting stronger from working out. I've upped my time on the bike and am getting to the point where I can lift/press more weight on the machines. So, I'm happy with (slow) my progress so far.

If you can't find a gym where you're going, you could just go for a walk. Anything to get some movement in will be good.

ETA: As for the food, just keep your portions small. Try to eat an apple or some veggies before the big meal so you don't fill up too much on the rich foods.

[Myself]

I just wanted to let you know how awesome you are. I'm refocusing/rededicating myself since most of the scary stress is past (I still have a lot of things going on in my life, but knowing I don't have a brain tumor is a great thing!)

I came here and was scrolling up and down past all of the journals wondering who's to read for inspiration and then I noticed yours. I knew yours would help, I love that you always journal. Good, bad, inbetween. I couldn't bring myself over here to post when I was taking those few weeks off. I tried to be good and usually was, but emotionally I couldn't come put myself out there. I really appreciate that you do and I want you to know how much of a help it is to others to see you struggle at times and still succeed. The 'tone' in your posts has changed from your first journal on the old boards and it makes me all sappy to realize that I've known you through all of this.

/end sappiness. Thank you for being you, and for sharing yourself with us.

[The_Babycakes]

I didn't even know I had new posts. Thank you so much for your post Myself. You got me choked up. I'm just so glad to have found a place where I could feel comfortable sharing my pictures, daily struggles, and eating disorder issues without feeling judged or ridiculed. I am just beyond grateful to be with all you awesome women. I think we are all so strong and beautiful and I really do care about everyone here. I admire your strength through all the crap you've been going through. I hope that things continue to get better for you. You've come so far, and you should be so proud of all your hard work. Ok, now /sappiness..lol. :)

Thanks Kassandra! And yes, I absolutely love the elliptical and would choose it over the treadmill anyday. I honestly can't believe that I used to waste so much time on the treadmill. It took me 20 minutes to burn 100 calories. I burn 100 in like 8 minutes on the elliptical, that feels great! And I am so happy that you are making progress with your workouts. It takes alot of dedication and courage to take on pain management the hard way, instead of relying on pills 100%. Dh has alot of back problems and I wish he would take the route you are taking, instead of doing nothing until he throws it out and medicating himself.

But anyhow, I just wanted to stop in to say that I am still keeping the momentum going with the eating and excersize. From above..

Saturday--1300 calories, no excercize
Sunday--1500 calories, 40 min elliptical -435cals
Monday--1600 calories, 36 min elliptical -408cals, 5.5 swimming laps -300cals
Tuesday--1650 calories, no excercize, some aerobic sexercize though! (sorry tmi!)
Wednesday--1750 calories, 45 min elliptical -501cals
Thursday--1700 calories, 45 min elliptical -500cals

I have really been pushing myself on the elliptical. I love burning 500+ cals and that's kinda been my focus and goal lately. I've found that with my eating that by the nighttime I have imo too little calories. I don't know why I can't just be happy with 1300 cals. I just feel the need to eat more than that at the end of the day, if that makes any sense. I guess I feel like I am entitled or something, so I'll eat something extra to bring it up.

I can't wait to weigh in, but I think I'm gonna try to wait until Sunday morning and make it a whole week. I can totally feel my muscles being defined and my bones. I just worry that I'm not working my stomach and arms enough, as the elliptical works mostly the legs, butts, and a little on the arms. I need to work on my stomach and the back of my arms.

My dh gave me a very nice compliment last night. He told that my body is changing alot and that it doesn't look like I lost 50 pounds, but MORE! Like I said before, I know that doing the resistance on the elliptical is giving me more definition and muscle, so I have probably lost more weight and it's been converted into muscle which is great for burning calories.

I blogged about my thoughts on dh and my weight loss this morning if anyone is terribly bored or interested. :) Hope everyone is doing well. I have to go clean, but I will try to find time today to catch up with everyone else's journals here. :)

[Myself]

One thing with building muscle is that it takes more calories to maintain muscle so the calories that you burn just by living increases.

Wonderful compliment from you DH, I hope he got a giant bear hug from that.

As for exercising your stomach, one of the exercises that I found for one of my presentations is easy, and according to the physical therapist, great for building core strength. You lay on your back, and try to sink your stomach into the floor (or bed, or whatever you are laying on) Count to ten and do 10 reps. I do this every night after I go to bed.

[Still_Water]

I've really enjoyed reading your journal. Keep up the good work!

Are you planning on celebrating in any way when you lose that one stubborn pound? A 50lb loss is so great!

[thirtyeven]

I don't know why I can't just be happy with 1300 cals. I just feel the need to eat more than that at the end of the day, if that makes any sense. I guess I feel like I am entitled or something, so I'll eat something extra to bring it up.



I think you not being happy with 1300 calories is your body's way of telling you you need more. If you're burning all those calories through exercise (not to mention that you're burning more even when you're stationary due to having more muscle mass), then you probably need a few hundred more calories just to keep yourself going. And again, I'm so impressed with your progress!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Myself and StillWater. I'm gonna try that excercize. My mother used to tell me that wearing tight clothes helps you lose weight, cuz you are always sucking in you stomach to look good..lol. I suppose simply sucking it in is a good excersize.

So, I weighed in a day early and cheated. I lost 2 more pounds! Bringing my loss to 51 pounds total..woohoo! Still, I wasn't planning on doing anything special. But, dh and I do have a couple hours kid free so we are going to make the best of it! I really want something from Starbucks, but I know the cals are not worth it. I hope that celebrating doesn't ruin my good streak this week. Guess I'll have to research their nutrition menu before we go out.

[The_Babycakes]

I think you not being happy with 1300 calories is your body's way of telling you you need more. If you're burning all those calories through exercise (not to mention that you're burning more even when you're stationary due to having more muscle mass), then you probably need a few hundred more calories just to keep yourself going. And again, I'm so impressed with your progress!

Thanks! I agree, but even if I'm not hungry at all I have this little voice in my head that says 'eat more'. I can't just leave it at under 1500 for some reason, it's weird.

[The_Babycakes]

So, here I am. I feel the need to journal, so don't mind me. Yesterday was weird. I ate very little and it came naturally. I simply wasn't hungry most of the day and when I was I had no desire for anything specific. I don't know what's up with my appetite, but it's cool.

Today, I did want something. I used to binge on everything bagels with cream cheese. There's this place I used to go to that makes the best damn bagels ever. I haven't had one in so long. I wanted to stop so bad this morning, but I wasn't willing to sacrifice 300-600 calories for one bagel. Last night I wanted to stop and buy a thing of ice cream, but decided to forget it since I can't trust myself. That's sucks that I can't buy a large container of ice cream, because I know I will eat the entire thing in days and hate myself for all the calories and buying it in the first place, so I just don't even bother.

I have to go food shopping today, so hopefully today and the next few days I don't over-eat since we will have food in the house. I think that really is the secret to losing weight. I mean, there is nothing good in my house...nothing. It's sad, but true. I stopped buying 'junk' foods a long time ago. Even frozen convenience foods are not good for me. I love the LC panini's, but I'll eat 2-3 in a day, so I won't buy alot.

I'm already up to 500 cals today and it's not even 10a.m. I'm sure I'll be fine and even if I eat I should be okay, because my cals have been kinda low. Here's my chart from above, just added to it to keep track. Wow, I just looked over my numbers and I can't believe I haven't eaten over 1750 at all in the past week+. I was eating an average of 1800+ not too long ago.

Saturday--1300 calories, no excercize
Sunday--1500 calories, 40 min elliptical -435cals
Monday--1600 calories, 36 min elliptical -408cals, 5.5 swimming laps -300cals
Tuesday--1650 calories, no excercize, some aerobic sexercize though! (sorry tmi!)
Wednesday--1750 calories, 45 min elliptical -501cals
Thursday--1700 calories, 45 min elliptical -500cals
Friday--1650 calories, no excersize
Saturday--1600 calories, 40 min elliptical -500cals (5 minutes less this time!)
Sunday--1550 calories, no excersize

[StElmosFire]

Girl you are doing fabulous!
Honey if you want a bagel, plan for it. Know what I mean, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself but plan for it and make sure you really want it. You cannot deprive yourself of things you love, or used to love. Buy one and eat half. Save the other half for later.
Just buy enough at the store to get you through the week. That's what I have to do otherwise yep it's all gone. Any snacks for the DC or DH get the healthier version (if there is one). If they don't like it too bad, my DC and DH have learned and now they prefer the healther version.
It's ok mama, mind over matter (I am telling myself that too)
:cool:

[The_Babycakes]

Thursday--1700 calories, 45 min elliptical -500cals
Friday--1650 calories, no excersize
Saturday--1600 calories, 40 min elliptical -500cals (5 minutes less this time!)
Sunday--1550 calories, no excersize
Monday--1650 calories, YMCA 41min elliptical -506cals, 5.5 laps -200
Tuesday--2000 calories, no excersize
Wednesday--1900 calories, 8 min elliptical -107cals, YMCA Weights, Steps, 3 laps -???
Thursday--2100 calories, 1 Hour Power Bar Class -300-350cals

So, I've been going over my cal goals a little bit, but I've also been excersizing alot. I did my very first ever excersize class at the Y last night and man it was rough. I was able to keep up and everything, but I was so damn tired and exhausted afterwards, I could barely move.

I met with a trainer on Wednesday and she did a few tests on me to see where I am physically. I aced the flexibility test, over 100 percentile. I failed miserably at the upper strength test (I could only do 5 push-ups!), my resting heart rate was about average (107 I believe), which is good for my size and all. My body fat ratio is pretty much half and half muscle. It's supposed to be more like 70/30, 80/20 and I'm 50/50. So, ya...I'm working on it.

She really stressed weight training. I've been pretty much sticking to the cardio machines, because I like to get a number calories burned at the end. You don't really get that with weights, but the more muscle you have the more calories you burn everyday.

So, I have another appointment with her tommorow morning to go through a program and the weight machines. I'm also doing a abs class tommorow morning and after last nights class, I'm scared..lol! We worked every.single.muscle. And when we got to the stomach, I felt how weak my stomach really was. You gotta start somewhere right?

So, that's where I'm at. I'm really enjoying excersizing and I can't wait to see more weight fall off. I am now 52 pounds lighter and have alot more muscle than I did in July/August. I'm weighing in now at about 276-277.

I'm losing pretty consistently 2-3 pounds a week. :) I just want to keep pushing forward and not fall off track. I feel like I've fallen off a little bit with my eating and want to get back on. I also know that my cals started going up on the day I went food shopping. I wish I could have more will power and *not* eat all the semi-good foods I buy in two days. I hope that one day I will be able to have good foods in the house without worrying about eating it all.

I'm still very nervous and scared about visiting my family for 5 days. I'll be totally out of my comfort zone..food everywhere, no excersize machine or gym...ahhhhhhh!

Today has been good...so far. :)

[Unicorn]

Hey Babycakes!

WTG on meeting with a trainer! Sounds like she has some great ideas. I am so proud of you for continually challenging yourself and your body to step outside your comfort zone. That is the only way that we make progress! If your trainer can show you some weightlifting exercises to do with no equipment, maybe that will help for your visit home? Also, walking requires no equipment, and will get you out of the house. Those are TWO benefits to having a workout at home. Allow your mind to clear, and get a good cardio burn.

Possible exercises:

squats
plies (squats, with feet turned out and slightly wider than hips, keep knees over ankles when lowering
Pushups against a wall, or the side of the bed
bicep curls holding on to two soda cans, tricep curls going opposite way
ab crunches
side leg lifts, be sure to hold your abs in!

there are many many exercises you can do without any equipment whatsoever. At times, I will do a rotation through each of these, starting with just a few of each type, and do them consecutively. That makes a GREAT cardio burn. Ex: 10 squats, 5 pushups, 10 plies, abs, repeat. The moving from floor to standing also makes for a good calorie burn.

[zinkemomx2]

Check around and see if there is a gym nearby the family. Here you can get a one day pass for $10 IIRC. Gets you a few minutes alone and away from the family.

If there is snow you can always drag everyone outside for a snow ball fight.

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Unicorn and Zinke for the suggestions. I plan on doing both. :)

Now, for where I am now. I weighed today and gained 3 pounds, that's right I gained. BUT...I've been working my ass off with weight training and cardio, so I'm going to blindly assume that I've gained 3 pounds in muscles. Please, please, please let that be true. My calorie intake has gone up as well. I credit that to me excersizing more and upping my routine, but still...the more I eat the less my deficiency, the less I lose.

Saturday--1600 calories, 40 min elliptical -500cals (5 minutes less this time!)
Sunday--1550 calories, no excersize
Monday--1650 calories, YMCA 41min elliptical -506cals, 5.5 laps -200
Tuesday--2000 calories, no excersize
Wednesday--1900 calories, 8 min elliptical -107cals, YMCA Weights, Steps, 3 laps -???
Thursday--2100 calories, 1 Hour Power Bar Class -300-350cals
Friday--2300 calories, 41 elliptical -500cals
Saturday--2300 calories, YMCA 25min elliptical -252cals, 1/2 hour abs class -350?cals, weight training??

I really want to the cals back down to 16-1800. No matter what excuse I use, the bottom line is that the more you eat the less you lose.

On a better note, I've noticed alot of changes in my body. My leg muscles are stronger, after working my abs yesterday I actually can feel all my stomach muscles, my back, arms, chest...all of them I can feel. It's pretty cool. Today I'm just going to probably do the elliptical. I still can't believe I gained 3 pounds. :(

[Myself]

If you just start weight training with any significance, it is very likely your muscles are holding onto some extra water weight. Keeping up with the same level of exercise will allow your muscles to adjust and let go of the water.

Great job, I am so very proud of you.

[Milkyway]

Baby, you are doing so well! Im proud of you!

[Unicorn]

Babycakes, how much water are you drinking? As a rule, 8 8-oz glasses of WATER per day, for exercise, add 32 oz for each 1/2 hour of exercise. Yes, this is a whole lot. But, it will help flush out your system, and keep muscles from holding on to water after exercise. You may see a difference in the scale.

Keep up the good work!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks everyone. I haven't been drinking my water Megs, so that probably explains the gain. I definitely plan on drinking alot of water today. I'm having a not so good day. I've already over-eaten and am at 1370 cals already. I feel stuffed, so hopefully that'll keep me for most of the day. So, I don't go completely out of control, I'm going to drink alot of water, take my fat burner pills, and when my housework is done, I will excersize on the elliptical. We're having salmon for dinner, so I'll probably just have a small portion of the salmon alone.

I really hate that I've been eating so much lately. Damn f'ing cashews, they did me in today. 170 calories for 17 nuts...they are sooo addicting. Wasn't my idea to buy them of course, that was dh. I can't have anything good in the house. :( I hope I can hold out today and keep my cals low. My whole body is kinda sore, in a good way of course, but sore none the less...especially my stomach from the abs class on Saturday.

[The_Babycakes]

Monday--1650 calories, YMCA 41min elliptical -506cals, 5.5 laps -200
Tuesday--2000 calories, no excersize
Wednesday--1900 calories, 8 min elliptical -107cals, YMCA Weights, Steps, 3 laps -???
Thursday--2100 calories, 1 Hour Power Bar Class -300-350cals
Friday--2300 calories, 41 elliptical -500cals
Saturday--2300 calories, YMCA 25min elliptical -252cals, 1/2 hour abs class -350?cals, weight training??
Sunday--1800 calories, 10min elliptical -100cals, resting day
Monday--1900 calories, 31min elliptical -400cals, 2 sets pushups on wall, and some strenuous sexercize :)


Ok, weighed myself this morning and I am back to 276.5, so the 3 pound gain was just water...thank god! I'm wondering how I'm gonna have the time or energy to excersize in the coming week, I can't believe that Christmas is so close. I'm kinda freakin' out, cuz I am not prepared at all! We are leaving Saturday and I'm beginning to panic, I hate the holidays, at least I do this year for some reason.

I'm probably not gonna be on as much, as most people won't be, and not that I'll be extremely missed I just want to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone here. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday with not alot of guilt..myself included. And here's to hoping for NO WEIGHT GAIN!!

[Unicorn]

Hey there! No self flagellation allowed! You will of course be missed! Drink lots of water, remember that short bursts of exercise are VERY effective, and relax!!!

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year! I look forward to hearing from you after the holidays!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks Unicorn, you're a sweetheart!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!! I missed you all and hope you did well!

Possibly long entry ahead, so take head.

So, we got home yesterday and I am officially gathering all my strength today and starting over. I completely and utterly bombed while on vacation, and you know what? I don't care...lol. I had pizza, cheeseburgers, chinese food, cookies, ice cream, cake, fried dough, wine, KFC, Starbucks, cheesecake, ya....I did it all! I have been depriving myself of all these foods since I started losing weight and it sucked. I hope I finally got it out of my system. It was refreshing to just not count my calories or worry and constantly think about what I'm eating. I really needed a break from that.

I did do alot of purging though, I suppose I still wasn't ready to completely let go of control. I am not proud of that, but again I am starting over again today. I weighed myself the day I left for vacation and I was at 274 on Saturday. I trying to phyce myself out that if I've gained it's okay and I will just work it off as I did all the weight so far. I don't think I could gain more than 6 pounds in a week and I will be okay as long as I'm not over 279, that will suck. But, I am prepared. I will probably bust my ass for the next few days and weigh in Saturday.

Before we came home last night I stopped at a drug store and picked up some appetite suppresant supplements and some green tea drink mix to help me. I feel that since I ate alot that my stomach has stretched and it will take a little time to get it back to a smaller size and I need all the help I can get right now to get back on track.

I did manage to get the YMCA where I was and it made me a little jealous, as it was a 100% better than the one I have, but I did workout. I also got 5 pound weights from dh for Christmas and they seem to be a little too light, but it's better than nothing. After things settle a little and I unpack and clean I hauling butt to my Y, and getting back to business. I also have been pretty good at getting my water in everyday, so hopefully that helped during vacation. Guess we'll have to wait and see. Now, off to clean... :)

[Unicorn]

Babycakes, so glad to see you back! Hope that your Christmas was restful and enjoyable! Glad that you got a workout in, and got your "food porn" fix out of your system. I think we all do that over the holidays! Don't sweat it, and jump back on that horse! We can't be 100% all of the time. But if we are 80% MOST of the time, then it is amazing what happens!

Drink lots of water and green tea to help as you jump back into your routine.

[The_Babycakes]

So, I cheated. I weighed in early. I came in this morning at 273.5, my lowest number yet! I can't get too excited, because I'm almost certain it's all water weight since I've been drinking a ton of water these past few days, but hell I'll take it as usual. That brings my loss to a beautiful even number of 55 pounds! And would mean that I actually lost half a pound while vacationing...whatever..lol.

http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/w4CiBKf/weight.png
(http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w4CiBKf/)

I had a goal I set a few months back that I would like to be 270 by New Years. I have a glimpse of hope, but I don't think I'm gonna lose 3.5 pounds in 3 days, so I'm just happy to be damn close.

I tried to do my elliptical last night and for some reason I was so utterly weak, tired, and exhausted I cut it way short and only did 20 minutes. I seem to be burning less per minute too lately, not sure why it's getting harder. I know I should really do some excersize tonite, but I simply don't wanna. I have been busy doing general house work, so at least that's something.

Hmmm, what else...oh, well I guess I'll add couple of small milestones.

1. I can wrap a large bath towel completely around me w/o the skin showing.
2. I wore a skirt the other day that used to be tight and was able to actually slip it off without unbuttoning.
3. I was doing dishes today and a chop stick slid right between my wedding ring and my finger...that's how much extra room I got going on there.
4. Me and the kids sometimes eat at the food court in the supermarket and there's a nice lady there who I sometimes talk to. I hadn't seen her in a while and I saw her the other day and the first thing out of her mouth was how great I looked and that I've lost alot of weight. (not sure if I mentioned that already in my journal, but oh well, it made my day!)
5. I have a waist, that's new.
6. I haven't knocked over any of the kids with my ass in a long time..lol.
7. Even my shoes feel bigger.
8. I have accumulated a pretty large pile of clothes that I can no longer wear because they are...too big!
9. I actually have sat on dh's lap a number of times lately, while I would never even consider it before, I feel a little more comfortable that I'm not gonna crush the poor guy.

I still have alot of other personal goals to reach and I hope that one day I will have met them all, but it's cool to list them here and actually be able to cross some of them off.

[WalkingTittyBar]

Babycakes, you are doing so well. I am so inspired by you. You have lost over half of 100 pounds! That is just amazing to me. Youve almost lost a Nicole Ritchie or Tara Reid! lol Reading your journal has truly given me the motivation to start working on a new body for myself. You are just awesome!!

[steph76]

WooHOO BC! (Before long you can say "WooHoo I'm skinny")!
What a great list!
let's have a great 2008!

[Unicorn]

that is a great list Babycakes! Just think about the list you will make in 2008!!!

[StElmosFire]

What a fantastic list Babycakes!
You are doing so well. You are such an inspiration.
2008 is going to be our year mama!

[The_Babycakes]

Thanks everyone. :)

I weighed in this morning at 271, bringing my total weight loss to 57.5...not bad considering how lousy I've been doing.

It's only fair that I post my little list of calorie intake and out, even when it's not good...so here goes the past week. There are several days lately that I simply didn't count my cals, because they were that bad. I assume they were about 3000+.

Thursday--1865 cals, 23min elliptical -213cals
Friday--1950 cals, no excersize
Saturday--1750 cals, YMCA 55min arc trainer -827cals, weights, 4 swimming laps
Sunday--3000+?, no excersize
Monday--3000+?, no excersize
Tuesday--3000+?, no excersize
Wednesday--1600cals, YMCA 60min arc trainer -894cals, weights

And so far, so good for today. I plan on going to the Y tonite and doing the arc trainer and a 1 hour body bar class.

I really have to work harder and stay on track more. I've making a real effort everyday to get my water in. I'm also taking new diet pills for appetite suppresant. Even so, as you can see, I'm still over-eating. The holidays are over now, so I hope that I can stay focused.

I have to say though that I love the way my body is toner and my muscles are getting stronger. I notice the definition mostly in my legs. I hope I don't completely exhaust myself tonite with the class and the arc trainer. I don't know how accurate some of these machines calculate calories burned, but damn this machine takes the cake. I burn more on the arc trainer than I did on the elliptical, it's pretty cool.

[Flutterby]

Babycakes, I just had to pop in here to see how you are doing (I've been avoiding this board for awhile, plus we've been gone the past two weeks) :) I'm so proud of how far you've come and how much you've accomplished! You really are an inspirtation for stick-to-it iveness lol! Dh and I have re-started today after all the holiday frivolity. We have a wedding to lose weight for in August. Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and happy New Year!

Amy

[The_Babycakes]

Awww, thanks Flutterby. :)

So, here I am. I had a good day today. I feel good. I had a great workout yesterday and tonite. My eating has been pretty much under control. It's so weird how some days can be so easy and carefree irt eating and excersize and other's are just brutal and seem like they will never end. I am thankful for the easy days.

I am really revelling in my new size and body. I know I'm still fat as anything, hell I'm probably still the heaviest one on the board here, but I "feel" skinny..lol. Everytime I put on some article of clothes and they get looser and looser, man that feels great. I am just so proud of myself. And to think that in a year I could possibly be 'normal'.

I've lived my entire life being overweight, significantly overweight. As a child I hated being fat and dreamed of being beautiful and thin. It's just always seemed so far-fetched and unattainable. But, the fact that I've lost almost 60 pounds now has given me the encouragement and will to believe in myself and that it is absolutely possible for me to do this.

Without surgery or illness, there are actually people out there who have lost 100+ pounds, it's achievable. And I don't think I'll be able to get my big head through the door once that happens for me..lol, but it'll be wonderful.

[zinkemomx2]

:hugegrin: Congrats on your 61 pounds. I just saw your updated siggy when you replied on my thread. Awesome job!

[The_Babycakes]

I can't believe it! I really can't. I weighed in this morning and I knew I had lost, but not 3.5 pounds in a week. I am so proud of myself. I have really been busting my ass excersizing, like a maniac. It's almost addicting now. A good addiction at that.

Here's my week:

Tuesday--3000+?, no excersize
Wednesday--1600cals, YMCA 60min arc trainer -894cals, weights
Thursday--2000cals, YMCA 60min arch trainer -843, 1 hour body bar class -373 (?)
Friday--1700cals, 40min elliptical -501cals, weights-arms, and sit-ups
Saturday--2175cals, no excersize
Sunday--2550cals, YMCA 40min arc trainer -542, weights, 18min elliptical -200cals, walked with fam, & scrubbed kit floor
Monday--2100cals, weights-arms, and sit-ups
Tuesday--1960cals, YMCA 40min arc trainer -555, Bicycle 25min -102, 1 hour 'GetonBall' class -363 (?), park with kids, ran, raked leaves, AND had some sexersize!


So, my cals have been pretty high, but controlled and considering the amount of excersize I've been doing I think their justified. I know my calorie deficiency is alot. I actually came home and cried last night after all that excersize because I was just so tired and exhausted. My water has also been excellent.

Today has been pretty good, no excersize, but I might jump on my elliptical if I ever get off this computer. My cals are 1545 so far, so I'll probably have a snack later and bring it up to 1800 or something.

[The_Babycakes]

:hugegrin: Congrats on your 61 pounds. I just saw your updated siggy when you replied on my thread. Awesome job!

Thanks love! :)

[Unicorn]

Fantastic Babycakes!! I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your body is on a roll now. Haven't been posting on this forum, because I am doing a weight loss challenge at a separate website and just can't sit here and post fitness info in two different places. I am keeping an eye on you though!

[The_Babycakes]

Good for you Unicorn, hope you're finding success as well and thank you!

[The_Babycakes]

Updating my weekly cals and excersize. Not too bad.

Friday--1700cals, 40min elliptical -501cals, weights-arms, and sit-ups
Saturday--2175cals, no excersize
Sunday--2550cals, YMCA 40min arc trainer -542, weights, 18min elliptical -200cals, walked with fam, & scrubbed kit floor
Monday--2100cals, weights-arms, and sit-ups
Tuesday--1960cals, YMCA 40min arc trainer -555, Bicycle 25min -102, 1 hour 'GetonBall' class -363 (?), park with kids, ran, raked leaves, AND had some sexersize!
Wednesday--1980cals, 25min elliptical -306cals
Thursday--1850cals, no excersize
Friday--1980cals, YMCA 60min arc -826, treadmill 10min -100, weights

Today is okay so far, I do feel a tiny urge to binge, but I'm trying to keep it under control. Gots to drink some more water and get my mind off food. I plan on doing my elliptical tonite with some sit-ups and weights. I have to say that I am very proud of my excersize lately. I feel so much better when I excersize. I clear my head and it improves my mood, my health...everything. It's like being in a zone sometimes. I've gotten to the point where if I'm in a bad mood, I say to myself it's time to excersize...that'll bring me out of it.

[StElmosFire]

It's amazing what exercise does, isn't it? When you feel the urge to binge, maybe get some grapes or something "healthy" to binge on. Maybe that will help? Or get on the elliptical and kick it's butt!
You are doing so amazing mma. I want my siggy to say what yours says.

:hug:

[The_Babycakes]

Updating my week thus far:

Tuesday--1960cals, YMCA 40min arc trainer -555, Bicycle 25min -102, 1 hour 'GetonBall' class -363 (?), park with kids, ran, raked leaves, AND had some sexersize!
Wednesday--1980cals, 25min elliptical -306cals
Thursday--1850cals, no excersize
Friday--1980cals, YMCA 60min arc -826cals, treadmill 10min -100cals, weights
Saturday--2200cals, 30min elliptical -355cals
Sunday--1865cals, 10min elliptical -128cals, weights and sit-ups
Monday--2500+?cals, YMCA 50min arc -667cals Purged :(
Tuesday--2100cals, no excersize

So, ya I freakin purged on Monday. It was a really stressful, bad day. I had a dinner party and so I made a cake. I did okay until after everyone left. I ate a total of 4 slices of this cake with extra whipped cream. As I was eating it, (and not contemplating purging at all). My dh looked at me and said 'are you going on your machine tonite or are you gonna throw that up?'. I was really suppressing the thought of purging, since I haven't purged in a long while, but his comment kinda set me off and so I did. :( It really didn't make a bit of difference though. Only gave me really bad heartburn from the acid in my stomach. :sigh:

Well, as always, today is a new day. I've been doing well so far. I just can't believe that my cals have been so high lately. It really isn't bothering me that much, because I figure with the excersize, I probably need the cals, but it couldn't hurt to bring 'em down to about 1800...I hate being the in the 2000's.

On a positive note, I posted in the weigh-in thread so I'll just copy and paste.

I was thinking about starting my own thread to post this, but if you don't mind I'll just post here. I used this super high tech scale at the YMCA and when I started at the Y about a month ago, I got a read out from the scale. This was also the time I started weight training.

Here are my numbers from 12-12-07

Weight: .................... 278.5
BMI: .................... 45.6
Fat%: .................... 50.1
Fat Mass: .................... 139.5
LBM(Muscle): ....................139.0

And my numbers from 1-14-08

Weight: .................... 270 -8.5
BMI: .................... 44.2 -1.4
Fat%: .................... 46.1 -4%
Fat Mass: .................... 124.5 -15
Muscle: .................... 145.5 +6.5

So, I lost a total of 15 lb's of fat and gained 6.5 pounds of muscle. The difference is the 8.5 pounds that show on a regular scale lost. That is so awesome, especially considering this was during the holidays. Weight training is where it's at if you're trying to lose. I can't wait to see the results in another month.

The trainer who worked with me a bit when I started at the Y was so impressed by my numbers, she was just amazed. I felt great. It also put's alot into perspective...my regular scale said I only lost 8.5, but in reality I actually lost ALOT more. 15 pounds of fat gone and 6.5 pounds of muscle gained. I am very proud of myself.

My water has gone down alot lately because I've been really busy. I have to get back on track with that. I can totally feel the difference. I'm grouchy, tired, and have headaches. I know that most of that is probably from being dehydrated. Compared to the amount of water I was drinking to barely any. So, I will work on that today.

I am also going to a weight/cardio/steps class this afternoon. I've never been to this specific class, so I'm a little nervous, but I am up for the challenge.

[Flutterby]

I am so impressed with how hard you are working! It sounds like you are doing fabulously with working out--any updated 'after' pics??? I'd love to go to the gym, but gas is such a consideration for us, and I would be limited to the elliptical machine (which I DO love) or the exercise bikes. They have a room for children to play in and those are about the only options I have. I could join a gym I suppose, but that gets expensive--maybe in the fall when I have the last dd in preschool! So, after all this rambling, I really want to say that you are doing AWESOME :)