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View Full Version : Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day


_Tonks_
10-15-2008, 02:36 AM
If you would like to share about your baby and/or loss pregnancy or infant. I know we have a in memory board. But this is also a awareness day. So I wondered if you would like to share your story. Everyone here I think knows mine. But to start it off I will share too.





The morning of Jan. 28th 2007 I woke up. I was 32 weeks and 1 day. I noticed the baby was kinda positioned odd. More stuck out I guess. I don't remember now if I just never felt her really well or just never noticed. But that morning she wasn't I just thought she was asleep. I go on with the day getting more and more worried. By 6pm I was very scared Dh came home from work. I asked him to post here a question about fetal movement. I know some of you remember this. I called my mother and my sister. I tried the things ya'll said. About 15 minutes after dh arrived we were getting ready to go the the hospital 45 minutes away.

We had are phones talked to my sister and mom on most of the trip. Dh and I drove very silent to the hospital. We got there went right to L&D like they told us on the phone. The lady checking us in said not to worry all her babies went through times of not moving at all. That made me feel better. To nurse took us right in. I got in a gown and the tech got the doppler. She couldn't find anything but said not to worry she'll get the other one who is much better at it. Then they had to hook me up the thing to be sure with ones were my heartbeat.

She looked at me and said they need to do a ultasound. I knew then she was gone. They never had any trouble before getting her heartbeat. They brought the U/S in I couldn't look I saw her spine when I was turning my head. She looked for a couple minutes. Said how sorry she was that the baby had no heartbeat. She said my doctor would look again when he arrived and make if offical I guess. It was his night off we kept calling the on call dr never got her. I called my sister asked her to tell my mom. I just couldn't bare to here her cry . My sister Prisca let everyone here know what happened but you know that.

Prisca morning of the 29th of Jan. got her oil change and her kids and drove on a nights notice from Texas to Tennessee. She got there the night of the 29th dropped her kids at her SIL were her MIL was. My mom came the same night I did. I was the getting Stadol(sp) and Morphin after I didn't like the stadol. I had the best nurses ever. They kept upping the labor inducing meds it didn't work in the least. They finally the night of the 30th did something horrible to me. My mom and my aunt and uncle were outside the room. Dh was in with me. They put best I can understand my someone here will know. Some kind of stick things in my cervix made of something. He wanted to put 5 in but dropped one I was so happy it hurt so bad. Even with all the meds I was on that pain was bad I was screaming and cussing didn't do that in labor.

I then went to bed had to use the wonderful bed pan. I lost any kind of shyness in that place but that goes for normal ones my sister says. The morning of the 31 I was dialated 1cm just enough he said to break my water. The epidoral(sp) people came and guess what she was training in some young cute guy. Then they asked me to sit up to insert the needle guess what. Yep all the fluid just came pouring out I just remember saying I was sorry over and over. And they said that was suppost to happen it was ok. They done that and that was over. And then every so often they would come in to see if I was in any pain. Then the last time they came in I said I hurt and they said well you shouldn't be then I said well I am. They left to talk to the dr. I guess cause the nurse comes in and checks me I was fully dialated I believe its really kinda blurry. So my dh held one leg and my sister held the other and my mom was watching.

Avonlea Virginia was born Wednesday the 31 January 2007 at 2:50 p.m. weighing 4 pound 10 and 1/2 ounces and 16 inches long. She had beautiful head of dark hair like her father. She was wonderfully perfect except she was born still and silent. She had skin discoloration and it was thin and peeling. Cause of death UNKNOWN.

Thats why there needs to be more research for stillbirth, premature birth and other losses during pregnancy. I have known so many ladies with many m/c and no answers. Thank you for listening if you have this long. Share your story if your willing to thank you.

JudyJudyJudy
10-15-2008, 02:38 AM
:hug: Miscarriages are bad enough. I can't even imagine what you went through. :(

KatieLou
10-15-2008, 06:11 AM
I am so sorry Tonks. :hug:

maksmom
10-15-2008, 07:26 AM
Tonks, I am so sorry for your loss. One of my friends irl is suffering a miscarriage, and I dreamed of her all night long last night.
ITA with Judy.
((hugs))

babymakes4
10-15-2008, 07:38 AM
remembering all the beautiful little angels today. :( Thank you for sharing avonlea with us. :hug:

alejorge
10-15-2008, 08:04 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. ((((Hugs))))

3girls2luv
10-15-2008, 09:52 AM
I am so sorry Tonks. Hugs to all the moms who have angel babies.

Bohemian
10-15-2008, 10:50 AM
I'm so sorry Tonks. :(

still_me
10-15-2008, 10:58 AM
Oh, Tonks... :hug:

Nipple_nectar
10-15-2008, 11:58 AM
I am guessing they used one of two things to soften and open your cervix, it would be called cervidil or laminari, not sure of the spelling, I had it used on me. Not that it matters. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I remember like it was yesterday because you were my pregnancy buddy, I was about 32 weeks as well and I was tracking your pregnancy as close as I was mine.

I can only imagine the pain and grief that followed. I have that hollow feeling as well and I know that you will continue your journey through life with that to carry, the rest of your life. For that I am sorry:(

I am too upset right now to talk about my own experience, I will return later.

I did want to acknowledge Calypso and leaf racer, Kohlby, Frozenpolarangel, Kristen, Sarsie, winnie, Lavaca, momtoemily, Murphyslaw, Buggles, Bam bam, turtle tots and all the other moms that have aching arms in the quiet of the night, like me.

leosmommy
10-15-2008, 02:41 PM
I've talked a little about Leo on here, but I don't think iahve ever told the whole story, so I will give it a try. We found out at 20 weeks that Leo had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, basically the left side of the heart is underdeveloped. He also had a multicycstic kidney and a 2 valve cord. After the shock of that news sunk in a bit we got started on figuring out what we could do with this diagonosis. We saw a wonderful cardiologist who had seen this before and had been been able to surgically alter hearts to be able to function with HPLH outside the womb. We were so hopeful. The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful, other than lots of Dr. appts and ultrasounds to monitor his heart's growth.

Leo was born on 9/7/07 at 11:32am. He was 40 weeks and 1 day. 5 lbs 12 oz and 18 inches long, perfect little guy. I was able to hold him without any wires or machines for about 5 minutes right after he was born, the only time I was able to do this. I put him to breast very briefly and then he was taken to the NICU. He had trouble with his glucose levels and because of this we did not get to hold him much. If I am very honest with myself, I have alot of resentment built up around that issue. The few times I did hold him he did wonderfully, I wish I could have held him more, but I know decisions were made at the time based on information the nurses and doctors had. He did OK on Friday and Saturday, but on Sunday, it seemed that he was beginning to struggle. We found out later that he was showing signs of heart failure. Because of that they scheduled the first of what would have been 3 surgeries for MOnday morning. DH and I were scared to death, but still so hopeful. The surgeon told us Leo had about a 90% chance of pulling through.

We got up very early on Monday morning, got to "bathe" Leo and change his diaper. The nurse came to get him about 630am and take him to surgery. After surgery began we got updates about every hour. At first things were looking great, he went under OK, vitals were good, etc. Then as the afternoon wore on, we got what we thought was wonderful news, the surgery was almost over, and anotomical everything looked great. The nurse jokingly told us that we did not need to worry about what news was coming unless we saw the surgeon coming out with her when she came to give the updates. Well the next update, the surgeon was with the nurse. They had started to take Leo off his by pass machine and when they did the stitches in his heart began to swell and the bleeding could not be stopped. They put him back on by pass and were trying to make repairs, but he was loosing alot of blood. Things got progressively worse, we were presented with a couple of options, but before the doctors could utilize those options, it was too late. Leo's bleeding could not be controlled and it was just a matter of time. I couldn't really speak, but DH was adament that he wanted to be with Leo when he passed away.

We were taken down to the operating room, scrubbed up and went in. Leo was on the table, still living, with a sheet hiding everything from our view but his face. I sat down next to him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was I couldn't save him. DH talked to him and did most of the same things as well. We were with him about 10 minutes before he died. That was 7:19pm on 9/10/07. The doctors closed his chest and cleaned him. We got to dress him in a gown and then I held him and took him to the room that our family had been waiting in. Everyone got to hold him and tell him goodbye. DH and I then took Leo to what would have been his room in the PICU and sat with him for a very long time. I did not want to leave him and was scared of what would happen to him after I did, but after what seemed both like a long and short time, it was time to go. We left Leo with a nurse, she wrapped him up and put him in his incubator and stayed in there with him as we left. Then we came home. It was very surreal, home was just as we had left it, but it would never be the same.

Christina
10-15-2008, 05:34 PM
Jeni,
I am so sorry. I think of Leo everyday. You are a strong and amazing woman and Leo was so lucky to have you for his mommy. You and M are going to be be awesome parents. I love you and you know I am here for you. :hug: