Question about co-sleeping...

[VioletsMom814]

I'm sure I will get mixed reviews with this one, but yes, my hubby and I have decided that co-sleeping is best for our DD. It's easiest for me to breastfeed her, and we both believe it will have a positive effect on her self-esteem as she grows up. I don't know how many of you out there agree or completely disagree with our decision. It will probably be interested to find out. :) Anyway, my real question will be geared more to the pro co-sleepers out there. Has the "family bed" had a major effect on intimacy between you and your loved one? My DD is 11 weeks old. Neither my husband and I are as interested in being intimate as we were prior to her birth. We cuddle and kiss, hug and snuggle a lot, we talk about our day and laugh and joke as always...but the actual "deed" has decreased to about once every 2 weeks or so. Is this normal just due to being new parents? I know this may be an embarasing question for a lot of people, and I appologize about that...I'm just kind of curious. Any input would be great. Thanks!

[KerryS]

I think most people here are pro-cosleeping.

I've found that being a parent to an infant has had the biggest impact on intimacy, not cosleeping.

If we had the wherewithall to have sex, we could easily do it in the living room, the spare bedroom, hell, the bathroom.

[whitnessforhim]

Yep, I'm a co-sleeper too. DD is almost 12mo. and we still enjoy snuggling her during the night. She also still nurses several times a night. I agree that co-sleeping is a positive building block to a babies self esteem.

I agree with Kerry its the fact that you guys are new parents rather than co-sleeping thats changing your intimacy patterns. And yes, there are many other places in the house to use instead of your bed ;). Give it some time. As your baby gets more into a consistant routine and you get more comfortable about this parenting thing, things will improve.

BTW Welcome to the boards! :)

[tifttu]

What Kerry said. Being new parents put a HUGE dent in our sex life...DH would have been THRILLED with once every 2wks. The family bed wasn't an issue at all. Our second is now 18mos old and our sex life is doing pretty well now. She's usually asleep in our bed (DS is in his own room now), but we have a pull out sofa bed that gets way more use from us than from guests! We've also used the office upstairs. If you have the urge, there's usually a place that can be found ;)

[boobiemama]

we just finally "got back in to the swing of things" but that has nothing to with our co-sleeping. i don't think it's any different than just trying to get the baby down for the night. when we do, she goes in to the bassinet for a bit.

[jodyvo]

I don't cosleep and we do the "deed" about as much as you. We are tired, tired tired and BFing has an effect on the labido.
It is getting better as we get into more of the swing of things
Good luck

[EastSnyder]

I do not co-sleep with the babe and can assure you that the frequency of intimacy you mention seems similiar to mine so I don't think your decision to co-sleep has any different effect there. I think life with a newborn just plain wipes you out sometimes so that's the last thing that you're worried about!!

[dodoe80]

I don't co-sleep but wish I could have for the first 6 months or so but hubby is afraid of rolling over on DS. That being said if we take naps during the day or we want to sleep in on the weekends we/I will bring DS into our bed so we can sleep together for a few hours.

The sex question is normal for new parents. DH wanted it a lot more than I did in the beginning but once you guys get over the first initial period of having a new baby you will want it more.

[fell4myfallbaby]

well i am a single momma and i do co-sleep. but my opinion probably doesn't matter much cause it's just me and my DS in the bed. however he's almost a year old and i still don't even feel like dating or getting in a relationship at all cause i wouldn't want anything other than just hugging or cuddling sometimes. if that makes sense. so i think it's normal. sorry i know my thoughts probably aren't as useful as the other ladies that are married.
just wanted to say...i support co-sleeping and it sounds like you are as normal as any new momma! :)

[jralex]

well i have to agree that the lag in sex has a lot more to do with the new baby being in your life altogether...i dont' disagree with co-sleeping but i didn't choose to co-sleep, the baby has chosen that route for me... i too wish that we were having more "alone time" everytime we sneak a moment to ourselves the baby must sense it because he wakes right up. i don't remember this with the first kid... and he shared a room with us for the first year... and co-slept for the first 4 months... Good luck to us all!

[ima062002]

My DD is 11 weeks old. Neither my husband and I are as interested in being intimate as we were prior to her birth.

That is ALL that counts love. If both of you are on the same page then everything is fine. There is no set amount of sex one has to have in order to have a good relationship. If one of you along the road feels differently,then that would be something to talk about. The importance here is that either partner feels comfortable enough to bring this up should it be an issue for him or her.

As far as the family bed and sex goes... If people are motivated enough to have sex they WILL have sex. On the guest bed, the living room couch, the kitchen floor - you get my point :).

[nicurn]

DH and I did the family bed thing for years. We modified it a little to suit our family, though, in that the kids all had another bed to go to. When we wanted the bedroom for recreational purposes, we moved our sleeping kids to their own beds Then as the kids woke and came in, they were welcome to stay.

[superdee85]

We are currently co-sleeping with our youngest DD (2yrs), i have our kids on a good routine. They are in bed at 7pm. (7:30 during spring & summer). Doesnt mean sleeping, just in bed (reading). Youngest DD still night feeds as well. She does NOT sleep through the night. I still nurse her every 1-2hrs at night. (I know its for comfort.)

Yes it definately affects your "love life". We do not have sex in the bedroom at all. Its now a living room thing. We used to have sex 2-3 times a week. But now its down to once a week. Which to me is torture, but we also have to factor in we both have jobs, and i work while he stays at home with the kids, and vice versa. So its really hard to say. Its harder on me because we've as a couple always had such a great sex drive and his has really slowed down since we've had kids. But I'm 23 and he's 26. So its not age. Everyone is different though. I know a girl who has a little guy who just turned 1, and a baby who just turned 6 weeks old, and they co-sleep too! Did i mention she just found out she's pregnant again!?! LOL!

[StElmosFire]

We cosleep parttime if that makes any sense. Abby's crib is in our room practically attached to our bed. I nurse her to sleep and then put her in her crib. In the middle of the night she ends up on our bed. We did this with all of our children.
I think having kids in general has affected our sex life, LOL!

[VioletsMom814]

Whew! I'm so relieved to hear that my hubs and I are not alone. We both love each other very much, and adore cuddling and spending such close quality time with our DD at night. We've both decided it's kind of exciting finding new places to make love. It's added a whole new dimension to our sex life...even though it's still fairly sporadic. I'm also thrilled there are so many co-sleepers here. I asked this question on another website and pretty much just got scolded. One lady even said that I was raising a "sexual deviant" by having my teeny baby girl in bed with us. I was FLABERGASTED! Oh well...to each their own, eh? Thanks again ladies! :-)