Help! Bonding Ideas for Daddy!

[jrpieper]

My husband and 4 month old son just do not get along at all! My son is EBF so dad rarely gives him a bottle and when he does, he won't take it from him. I need some ideas for the two to bond better. I have had dad try to put him to bed several times, but after about 15 mins of screaming dad gives up (frustrated and angry) and gives our son back to me. I know it will take time for dad to get the hang of this but he gives up so fast! I can't leave the two along for more than 20 mins anymore! I want to give my husband some advice on how to get him to sleep but he doesn't want to hear it (so I bite my tongue). If you have any suggestions on how the two can bond better or how to get my husband to just relax and not get so upset when he is trying to put our son to sleep it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[ChristmasTree]

bathing together is one of the best things you can do for relaxation and bonding. give it a try! :)

[Mommy2Ella]

I had my husband change almost every diaper before a feeding. That had our daughter used to seeing him first. Also for bed time, daddy would lie down with our daughter in bed and snuggle for a little bit. Both would fall asleep, but they enjoyed it. Keep at it and keep trying for that occasional bottle so that you can get a break too.

Now at a year old, I cannot put my daughter to bed. That became dads job and he is awesome at it. He bathes her then rocks her to sleep. It is their time and they are both so glad they have it.

[Psyche]

Bath time is a great way.

DH can do the bed time routine (bath, jammies, song, book) then hand DS off to you to nurse.

Going for walks

Just holding him.

Maybe it would help if you tucked a burp cloth against you for several hours then gave it to DH when you handed DS off, that way your smell is still kind of there.

[blessedbythree]

I agree that bath time is great for bonding. My dh and I always joke that I don't even know how to bath the kids as he does bath time for all three of them 90% of the time.

Diapers changes, burping and cuddles are all good. If putting your lo to bed is too stressful for your dh have him do other care taking tasks while you lo is awake and over time they will become much for comfortable with each other.

If you have a sling/carrier have daddy wear the baby while doing household chores or going on a walk. He can go do his errands while keeping close contact with ds.

Sometimes it just takes time for daddies and babies to bond but don't give up.

[Jacksmommy]

I'd suggest little amounts of time every day - maybe just 5 miniutes if that's how long they can be happy together. The goal is just to have the time be a good experience for them both. Then you can increase the amount of time. My son did not like his daddy for more than a few minutes until he could really play with him - 8 months or so.

[Nipple_nectar]

Putting baby to sleep is generally easy if you are breastfeeding, that is if you are the one with the breast. As much as I would like my DH to take a turn putting the 21 month old down to sleep for the night, it is not going to happen without my breast unless there is going to be screaming, lots of screaming.

Did you know that there are hormones secreted in the milk that literally make mom and baby sleepy and more receptive to falling asleep? It is a perfectly natural occurance.

What I'm trying to say here is, there are plenty of ways for Daddy to bond and I wouldn't suggest trying to convince a breastfed baby to go to sleep without the aid of the breast, that is a battle I wouldn't pick.

There are countless ways Dad can bond: getting baby ready for bedtime involves bathing, changing into PJs, reading books, rocking and singing, all that can be done by dad.

All diaper changes can be directed towards him when available: at my house I am strictly in charge of input and the DH is strictly in charge of output!

Taking the baby into the world for a walk is a magical way to bond, tell him to go for a walk, wearing baby is the best, if you can convince your DH to wear a sling or a snugli, take baby outside and talk about the world.

[ima062002]

My dh never put my bf babies to bed because they all nursed to sleep. He didn't feed them bottles either.

He held them a lot when they weren't hungry. He put them in a sling when walking around (shopping, taking a walk etc.). He bathed them and diapered them. And he read to them and in general just held them and hugged and kissed them talking to them when they were not eating or sleeping.

[Pumplicious]

In our family, DH became involved early on in DD's life by becoming the master swaddler! For some reason, all of my swaddles would just fall apart, but DD could never break out of the ones that he did. Your son may be too old or big for swaddling now, though. We also have one of those big yoga/exercise balls. DH would spend quite a lot of time bouncing on it while holding DD-- that plus his excellent swaddling skills worked to put DD to sleep when the boobs weren't around. DH was also in charge of supervising tummy time at our house (because everytime she was with me, DD would just want to latch on). He would flip DD over on her tummy and cheer on her efforts to first lift her head, then creep forward and reach for things, and then to roll over and full-out crawl.

I think it's really important for you to find something that your DH does WELL with your DS. Notice it and compliment him on it. That's how my DH started to build his confidence with his daughter, because I noticed he was swaddling her better than I was. Once you can give your DH positive reinforcement and let him know that he is a competent caregiver, he will interact with his child more and more, and they will have more positive experiences to build upon.

[Stephanie]

You have gotten some wonderful ideas.

As hard as it is, it may just take sometime. Ds1 and dh bonded very easily, but it was a bit more difficult with dd. She was a bit needier and wouldn't take a bottle at all. Dh was patient with her and spent time with her everyday. He never pushed her too much. Just yesterday, when she was upset, she wanted nothing to do with mama, she just wanted her daddy. So, it will improve.

Find something he likes and let dh take that over. Bathtime, or stroller rides or books, just whatever your ds enjoys.

[jralex]

we had this problem with our first son.. he wasnt' bf...but him and i had/have a very strong connection that my DH just couldnt' get with him.. so we concentrated on him holding him as much as possible, floor time, and sometimes i would just leave them alone together.. now with the baby... DH and him have the "bond" and i don't have it... you would think with breastfeeding i would have a stronger bond... but nope.. he prefers daddy