What would you say....?

[VioletsMom814]

Okay, this is kind of a long little rant. Sorry. So, a co-worker of mine had her DD 6 weeks after I had my DD. Throughout our pregnancies, I was always talking about how much I wanted to breast feed and how great the benifits were, etc. My co-worker would scoff at me and tell me that there was "just no real evidence to support the claims that BM was acutally better." So I showed her all the info I could get my hands on and she had one excuse after another about how the research was "faulty" or "biased"...so I gave up. If she doesn't want to BF, that is her choice. I let her comments like, "Ewww...you're not going to be one of those women who breastfeed in public, are you?" just roll of my back. No big deal.

So she gets back from maternity leave 2 weeks ago and I see her with a breastpump. I'm estatic! I quickly make my way over to her to congratulate her on her decision to BF. She rolls her eyes at me and actually says..."If it weren't free, I wouldn't be doin' it! I just can't bring myself to pay for formula. It's such a pain in the a**. My daughter's so clingy! It's like she thinks she needs to eat every 90 min! She's totally interfering with anything else I want to do." I'm sure my face said it all, because she quickly said..."You don't feel the same?" I simply said, "No. I love feeding my daughter, and I feel sorry for yours," and walked away. Probably not the most tactful reply, now that I think about it.

Is it just me? I'm so frustrated that this woman could have such a horrible outlook on something so purely miraculous and beautiful. There are women out there struggling to BF their LOs because they know that BM is what's best, and this woman is pumping gallons of the stuff and is resentful toward her DD because she's an infant and needs to eat! Whew! The only thing I can think of is that maybe my co-worker has some sort of PPD and that is why she is having these feelings toward her DD. Whatever it is, I hope she gets it resolved. Was I totally wrong in my response? Should I appologize or just let it go? How would you have handled the situation?

[lolabear]

i went thru the exact same thing with bil's gf ... she bf for a few weeks and kept complaining about how it interfered with her going to the bar, etc. she was at the bar the day after she came home from the hosp. every time i see her, she asks what formula ds is son then says "oh, thats right, breast milk" and kinda rolls her eyes.

its hard to not say the wrong thing when she so obviously is not having that wonderful bonding experience that most women have and i dont know your co-worker but for this girl it wasnt PPD she just wasnt ready to let go of her party girl life. sad thing is that now hes getting formula and they dont even hold him to feed him, they just put him in a bouncy seat and lay a blanket over him to prop the bottle up, so not only is he not getting the bonding thru nursing, he gets no human contact unless he is with the baby sitter.

i know some women who dont bf cant and i dont have a problem with that but i just cant stand to see a women be so selfish. but at least she is nursing and maybe she will keep it up, even if its for the wrong reasons.

[sweetkisses]

What you said probably was a little harsh but I would have had a hard time as well biting my tongue with all the comments you got from her in the past. I personally wouldn't worry about.

The whole bonding thing is different for everyone. For some it happens right away and for others it happens later. If she continues to breastfeed maybe her outlook will change. All we can do is hope.

[NewMum]

but at least she is nursing and maybe she will keep it up, even if its for the wrong reasons.

I disagree. The growing resentment of her daughter will be more damaging than formula in the long run.
If it's not PPD and the feeling continues, I hope she will fork out the extra dough for formula.
If it is PPD, I hope she gets the help/support she needs and nursing her daughter becomes something they both will enjoy. (However, I doubt this is the case given her attitude toward nursing all along.) Sometimes doing the best thing for your child does not involve breast milk.

OP, I would have probably reacted the same way. And I would probably avoid any further conversations with her about it.

[dodoe80]

I can relate to your co-worker. One of the big reasons why I struggeled with breastfeeding was because of the financial benefits. I had a rough go about in the begining and ended up pumping only for a month before I started to work with feeding at the breast again because I also wanted the bonding experience with my DS as well. We finally got it at 3 months pp. But if you were to ask me at the time about breastfeeding and pumping I probably wouldn't have good things to say about it either. However it sounds like she had a hard time accepting the boobies as something other than sextoys and this could be her dislike to breastfeeding. I once had a boss not breastfeed because of this. The clinginess does take some getting use to at times and can bee down right anoying at others, but I still charish the fact that he needs me for more than just sustinence and diaper changing. If you are bold enough ask her if she is having a difficult time with BF'ing. Harsh or not your response would be totally what I would've been feeling if I was in your position. If she is a new mom then maybe the pregnancy wasn't planned and she isn't rally ready emotionally for a child and this is where a helpful shoulder would be beneficial to her despite your difference of opinion. I know how hard it can be to be positive arount "strong" personalities that express their opinions as the only right perspective out there.

[Sweetbabs]

I would have said the same thing. What a selfish person. To say and act like that to a baby....whom needs her mother to feed, change and love her. If I was in that situation I would have went one step further and told her to suck up the cost of formula cause her attitude to her sweet child is unhealthy. I would have also recommended her see someone so she could talk about her growing resentment. People like this should not be allowed to have children. I know it is really mean but life is harsh and I do not sugar coat it for anyone. I love breastfeeding!!! I has be hard as hell but I LOVE it!!!

[VioletsMom814]

I'm glad that I'm not alone. I feel bad now for the comment, but I just don't understand how a woman could be so selfish. I have to work with this lady a lot, so I've decided just to avoid conversations about our children as much as possible. I have heard her speak of her DD a few times, and every time she makes having her sound like such a chore. Having a baby is hard! I honestly never realized this until I had my LO, but it's completely worth it. And yes, BFing is hard as well, and time consuming, and it can get frustrating, but there is nothing more beautiful than knowing that this little baby was created in love by me and my husband, then carried inside me for 41 weeks and 2 days, then delivered after a long and natural labor...and now my body...and just my body...is sustaining her and making her grow into this gorgeous, plump little person. It's the most amazing feeling. I guess I mostly feel sorry for my co-worker for not having the same feelings toward her DD. Maybe it's because I was never even supposed to be able to have kids in the first place, that I cherish my wee one so much. And it was so easy for my co-worker to conceive. But I have known many women who have had no trouble conceiving and feel the same as I do about their babies. All I can hope is that she will eventually bond and realize that life can be so much more then one big, self-absorbed, drunken party.

[sweetkisses]

but there is nothing more beautiful than knowing that this little baby was created in love by me and my husband, then carried inside me for 41 weeks and 2 days, then delivered after a long and natural labor...and now my body...and just my body...is sustaining her and making her grow into this gorgeous, plump little person. It's the most amazing feeling.

I just had to say how sweet this is.

[nycmama]

but there is nothing more beautiful than knowing that this little baby was created in love by me and my husband, then carried inside me for 41 weeks and 2 days, then delivered after a long and natural labor...and now my body...and just my body...is sustaining her and making her grow into this gorgeous, plump little person. It's the most amazing feeling.

ITA with PP... Very sweet just warms the heart.

[juliekathleen2]

How old is your co-worker? If she is still relatively young & immature she could very well be (as it seems she is) resentful towards her baby because she didn't realize how much work she would be & how much she would get in the way of partying. Does she have a SO or DH to help out? Do you know if the pregnancy was planned? She sounds like a lot of people I am no longer friends with because their lives revolve around them. I don't think you were too harsh in what you said, she had a baby, now it's time to grow up and to realize that someone else needs you.