Need fellow mommy advice!!

[Tiffany060507]

Ok so i got pregnant young, but there's a catch to the usual stereotype here, i have only kissed this one guy and only been with this one guy who is my child's father. (Who im also still with) Back to my subject. My parents of course do not think he's good enough this and that..etc but the thing is, he has supported myself and our daughter for atleast (solely) the first yeasr to year and a half that we were on our own.( which was from the time i was 17) After having my daughter it took me about 3 months or so before i went back to work. We have both been working for the last almost 2 years now and my parents ( who are crazy over my daughter my mom wont even let any one else babysit her) offer to co sign with me to get a new (er) car. I drive a 2 door 1990 buick. So im sure you can see my trouble there. anyways so they back out of that, with the resolve that they will just buy me a 4000 or lower amount car and let me pay them bak in payments...i havent found a car that i want yet because i my fiance and i live paycheck to paycheck and we are very hesitant because we're honestly scared we'll end up buried in payments. So my parents offer to help me get a trailer (mobile home) and put it on the land that i wll eventually inherit. So all seemed well sense im supposed to be out of the place im rentin now at the end of december. now my parents have decided to back out and not only that but talk badly about my fiance and continue to try to get me to 'move back home' i just dont know what to do i feel like i want to pull my hair out and when i dont feel that way im trying to keep myself from going into full blown depression because i just got a job at a bank after i had been managing a subway restaurant for the last year and i look around and these people dont seem to have any idea what 'hard times' mean. I dont know what's going on with me lately maybe im crazy but i want to have nicer things for my child and it seems like its just so easy for everyone else but its like pulling teeth for me.i really hope you guys dont think im crazy...i really need some out side perspective advice...please help.

Tiffany

[lolabear]

you are not crazy at all ... it is hard when youre starting out. i went thru a lot of rough times when my dd was born, i was single at the time tho, at least you have your fiance to help you out and take some of the stress off you. its not easy for everyone else, we own a house and 2 newer cars and have 3 kids and it may seem easy looking in from the outside but we both work a lot and very hard to have what we do. it takes time to get things in life, but it will happen for you! you seem very devoted to your baby :) i wish you all the best!

[Tiffany060507]

thankyou. That's really what it is i want so much more than i have to offer her right now. My fiance works construction and im working at a bank but it just seems like everytime we have a little money, something never fails to pop up and my hopes of saving and having something nice is kidn of flushed down the potty. I just don't want her to be the kid that brings a friend home from school and is thought lower of because her mommy and daddy don't have as much. I guess im just at a place where nothing makes sense all of the sudden and all i know is that i want more for her and that i want a home that i can be proud of i just dont see my options. i don't man to just drop this on the forum but like i said the town's so small that anyone i talk to we'll have someone they just can't help but share details with..(gossip..gossip..gossip..)

[lolabear]

oh yeah there is loads of gossip around here too! I cant wait to move out of this town.

it does take time and we still have things like that come up, last year my fiance got in a car accident, the other guy ran a stop sign and got a ticket and their insurance company refused to pay us for the car, only gave us $500 and that was a big pain, you cant get a decent car for that amount of money so we got a crap one and finally a year later we were able to have enough money to get a better car.

it is hard with payments tho, i do like having things but sometimes i just wish we could have stuff paid off, but it seems nearly impossible in this world to have everything you want debt free but we do buy what we can without using credit.

my fiance is actually going to join the air force once we get married ... i know it will be hard but his company is going down and hes not really qualified to do anything and iknow i can get a job anywhere, then we will know we will have a place to live, etc and job stability plus theyll pay for him to go to college and we can get away from the town and people we live near. plus the air force deploys a lot less and for less often than other branches of service ... might be something for you guys to think about. i hate to sound like a recruiter but i know this will make our life a lot easier!

[NewMum]

Tiffany, please, do not end up dependent on your parents. Do not rely on an inheritance that may or may not come. I have been there. I know it extremely hard. Especially when your relationship is not being supported by them, and you are struggling financially. You have your own family and it sounds like you are trying hard to take care of things on your own. Keep it up. Put away even a couple bucks a week to save for emergencies. Forego the unnecessary "nice things" until you can truly afford them.

The best thing you can do for yourself, your fiance and your child is to continue to become an independent person. I don't mean for you to not have a relationship with your parents. You should. And if they want to help you, then they can, but don't rely on it. And don't be surprised or upset when they don't follow through.

Plenty of us know what hard times are. You are definitely not alone there.
Keep going, and keep strong. Soon you will be in a better place. : )
Good luck.

[MadisonsMommy]

Best advice I can give you financially is to treat your savings account as a bill. Every time my DH gets paid we immediately put x amount of dollars into our savings. Even if you can only do $20 a month at first anything is good. Treat your savings like a bill. That $20 ( or however much) must go into savings before you can go out to eat or anything else.

I also agree with NewMum... Do not become dependent on your parents... You and your baby and your fiance are your own family... Love them and have a great relationship with your parents and accept help if they offer and you feel it is ok but becoming dependent on them is a really bad idea...

You are doing great! Stay strong! Give lots of love to that little girl! You sounds like a Great mom!

[trylyn5]

I'm not meaning to assume anything but if you have not, I would encourage you to finish highschool or look into getting a GED. This would really open your upward mobility in jobs if you don't already have it. Banking can be a fabulous long term career.

I agree with everyone else too, forgo the nice things now to save some money. I know what saved us was Larry Burkett financial advice on budgeting. We use to worry about where the money was coming from every time we got a bill. We starting following his advice and we don't worry anymore. We also don't have a lot of extras but we have what we need.

[Tiffany060507]

lol funny story there, i got pregnant my senior year and as soon as the news was out, everyone kind of freaked out mainly because i'd always been the shy person in the crowd but i was an honor graduate had a 3.8 and was right at nine months when i walked across the stage, ive always kind of had a thing about not letting what other people think to define my future which is why i also went to prom, lol i just didn't want to feed the stereotype. But I would agree with the idea of more schooling. I've always planned on going to college but as things are at this moment im pretty content with working at the bank and my fiance working construction. The only thing with that is construction just isn't doing hot at all down here in Georgia and frankly it leaves him with no work for weeks or days or what ever, and unfortunately his father moved him down here to Savannah after he had been a bit troublesome in atlanta where the rest of his family's from so his dad didnt think it neccessary to send him to school here so he doenst have very many options as far as alternative work (other than physical labor) I guess i just get so overwhelmed sometimes i just hit a breaking point where i just feel stupid like i really dont know what to do...I wonder if it's my childishness kind of coming into action but at the same time i kind of feel like i wouldnt know what to do if not just break down and admit to myself that im dumbfounded...

[damiand08]

Tiffany, i know you posted this a while ago, but i just have to comment. MY parents were the same way with my boyfriend. I had my baby when i was 18, but i had just turned 18 when i got pregnant. Im glad ur still with the father, and thats important. You need to understand that you are your own person. Let your parents know that you are with ur childs father and he will always be the father of their grandchild(ren) no matter what. They need to respect that. If they dont have nice things to say and dont support YOU as their daughter, then just show them that u mean business and your not going to take it anymore. BE THE ADULT!

[sarahplustwo]

I know just how you feel I left home just a month shy of 17 and me and my now husband were also living paycheck to paycheck then my husband got laied off from his job. Your parents just want what THEY THINK is best but listen to your heart I feel that you should drive your car till it wont go anymore. and when it bites the dust look for a car that has been slighty wrecked and have it fixed this can save you thousands you can get a 09 car for arround $6000 fixed. I got a 08 nission sentra for $4000 total and dont worry about resell value because nothing is selling right now anyways just make sure who ever fixes the car is obeying the safty laws, so that the car meets all of then when done. I also live in a trailer and it is very nice I suggest look at the lots for repoed home thay also come with a much smaller price tag and your payment including lot rent (If your parents dont let you move onto their land) may be cheeper than rent you are paying now. Also never stop searching for jobs that pay better for you or your man the worst they can tell you is no. Some places you may not expect pay very good like Lowes my husband never thought of this since he is in railwork but they pay very well and offer health insureance and have many other department other then selling like they pay people to set up the store displays and load trucks. I know what this feels like i have lived through it for the last 4 years of my life you will make it one day we will get our big break! ps maybe you should look into taking online classes as a single mom I know you could get your schooling paid for and then get a very good job so you will no longer have to worry because the stress can take over. ps my husband is also the only man i have ever been with

[JulieBaby]

I am sorry you are in this situation. I am also young, I will be 21 in a few weeks. I had my first son at 17 and my twins at 19.

Honestly my first piece of advice is to stop relying on your parents as they have proven that they are unreliable. They have backed out of two different offers, which could have benefitted you.

Take it easy, at least you have a car. Youonly have your baby girl so if you mustmove out of your current home you can get something cheaper, maybe a bit smaller until you can get on your feet.

You will pull through!