I wasn't going to be mad(venty)

[Teresa64]

but now I am.

Yesterday mil called me. Her car wouldn't start. She thought that maybe she was just out of gas. So I told her she could sent her nephew over to borrow my car to fill up the gas can. (she doesn't drive) So like 15 minutes later they show up. I figured they would take the van and be back in a few minutes. (they live 3 houses down and the gas station is a block away)

So I waited and waited. 3 hours later they show up. Wonderful. Do I have gas left in my car? Some but not much. Great. I could have let that go but damn it she has a cellphone and I was a little worried that they got into an accident.(yes I called it, but she says she didn't hear it ring...)

Then she calls me later and starts asking about every crappy toy she has given my kids in the last 5 years. Telling me that I don't have the right to get rid of toys they buy. OMG

Then she starts in that the daycare kids shouldn't be allowed to play with her grandkids toys. WHAT!? Because of course they should bring their own. Yea ok.

Then last night I decided to make a quick run to pick up munchies. Start the van, let it warm for like 1/2 hour. Pack up the kids. Get them to the garage and realize apparently they decided to move my stoller and got it jammed on top of Davids booster seat in the back. WHY!!!!! Its too cold to stand their and fix it with the kids so I take them back inside. Damn it.

Fix the stroller. Check all the seats to make sure they are all tight and in place. Bring the kids back out. Go to the store.

Then this morning she starts calling at 5am wanting dh to go get her some smokes. NO he is sleeping. We were up late, not to mention he worked a double yesterday. No, I am not going either. No I will not go later either. Not going to pack up the kids in this weather to get someone who has asthma cigarettes. She has called 6 times. I offered to let her come over here and get some of ours. No, we buy the cheap stuff and that is not good enough.

***** ***** fuck fuck. Can I scream??????????????????

[Rizzae2]

yikes!!! i would have been sooooo frustrated. im sorry

[JustMoi]

Nobody can take advantage of you without your consent. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are not her errand girl, and won't be treated as such. Tell her that calling several times in a day is unacceptable, and it is inconsiderate of her to do so.

[Joyto5]

Ugh! I would be moving far, FAR away!

[MiMi_of_4]

If I get a phone call at 5 a.m., it better damn well be an emergency. If I had received that phone call, the caller would have been subjected to a stream of many not-so-nice words! What the hell is her problem and who smokes at 5 in the morning?

[Teresa64]

She is nuts. Seriously. And if I tried(no matter how nicely) to ask her not to call or whatnot then she makes up all a bunch of stupid shit about how I was "mean" and "rude" to her and cause a big fight between dh and I. Its not worth it. I try to ignore her crap as much as possible to keep the peace. Dh is clueless when it comes to his mom, and very protective.

But I have to vent about her to someone or I am going to loose my mind.

Honestly the calling doesn't bug me as much as the "why do your daycare kids get to play with David and Dylans toys." WTF?

[Rizzae2]

can you turn the ringer off at night?

[Crabbie]

I would take a fight between my husband and I over something like this. The way she is treating you is bullcrap.

[JustMoi]

Screen calls. When she shows up on caller ID, don't answer. If she whines later, say that you were busy with the children.

[Sadalsuud]

How frustrating. I can't imagine having a mil like that.

I'd ask dh to separate out the toys that mil got the boys (without explanation) before the daycare kids came over. And give the phone to him at 5am. And ask him to get the stroller unstuck and refill the gas, again without explanation. Maybe if he has to "clean up" after her, he'd get a clue. But, then, I'm passive aggressive like that.

[angelstill]

Yeah...she is runing over you like a steamroller, and you and your dh are letting her.


It is time to make some firm boundries.

first....the phone call have to stop...period. If she call before 9 or after 9....rudely pick up the phone, ask her waht the hell she wants, if it is anything other than an emergency, hang up.

two...stop any inappropriate conversations...like with the toys you should have shut that conversation down before she got the chance to say much. Tell her that once a gift is given, then she has absolutely no say in what happens to it. That if gifts come with strings, that you don't want them.

The car....don't lend her the car again.

With her not driving I can see why your dh would feel some responsibility to help with errands....so set a set time every week where you will take her to the grocery, and that is the only time that either will be available to help.

Due to her irresponsible behavior with your car, never lend it to her again. Period. That is just rude and inconsiderate.

[angelstill]

After reading this, yes you have a MIL problem, but the true root of your issue is a dh problem. You two have to get on the same page. Quit being a peace maker and stand up for yourself.

You need to get your dh to see that MIL is violating the sanctity of your home and marriage and he is letting her. It will probably get uglier before it gets better, but stick with it. Tell him if he wants to cater to his mommy then he can go live with her.


Things will never get better till you stand up to it.

Who cares if she says you were rude, she is being rude.







She is nuts. Seriously. And if I tried(no matter how nicely) to ask her not to call or whatnot then she makes up all a bunch of stupid shit about how I was "mean" and "rude" to her and cause a big fight between dh and I. Its not worth it. I try to ignore her crap as much as possible to keep the peace. Dh is clueless when it comes to his mom, and very protective.

But I have to vent about her to someone or I am going to loose my mind.

Honestly the calling doesn't bug me as much as the "why do your daycare kids get to play with David and Dylans toys." WTF?

[Teresa64]

How frustrating. I can't imagine having a mil like that.

I'd ask dh to separate out the toys that mil got the boys (without explanation) before the daycare kids came over. And give the phone to him at 5am. And ask him to get the stroller unstuck and refill the gas, again without explanation. Maybe if he has to "clean up" after her, he'd get a clue. But, then, I'm passive aggressive like that.


I agree with everything that you said except the toy thing. She has NO right to say when the kids can play with their toys. I separate based on age group and thats about it...unless I have a particularily distructive kid then I may "hide" a few more. If I separate toys like that then my kids will rarely get to play with them. I have daycare kids 7am to 7pm M-F.

I do allow ds1 to say when other kids are allowed in his room. Most of the time the daycare kids stay in the living room. So Davids toys are pretty much separated I guess...but he always wants the other kids to play with him.

And honestly any reasoning with her will never happen. I have to explain more about dh. I guess I was not really very fair about him before.He is protective of her because she is extremely sensitive. Has anxiety and depression issues. Her emotional well-being is fragile as well as her health. And I don't really blame him. We are on the same page as far as most things go but he doesn't "like" hearing me complain about her. ahhhh its complacated.

I don't think she will ever change no matter what happens. Screening calls is probably going to happen a lot more. (I worry though about not answering the phone...in case something is wrong)

Borrowing the van...not happening again.

Course I do have to say I wouldn't have bitched about any of it if it didn't al happen in one day. I have my limits to her craziness. :p

[leosmommy]

The really bitchy part of me would have a yard sale when the weather gets nice and sell all the crap she has purchased, that your kids no longer use, and invite her to the sale. Then sit back and watch the magic happen. It would be an ugly scene, but a fun thought to have none the less ;)
Also, I too would turn the ringer off if she likes to call at 5am.

[Teresa64]

The really bitchy part of me would have a yard sale when the weather gets nice and sell all the crap she has purchased, that your kids no longer use, and invite her to the sale. Then sit back andd watch the magic happen. It would be an ugly scene, but a fun thought to have none the less ;)
Also, I too would turn the ringer off if she likes to call at 5am.



oh man...I would love to be a little bug in the corner for that. Freakin funny.

I get rid of 90% of the stuff she brings over for the kids. She "scopes" out churches who give things to charity (I am dead serious) and gets free stuff for my kids. Garbage bags full of cloths and toys....every week. I either freecycle all that stuff or take it back to where ever she got it from. We don't need it. There are people that need it.

I keep the stuff she acually buys for my kids. Until they decide they don't want it. Then we freecycle them. About twice a year we scope through and skim out toys the kids don't play with.

[Sadalsuud]

I agree with everything that you said except the toy thing. She has NO right to say when the kids can play with their toys. I separate based on age group and thats about it...unless I have a particularily distructive kid then I may "hide" a few more. If I separate toys like that then my kids will rarely get to play with them. I have daycare kids 7am to 7pm M-F.

I do allow ds1 to say when other kids are allowed in his room. Most of the time the daycare kids stay in the living room. So Davids toys are pretty much separated I guess...but he always wants the other kids to play with him.

I totally agree that she has no say over the toys. My intention was that it would be a pain to do that, and (hopefully) your dh would find it ridiculous and kind of give him a clue.

Though, I do think, and this is coming from a person who has anxiety and depression issues herself, that maybe your mil is kind of using that as an excuse to be a pain, and since your dh doesn't like any criticism of her, it kind of fuels her. I may be totally off, but it sounds to me like she is using him as a shield for her behavior.

This must be really rough on you, and I can't imagine having to live with a mil like that.

[Ilovemonkeys]

You leave your car running for 30 minutes just to warm it up?

[Nipple_nectar]

So, why isn't DH answering the phone at 5am? That would be the last time I answered the phone to her, you NEED caller ID, hand off ALL CALLS to DH. I just wouldn't talk to her. Period.

Problem solved.

[Teresa64]

You leave your car running for 30 minutes just to warm it up?


When it is below zero yea, close to that. I have an older van and it usually needs the warm up.

[Teresa64]

I totally agree that she has no say over the toys. My intention was that it would be a pain to do that, and (hopefully) your dh would find it ridiculous and kind of give him a clue.

Though, I do think, and this is coming from a person who has anxiety and depression issues herself, that maybe your mil is kind of using that as an excuse to be a pain, and since your dh doesn't like any criticism of her, it kind of fuels her. I may be totally off, but it sounds to me like she is using him as a shield for her behavior.

This must be really rough on you, and I can't imagine having to live with a mil like that.



I agree, she uses her health issues so that everyone will cater to her. It is really sad. And frustrating.

[Teresa64]

So, why isn't DH answering the phone at 5am? That would be the last time I answered the phone to her, you NEED caller ID, hand off ALL CALLS to DH. I just wouldn't talk to her. Period.

Problem solved.


Oh yea, we do, but she has a private number and I have a few other friends that do as well.

[Sadalsuud]

I think you can set up your phone to not accept private numbers unless they dial a *number or something like that to make their number visible on your caller id.

If you do, it can go both ways, either she will call and make her number visible and make your life easier so you can hand it over do your dh, or she won't call and make your life easier ;)

[Teresa64]

lol hmmmm...may have to look into that!