I need to vent about MIL... long

[3girls2luv]

I am so sick and tired of the shit she pulls. Ok first she has never even attempted to treat my older dds as family. She does not even ask about their b-days and when they see her they will hug her and she won't even pick up her arms, she just stands there. Well on Christmas she made a comment to dd1 for yelling when dd3 threw her head back and hit dd1 in the nose. It hurts when kids do that and dd1 yelled in pain and MIL said "she's just a baby its not like she killed you." Ok fine I guess it has never happened to her.

Then she buys a cake for my neice who's b-day is the day after Christmas and we sing to her since MIL will be leaving out of town and won't be here the next day and she also gives her her gift. Then I tell her that we will have dd3's cake and punch on the 2nd so they can celebrate her b-day. Well last night she says "umm when are you haveing K's party?" I said "Friday" then she says oh we won't be here. Ok then I think to myself why didn't you get her a cake and her gift like you did for your other granddaughter since you knew you would be out of town. I said nothing to her but I was burning inside.

Then when we were leaving she and my little SIL (12y/o) are asking if the kids could stay the night (my niece and nephew who are 2 and 5). Their mom says no so dd2 then asks if she can stay. Well you could have heard a pin drop. Then little SIL says "don't ask me we may not be here tomorrow and we really don't know what we will do, and um I can't have company over..." WTF they were just going out of their way for the other kids to stay but now all of a sudden all these excuses come up when dd asks, and she is company mind you not family. DH was not inside but my other SIL was and she noticed it and just looked at me to see if I was going to say anything. I just grabbed my things and the baby and said bye to my SIL and her kids and went to the car.

I told DH and here is what he said "I guess its cuz the girls are not blood related", "my brother brings his kids around more often so they feel closer to them so that is why dd3 did not get a cake...." AGHHHHH I just started to cry, I mean WTF just cuz we can't be there every day since we live 45 mins away and his bro lives in the same town does not make dd3 less of a grandchild, and about the blood related comment well its not the first time he has said that so I just reminded him that he better not let his little sister hear him talk like that since she is adopted and she knows she is too. I am so sick of this treatment from his mom. Fine don't treat my kids like grandkids but fuck at least treat your grandkids the same. I am sorry if this sounds petty but I stopped taking my welbutrin for ppd and I have not refilled it, I will get it today though. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

[Babyblue]

treating kids like that is just fucking evil. I would not be able to respect or be pleasent around your mil.

[3girls2luv]

I am trying my best but I told DH that she better hope I get back on my meds because this momma is gonna loose it if I see her do anything else.

[CatSoup]

What a bitch! If I were you I would have a talk with MIL about this. This is NOT acceptable behavior. My adoptive father's family treated me like an outsider and it hurt so much. I got over it as an adult and now I have no contact with any of them, even adoptive father. You really need to put your foot down for the sake of your kids. If it hurts you this much it's gotta hurt them. Kids pick up on this stuff a lot more than they let on. I never said anything about the way I was treated until I was an older teenager.
When I married ex-h2 I told him that I would not tolerate this kind of behavior towards Ds1 if we had kids. I'm so glad we never had any.
Luckily there was no need to worry about it with my Dh's mother. She took Ds1 in as her own flesh and blood grandson the moment she met him. All of my ILs are absolutely wonderful to him, and I would not put up with anything less.
...sorry, I guess that hit home for me.

[Teresa64]

Thats bullshit. You have every right in the world to be pissed.

[Sli_Sli]

You have every right to be pissed. I'd be pissed at dh too b/c he acts like its acceptible b/c its not blood relation.

I can't imagine treating a child like that period. Much less my daughter in law's child, you know?! That may not be a "blood relation", but it is family. I just don't understand. I mean when my friends kids are at my house I go out of my way to make sure they feel at home here. Why would anybody try to make a child feel like an outsider? She is just wrong and I would NEVER let anybody get away with treating my dd like that.

[JustMoi]

My ex MIL was the same way. I went to the hospital to have my younger son and she actually told my older two that she was not their grandma and my DH was not their daddy so they shouldn't use those terms. I was LIVID.

I told DH that either she can start treating them ALL the same or she won't see ANY of them - including the one that is her grandchild. She always treated my older boys differently than she treated her daughter's stepchildren - because it didn't matter as much. I was married to her only son, the one to carry on the family name, blah blah blah and my boys couldn't do that so they didn't matter.

But I made it very clear... either she treats them equally or sees NONE of them. And I stuck to it. She changed her tune.

[MrsKitty]

That is horrible :( I am sorry about that *hugs*

[Bellaelle]

That is just very sad all around. Your poor kids. Since it is dh's mother, he should really have a talk with her. The behavior is unacceptable.

[Crabbie]

That is just very sad all around. Your poor kids. Since it is dh's mother, he should really have a talk with her. The behavior is unacceptable.

I agree.

[MoonBound]

Completely unacceptable behavior. Shame on your dh for trying to make excuses for her. You can treat me badly but heaven help your if you treat my kids badly.

[3girls2luv]

I ask him to talk to her but he said "what should I say to her? She never does any of this in front of me, you should tell her something yourself" I don't think he will take care of it at all so this woman has better watch out cuz this momma bear has her claws out. BTW she *is* coming to dd's b-day celebration tomorrow after all. I hope she behaves.

[CatSoup]

I would talk to her. I would rather risk having "drama" between me and MIL, than to let her continue to treat my children that way.

I say "drama" because that's what I was always afraid of with my 1st MIL.

[3girls2luv]

I am just very good with words but i agree that I will have to do something since I really do not want dd3 to grow seeing her big sisters being treated differently than her. You know I even reminded DH about how my older dd's grandma and stepmom get things for our dd and treat her like family and he still does not get it.

[Sadalsuud]

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, but I feel badly for you and your dc. My dad's parents never accepted my sister or me and would go out of their way to exclude us. As an adult I'm not upset about it anymore, they saved me the problem of cutting them out of my life myself. It still kills my mom that they treated us like that, though.

[3girls2luv]

I'm sorry Sadalsuud :( When saw me dds face just drop when she was not invited to stay over last night it just killed me because I know she noticed. I know dd1 notices to because she does not like to go over there. My ILs rarely come to our house, infact we have seen them in town and they don't even bother to come over.

[Sadalsuud]

It's no big deal to me now. I'm not missing out on anything by having them in my life.

Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't put them in the position to be rejected by them. If your dh wants to visit his family, I'd let him go and do something special with the dds. Though, I'd probably get bitchy with dh if he mentions it, I'd end up saying something about them not being wanted there, so why should I take them? They aren't "blood" family, as you well know. And why should I make my dds visit someone who isn't their Gma? Bitch bitch bitch, blah blah blah, scare dh out of the house then have a blast with the girls. Of course, it all depends on how hormonal I am. I tend to get irrational at times.

I am sorry that you and your dds are going through this.

[HIJKMommy]

Wow I am sorry that your girls are going through this. I think I would have a long heart to heart talk with MIL and if she didn't change her ways then I would not bring my girls over there ever.