Mom wants to wean 18mon old - all she wants to do is BF

[lattemochachinobuzzbuzz]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here so I am apologizing in advance if something similar has been covered elsewhere in the forum.

I am feeling ready to wean my 18 month old. She is primarily a night time feeder, and subsequently has never once slept through the night. On average she will feed about 4 times a night. We also cosleep and that is another issue I must tackle, but I am assuming not at the same time?

My problem is that as I have tried to give her more solids during the day to curb her desire to BF, she is now starting to refuse solids. At one point, between 12 months and 17 months she had a great appetite and only BF during the day and night to fall asleep. She now refuses foods she once loved. I'm very confused."wait1"

I feel as if I don't know where to start. Its almost as if she knows I am ready to wean which is why she is BF even more. Its often just for minutes at a time so I don't believe its anything more than comfort. I have read other posts where some moms see an intensity in feeding when they are teething and I know she is at the moment.

Sorry if this all seems scattered. Basically I am just looking for feedback on ways to begin weaning in a gentle way. Im committed to going slowly if thats the easiest method, but I haven't a clue where to begin.

If anyone knows of particular pointers for also addressing the co-sleeping as well I would be ever so grateful!

[Jacksmommy]

My advice for a mom who is ready to wean is to reduce the number of nursing sessions in a day by one - very slowly until baby is used to skipping that session.
What I would like to share is that it's normal for babies to want to nurse more when teething. My son was a big night nurser until he cut his 2 year molars, and then it really slowed down. At 2 is when we quit co-sleeping because he just started naturally sleeping deeper and longer. I still went to him and nursed him in the night if he woke, but that just didn't happen so often. I tell you this because this way was easy for me, and your baby is almost at the age my ds was when things changed so much with his nursing and sleeping. It was never traumatic for him. We got him a big bed and I nursed him to sleep and then left his room. He was never unhappy about any of it. Anyway, I know every baby is different, but this worked for me. I think it's an easy way to transition from co-sleeping.

[mommyof2sons]

My son is 17 months old. And he has been nursing more too. And getting me up more at night. He has never slept through the night. And we co-sleep also. We are planning to move him in to a big bed in his room in the next month or two. I don't want to wean him yet. I would like to let him self wean. Just hope he goes back to sleeping better at night.

[Bama_5]

HI!

Weaning will not guarantee sleeping through the night. However, it sounds like you are truly ready to wean and that is not your only reason for wanting to do it so, I'll offer a few tips tonight and try to check back later. I'll warn you, this could get wordy :)

One nursing spot - pick one spot in your home to nurse and only nurse if you are in that spot (rocker, bedroom, favorite chair, etc). When he wants to nurse, talk sweetly to him and say that you must get to X first. In the beginning, go straight to X. As time progresses, increase how long (30 seconds, 1 minute, 2 minutes, etc) it takes you to get there to nurse. No, I am not suggesting you use the timer. During the wait time, when you are going there, talk sweetly to him so he knows he isn't being ignored.

When out and about you can either teach him that he must wait till you can get to the car (in which case, you might have to go to the car before you finish shopping at first and then return to finish shopping) or teach him to wait while you look for a seat. Again, talk him through it "Sure, we must find mommy a place to sit down, we'll walk down this way. No, I don't see a place. How about over here. Oh, look, down there is a chair. Let's get to that chair and we'll sit (rock, nurse, whatever the word) when we get there" etc.

Teach Wait (for things other than nursing but also with nursing) - if you have not already, you need to teach him "in a minute" or "wait' or whatever your word or phrase. As above, the wait time should be minimal at first and increase as he adjusts to the idea. For instance, you are cooking and he wants to nurse. You'll sweetly talk to him "Sure, we can go rock but I must wash my hands. I'm putting soap on my hand and rinsing them in the water. Now I must dry them off so they will be dry when I pick you up. Oh, where is that towel, just make up stuff or explain what you are doing in long drawn out phrases to "entertain" him while he waits. Do this often and with more things than nursing. You are trying to teach wait, in general, so he doesn't equate wait with "she won't nurse me now".

Distract with books, outside time, bubbles, water play (in sink, tub or outside in warm weather). Do this just before he would usually want to nurse if can "see" it coming. Or, when he asks to nurse, you can say "You want to go play outside first?"

Offer sippy cup or food first. In the baby days, we offer bm first and then food or sippy cups. If you want to wean, it is time to reverse this order and try to do it before the normal eating/nursing moment. Might go slowly at first but repetition is the key.

For naptime or bedtime, read a book then nurse, read two books then nurse. Rub back a few minutes, then nurse, rub back more minutes, then nurse. REad a book, rub a back and then nurse, etc. Add more activities as needed.

Also, talk your way through shorter nursing sessions by saying you will sing a song or count to 10, 20 and then stop nursing. First time you try this (or ten times), you may not be able to stop the nursing successfully (meaning I'd not stop it if tears resulted). But, at some point, he will learn that at the end of the song, he quits nursing. The song can be sung very slow if you feel he needs much nursing time and quicker as he learns. If you go this route, you will always try to break the nursing at end of the song (you don't have to start singing the minute you pick him up, wait a bit, especially at first).

Know that between 18 months and 2 or 2 1/2 years (ime, anyway) it is common for a baby to go through cycles where they nurse more often, then less often, then suddenly more often, etc. So, your weaning may progress, backslide, progress in cycles before complete.

Hope that helps, I'm better at going slowly tips than quick, cold turkey ones. I was in a hurry but probably gave you most of my tips. Sorry so long, I'm just wordy sometimes as I want to be able to convey the idea without sounding like you make it a law and just do it (not my method). Feel free to ask more questions as you try the methods or share your own that work for you.

Congrat's on giving baby 18 months. Remember, for some, slowly weaning goes faster than they expect and for others, slowly means slower than they expected. It all depends on the baby. I hope it goes well for you.

As for the co-sleeping, I could type advice on that one too. Many of the above ideas could be used in getting baby to sleep in his own room (see back rubbing and story time). ITA with PP about nursing them to sleep in their room (though mine are usually older) and then leaving the room (with monitor set up so you can hear them).

Oh, as they get older, if you want them to fall asleep without you, you can do the bedtime routine (whatever yours is) and then you can step away for a moment (and I mean 30 seconds) and promise to come back. Step just out of sight and then praise them for staying put until you got back (at first, you are not even gone long enough for them to get up anyway). Lengthen the time away by tiny amounts until you can stay away longer. Always praise them for staying. Other options are reading a book til they fall asleep. I usually just snuggle them to sleep. I love the closeness and then off to my bed later. But, if you don't want or can't do that, they can be loved and snuggled just until almost asleep and then see beginning of this paragraph for ideas on leaving.

As to whether to conquer both at once, trial and error would decide that issue, I suppose. I, like you, think that maybe one before the other. Both may cross at some point but I don't think I'd start with both at once.

Bama

[Lorraine76]

It sounds as though your little girl is wanting the comfort of being at your breast more so than the feed. Gradually weaning by dropping one feed over a few days and then another and so on while making sure that your little one is getting lots of cuddles and one on one time with you to replace that special time may make the weaning process easier on both of you. My sons woke about 3 times a night for 2 years and I weaned my first at 6 months and my second at 20 months.

Could she be refusing food because of her teething? This is also very common. Children will always eat what they need to so try not to be too concerned that she isn't getting enough nourishment.

As for bedtime, a good bedtime routine and doing the same thing consistently will help. There are so many different techniques you can try but at the end of the day, you have to do what suits you and what you are happy with...pick a routine that suits you, give it time and trust your instincts.

All the best with it.

Lorraine.
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"Spend some time with me and discover the essence of breastfeeding"
http://www.the-essence-of-breastfeeding.com

[fell4myfallbaby]

oh my i am having the same issue almost! except for my little one is 14 months and i still want to co-sleep.
everybody thinks i'm crazy or it's just me or something wrong with my child when i say he never sleeps through the night. which i love co-sleeping but when he wakes up to nurse he doesn't open his eyes he just rolls over and roots!
and i was trying to take advice given to you....but question. i usually do nurse in either the chair or in bed. but it seems whenever i sit down he wants on my lap then scoots down in nursing position and roots. like if i'm sitting he should be nursing. is that normal? and what do i do? i can distract him but if i want to sit down for a minute he wants to nurse and he doesn't nurse for long. it's just a sip. and he will want to just hang on it all day and when i make him quit when i realize okay he is just wanting to stay close to it he fusses and cries.
i'm lost! sorry i hate crashing on the needing help here. but i too am feeling this situation!

[Lorraine76]

You may have already tried this, and it may take a week or so before you see any improvement but since it seems as though your son is nursing to be close to you can you try making it book time or something. So every time you sit down try and sit down with one of his story books and read it to him. You may have to read and nurse at first and then slowly try and replace the nursing with the reading. Or some other activity, song time, tickle time etc. I guess if you can have the physical closeness but make it about something other than nursing he may start to enjoy that closeness in a different way.

Good luck with it.

Lorraine.
__________
"Spend some time with me and discover the essence of breastfeeding."
http://www.the-essence-of-breastfeeding.com

[fell4myfallbaby]

thanks! i do the tickle time and stuff here and there but i never thought of it in that way to help wean him. and yeah i'm sure i'll have to read the book as he nurses for a while! haha! i will start trying that. there's a med i need for an eye problem and i can't take it while breastfeeding. but i feel so guilty for weaning for that.

[mygirlzara]

Hi there,

I just wanted to let you know you're so not alone! I am going through the exact same thing, it was great to hear what people have suggested. Just wondering how it's going for you? One more thing, big well done for breast feeding your little one for so long! I'ts one of the best things you can give them :)

[crystal555rose]

So nice to read all of this great advice. I am anxious about having to make mine wean in the future. He is 15 months and I am fine with our nursing schedule for now. One thing I would not underestimate is how much they understand if you explain it as Bama recommended. That is how I got mine to fall asleep on his own after separation anxiety passed last month. I just explained that he could do it and I was always here if he needed me. No need to let him "cry it out" which just feels wrong to me. I can only hope weaning happens as smoothly.

Teething can also mean not wanting to eat which is when I am thankful he can nurse to get some calories.

Good Luck!