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View Full Version : Ugh, why do I try? Whiny and bloggy.


Justicedog
01-19-2009, 01:26 PM
I really don't think I should have had kids. It'd be much eaiser. I can't believe that I'm a decent parent by the way my kids act.

Yesterday went so nice. I took dd to religious ed, then took ds to baseball practice, shopped with dd while ds was at baseball practice, picked ds up from baseball practice and headed off to his hockey game, an hour away. DS and DD played together nicely in the car with no fights. DH met us at the game and we went out to eat after. Things went well.

Today, DH is away at work, he'll be gone until sometime Wednesday evening. School is out and it's snowing. Dkids wanted to go skating at an ice rink. (They don't have frozen ponds here.) Rinks are all 30 minutes away. I won't skate because last time I did, my feet hurt like nothing I've ever felt before. DD is just learning to skate, I'd prefer that DH is out with her. Later today, DS has hockey practice, so he'll be skating enough today. So, I took them bowling. After bowling I was going to go to Arbys (per ds's request) and then McDonalds (per dd's request if Arby's didn't have a chicken wrap). At Arby's I ask ds if he wanted the popcorn chicken they had. He doesn't answer. So I say I've had it and go home. He whines, tells me to turn around and go back, then he calls me an idiot. I sent him to his room. Later I let him out and give him three choices for lunch here. He tells me he wants chicken nuggets and curly fries and if I can't make them, then I'm a bad cook. I tell him I can't make them, he tells me yes I can.

I had 101 things to do at home, including cleaning up the mud ds tracked all over the carpet, I didn't want to take them to bowl, but ds had been wanting to go for a long time, so, I thought it'd be a nice outing. I guess I really am an idiot.

He's 8 1/2!! He shouldn't be behaving this way.

On the plus side of it, at least my son wasn't the goalie on the other team last night. My ds was in his first hockey fight. DS was in front of the goalie, waiting for the puck, nothing abnormal. From what I heard, I didn't witness it, the goalie hits ds with his stick, ds swings his stick back to hit goalie's stick - nothing high or harmful. Play continues and ds's team scores, I don't know if ds scored that time or not, he scored once against this goalie. DS is skating away and goalie comes out of the net and skates after him. Goalie goes back to the net. DS's team goes down again and scores again and ds is skating away. Goalie comes out of the net again, skating after my ds and, with his stick up shoulder level, pushes ds from the back. DS turns around and there's more pushing (I couldn't see there were other kids in the way) ds did say he pushed back, then the other sides coach put the goalie on the bench for the rest of the game. I'd never seen anything like that before in a kids' hockey game.

MoonBound
01-19-2009, 01:37 PM
Huh I am feeling similarly. Yesterday was so nice family time everything was good, today the little ones are being so bad that I seriously considered calling dh home from work. Instead I decided to eat. I wish I had ice cream.

Earthmama
01-19-2009, 01:45 PM
:hug: Sorry it's a tough stretch. The nasty weather has us all off our regular personalities.

PrincessEmilysMommy
01-19-2009, 03:50 PM
Is he crazy? Ask me if Iwant popcorn chicken & curly fries from Arby's & I'll say yes w/ BBQ sauce please faster than you could blink.

I'm sorry JD. I have no advice since Emily is only 4. Big hugs!

JudyJudyJudy
01-19-2009, 06:24 PM
:hug:

As for your son, you probably should not have taken him after all that, but it's hard to just say "no."

Justicedog
01-19-2009, 10:32 PM
You sound overly accomodating.
That level of agression in hockey is not unheard of. I hope the coaches were on it.


He wasn't the aggressor in the hockey.

It wasn't until after the bowling that the crap started. I drove us home, offered him 3 choices from what we have and when he refused, I was going to let it be. A few minutes after I posted, he came and nicely asked what it was I said he could have.

I likely am too permissive. His name calling of me, his sister and his dad is absurd. I'd hoped the simple, tell him it's wrong and ignore would make it go away. His dad wants to hit him, but doesn't because I won't allow it. So, there's another thing.

I think my coming home and not going back out was a good thing. That's not usual. So, I guess I have to keep doing more of that. Ugh.

nikkifaith
01-19-2009, 11:03 PM
It sounds as if you are overly indulgent. I, too, am quite indulgent, but it is contingent on my children being well behaved. If either of my kids called me an idiot, they would be grounded for their entire life or at least close to it.

Justicedog
01-20-2009, 03:20 AM
And I got that your child wasn't the agressor, I just hope the coach adressed the agressive kid and let him know that it isn't okay.


I was impressed that the coach sat the goalie for the rest of the game. They play cross ice hockey at this age here, usually 3 games going on at once. However, this game was two games, so they had half a rink. They do share the players bench. About 30 seconds after the fight, it was time to switch lines, ds had been out there for 2 lines he was going into the bench. (I'm sitting there thinking, great, he'll go sit next to psycho goalie (PG), but our coach held ds out so that another player would be between them.) DS said that he heard PG say that the pros do it.


I am going to have to get consistant with discipline when he calls me names. My plan for ignoring it isn't working. My mom went from spanking, hitting us with a wooden spoon to "you shouldn't hit kids, they'll figure it out themselves, just tell them, they'll grow out of it... kind of advice giver." Also, DH is too strict, so I feel I have to balance and be lenient. I think I'm wrong in doing that.

So, how do I change?

JudyJudyJudy
01-20-2009, 03:27 AM
JD, he's old enough to understand. As difficult as it is, you're going to have to be consistent. You can't let him get by with treating you like that.

nikkifaith
01-21-2009, 12:39 AM
I took everything out of my girls' room; all of the wall decorations, pretty bed linens and extra pillows, toys and a shitload of their clothing. If I give them very explicit details of my expectations, they are quite good about doing what it is that I have asked. Respect for you should be non-negotiable. If he refuses to treat you with respect, he doesn't deserve anything frivolous, IMO.

QuiltyConscience
01-21-2009, 01:03 AM
I was impressed that the coach sat the goalie for the rest of the game. They play cross ice hockey at this age here, usually 3 games going on at once. However, this game was two games, so they had half a rink. They do share the players bench. About 30 seconds after the fight, it was time to switch lines, ds had been out there for 2 lines he was going into the bench. (I'm sitting there thinking, great, he'll go sit next to psycho goalie (PG), but our coach held ds out so that another player would be between them.) DS said that he heard PG say that the pros do it.


I am going to have to get consistant with discipline when he calls me names. My plan for ignoring it isn't working. My mom went from spanking, hitting us with a wooden spoon to "you shouldn't hit kids, they'll figure it out themselves, just tell them, they'll grow out of it... kind of advice giver." Also, DH is too strict, so I feel I have to balance and be lenient. I think I'm wrong in doing that.

So, how do I change?

How willing is DH to get on board with you to find a happy medium?

Sometimes it's easy to fall into badcop/goodcop roles, because you each think the other is too far in the opposite direction. The more lenient you are, the ore strict he feels he needs to be, the more strict he is the more lenient you feel you need to be..and kids are really good at playing parents against each other. Everybody's playing against each other.

You don't want to have an "Us vs Them" within the family. You want the "Us" to be the whole family.

You and DH need to be consistent together. It's fine to have different styles, and differ on the small things, but the rules need to be the same, and the consequences for rule breaking need to be the same.

I think it would be very effective to work out a plan with DH that you can both agree to, and present it to the kids together. Explain the rules clearly and explain the *benefits* of everybody following the rules, as well as the consequences.