He says I spoil her

[CiCi04]

DH says I spoil her, I say you can't spoil a baby.

DH is upset that everytime (yes really everytime) I leave the LO home with hime she screams and cries. Last night I was accused of spoiling her. Of course I hold her alot, snuggle with her, feed her on demand, and pick her up when she cries. Isn't that how to love and care for a baby?

He does help out with the occasional diapering, rare bottle feed, dressing and burping. So it's not like he's a stranger to her. I don't get it.

Any advice for us?

[still_me]

Do you let her play on her own?

[CiCi04]

Yes, sometimes. She's just getting to the reaching out for stuff stage. She also like to lay under her 'gym' and play with the hanging things. I believe, self entertainment time doesn't last very long mainly due to her young age. Keep in mind, she has 3 older siblings who adore her - ages 12, 10, and 9 - and play with her regularly.

[Sunnie]

at 3 months, there's no way any of my babies would have let me put them down long enough for them to "play" on their own. ROFLMAO

[Shaunsmom]

at 3 months, there's no way any of my babies would have let me put them down long enough for them to "play" on their own. ROFLMAO

ITA with this.

OP, maybe you can try to have dad hold her more and let them figure out a way to bond more? I know that might sound funny. But me and DH went thru a similar phase when DD was about that age.

Different strokes for different folks is what comes to mind. As a mama, you may be more inclined to snuggle, hold, and pick up you LO. It's a mama's job (trust me, a job that can drive you batty some days but for the most part, it's true love:) and sometimes dads have a different approach.

DH changed a lot of diapers. He made sure I had snacks/food/drinks on my nightstand so I could nurse.

That's just my experience though. Maybe we're way off base with our approach? In any event, good luck.

[Peeka2]

She'll get better with Daddy. He is probably feeling insecure about his relationship with her because she hasn't bonded well with him yet. Dylan was the same way for the first 5 months. He loved being around Daddy as long as Mommy was still close but if I left it was the end of the world.

Around 5-6 months he "discovered" Daddy and now screams in glee when he comes home.

[Wolverine]

Neither of my little ones wanted to hang out with dh much until they were a little older. Maybe 6 months. It was difficult to even take a shower unless they were asleep. It gets better. LO's need their mama a lot. I think it's completely natural. I don't think you can spoil a baby.

[PrincessEmilysMommy]

Emily was the same way. It really saddened my dh. They truly didn't have much of a relationship until Em was about 18 months. She was just a needy baby & needed mommy & milky. Now Molly is the complete opposite. If dh could lactate, she'd be in heaven.

[still_me]

at 3 months, there's no way any of my babies would have let me put them down long enough for them to "play" on their own. ROFLMAO


I was asking because maybe Daddy thinks all she needs is cuddles and comfort. Maybe he could try carrying her around and showing her things or "playing" with her under the gym.


DS1 was a mommy's baby. DS2 has been all about daddy since he laid his eyes on him.

Can your DH maybe feed her more or try comforting her instead of you? IDK. I understand where you are coming from. It is hard when you just want to run to the store or something like that.

[CiCi04]

It is hard when you just want to run to the store or something like that.


Yep, and I'm beginning to feel bad for DH's feelings....I get the 'Mommy issues' she has but I guess it's hard to be in his place. He wants her to enjoy him too.

[still_me]

Well, at least you see how he feels too. lol It would make things worse, IMO, if you didn't see his side or he didn't see your side. It stinks when they are like that, but for us, the magic mark seemed to be 3 months with both of our boys. DS1 liked DH more and more after that and DS2 tolerated me more.

I can't speak for all men or your DH, but when my DH's feelings get hurt he just puts a guard up. I think that guard didn't help him bond with DS1 like he wanted to. It took a couple of months and me leaving DS1 after a good feeding at night to run to the store for DH to realize that he could do it. Him relaxing helped everything a lot.

((hug)) I hope that she and he can bond well in the next couple of months and your DH can look back on this time and be able to brush it off.

[PiccoloRose]

Of course I hold her alot, snuggle with her, feed her on demand, and pick her up when she cries. Isn't that how to love and care for a baby?


Well, that is certainly how I cared for *my* baby. Personally, I do not think you can spoil a baby. You are meeting her needs and showering her with love. That is nowhere near the same as spoiling. Especially at that age!


at 3 months, there's no way any of my babies would have let me put them down long enough for them to "play" on their own. ROFLMAO

Same for us! Play time absolutely had to be accompanied by me or she would scream her little head off. She loved to play with her gym, and she had a Pooh mat with a pillow that had toys attached, but I *had* to be right there with her at that age.

[HammBugga]

at 3 months, there's no way any of my babies would have let me put them down long enough for them to "play" on their own. ROFLMAO


Yeah. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby that age IMO.

[NazirsMom]

If dh could lactate, she'd be in heaven.
:roflol

[CiCi04]

Thanks for listening and your advice. Last night was much better. I was home but DH was able to spend some quality time with her. I think if I just encourage more together time while I'm home, my away time won't be so hard.

[Earthmama]

I think that's a great approach. Good luck.

[still_me]

I agree that it is a good approach. :) Now you can sneak in and take cute daddy and baby pictures.

[Babyblue]

ds now at 2 is so atached to dh that its a huge screaming tantrum whenever dh leaves for work. and when dh gets home he cant put ds down for about 2 or 3 hours, or the screaming starts again. he loves his daddy.

[Jacksmommy]

At 3 months, my baby was in the sleepy/snuggly/nursing all the time stage, and he only wanted me. Dh and ds really began to enjoy their time together once ds was close to a year old.

[rock__]

Once DH realized the kids only really loved me for my boobs, he handled the rejection better I think.

[tata]

rock_, that is my DS. He only loves mama for "mup."

OP, hang in there. This too shall pass. I agree with PP that you should encourage bonding between daddy and babe while you are there to help ease into times when you aren't there.

[3girls2luv]

From the moment dd3 was born DH was right there holding her when I was not nursing or holding her skin to skin if I was in the shower and she wanted to nurse. After 2yrs she is still very bonded with him. When I walk in the door after work its "mommy! Daddy?" When I tell her he is still at work she does this "hawww" sound and walks away.

I teach my dads and moms in my childbirth class, ways to help bond and that dads and moms parenting styles can be different when it comes to hugs, play time and cuddling. I think letting your DH spend time with the baby while you are there will definately help them both bond in a more relaxed environment and it will be easier when you leave them alone again. If she starts to cry when DH is with her try not to step in right away let him figure it out. Best of luck to you.