Do you correct people who say their baby 'self weaned'?

[Wildflower]

Just curious. I'm thinking it would be rude, so I didn't say anything, but at the same time I feel when someone says something incorrect that they'd want to know they were wrong, but who am I to correct them, you know?

It's a mom on a due date board I post on (April '08) and she posted that her son self-weaned and she was kind of bummed about it (not that she wanted to nurse much longer, just that it was over). Thing is, she recently started introducing quite a few formula bottle feeds. If mom introduces formula and baby develops a preference for the bottle, then that isn't really 'self-weaning'. Maybe in her mind it was (since she wasn't TRYING to wean) but to the baby, there mom's motivation doesn't change the fact that he was being weaned.

I don't want to correct her, but this line of thinking is one reason many people don't think toddlers really need to BF and even that the mom is keeping it going for her own "selfish" (lol) reasons, you know? Because their child "self-weaned" at 6 months.

So do you correct terminology? Is it rude to do so? Or am I just being too nit-picky about the term "self-wean"?

[RaisingThemLeft]

I don't think you are being nit picky, but I don't correct people. Sometimes I have to grit my teeth when the conversation turns to bfing irl.

[tata]

Sigh.

Yeah, I correct them. In my head.

I absolutely agree with you - my BIL and SIL claimed their DD1 "self-weaned" at 6 months, too and I rolled my eyes. Good thing we were on the phone.

I truly have no problem with whatever way a mom chooses to feed her baby. Yes, I'd prefer if BFing were normal in our society, but I'm extremely glad that we have (reasonably) safe alternatives. I'm absolutely exhausted over the sensitivity of the issue when moms say they couldn't BF for this reason or that, which is often (not always) misleading to others.

I have personally only known 3 people IRL who were able to nurse successfully. All the rest have said some variation of not having enough milk. I struggle to understand that. All the material I have read suggests that is a very rare problem. From my own experience, I can only gather that supply drops when demands aren't met - we all know how high the demand is in those early weeks!

I had problems in the beginning with both my children - with DD, I gave up because I had no support, didn't know WTF I was doing anyway and it was easier emotionally to give her a bottle of formula. We never resolved the latch issue, I had no idea I wasn't supposed to keep a schedule, she was never not hungry, I felt inadequate. With DS, it was a latch problem and the time/body commitment to my son what felt like 24/7 for weeks on end. I thought about quitting a lot. I wanted to be sure that I did everything I could to succeed because I knew failure again would be hard.

Erm, short answer is no, I really don't correct people IRL. I might feel compelled to reason with a stranger online with some credible sources plus my own experience. I like to think I am come across as less rude online than I would IRL when it comes to something like this. I'm a work in progress.

[Sunnie]

I keep my mouth shut. It's not worth it.

[HammBugga]

A stranger on the internets? yeah I keep my mouth shut. A friend IRL? I say something. My BFF said her dd self weaned at 8 months. I didn't have a baby back then so I believed it. Then, once I knew better, and she mentioned it again I said that it was likely she was on a nursing strike.

Another friend said she didn't make enough milk for her son so she had to quit bf. When I asked her how she knew she didn't make enough she said because he wanted to eat every hour. Then I said "That's normal for newborns" and she said "Well he was way past the newborn stage" and I said "Really? How old was he?" and she replied "Like SIX weeks!" She was pregnant with her second at the time so I just said "That's called a growth spurt." and left it alone. I know her DS had no problems with weight gain or ftt.

[BeanBabies]

No I don't tell them. I may think it, though. Then I'd chide myself because it's none of my fucking business.

[Nipple_nectar]

A stranger on the internets? yeah I keep my mouth shut. A friend IRL? I say something. My BFF said her dd self weaned at 8 months. I didn't have a baby back then so I believed it. Then, once I knew better, and she mentioned it again I said that it was likely she was on a nursing strike.

Another friend said she didn't make enough milk for her son so she had to quit bf. When I asked her how she knew she didn't make enough she said because he wanted to eat every hour. Then I said "That's normal for newborns" and she said "Well he was way past the newborn stage" and I said "Really? How old was he?" and she replied "Like SIX weeks!" She was pregnant with her second at the time so I just said "That's called a growth spurt." and left it alone. I know her DS had no problems with weight gain or ftt.

This is pretty much me.

[Crabbie]

I don't say anything, much. I'm known as 'the breasterfeeder' because I'm the only person IRL (besides the girls I've met from here) that nursed only and nursed for almost 2 years.

[EvilAmy]

This is sore subject for me and hard not to get defensive. Zoey didn't self wean, but it wasn't for my lack of trying or selfish reasons that our BFing relationship failed, I made some simple mistakes in fighting to keep that relatioship. When my CNM had a sit down and had a good talk with me it gave me a bit of relief but I still have twinges of guilt.

I don't need to see the need to correct, you'd just be adding on an extra helping of guilt. The use of the term self-weaned helps alleviate some of the guilt and bummedout-ness.

[HammBugga]

I disagree though Amy. I think it's important to correct those that are close to you so they either a. stop spreading misinformation or b. educate themselves for next time. Yes it is true that sometimes, no matter what you do, it doesn't work out. But I believe that most bf'ding relationships end prematurely because of misinformation.

So if person A tells person B"I didn't make enough milk because my baby wanted to eat every hour". and person B has a baby and that baby wants to eat every hour.. then person B will just think she is not making enough milk.

While it is true we don't always have all the information, like the case of you and Zoey, I feel like it is more important to get the information out then it is to be PC about it.

[MrsKitty]

I think it would depend on the person and the situation. I have corrected people who have told me that "I am so worried about breastfeeding..so and so's baby self weaned at 7 months and I am freaked out it is going to happen to me too". I agree with Hamm, I think it does a grave disservice to new mothers, they get bombared with story after story of self weaning, not making enough milk, babies that can't latch, and figure well if 80% of the moms I know ALL had problems..

[KerryS]

No I don't tell them. I may think it, though. Then I'd chide myself because it's none of my fucking business.

This. Only if they asked me would I correct them.

[Jacksmommy]

I don't correct people. I've never known anyone who would appreciate it. I may think it and think it very loudly, but I don't say it.

[Babyblue]

its gets on my nerves BADLY when people try and say ds did not self wean at 11 months. after help from several lactation consultants, la letcha league leaders, and help from here ds still was done breastfeeding and preferred to drink from a cup.

when I continued to attempt to breastfeed he lost massive amounts of weight and our parent child relationship went down the toilet.

[Suzzzz]

Wouldn't even bing on my radar if someone said that. So, no I wouldn't correct anyone who said anything of the sort. It would get on my nerves too if I said my baby self weaned and some know it all came and told me that wasn't the case.

[Wolverine]

I don't correct them. To me, it's a relationship that is already lost and there is no point.

My step-mom believes that she didn't make enough milk for my half brother. He's 18 now... it doesn't matter anymore.

[SingingMom]

I don't "correct" people- but I look for moments when I can share better information.

There are way too many moms out there passing stories around like that- "Oh, don't feel bad, honey, I had that problem, too..." and it validates the bad info new moms get. Letting people pass around bad info is bad for babies, IMO, so if I get a chance, I will pass on better knowledge.

My little sister's in-laws are like this. All of them tell each other how they didn't have enough milk, and how their babies are all lactose intolerant, and they are really pushing bottle feeding on a new momma, without really meaning to. At female-only get-togethers, they share all their breastfeeding horror stories. It's dreadful. And none of them has ever mentioned seeing an LC. So if the time seems right, and the recipient seems receptive, you bet I will pass on better info.

So now that my little sis is pregnant again, I'm trying to get her the straight info on how to make breastfeeding work.

[nikkifaith]

Exactly what Bean said.

[3girls2luv]

I hear things like this everyday from the family members for new moms. What I usually do when I hear a family member say things like that about their bf history I just say "oh really, he self weaned/you did not make enough milk?" Then I give the new mom all the information and hand outs and I help her with latching and by the end of the day or the end of the visit I hear "gosh I wish you were around when I was bf, we had nobody like you around." When I hear a nurse in the break room say that her baby self weaned or she did not make enough milk I will ask her what happened and tell her to seek help from me or another LC if she plans to bf another child and wants to bf longer next time.

I don't like to tell people they are wrong or assume that they just did not try because I was once in those shoes and I now realize I was wrong and it breaks my heart knowing I could have bf my other dds and if I ever heard someone correct me I may not respond very well to them because they don't know what I went through.

[maksmom]

I generally refrain from "correcting" anyone, what is done is done and why make someone feel bad about something they can not change? But if their comment/story will effect a currently nursing mom, I usually will speak up.

[ColleenF30]

I would post a fact sheet on it in the board. Yes I have done this before. That way the other moms are not discouraged, and you aren't directly referring to anyone.

[still_me]

No I don't tell them. I may think it, though. Then I'd chide myself because it's none of my fucking business.


This all the way.

[BeachMama]

No, I don't correct them. I feel like I'm trying to make them feel bad or something if I do.

[pawprint]

I don't correct them, but it does have consequences. There is an LC and the BIG hospital here who runs a nursing mothers group. She routinely tells people that all three of her children self weaned at one year. Back then, I thought that must be fairly common. Now I know that the likelihood of that being true is pretty slim.