Megadodo
10-19-2007, 09:08 PM
Board rules from the members!
Disclaimer: This list was compiled for fun and is not to be taken seriously.
Posting about kids.
1. Don't mention if your 4 year old finds a condom.
2. Please for the love of God *don't* ask if black kids like sparkly ponies. It may not go over to well here.
3. Don't vent about Wendy's people offering you a large glass of water instead of filling a sippy cup up.
4. Do not mention if you are even thinking about buying a pair of knock off Robeez.
5. Don't start polls about controversial subjects ie spanking which include insulting posters that have a different POV and then turn tail and run and never even come back to it
6. Don't name your kids weird names or names that have strange spellings..you know "trendeigh" names...
7. If within the context of a story, you mention that your child was eating something that would not meet the approval of the Crunchy MOTY committee, you must follow it with the phrase "as a special treat."
8. Don't post about wishing your child had a Christmas party at school. *Winter Holiday* is all that is PC.
9. Do not compare a child harness to a dog leash. (Avoid at all costs)
10. Do not ask WOHMs why did they have children if they were not going to raise them.
11. Do not ask SAHMs who is going to be their little girl's positive female role model.
12. Don't say that moms who work nights couldn't possibly be a good mother to their child.
13. Don't say anything about peanut butter, raw nuts, fish, or eggs.
14. Do not post pics of your child wearing lip gloss.
15. Do not ask:
"Do you kiss your children with those lips?" because it makes you look assinine.
16. If you dress your toddler in a bikini, don't post pictures.
17. If you use the multi-seat grocery cart with just one child, be prepared to defend yourself to the death.
18. Never suggest that all SAHM's can/should join Moms groups, or suggest that they walk/take public transportation/get a cab to get to said Moms groups (or to BK).
Sentence structure and grammar rules.
1. If you are going to call me a "bitch" please capitalize- I like my full props.
2. Don't use U when you mean "you"
Don't use R when you mean "are"
Don't use 4 when you mean "four"
Don't use four when you mean "for"
3. Use hard returns and avoid run-on sentences at all costs.
4. Use paragraphs
5. For the love of all that is good and holy, if your spelling sucks, use a spell checker. Or order "Hookt on Fonix". It wurkt four mee.
6. Avoid hyperbole
7. Make sure that even when speaking English, that you translate any non-american-English words (like nappy, cot, dummy...) - otherwise people won't know what the hell you're talking about.
8. DO NOT USE ALL CAPS IN YOUR POSTS AND THEN WONDER WHY PEOPLE KEEP TELLING YOU TO CALM DOWN.
9. One word- paragraphs.
10. Be sure to suggest a more succinct and clearer way of putting it and then find another grammar or spelling point to critique. Be sure not to split any infinitives or end any sentences with a preposition. But, if you want to annoy BJM, start your sentences with "and" or "but."
11. If you do something that is even remotely unpleasant because you feel it is in the best interest of your child prepare to be called a martyr. If your child experiences something remotely unpleasant b/c it is your best interest you will be incompetent. Walk the middle ground at all times.
12. Grammar is good.
13. For those with spelling problems, Google has a tool bar that has a built in spell checker. Definitely worth the download.
FTR fucknut and asshat are NOT words according to Google.
Husbands or S/O's
1. It is best not to discuss penis accidents.
2. Don't complain about DH, unless you want to be told that you should get a divorce.
example:
Person A: "My dh was 10 minutes late getting home and we had plans..."
Person B: "Leave that lowlife sorry mother fucker now.!!!"
3. Don't rattle on incessantly about how many hours a day you spend having sex.
4. If you start a topic about something questionable you or your SO has done, and admit you are probably going to get flamed for it, don't get offended and defensive when you are roasted.
5. If you accidentally have sex with your neighbors. Keep it to yourself.
6. Don't make up a fake story about your fake husband widdling his diddle with Heinz.
7. Do not talk about how your dh/so tried to soap your clam in the shower, especially if your dh/so and your son have the same name.
8. It's best if you don't share too much about your marriage, your past, your child-rearing principles (unless they are crunchy), your church, your charity donations, your sex life, your friends, your reasons for being a WOHM.
9. If you have already been told to leave your dh/so, by all means please don't post any more of his wrong doings!
Posting Etiquette
1. Don't post rants about other posters unless you use their names. Oh don't use the words ... gay,jipped,fag,queer,or retard also don't call someone mental.
2. Never ever ask if black people wash their hair as much as white people.
3. We want to know all of the details of your life, unless they are boring, in that case, get a blog.
4. If you don't have anything useful to say suggest therapy.
5. Don't mention *which* store you shop at.
6. Don't name call unless the person TRULY is being said entity.
7. Don't start threads that are stream of consciousness shit and expect people to all get it or even enjoy it especially when they begin to wonder if you are on something and your kid is safe- and you neither confirm or deny.
8. Don't post pictures of you talking on the phone to other posters.
9. Don't profess your love for hummers.
10. Don't talk about money unless you can handle being flamed- ie this is if you "have it" if you don't- talk away.
11. Don't start any threads about your stars. Don't ponder aloud: what you said/did wrong, who you made mad, where they may have gone, why you don't have enough, why you think you should have more, why someone has more than you or anything related to stars.
12. Avoid the temptation to start a thread asking "What is the deal w/ these stars, anyway?".
13. Don't apologize incessantly for NO reason.
14. Don't do the same stupid thing over and over and keep apologizing for it.
15. Avoid tickers!
16. Don't post pictures of your carpet unless you've recently vacuumed.
17. Do not edit a previous thread that you got flamed for. Someone will have it screen shot or saved in their cashe. You will NEVER get away with it!
18. Try not to post too often unless drinking a beer or glass of wine, unless pregnant, in which case, we'll give agent a "Pass Go, but do not collect $200 card", which she'll go on to think means that she can go ahead and purchase off the shelf bedding for her already shortchanged and deprived offspring.
19. Don't be a martyr.
20. Just agree with everyone and play both sides of every fence. If you don't, you'll end up like me and be 100% invisible.
21. Don't post hardships, someone might try and do something nice and then not because they think someone else on the board is being an arse.
22. DO NOT post a goodbye thread, have your username deleted, only to return the next day and re-register.
23. just post a thinking out loud or a WWYD. You'll be noticed real quick.
24. Don't try to define the term *Christian*, but other definitions of other religions are acceptable.
25. Make sure that you put in an occasional thoughtful post on how over the top Americans are when it comes to holidays. It tends to go down really well!
26. Trolls w/Sub-Rules
If someone has less than 300 posts and says something stupid or offensive, call them a troll.
Sub-Rule #26.4
If someone mentions trolls, post a picture of troll spray and the flying harpie.
Sub-Rule #26.5
After following the previous 2 rules, please don't neglect to post "**tingles**"
Sub-Rule #26.6
If none of the above apply, post about how annoying you find others calling everyone who is new a troll.
Sub-Rule #27
Don't ask what rules #26.1 and #26.2 are.
27. If someone asks you something about yourself, do NOT answer by starting a s/o thread unless you want it to be 55 pages, locked, and a second thread started.
28. While being flamed remember:
"In any flamefest there will be those who defend the roastee, those who side with the roasters, and the one who says Nevermore."
28-1. Is really best if your being flamed, to delete all of your posts regarding said thread
.
.
.
not!
29. Never say that the south should get over the Civil War even though it ended over 140 years ago and has no direct effect on anyone living today. You will be told that:
29-1) You don't know what you're talking about since you live in Ohio and, apparently, you can only realise the pain of this war if you live in a state with the "scars" of a Civil War battleground.
29-2) It doesn't matter that your direct ancestors fought and died as Rebels. You being a resident of Ohio cancels that out.
29-3) You don't understand the "Southern way", even though your family is from Tennessee.
30. Never start a thread to tell a new poster that their Jesus avatar annoys you.
31. Every thread over 25 pages WILL end in people talking dirty to each other.
32. If something bad happens to someone you know, or if you read about something bad in the paper, or if you hear a particularly moving urban legend, do not come here and post as if it had happened to you.
33. It's okay to be a kiss-ass, groupie or hanger-on, just don't make it obvious.
34. If you receive an email forward, PLEASE check out its veracity on www.snopes.com (http://www.snopes.com) before inundating us with false claims.
35. Don't say anything is GROSS. It is considered rude and could possibly be compared to making a racist comment.
35-1. Don't use the terms redneck, hick, hillbilly, or po' white trash in a disparaging manner (even if you belong to one of the aforementioned groups) because... well fuck if I can remember why.
35-2. I just recently found out that "cotton-picking hands" was racist. I never would've figured that one out.
36. You must wait at least 20 minutes before bumping a post. There are people watching with stopwatches at the ready and they will not hesitate to point out that you only waited 11.6 minutes.
37. Do not post the contents or refer to the contents of any PM's you send or receive. Private messages are meant to be PRIVATE.
37-1. Try to never PM anyone who is roasting you to ask an "actual" question. You will then be getting roasted in a PM.
37-2. Don't send relentless PM's if someone doesn't answer your PM fast enough or WORSE- comment when someone does answer that you noticed that they had read your PM and posted to the board before answering them.
38. Do not bring drama from other boards to bf.com.
39. Do not ask about the "popular club" or the secret handshake. If you don't know about either of these, it means you're not "in".
40. Try hard to be the official thread-killer.
41. Do not post personal info about anyone. Never, ever, ever!
42. Don't change your display name every five minutes.
43. Do not post under a fake username. Have the balls/ovaries to stir shit under your own identity.
43-1. Never, under any circumstances, sign in as another user, even if they ask you to.
43-2. Do not, under any circumstances, ask anyone to sign in as you and type anything.
44. Likewise, avoid that old cliche "I have a life, actually" when accused of running away from a thread. It makes those of us who DON'T have a life jealous.
46. Unless you are very well versed in politics and law, do not get involved in political debates, especially if you are a Bush supporter
47. If possible, avoid engaging any single individual in a debate. Later you will hear about the intimate details of her life and be made to feel guilty about engaging her in said debate.
48. If you think keeping an often-used jar of peanut butter on the counter is a labor-saving device, don't do it in anyone's house but your own.
49. Don't go in chat.
49-1. If you agree with anyone on the board you will have shit talked about you in chat. Or maybe that's just me.
50. All this can be summed up in three words: Limit your assclownery.
For more board rules, please refer to "Quoting with Coconuts". (http://www.breastfeeding.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=000150)
Miscellaneous
1. Don't make everything about YOU..because honestly, it is about me..ha ha!
2. But if everyone actually followed these rules this place would be a lot less fun. :)
Disclaimer: This list was compiled for fun and is not to be taken seriously.
Posting about kids.
1. Don't mention if your 4 year old finds a condom.
2. Please for the love of God *don't* ask if black kids like sparkly ponies. It may not go over to well here.
3. Don't vent about Wendy's people offering you a large glass of water instead of filling a sippy cup up.
4. Do not mention if you are even thinking about buying a pair of knock off Robeez.
5. Don't start polls about controversial subjects ie spanking which include insulting posters that have a different POV and then turn tail and run and never even come back to it
6. Don't name your kids weird names or names that have strange spellings..you know "trendeigh" names...
7. If within the context of a story, you mention that your child was eating something that would not meet the approval of the Crunchy MOTY committee, you must follow it with the phrase "as a special treat."
8. Don't post about wishing your child had a Christmas party at school. *Winter Holiday* is all that is PC.
9. Do not compare a child harness to a dog leash. (Avoid at all costs)
10. Do not ask WOHMs why did they have children if they were not going to raise them.
11. Do not ask SAHMs who is going to be their little girl's positive female role model.
12. Don't say that moms who work nights couldn't possibly be a good mother to their child.
13. Don't say anything about peanut butter, raw nuts, fish, or eggs.
14. Do not post pics of your child wearing lip gloss.
15. Do not ask:
"Do you kiss your children with those lips?" because it makes you look assinine.
16. If you dress your toddler in a bikini, don't post pictures.
17. If you use the multi-seat grocery cart with just one child, be prepared to defend yourself to the death.
18. Never suggest that all SAHM's can/should join Moms groups, or suggest that they walk/take public transportation/get a cab to get to said Moms groups (or to BK).
Sentence structure and grammar rules.
1. If you are going to call me a "bitch" please capitalize- I like my full props.
2. Don't use U when you mean "you"
Don't use R when you mean "are"
Don't use 4 when you mean "four"
Don't use four when you mean "for"
3. Use hard returns and avoid run-on sentences at all costs.
4. Use paragraphs
5. For the love of all that is good and holy, if your spelling sucks, use a spell checker. Or order "Hookt on Fonix". It wurkt four mee.
6. Avoid hyperbole
7. Make sure that even when speaking English, that you translate any non-american-English words (like nappy, cot, dummy...) - otherwise people won't know what the hell you're talking about.
8. DO NOT USE ALL CAPS IN YOUR POSTS AND THEN WONDER WHY PEOPLE KEEP TELLING YOU TO CALM DOWN.
9. One word- paragraphs.
10. Be sure to suggest a more succinct and clearer way of putting it and then find another grammar or spelling point to critique. Be sure not to split any infinitives or end any sentences with a preposition. But, if you want to annoy BJM, start your sentences with "and" or "but."
11. If you do something that is even remotely unpleasant because you feel it is in the best interest of your child prepare to be called a martyr. If your child experiences something remotely unpleasant b/c it is your best interest you will be incompetent. Walk the middle ground at all times.
12. Grammar is good.
13. For those with spelling problems, Google has a tool bar that has a built in spell checker. Definitely worth the download.
FTR fucknut and asshat are NOT words according to Google.
Husbands or S/O's
1. It is best not to discuss penis accidents.
2. Don't complain about DH, unless you want to be told that you should get a divorce.
example:
Person A: "My dh was 10 minutes late getting home and we had plans..."
Person B: "Leave that lowlife sorry mother fucker now.!!!"
3. Don't rattle on incessantly about how many hours a day you spend having sex.
4. If you start a topic about something questionable you or your SO has done, and admit you are probably going to get flamed for it, don't get offended and defensive when you are roasted.
5. If you accidentally have sex with your neighbors. Keep it to yourself.
6. Don't make up a fake story about your fake husband widdling his diddle with Heinz.
7. Do not talk about how your dh/so tried to soap your clam in the shower, especially if your dh/so and your son have the same name.
8. It's best if you don't share too much about your marriage, your past, your child-rearing principles (unless they are crunchy), your church, your charity donations, your sex life, your friends, your reasons for being a WOHM.
9. If you have already been told to leave your dh/so, by all means please don't post any more of his wrong doings!
Posting Etiquette
1. Don't post rants about other posters unless you use their names. Oh don't use the words ... gay,jipped,fag,queer,or retard also don't call someone mental.
2. Never ever ask if black people wash their hair as much as white people.
3. We want to know all of the details of your life, unless they are boring, in that case, get a blog.
4. If you don't have anything useful to say suggest therapy.
5. Don't mention *which* store you shop at.
6. Don't name call unless the person TRULY is being said entity.
7. Don't start threads that are stream of consciousness shit and expect people to all get it or even enjoy it especially when they begin to wonder if you are on something and your kid is safe- and you neither confirm or deny.
8. Don't post pictures of you talking on the phone to other posters.
9. Don't profess your love for hummers.
10. Don't talk about money unless you can handle being flamed- ie this is if you "have it" if you don't- talk away.
11. Don't start any threads about your stars. Don't ponder aloud: what you said/did wrong, who you made mad, where they may have gone, why you don't have enough, why you think you should have more, why someone has more than you or anything related to stars.
12. Avoid the temptation to start a thread asking "What is the deal w/ these stars, anyway?".
13. Don't apologize incessantly for NO reason.
14. Don't do the same stupid thing over and over and keep apologizing for it.
15. Avoid tickers!
16. Don't post pictures of your carpet unless you've recently vacuumed.
17. Do not edit a previous thread that you got flamed for. Someone will have it screen shot or saved in their cashe. You will NEVER get away with it!
18. Try not to post too often unless drinking a beer or glass of wine, unless pregnant, in which case, we'll give agent a "Pass Go, but do not collect $200 card", which she'll go on to think means that she can go ahead and purchase off the shelf bedding for her already shortchanged and deprived offspring.
19. Don't be a martyr.
20. Just agree with everyone and play both sides of every fence. If you don't, you'll end up like me and be 100% invisible.
21. Don't post hardships, someone might try and do something nice and then not because they think someone else on the board is being an arse.
22. DO NOT post a goodbye thread, have your username deleted, only to return the next day and re-register.
23. just post a thinking out loud or a WWYD. You'll be noticed real quick.
24. Don't try to define the term *Christian*, but other definitions of other religions are acceptable.
25. Make sure that you put in an occasional thoughtful post on how over the top Americans are when it comes to holidays. It tends to go down really well!
26. Trolls w/Sub-Rules
If someone has less than 300 posts and says something stupid or offensive, call them a troll.
Sub-Rule #26.4
If someone mentions trolls, post a picture of troll spray and the flying harpie.
Sub-Rule #26.5
After following the previous 2 rules, please don't neglect to post "**tingles**"
Sub-Rule #26.6
If none of the above apply, post about how annoying you find others calling everyone who is new a troll.
Sub-Rule #27
Don't ask what rules #26.1 and #26.2 are.
27. If someone asks you something about yourself, do NOT answer by starting a s/o thread unless you want it to be 55 pages, locked, and a second thread started.
28. While being flamed remember:
"In any flamefest there will be those who defend the roastee, those who side with the roasters, and the one who says Nevermore."
28-1. Is really best if your being flamed, to delete all of your posts regarding said thread
.
.
.
not!
29. Never say that the south should get over the Civil War even though it ended over 140 years ago and has no direct effect on anyone living today. You will be told that:
29-1) You don't know what you're talking about since you live in Ohio and, apparently, you can only realise the pain of this war if you live in a state with the "scars" of a Civil War battleground.
29-2) It doesn't matter that your direct ancestors fought and died as Rebels. You being a resident of Ohio cancels that out.
29-3) You don't understand the "Southern way", even though your family is from Tennessee.
30. Never start a thread to tell a new poster that their Jesus avatar annoys you.
31. Every thread over 25 pages WILL end in people talking dirty to each other.
32. If something bad happens to someone you know, or if you read about something bad in the paper, or if you hear a particularly moving urban legend, do not come here and post as if it had happened to you.
33. It's okay to be a kiss-ass, groupie or hanger-on, just don't make it obvious.
34. If you receive an email forward, PLEASE check out its veracity on www.snopes.com (http://www.snopes.com) before inundating us with false claims.
35. Don't say anything is GROSS. It is considered rude and could possibly be compared to making a racist comment.
35-1. Don't use the terms redneck, hick, hillbilly, or po' white trash in a disparaging manner (even if you belong to one of the aforementioned groups) because... well fuck if I can remember why.
35-2. I just recently found out that "cotton-picking hands" was racist. I never would've figured that one out.
36. You must wait at least 20 minutes before bumping a post. There are people watching with stopwatches at the ready and they will not hesitate to point out that you only waited 11.6 minutes.
37. Do not post the contents or refer to the contents of any PM's you send or receive. Private messages are meant to be PRIVATE.
37-1. Try to never PM anyone who is roasting you to ask an "actual" question. You will then be getting roasted in a PM.
37-2. Don't send relentless PM's if someone doesn't answer your PM fast enough or WORSE- comment when someone does answer that you noticed that they had read your PM and posted to the board before answering them.
38. Do not bring drama from other boards to bf.com.
39. Do not ask about the "popular club" or the secret handshake. If you don't know about either of these, it means you're not "in".
40. Try hard to be the official thread-killer.
41. Do not post personal info about anyone. Never, ever, ever!
42. Don't change your display name every five minutes.
43. Do not post under a fake username. Have the balls/ovaries to stir shit under your own identity.
43-1. Never, under any circumstances, sign in as another user, even if they ask you to.
43-2. Do not, under any circumstances, ask anyone to sign in as you and type anything.
44. Likewise, avoid that old cliche "I have a life, actually" when accused of running away from a thread. It makes those of us who DON'T have a life jealous.
46. Unless you are very well versed in politics and law, do not get involved in political debates, especially if you are a Bush supporter
47. If possible, avoid engaging any single individual in a debate. Later you will hear about the intimate details of her life and be made to feel guilty about engaging her in said debate.
48. If you think keeping an often-used jar of peanut butter on the counter is a labor-saving device, don't do it in anyone's house but your own.
49. Don't go in chat.
49-1. If you agree with anyone on the board you will have shit talked about you in chat. Or maybe that's just me.
50. All this can be summed up in three words: Limit your assclownery.
For more board rules, please refer to "Quoting with Coconuts". (http://www.breastfeeding.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=000150)
Miscellaneous
1. Don't make everything about YOU..because honestly, it is about me..ha ha!
2. But if everyone actually followed these rules this place would be a lot less fun. :)