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MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 01:32 AM
I was going through my friends videos of her new baby. Baby is less than a month old. Then I come across a video saying "flying baby=happy baby". Figured it was the baby being held and zoomed around.

GAH!!! One of her friends is TOSSING the baby in the air. Not very high.. but letting go and letting him fall back into her hands. This baby is not even a month old yet.

UHH?? This is NOT okay right? I mean.. this isn't a one year old with head and neck control, this is a three week old infant. Can't the baby get shaken infant syndrome from that???
Tweet
03-03-2009, 01:39 AM
I can't imagine that would be good, no, given that they don't have any control of their heads at that age. Wtf? I can't imagine letting someone do that.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 01:41 AM
I can't believe it. I can't believe 1. that she let the friend do it 2. that she filmed it and 3. that she posted it on facebook.

I am telling her that she should remove it the hell of the internet before someone calls CPS, and NEVER do that again.
JudyJudyJudy
03-03-2009, 01:47 AM
That is very dangerous. It can cause the same problems as shaken baby syndrome. I don't know why some people are so friggin' stupid.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 01:48 AM
Just to clarify ... I don't think at all that this mother has any idea that this could cause her baby harm, she is very loving and protective. Just..apparently..very very VERY...uninformed.

I don't even know what to say to her. I don't know how I can possibly tell her how stupid that was without coming across as a judgmental bitch. I am having trouble thinking of what I am going to say.
JudyJudyJudy
03-03-2009, 02:54 AM
When I read stuff like this, I think perhaps child development and childcare classes should be required in school.

I'd say something like, "Hey, you might not be aware of this, but I thought you would want to know that...." You could even post a link to information if you thought it would help.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 03:02 AM
She told me that he wasn't being tossed, that he never left her hands. My husband and I watched the video three more times. He leaves the girls hands. He isn't being tossed way up in the air, but he is being jerked about in her arms. She denies that anything was being done wrong.
JudyJudyJudy
03-03-2009, 03:12 AM
:mad:

Let's just hope that she realizes that what she did was stupid and, thus, is embarrassed to admit what was really happening but that she'll now know not to do it again.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 03:18 AM
I hope so. It was awkward. I had absolutely nothing to say when she denied it.. I mean ... as soon as she said it I went back and watched the videos. Uh.. it dosen't matter if he isn't being tossed near the ceiling. He is being bounced without his neck supported, he is three weeks old. At three weeks old he should be held with his neck supported, not bounced in the air. I had nothing to say that was productive so I just didn't answer and she didn't say anything back.

I wouldn't be surprised if she dosen't talk to me or something now.. but.. I just couldn't say nothing. It is clear that nothing I say is going to change her mind so .. ih.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 03:20 AM
and now it is deleted. Big surprise.
JudyJudyJudy
03-03-2009, 03:29 AM
I so hope she has more sense than to do that again. :(
jessiehannan
03-03-2009, 05:20 AM
Do you think that it wouod do more harm than good to send her some info on shaken baby syndrome, and how easy it is for a child to be injured?
Peeka2
03-03-2009, 07:13 AM
Hopefully you saying something scared her enough to not allow it anymore. Even if she won't admit it.
Now_serving_number4
03-03-2009, 07:50 AM
OMG poor baby. WTH is she thinking. Honestly how can someone bee so stupid thinking that would be OK?
MiMi_of_4
03-03-2009, 08:14 AM
They probably thought it was "cute" not realizing how dangerous it was. In addition to neck support not being given, what if the friend had dropped the baby? Bad enough if someone accidentally drops an infant, but dropping one while doing something that stupid could still result in criminal charges, I imagine.

Some parents are woefully uninformed, so I'm glad you said something, even if she doesn't ever speak to you again.
Wildflower
03-03-2009, 08:49 AM
She sure doesn't sound 'protective' to me. That goes against all motherly instinct to me to allow someone else to toss your baby around like that. I'm glad you said something, and hopefully she will look beyond her defensiveness and realize it's wrong to be so rough with a fragile newborn!
crystal555rose
03-03-2009, 08:58 AM
What is the point of tossing a infant in the air? I mean, everything posted so far is right on and it just leaves me wondering why?
3girls2luv
03-03-2009, 09:22 AM
I am glad you said something. Apparently you got your point across somehow because she deleted the video.
Ilovemonkeys
03-03-2009, 09:37 AM
I can not imagine how anyone could think it was ok to throw such a small and fragile baby in the air? What happened to common sense.
Iconoclast
03-03-2009, 09:46 AM
I see people this stupid every time I work. It boggles the mind. You just can't protect people fromtheir own ignorance. I gave up trying years ago. I consider it natural selection at work now, it is the only way to make senseof it.
Bohemian
03-03-2009, 09:47 AM
That is disturbing. I hope she relizes how dangerous that was now that you told her and doesn't do it again. I hope you can follow through in some way, I'm worried that she just took down the video to placate you and still thinks what she did was okay.
KerryS
03-03-2009, 09:47 AM
I just feel bad for the poor baby. Imagine how it feels, not knowing WTF is happening.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 10:10 AM
That is disturbing. I hope she relizes how dangerous that was now that you told her and doesn't do it again. I hope you can follow through in some way, I'm worried that she just took down the video to placate you and still thinks what she did was okay.


Well she told me she thought what she did was okay, and that I am over reacting. She said the baby never left the other girls hands.

Uhh I watched the video several times. He did come out of her hands. Not very far. But even if he did or didnt, he was being held in the air, at an angle facing down (no neck support) and was being jostled up and down. That in itself is bad enough. Add to the fact that he DID leave her hands...

She changed her facebook status to "I am taking down pictures/videos of _____ because I don't want facebook to own them". But she had put the video up THAT day, and took it down half an hour after I talked to her. So it must have been because of the conversation.

I think the worst part of it is that I think she is mad and wont talk to me anymore, and I dont think I changed her mind. I could handle loosing a friendship if I thought that the end result was a protected and safer baby. It would still hurt. But now I feel like I am loosing my friendship over nothing, she isn't going to change anything.
jessiehannan
03-03-2009, 10:12 AM
:hug: I would email her some articles or videos and leave it at that. You can't make her change, and would you be comfortable w/her any more if she was still talking to you and hasn't changed?
Bohemian
03-03-2009, 10:16 AM
It doesn't sound like you can do anything else. Since she is upset enough about this that she isn't speaking to you, perhaps she'll bounce it off a few people and they will tell her the same. Sometimes people will do that because they still want reassurance they are right when someone has questioned their parenting.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 10:18 AM
No one else is going to say shit to her, the rest of her friends are all childless and wouldn't have a clue.
HammBugga
03-03-2009, 10:20 AM
I looked around for some evidence that what you are describing can cause SBS but instead I found this:
http://www.dontshake.org/sbs.php?topNavID=3&subNavID=24

While I think it's a terrible idea to toss and infant, I don't think it can cause SBS. Your friend is showing some pretty poor judgement.
CatSoup
03-03-2009, 10:25 AM
It can't be good for the baby's neck anyway.
tata
03-03-2009, 10:28 AM
Geez.

MrsKitty, you did the right thing. You are being a good friend. I think that you should maybe call your friend and/or see her directly. When you see an opportunity, assure your friend that you find her to be a good mom. Explain that you assumed she didn't know how dangerous the bouncing is for such a fragile, little baby neck. And tell her you hope she isn't offended, that you are only concerned for her and her child.

It's not easy to be frank with our friends when necessary, but it's my opinion that's what GOOD friends do. She's lucky to have you.
Tweet
03-03-2009, 10:34 AM
You didn't do it for nothing, MsKitty. It is never wrong to speak up and advocate for a child.She apparently didn't know (although it makes me wonder HOW one would wouldn't at least have the instincts to you know- i don't know what all could happen but it doesn't sound safe and I would freak the fuck out on someone who tried to do that with my baby -breathe) and even though she was defending it, we can all hope that it sticks in her head and she doesn't allow it again.

And if she doesn't speak to you again after this, well, you know she wasn't a super duper friend to begin with. I mean, if you brought it up in a nice way (not HEY BITCH, THAT IS FUCKING STUPID!!) it was out of concern for her child and wtf does she have to be pissed about??I would expect my friends to tell me if I was unknowingly doing something dangerous. Makes me wonder who else said something to her. And maybe she was even reported to FB? You never know.
Tweet
03-03-2009, 10:37 AM
Geez.

MrsKitty, you did the right thing. You are being a good friend. I think that you should maybe call your friend and/or see her directly. When you see an opportunity, assure your friend that you find her to be a good mom. Explain that you assumed she didn't know how dangerous the bouncing is for such a fragile, little baby neck. And tell her you hope she isn't offended, that you are only concerned for her and her child.

It's not easy to be frank with our friends when necessary, but it's my opinion that's what GOOD friends do. She's lucky to have you.


I firmly agree. Maybe my friends and I are just getting old and curmudgeony ,but it wouldn't make me blink an eye for one of them to say, "Hey,T, that carseat is really not safely installed..here's some info on it"or whatever. That isn't being mean,that is trying to look out for my kid(s).
RaisingThemLeft
03-03-2009, 02:43 PM
I'm glad she at least deleted it. maybe she was feeling defensive, but at least got the message not to do it again. Let's hope. My dh tossed our children high into the air, but not as babies.
JudyJudyJudy
03-03-2009, 05:27 PM
No one else is going to say shit to her, the rest of her friends are all childless and wouldn't have a clue.
I had common sense about such things long before I had a child. I can't think of a single childless person I know who "wouldn't have a clue." Having a baby doesn't suddenly take stupidity away from a person.
MrsKitty
03-03-2009, 06:10 PM
I had common sense about such things long before I had a child. I can't think of a single childless person I know who "wouldn't have a clue." Having a baby doesn't suddenly take stupidity away from a person.


I had other things to say about the friends but couldn't think of a nice way to say it so I left them out.