Freaking Annoyed--preschool related and long

[Michele]

So, I pick Safia up from daycare today and there is some artwork in her box. One of the papers has some poorly drawn circles on them and a sentence from the teacher informing me that "Safia can't hold the pencil." This made no sense to me as the circles were clearly drawn by a child and they were in pencil. So, I took the paper out to the yard with me when I picked her up and asked her what the issue was.

She grabs the paper out of my hand and says, "Oh, I need to make a copy of that for her file. This shouldn't be in her box." Um, okay, why you would need to copy that and file it is beyond me. I asked her why and she said that Safia is not holding the pencil correctly and that she needs to before she goes to the 4 yo class in the fall because they will expect her to be able to trace letters. Um, she is not even 4 yet. She likes writing and drawing and playing school. Correct pencil posture is not really an issue at this age, IMO.

I start to inform the teacher that all kids develop at different rates, particularly in the pre-k-2nd grade years and that it may not be reasonable to expect the 3-4 yos to all hold a pencil "correctly" and that I did not want this to be made an issue for Safia at this point because it will make her uncomfortable with writing and drawing if the issue is pressed. Unfortunately, by this time, Safia saw me and came running up to me. I was ready to drop the issue at that point, but the teacher adds "Safia, your mommy needs to work with you so you can hold your pencil right." Her little face fell and she looked totally ashamed. Being "good" at school stuff--circle time, following directions and rules, has always been very important to her. She prides herself on doing stuff "right." It is just the way she is.

I was sooooo pissed. She is not even 4. She does not need to be told that her writing skills are inadequate. I get that most kids learn to hold the pencil correctly by 4 or so. I also know that KDG, when the kid is 5, is when they really work on that. Ugh.

I really liked the 2 yo teacher and I really like the other 3 yo teacher who is unfortunately leaving for a KDG position. I also like the 4 yo teachers as my older DD had them as well. This particular teacher, however, is "well-meaning" but freaking ignorant and clueless at times.

WDYT? Am I overreacting? Any advice here?

[BeanBabies]

I would be furious.

Gums never learned to hold his pencil properly until 1st grade and he was NEVER pointed out for it.

Why must some people be so frigging hard on little kids?

eta

I realized I didn't answer your question. "lol9"

I would call the administrator and complain. For sure.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I'd be pissed, too. Jacob would have been crushed by something like that. He was around 7 before he really had the hang of holding his pencil correctly.

I'd also call and complain.

[Babyhellfire]

I do not think you are overreacting.

I would be LIVID - mainly because your post brought rushing back all those memories of my 4th grade teacher embarrassing me in front of the whole class because of how I held my pencil(being left handed), how I couldn't write in the 3-ring binder the way she wanted because I was left handed..(and more)"

A 3 yr old "not holding the pencil right" is beyond ridiculous.
I can't even imagine how frustrated and defeated barely 4 yr old dd would feel if someone critiqued her like that either.

I would complain.

[CandiceBrooke17]

I can't believe she actually told your daughter that! I would have went off on her! So what? she is not even 4.. i didn't know that at 4 your supposed to have to know how to hold a pencil correctly. I would have fussed her out when she said she needed that paper on file.. i would def. go talk to the daycare director for sure.. because that was not nice of her to say that to your child.

[jessiehannan]

I would be upset as well. I'd call and make a complaint.
Holding a pencil "correctly" is hard.
I know GROWNUPS who don't hold their pencil correctly.

[KatieLou]

I would be very upset too. I worked in a 3-4 year old preschool room, and I think it is crazy that she is pushing this so much and saying she can not advance to the next room. *stomps foot*

My DD is one that gets her little heart broken over stuff like that, so I can imagine how that made you feel as her mother.

I would also complain.

[Sputterduck]

That is dumb. My son is 4 and doesn't hold his pencil correctly. I don't care much. He is 4.

FTR, I am left handed and nobody ever corrected me on holding a pencil because of that, and I write just fine.

[Michele]

Thank you so much for your input here, ladies. I am very friendly with the owner of the daycare and I will certainly speak to her on Monday. Really, the program is typically very good and the owner hires good people. I hate to be harsh, but this particular teacher just isn't very bright, as in she does not think before she speaks. She is preggo and due in August so I will not miss her when she goes out on leave--which I hope is sooner rather than later.

After dinner tonight Safia brought me a pencil from her easel and a piece of paper and asked me to show her how to hold the pencil. I showed her and she did not hold it "correctly" but I told her she was doing fine. She had me make an S for her to trace then she made a small f on her own because she knows that it is a letter in her name. Honestly, it looked fine. Fantastic for her age, actually. She looked so happy and relieved when I told her that she did a good job.

This teacher can kiss my ass on this one. If need be, I will request that she be placed in the other 3yo class if this continues to be an issue though I would hate to have to do that. My other concern here is the teacher holding a grudge. In addition to not seeming very bright, she also seems to have the potential to be kind of petty and immature. Safia is a real teacher-pleaser and she would be very hurt if she felt her teacher didn't like her. This whole situation just sucks.

[Peeka2]

I would be livid. Really. David is 6 and he still hasn't figured out what hand he should write with let along how to hold the pencil. The only complaint I have gotten out of his teacher is that he over uses glue.

She has no right to mess with your dd's self-esteem like that. :(

[Still_Tbog]

Even if she had a 100% valid point, it was shameful of her to say that in front of the child. Heck, my ds was told at 16 last year that he was lazy, when he really has a learning disability. That hurt him and he was old enough to take it....cant imagine how her comment would deflate a 3 yr old that was eager to please.

[HammBugga]

That is fucked up beyond words. That teacher is wrong on so many levels. Writing that on her paper...making copies for her "file"... telling her that her mom needs to teach her. She is freaking 3 years old for crimineys sake. At 3, they are still switching from left to right!

I would have been so pissed.

[SingingMom]

This is why I hate preschool. There are some wonderful people and programs- and there there are the others. It must be hard to find and hire knowledgeable people for nearly minimum wage.

But honestly, the "teacher" is way out of her league. Obviously knows little about child development. All she knows is classroom standards; she's got no idea how to teach and how to nurture.

I'd discuss it with the director- with particular attention to how the way the teacher is looking at the issue is interfering with your daughter's development.

[QuiltyConscience]

OFFS. I think filing a paper about how a 3 year old is holding a pencil is absolutely ridiculous.

[paper_]

I would be upset as well. I'd call and make a complaint.
Holding a pencil "correctly" is hard.
I know GROWNUPS who don't hold their pencil correctly.


Yup - I don't hold a pencil "correctly" and I have perfectly good and fast handwriting. The right way to hold a pencil is the one that helps you write legibly and efficiently.

[rock__]

OFFS. I think filing a paper about how a 3 year old is holding a pencil is absolutely ridiculous.

ICAM!

We had some issues with DD1's teachers as well. She's a kid who loves learning, and loves to please, but can really stress out BIG time and get hung up on perfectionism. Her teachers turned her from a kid who loved going to school and learning to one who was constantly stressed out and would actually cry and beg not to go to school in the morning. She was 4.5 years old. And it was was Montessori school.

I ended up pulling her out and homeschooling her for kindergarten. She'll be in public school next year, and I hope we don't have any more issues like this. I always wanted school to be a positive experience for her.

[lifeintheshwa]

Right after she said that I'd say "and daycare worker needs to learn what is appropriate conversation about developmental skills to be had in front of a child." Then, I would have turned around and skipped with your daughter to the car, cause it's way more fun and might bring some levity to the whole thing. (wait, can 3 year olds skip?) Definitely bring it up, it's not cool.

[rock__]

My DD2 couldn't skip at 3, but she could gallop. :)

[CatSoup]

Right after she said that I'd say "and daycare worker needs to learn what is appropriate conversation about developmental skills to be had in front of a child." Then, I would have turned around and skipped with your daughter to the car, cause it's way more fun and might bring some levity to the whole thing. (wait, can 3 year olds skip?) Definitely bring it up, it's not cool.
lol

[SingingMom]

ICAM!

We had some issues with DD1's teachers as well. She's a kid who loves learning, and loves to please, but can really stress out BIG time and get hung up on perfectionism. Her teachers turned her from a kid who loved going to school and learning to one who was constantly stressed out and would actually cry and beg not to go to school in the morning. She was 4.5 years old. And it was was Montessori school.

I ended up pulling her out and homeschooling her for kindergarten. She'll be in public school next year, and I hope we don't have any more issues like this. I always wanted school to be a positive experience for her.

I checked out three local Montessoris for my kids- and passed on all of them. The teachers all really hit my radar as people who really wanted all the kids to conform. They talked a lot about how important it was for my kids to be able to line up quietly and respond to directions immediately. At the time, my older kids were still technically foster kids, and when they found out I had foster kids, you could see them think "Eeeeww. We don't want to deal with that."

I think it's perfectly normal for a two or three year old kid to not be "good" all the time... It looked to me like the teachers were screening for the most obedient, cooperative kids, and then telling themselves how great their program was. Love the philosophy of Montessori, can't seem to find it here.

[Tweet]

Ew. I'd be fucking pissed.

I've had one of my children at Montessori preschool, regular preschool and another at regular preschool and special needs preschool. That has NEVER happened. They didn't have any sort of file except for what they like to give you at the end of the year as a keepsake. The whole fucking point of preschool is to just introduce them to stuff..not make them feel like shit for not being able to grasp it. They're barely out of toddlerhood,for fuck's sake.

If it were me, I'd complain pretty loudly about that.