Pumping only and thinking about quitting

[aln5339]

My baby was born 8 wks early, while he was in the NICU for 5 wks I nursed him when I could when I went into the hospital and pumped when I couldn't be there. He would take anywhere from 45 min to 1 hour to nurse and most of the time fall asleep, and when he was done I was not relieved in anyway and he still seemed really hungry. So for the past couple of months I've gone to straight pumping. My baby is now 4 months old, I've been back to work for a few weeks and things are just more stressful. I bring my pump to work and step out a couple of times to take care of needs. I pump a couple of times in the evening, once during the night and once before I got to work in the morning. Since I've been back to work, I'm more tired and pumping seems to be causing tension in the household. My husband helps out but now that I'm back to work he is getting up before going to work to feed our son so he is not getting as much sleep as he had been (I had been doing it all when I was on maternity leave). When we get home from work he usually feeds our son and I'm running around doing household needs and getting things ready for the next day...not to mention worn out from putting alot of effort into my work. Before going to bed I pump while he feeds the baby. It recently came up that he is doing majority of the feedings while I'm "just pumping". Feel like there is resentment from that, mustered with lack of sleep...just making everything that much more difficult. Not to mention, being back to work I've lost the quality time with my baby (as well as my older child) cause there seems to be very little time in the evening, have had to stop excercising because of lack of time, and we're probably not eating as healthy as we should cause supper is more rushed or everyone is worn out from the day. I'm contemplating quitting pumping/supplying breastmilk to possibly allow myself a tad more sleep, hassle of packing everything daily to pump at work, help with feeding our baby more to ease tension at home (allowing my husband more sleep as well)...and maybe I could excercise while at work instead of pumping, have more time to cook a decent meal too. I know the breastmilk is good for the baby, so I'm torn...but also stressed and tired so wondering if it would just be easier for me to stop. I don't know what to do. I want to make an informed decision. There seems to be lots of pro's to quitting, but the biggest negative to quitting is what my baby will be missing if I stop, which is a huge negative....and then I feel like I'm just thinking of myself and my needs if I quit when my babies needs are more important. With my other child, that is now 8, I nursed for 2 months...I was much younger and a single parent, so things were just different. However, she is a very healthy child....but my baby was born 8 wks early, so is he in more dire need of my milk? I'm so torn. If I choose to stop supplying milk by pumping, what is the best way to do it? How do I stop? Any other things I should try to ease tension at home? What is my baby gonna be missing if I stop? Any help or info would be appreciated.

Thanks!
ALS

[zediseot]

First, I don't think it's too late to get your baby back to the breast. Have you tried recently?
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relactation.html
I highly recommend trying to find a lc experienced in relactating. The good news is that you have a great milk supply so it won't be a supply issue.

DD was about 6 weeks early and in the NICU also but only a few days. For a while, we too were doing the bottle feeding/me pumping thing too and it was exhausting. I stuck with it by nursing first and then pumping/bottle feeding annd now she is able to nurse exclusively when I'm home -- no bottles. I can't tell you how immeasurably easy it is compared to the beginning. I also think there are immunological/nutritional benefits conferred better by nursing directly rather than feeding ebm.

I really think it's worth a try to get your ds back to nursing, especially given your conflicted feelings. It may take some hard work. Or maybe not.

[crystal555rose]

As far as benefits for baby I would place a lot of importance on the immune system support your milk provides. My son did not get any infectious disease until 16 months despite repeated exposure (to me most of the time!) I attribute this to breastmilk. Infectious disease is very scary in infants. Their lack of an immune response often masks infection until it is very serious.

I agree with zediseot- the easiest thing for you would be getting baby back on the breast so you would have to pump much less. I totally feel your pain with the pump. I pumped diligently for one year and then quit. Now baby gets milk when we are together and that is enough. Like you, I work full time and maintain the the majority of household functions.

That being said there is nothing easy about getting baby back on the breast. There are a lot of really knowledgable moms on here who have so much advice on how to get baby back to the breast. I hope they will post their information for you.

I wish you the best of luck. Incidentally, BFing was my "exercise" until baby was about a year old. By then we had a routine where I could squeeze it back in (from 9-10 pm). I also formerly worked out at a gym. The travel time was a waste so I bought a stationary bike and a WiiFit so I can work out at home.

[aln5339]

I appreciate the responses. I understand the importance of getting back to actually breast feeding...my concern there is that we'll be back to where we were a month and a half ago. He'll try nursing for 45-55 minutes, falling asleep thru it, wake up as soon as I put him down, be hungry (so I know he didn't get enough)...so he'll want to bottle feed, which will take another 30+ minutes and I still won't be relieved and need to pump more. Thus, I feel like I'll be losing even more time doing all of this and trying to maintain household chores I guess. He is a REALLY slow eater, by bottle as well, and will fall asleep doing that as well. For the first 12 wks or so, I was limited by doctors to only nursing 1-2 times a day because we had to fortify the breastmilk for weight gain...so that is the main reason why pumping just came to be the way, plus the nearly 2 hour process it was taking to do an actual feeding and then an hour or so later have to start in all over again. Maybe it's somewhat just lack of knowledge and experience on my part...I've just tried following the scheduling that the NICU had us on and doctors. I guess I don't see much improvement in his eating schedule/habits so I've been hesitant to go back and try the breast....

Again, I appreciate the feedback and will definitely give it some serious thought and maybe another try to see how it goes.

[zediseot]

I had exactly the same experience early on -- those feedings took forever. I was getting around an hour and a half of sleep at most at one time because I'd nurse, bottle feed then pump (for the next feeding). Those preemies are sleepy little creatures.

However, they do get a lot faster. Like I said, it was exhausting at first, but really isn't that much work anymore. Your ds is just about at that adjusted age (2 months or so) where he's going to get faster at feeding and wake up more. For us now, the time spent bottlefeeding and breastfeeding are roughly the same.

At night, dd does tend to nurse a lot, but that frees dh to do the other stuff around the house, like get our ds ready for bed, get stuff ready for the next day. I just call out directions from the recliner. :)

Obviously, this is your choice and as a wohm (who hates pumping), I can definitely empathize. However, like you, I'm worried that my preemie dd doesn't have the immune system she would have if she were full term. And you sound so conflicted about this that I think it might be worth it to endure the difficulty for another week or 2 to see if you can get it to work.

Another option for you might be to continue to pump at work, pump once right before bed and do supplemental formula where you're at least cutting down the pumping time but your ds is still getting some of the benefits of breastmilk.

[crystal555rose]

Me too, I really hated BFing in the beginning. He ate every two hours but would take 45 min.- 1hour to feed and that two hour timeline was from the beginning of one feed to the next. He would seem hungry within minutes of just having nursed. After chatting with moms on this site, this is all totally normal. This is how the milk supply is established- he nurses now for the milk he will need next week.

Where is madelsmama, nipple nectar, kerry s, etc.? They usually swoop in to these posts with steps on what you need to do... Have you browsed other threads? I will try to track some down.

You have a long road ahead but this will get better. They nurse more efficiently and you have less bottles to sterilize and clean (one of the things I hated about pumping).

If you do decide that bottle feeding will work best for your family do not beat yourself up about it. You did an incredible thing maintaining supply with a pump and giving your baby the best possible start considering all the difficulties you faced.

[crystal555rose]

Check out the thread "I need HELP" in Breastfeeding forum. There are lots of the links that are commonly recommended.

[whitnessforhim]

I appreciate the responses. I understand the importance of getting back to actually breast feeding...my concern there is that we'll be back to where we were a month and a half ago. He'll try nursing for 45-55 minutes, falling asleep thru it, wake up as soon as I put him down, be hungry (so I know he didn't get enough)...so he'll want to bottle feed, which will take another 30+ minutes and I still won't be relieved and need to pump more. Thus, I feel like I'll be losing even more time doing all of this and trying to maintain household chores I guess. He is a REALLY slow eater, by bottle as well, and will fall asleep doing that as well. For the first 12 wks or so, I was limited by doctors to only nursing 1-2 times a day because we had to fortify the breastmilk for weight gain...so that is the main reason why pumping just came to be the way, plus the nearly 2 hour process it was taking to do an actual feeding and then an hour or so later have to start in all over again. Maybe it's somewhat just lack of knowledge and experience on my part...I've just tried following the scheduling that the NICU had us on and doctors. I guess I don't see much improvement in his eating schedule/habits so I've been hesitant to go back and try the breast....

Again, I appreciate the feedback and will definitely give it some serious thought and maybe another try to see how it goes.

Nursing for that long length of time is just NORMAL newborn behavior. Almost every nursing mom experiences this or some other challenges in the beginning. It just comes with the territory. So you're not alone and your baby isn't the only one who nurses like this. However, in the long run, if you can make it through the first couple of hard months, breastfeeding is SO MUCH easier than bottle (whether its BM or formula) feeding.

Would getting him back to the breast be just as difficult as pumping and bottle feeding is now? Yes, maybe even more so but only for a small period of time. Babies do not always nurse for 45mins to an hour. Babies go through many transitional phases. Actually its typical at around 4mo. for babies to become distracted when nursing and often times only nurse from 5-10mins at a time. As your baby grows and becomes a much more efficient nurser and also becomes interested in the world around him, he won't want to nurse for hours at a time. The long nursing sessions will PASS!!

I say all this because I have been where you are now. I exclusively pumped for my DD for her first 4mo. of life. It was hell. I got up every night at 2am and 6am to pump so that she would have enough milk for the day. I pumped every 2hrs for months! I'd pump, change her diaper, feed her and by the time I got her back to sleep it was time to pump again. I know what you are going through and I know how hard this is. DH also was doing a lot of the feeding and care giving. However, for me the importance of her having breastmilk out weighed my need for sleep. With patients and persistance I finally got her back to the breast. It took about a good month unil she was breastfeeding like a champ. After that my life got SO MUCH easier. No bottles, no washing, no mixing, no warming, nothing. I just put her on the breast when every she wanted. This also releived daddy because I was always feeding her now. If you need to get things done around the house you can put baby in a sling, nurse them there and do what you gotta do. You can't do this when you bottle feed. So for me it was way worth the small price I paid for the first 5mo. of hell to have a 16mo. old DD today who still nurses strong. I wouldn't take back all the sleep I missed in the world for the relationship and goodness of breastmilk that I have given to my daughter. I know this sounds impossible right now momma but you really can do this. But I also want to mention that even if you decide not to continue and formula feed that is ok too. This is your choice to make. I just wanted to share my story since I have been where you are.

[whitnessforhim]

How old is your baby now? We can help you through this!

[aln5339]

My baby turned 17 wks yesterday.

I think I'll try giving the nursing another go around and see what happens. I guess part of my problem is the strain my going back to work is putting on my marriage. I thought this was going to be a team effort, instead, he's "doing everything" with our older child and "everything" for our baby and I'm "just pumping". My going back to work is asking more of his time and I'm at fault it seems....when I'm the one running around each night trying to get things done for the family and household and all he is really being asked to do is bottle feed as he is already sitting to watch TV. Instead I'm the bad mom that supposedly does very little for her kids and he's doing all the child rearing. Why is it we're supposed to be the ones expected to deal with majority of the life changes and they should be able to maintain pretty much their old routine and get to do all the fun things, come and go as they please? I'm just seeing a different side to my husband that I wasn't quite expecting. I would love nothing more than to be at home taking care of things and the kids all day, I used to not be that way, I was more career driven, but the newest edition has changed things and my feeling towards all of that. I wanted to be at home, but didn't have the choice. I don't feel like I'm asking alot, feeding the baby while I get some chores done or maybe slip into bed 15 min earlier to get a few more minutes of sleep since I'll be up for quite a while during the night feeding and pumping. I love my kids and doing everything for them, but still feel like I shouldn't have to be alone in making some adjustments.

[whitnessforhim]

I felt very similar with my husband when I was pumping. I really had to sit him down (me in tears) and talk to him. Tell him that breastfeeding is very important to me. I told him all the benefits compared to formula (check this out this, just posted today: http://www.breastfeeding.com/forums/showthread.php?t=40073) and tell him that I need his help. I need him to be there for me and support me and not complain about it. Having a new little one in the house can be stressful for everyone so I understood a little bit where my DH was coming from. I'm sure you can work this out with him and just let him know how you feel. I chuckled a bit when you mentioned that men feel as though "they should be able to maintain thier old routine" because oh how true that is.

I want to add though that switching to formula and bottle feeding is not going to change much other than the time it takes you to pump. You still have to mix the formula, feed the baby, wash the bottles and find time to do chores. To me breastfeeding is hands down way easier and FWIW a much more relaxing way to feed your child.

I'm glad to hear you are willing to give nursing another try. What are the steps you have taken to do this? have you contacted a good LC? You need to think about stopping the bottles and feeding a different way. I'm trying to post a link but the website I want is down. www.kellymom.com has tons of info for you!

Post any question you may have and we will do our best to help! You are not alone momma! We will support you.

[crystal555rose]

I thought this was going to be a team effort, instead, he's "doing everything" with our older child and "everything" for our baby and I'm "just pumping". My going back to work is asking more of his time and I'm at fault it seems....when I'm the one running around each night trying to get things done for the family and household and all he is really being asked to do is bottle feed as he is already sitting to watch TV. Instead I'm the bad mom that supposedly does very little for her kids and he's doing all the child rearing. Why is it we're supposed to be the ones expected to deal with majority of the life changes and they should be able to maintain pretty much their old routine and get to do all the fun things, come and go as they please? I'm just seeing a different side to my husband that I wasn't quite expecting.

My husband was all about helping while I was recovering from delivery...then I would have to ask for any help at all. I was at home for the first six weeks and when he would get home I would have to ask him to take the baby so I could shower, or go to the bathroom, or brush my teeth. I have seen this posted again and again. This whole baby thing is tough on dads. Mom is "better" at it (silly, but my husband would say this to me). Plus they get less of you which is perhaps the most devastating thing of all.

I am also thinking that perhaps your husband is a little upset with himself if you have to go back to work. I know my husband was upset when I returned to work and wanted to stay home. He makes good money but my job has the benefits.

Things get better. Dad developed a better relationship with baby, baby got older and played more. Hang in there, get baby back on the boob (less pumping, less bottles to clean.) As stressed as you are, show your husband some love. It goes a long way.

[aln5339]

Well, had some news come at work that basically helped make the decision for me on whether or not I was gonna continue on or quit supplying breastmilk. Unfortunately it will not work out to continue, work is going to be demanding a lot of my time in about a month and going forward, and based on this same situation last June, when I was pregnant, I barely had time to get away from my desk long enough to hit the restroom...and my nights and weekends were chaotic from work as well for several months. Supposed to be more of the same. I"m gonna need to rely on my husband more for help with the baby and feedings. Since I posted early last Friday though, my husband and I have talked and I think he understands the situation much better...the weekend was like a whole new guy. Think he realized how easy he had it when I was on maternity leave and how much I was doing being back to work. Unfortunate that it took us a big blow up to get to this point, but glad now that we're more on the same page with things. I appreciate everyones advice and sorry I don't have something different to report....but my position at work is pretty heavily relied on and am a big "go to" person, so I'm gonna have to just do my best to balance work and home life and slowly transitioning to formula is now gonna hit a little sooner than I had hoped.

[crystal555rose]

I am sorry to hear that you can no longer breastfeed. Although I completely sympathize with your situation. It is very difficult to have a baby and be a working mom.

Glad to hear that you had a good conversation with your husband. You get so wrapped up in what is going on that sometimes you have to reconnect.

The best of luck to you and your family in the future!!

[KTcares]

You need to give yourself a break, don't you think?
The truth of the matter, in my humble opinion, is that your little one will be just fine, even if you decide to quit. I believe a mommy that is mentally healthy is the most important gift you can give your baby and family. And that is the view of nearly all of the reputable physicians I've read about and consulted with. Millions of children who were NEVER breastfed have become healthy, intelligent adults!
I didn't breastfeed my first born because of a medication I was on, but I have this time around with my second. I am now looking to wean him after 6 months. My doctors are very supportive of my choice. In your case, it has obviously been very helpful and important to your baby thus far, but your doctors can tell you best whether or not you MUST keep feeding the baby breast milk.

Going back to the breast...hmmmm... if you can do it, and it IS easier, I would be amazed. It sounds like the last thing you'd want to attempt to do after being at wit's end to begin with... but again, that's just me.

As far as the "Just pumping" business. That phrase makes it sound like you are pumping and dumping, as they say. You have lovingly sacrificed sleep and some :) sanity by diligently providing baby's nourishment thus far. I don't think there is any "just" about that!!!!
New parenting among couples is extremely stressful, so maybe some quality alone time would do you and your husband good. His support is crucial.

Best wishes, my dear. You are obviously a very caring mommy. Just remember to care for yourself as well. :)